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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/14/2007 8:14:58 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

the entire outside world is ignorant to O/our way of life,

Well shit. That's news to me. When did this 'outside world' originate and why was I not invited to inhabit such a place?

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/14/2007 9:36:01 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

the entire outside world is ignorant to O/our way of life,

Well shit. That's news to me. When did this 'outside world' originate and why was I not invited to inhabit such a place?

I/it I/is R/right N/next T/to T/the/O/otherside

Jeff

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/14/2007 10:13:43 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

Just sit down, relax and eat your cocoa puffs.
All the best to you.

OMG! Best line of the day. (I think I developed some new abs laughing.)

Still, isn't he cute? Having his lil domly tantrum...~pats Kenny's head~

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/14/2007 11:20:04 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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You're 18 and you have an 18 yr old slave that is oh... about 2500 miles away from you, and you and she are both looking for someone to train her... So when did you fly out there and meet her in real life? How often do you go see her? How long did you know her before she became your slave?

Cali
Enquiring minds want to know.

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/14/2007 3:56:52 PM

mercurialis

Posts: 61
Joined: 5/20/2007
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To the OP:

You seem to be complaining that people don't take you seriously because of your age, and that you don't like some of the people and responses you get on this site.

First of all: the fact that you are unable to spot an internet player being a wanker towards you from someone seriously in the lifestyle might be one reason people don't see you as mature. EVERYONE gets annoying stuff in their inbox....the mature ones are those who have the wisdom to delete it and not take it seriously.

Secondly: according to your profile, you have a sub. So why should you care what other subs think of you? Also, if you are seeking another, most people have their hands full with one. I'm just going to assume that an 18 year old has enough on his hands with one.

On maturity and your age: I noticed you not only ranted on your journal about people being rude to you, but also on your slaves journal as well. Guess what: there are going to be a lot of people who will send rude stuff to you, and especially to a 18 year old year old fem sub's profile. Suck it up. This is only showing you're too immature to ignore it.

People on both threads you made have pointed out the obvious about your age and how seriously you will be taken. Stuff like, if a 40 year old woman is thinking about a dom just barely older than a kid of hers vs a dom who is her age, guess what, she prefers her own age.

Then there's maturity level and life experience. Now, age is not the only determining factor when it comes to maturity....I've seen a few reasonably mature and laid back subs who were under 21 here, and I'm sure a few doms of that age have to exist who are mature as well. Funny how I haven't seen them yet. But yes, an 18 year old can be more mature than a 40 year old sometimes. But, no 18 year old is going to have more life experience than a 40 year old. No 18 year old is going to know as much as a 40 year old. And most 40 year olds who are actual adults ARE more mature than an 18 year old.

You're average at bdsm? So I suppose you know all about safewords. About sub space. Dom space. Sub drop. Sub frenzy. Safe use of restraints. The different kinds of submissive and motivations for submission. How to spot and handle a panic attack. Gag safety. Metal restraint safety. CBT safety. Differences in collars. Orgasm control. Sensation play. Heck, even being experienced at sex. I'm sure you're just average at doing all of those things to a living person. Because of course, you've had experience with all of those, right?

No 18 year old is going to be very experienced at bdsm, compared to someone older. Even if you did some bdsm in your teen years, that would only be with other, inexperienced teens. So wheres the real experience? It comes once you start doing stuff in the lifestyle with people more experienced than you. And I might point out, you aren't even old enough to visit most bdsm group play meets.

Finally, no 18 year old is going to be in the same position in their life as a fully grown adult is. You're 18, that means your place of residence, your education status, your job status, your long term job prospects, even your relationships are all very much in flux. Your life is going to be completely different in the next 10 years. Which means, for anything that's actually real time and ltr, you are actually a very bad choice. Subs want someone who's stable to depend on.....heck, you won't even have most of the relationship experience that an adult would have.....most people older than you have dated more than you.

Someone pointed out in one of your threads: A dominant who is really being dominant just is himself. He just is secure and in control. Someone who has to complain that others aren't treating him with the respect he deserves.....isn't being dominant.

Basically: you're 18. This means: you're more immature, more naive, and more inexperienced than others. Take it as a fact and let it humble you, rather than showing it off to everyone.

"ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge" - Charles Darwin

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/14/2007 5:16:40 PM

Estring

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My assumptions are based on life experiences. Why in the world would I at 52 (or 42, or 32) want to hang around, much less be involved with an 18 year old? I am quite a different person at 52 than I was at 18.
Why not quit your whining and try to find people that are around your age?
I am sure you are a nice guy, but as someone who was once 18, there is no way you have anywhere near the experience that I have. You just believe you do.

_____________________________

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/14/2007 9:21:58 PM

Exquemelin

Posts: 113
Joined: 2/2/2007
From: CT
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Ok first and foremost, and this a general statement to all young doms thinking of starting one of these threads, grow a pair. It doesn't exactly look dominant of you to come out and pout about how no one's paying attention to you. I started searching about a year ago, first thing I did, started talking to people. Learning. Within a few months I started reading respected BDSM authors. I believe withing 6 months I went to my first munch. Next month I'm going to my first BDSM convention. I didn't do anything physical until about 7 or 8 months in, and I didn't meet(in person) a potential sub till about 10 in and we are currently together although it's still early in our relationship. I still feel like I have about a million things to learn and I've spent the last year learning. Getting in takes, patience and work, and if you're not up for it get out now. If you do stop complaining and do something, prove you're worth it. Goodluck, Ex

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/14/2007 9:36:43 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

the entire outside world is ignorant to O/our way of life,

Well shit. That's news to me. When did this 'outside world' originate and why was I not invited to inhabit such a place?

It's right next to the "other side", what? you've never been there? tsk tsk......

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/15/2007 3:01:49 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kennyautopsy

You make a fairly valid point through most of you response, but you don't know me or anything about me. This is just the point I'm making. People (in or out of BDSM) make assumptions based on superficial ideals. you haven't taken the time to interact with me on any significant level to determine my level of maturity, or if I'm one of these teenagers who believes they're "da man".All I'm saying is, isn't it possible that we can learn from eachother rather than it being a one way street?

You're quite correct, of course I don't know *you* personally but you're also wrong - I know something relevant about you; you're a teenager (assuming your profile is correct).

But consider that I wouldn't enlighten a tot about the right way to use matches just because he/she asked, either! I would if I considered them mature and responsible enough to appreciate the dangers, but still NEVER at *that* young age! And that would go for *any* tot, including the ones I don't know personally!

So my questions to your 18yo self still remain valid - and unanswered.... Why are you even in the lifestyle? What need or void does a D/s relationship fulfill for you that your doubtless numerous previous egalitarian relationships did not? 'Cause right now I'm sitting here thinking it's something really teen-lame like how it's cool to be different to your peers.... Or perhaps you've heard that your slave doesn't get to reject you in the way those pesky sexual equals are inclined to tease you with....?

And what of these subs who don't take you seriously because of your age.... They might be thinking (more age prejudice coming) that you still live at home with the oldies. You have your life together and happening? You know, at least your own place and independent financial means etc? Those two would sure go along way to convincing a sceptical sub that "control" is not just a buzz word you've picked up while reading more about BDSM than some 53yo like me ever read....

As for your question, I'm at a loss as to what I'd wanna learn from an 18yo dom, to be frank. Aside, that is, from the unanswered questions I've posed you....

Focus.

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/15/2007 7:17:30 AM

NorthernGent

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"To my fellow young doms".

Kenny, this exclusive style is where people lose their way; you're complaining about the club, while attempting to start a club of your own. The best policy is an open door to everyone, those who choose to stay away from your door, well, that's their call.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kennyautopsy

I have been mocked, ignored,etc by many "subs" on this site simply due to My age.

If you think you are beaten you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you like to win but think you can't, it's almost certain you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you're lost.
For out in the world we find, success begins with a fellow's will - it's all in the state of mind.
If you think you are outclassed, you are.
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of yourself before you can ever win a prize.
Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/15/2007 8:20:21 AM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
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I knew I was a submissive masochist when I was still in high school. I also identified as a lesbian. I used to do things to myself since I had no one else to play with. When I was 18, I found a mentor at college, a fabulous gay leather daddy, and he took me to events and occasionally played with me, though not sexually. He was in his mid-20s and always open to learning from those around him. The oraganization we were involved in had everyone from people in the 60s to people our age and each month there was some kind of presentatrion on a different topic of interest. To learn from others and share things you know about, you might see if you can find a similar organization near you. I learned a lot in that group and still go sometimes as my schedule permits. I had a girlfriend when I was 19, and she was new as a dom, just as I had little experience subbing. We enjoyed exploring things together and learned many things experimenting with one another. There wasn't any pressure for either of us to be the ultimate dom or sub and I think that is part of what worked so well. We knew we were young and enjoyed getting experience together.

My husband used to explore BDSM with me when we were first together. We were 19-20 at the time and he had no idea what all this was about. He got into some things, because I was sexy to him and I was getting off on it. He played my dom occasionally and hit me with things, but as we grew up, he came to realize that he didn't really enjoy any BDSM itself, but he enjoyed when I was happy. He kind of grew out of this BDSM exploring phase, while I came to realize that it was an essential part of my being. (he ultimately let me have another Dom, but I digress) My point being that a lot can change from 18-25, and some are not ready to take that journey with you.

When I was 26, I had a Dom who was 18. He was still figuring out what he wanted in the world, let alone the lifestyle, he did some things that were unsafe, and had trouble remembering the rules and limits we set up. He claimed the title switch, but I'm not sure how readily it applied, as I believe switches, like myself, fully enjoy both sides. I ended up feeling off kilter with him. Overall, we didn't mesh. He was being a service top, rather than a Dom, and it seemed that he wasn't totally into the experience. There was absolutely no psychological or intellectual component to our play. It was all scene-based and sensation-based. He has the ability to creatively hit people with stuff, but that was basically the extent of it. I still enjoy him as a person, but couldn't really submit to him.

When I was 18, I identified as a lesbian, submissive, masochist. Now that I am 28, I have realized I am bisexual, a switch and have a deeply sadist streak, in addition to the primary submissive masochist I first recognized. A lot of change and growth can happen in 10 years.

I wouldn't say that all young people are like the examples I've given, but I think it may be more likely than not, since we are trying on many things in our late teens and 20s. It is what we are supposed to be doing. Some people will fall at your feet, being younger or more inexperienced than you, and others will steer clear of you entirely. If I knew you in person, we might have things to teach each other. I don't think that technical skills have an age limit and I've met many a young dom who was skilled at tying knots and weilding a flogger. Still, for the psychological aspects of dominance and the maturity of dealing with another person's physical, emotional and psychological well-being, I am fairly certain I would want a dom my age and beyond.

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/15/2007 11:21:22 AM

xPlayfulxCouplex

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Been interested and slowly exploring BDSM since I was 19 or so kenny and while sometimes age was a limiting factor more often than not the only limiting factor I saw was how honest I was with everyone I dealt with (from teacher to pet), how willing I was to be forthcoming with what I knew (and more importantly what I don't know), and my ability to accept criticism as a constructive way to improve myself so that I can better improve whoever I might find who deems ME worthy enough to submit to. Yes, not being able to find someone to "own" can be frustrating but you should also look at it from the other side of the coin. Your experience is not all encompassing and your age is just an easy way for others to quickly try and guage just what your "experiences" might be and not just from a BDSM standpoint. Instead of getting frustrated, horny, and down here are a few things that have worked for me in the past. First, use the time you have (since you don't "own" anyone yet) to better put your life in order so that when someone special does appear as mana from the heavens you can quickly help her step into your (hopefully) stable life. Second, use this down time you have without someone special to go out and learn everything you can about the aspects of BDSM you are interested in. I don't just mean reading about it online, watching BDSM porno flicks, and reading BDSM fiction novellas. Go out and find some of these older people who DO have more experience then you and get in touch with them. Be personable and eager to learn, ask them questions about their techniques, dangers, safety protocols, how things make them feel, how they react to different situations. Then take the next step and setup a time to go hang out with them, kind of like job shadowing, go walk through a day in their lives (normal everyday interaction) and soak it all up like a sponge. Keep building your contacts and circle of friends so that when your friends see a girl who is someone you might be interested in they can vouch for you and for your experience. Get out and go to the different parties, conventions, and classes that are offered within reasonable distance from where you live. It is all helpful in the long run and will enable you to expand your net so to speak. Lastly, when you get really down because you are alone or you feel like what you are seeking isn't out there, go check out some of the inspirational stories you see of people who have found what they were looking for. It isn't all fairy tale endings and ginger bread cookies but there are enough real people connecting that it will help you refocus yourself and get back into the game enough to keep searchin

Age can play a factor but it all comes down to the person and what they are willing to do to accomplish their goals. Best of luck in your search.

Levi.

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/15/2007 12:02:18 PM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
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I saw a profile & post from a girl that claimed kenny was her Master, so apparently he does own somebody. It was an 18 yo girl that says he is the best master ever.

Kenny, the way you present yourself has everything to do with the level of respect you get and what you learn. If somebody doubtful claims to know all, I usually scoff at them, BUT if a person, no matter how skilled claims to be inexperienced AND willing to learn, I am more than happy to offer some pointers in a very helpful, usually discrete manner.

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Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/15/2007 6:23:37 PM

ItalianSMistress

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I think most of you are being way too hard on Kenny. Bottom line is, we all have to start somewhere, so well he may not be a seasoned Dom yet, would it make a difference if he started at 25 and still was new? Not really. Sure things like jobs and school will change for him, but that could for Me at 31 too, who knows? I personally started at 18 also, and My slave was into his 30's. For the next four years I learned as did he, that is how I learned. While I dont think that someone his age can claim to be an expert, its not only due to his age, there could be a 50 year old on this site that knows less than him, of course.

One side note to the OP, I looked at your profile, and was a tad confused when you said you were looking for Domme and sub woman, and in your journal say something about looking for a Mistress? If you are a switch, you should state that. That could also be another problem for you in finding respect. When I see on your profile that you are listed as a Dom, but then are looking for a Mistress, it reads kinky sex boy, and not lifestyler. IMO

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Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."

http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/15/2007 6:29:48 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kennyautopsy

Are any of You being met with the opposition of age that I am? I have been mocked, ignored,etc by many "subs" on this site simply due to My age. I don't by any means know nor claim to know everything there is to know about BDSM or D/s. I would say I am of average knowledge and still learning everyday. However, there are many Dom(me)s decades older than Me with equal or EVEN LESS knowledge and experience than Myself that are met with more respect and courtesy (and certainly less opposition) than I have been. While agree, in many venues of the world, age does play a major part. I'm sure I could never explain the Vietnam War and vividly and explicitly as a 60 year old veteran could, but this lifestyle is completely different. With so many resources available, I could have as much knowledge and experience as some twice my age who's spent an equal amount of time in this lifestyle.

All I'm saying is, the entire outside world is ignorant to O/our way of life, and continuously demonizes us for the choices we make in our personal lives. What makes any of U/us any better if W/we cruise around this site (or anywhere else) with O/our noses in the air as though W/we are too good to learn something from someone younger than O/ourselves? Ignorance makes U/us all look bad.

I asked Valyraen, since he is a young dominant.

And no, he has never faced any hardship or opposition due to his age. When I see him interact with dominants older than us, they always treat him respectfully and are very respectful of his ownership of me. Then again, he doesn't make his age an issue. Neither do I and I have never encountered opposition due to my age. We simply are what we are.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/15/2007 6:31:41 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kennyautopsy

Maybe I need to clarify. This post is less of a complaint and more of a question to figure out why there is such a stigma towards younger Dom(me)s.

In my opinion, as someone owned by a young dom, it's because other young doms make posts like this and fuss about how people won't submit to them.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/16/2007 2:27:03 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
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Dear kennyautopsy, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I recommend looking into VA Release, it is a Richmond, Virginia group that is BDSM support and education group.

I am not sure if they permit 18 year olds or not. Some groups have an entry age of 21. The New Generation, coined TNG --are for those who are new in BDSM and not age specific. It is the gateway people have to pass through until they are advanced into the actual main group.

That said, you will find that there are more male Dominants then female submissives. So, you will have to be in a huge pool with other male Dominants--some who might be extremely experienced. The female submissives will pick the 'cream of the crop' and who is 'right' for them. Personal preferences will prevail.

I also looked at your profile and read your journal. I personally find it a confused mess--not sure what you have for a plan in life and where you wish to go in life--It is ok to be confused but, what is sad is adding others into your confusion, such as an on-line slave. At age 18, I would have to question if I was a female slave--how are you, at age 18 years of age--provide a home, food, transportation, insurance and enough 'funds' legally obtained as to 'keep' me as a slave.
On-line M/s relationships don't have that concern but, if you seek to be either Dominant or slave; you will need to be able to provide for yourself long before involving another--life has its responsibilities, duties and expectations. And, please don't think female slaves will work in home and outside of the house, while you sit on the beehind on their couch and do nothing to contribute. Today's economy requires both people to work full time jobs--sometimes two full time jobs.

In my many years in the scene--the downfall of many a 'want-to-be' Dominant (regardless of age, race and or location)--has been attitude and behaviors. Being a Dominant is not an automatic entitlement. Respect is earned slowly, one person at a time and moment by moment. Respect is lost fully in a blink of an eye. Being a technically sound whip handler does not make you a Dominant, nor does being cruel, domineering and or controlling. A lot of older, seasoned Dominants have had to wait and be most patient in finding 'their one' slave. Some years--some decades. Few have met immediately and grown old together.

From your journal--you seek a female Dominant. It is best to edit your profile as to reflect that you are a SWITCH. Otherwise--you will successfully paint yourself as a very confused 18 year old.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/16/2007 7:06:59 AM

mistermaster111

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Well Kenny, I've been at this since I was 15, and I have never claimed to know more about the topic than another person. Maybe that has something to do with the responses you get. Some may think you're confusing arrogance for dominance. Also, when you single yourself out not only in your journal but in this other woman's as well, you're taking a defensive stance already and making it clear to people that it's a soft spot for you.

If you'll forgive the brash analogy, it's a bit like calling yourself a "man's man" in one breath and then admitting that you cry sometimes because you think there might not be a "cat Heaven" in the other. Maybe you are; maybe you do; but why bring either one up?

Letting a few comments about your age make you react this way will settle the issue for quite a few people. I am certain of that.

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/16/2007 8:38:27 AM

TMaster2

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I have seen this alot, and there is almost always one best answer -- find someone new to the sub role you otherwise have good chemistry with and start learning together. Experience and maturity garner respect (all other things being tolerable) but youth (age) is very often seen as a sign of inexperience, at least in this venue. And while a young person's charm and wit may make them likable and fun, their "demanding" respect shows them to be otherwise. Live and learn, gather your wisdom as you go.

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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/16/2007 11:28:17 AM

Lureaetagg

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/28/2007
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Alright this is the second time I have posted on kenny's topics and here's what I say as another "young dom/me":
Don't think I behave like he does!

Alright so for my point of view being on of them crazy teens,
Do I have as much right to be respected as someone who has been in this lifestyle forever? Yes I do because without me coming into the lifestyle there would be no one to carry on the lifestyle.
Do I have the right to demand that respect? Hell no. I'm a snot nosed kid or whatever you want to call me.
Do I have the right to say I deserve respect? No one does. Ever.

To kenny:
Respect is earned not given. And by knowing where your shift key is does not make you a dom any more then knowing how to type s-u-b makes you a submissive. I know that being a teen and all that jazz is difficult because people do want to look down on you as being immature. Wanna know why that is? Because of people like you. You are the person who makes people look down on teens. Throughout all of the message boards, your responses have been catty and ignorant at best. You have attacked the people who know more then you because you didnt agree with them. True Doms don't behave like that. If you are going to behave like a little kid then you will be treated as such.

And why the hell are you thinking about older subs? What the fuck dude that's just wrong okay. When they are old enough to be your mom or whatever I don't care how hot they are it just doesn't work. Put a damn age limit up and stop hitting on girls that remind you of your mom. You should be looking for other teenagers and they won't be treating you rudely because of your age. They'll be treating you rudely becasue your an idiot. And your slave, if she actually exist and isn't just your left hand should be just as embrassed for you as I am.

Comon dude don't be a n3wb be l337.

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I am swift darkness taking over your world.

(in reply to TMaster2)

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Post #: 40