beltainefaerie
Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006 Status: offline
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I knew I was a submissive masochist when I was still in high school. I also identified as a lesbian. I used to do things to myself since I had no one else to play with. When I was 18, I found a mentor at college, a fabulous gay leather daddy, and he took me to events and occasionally played with me, though not sexually. He was in his mid-20s and always open to learning from those around him. The oraganization we were involved in had everyone from people in the 60s to people our age and each month there was some kind of presentatrion on a different topic of interest. To learn from others and share things you know about, you might see if you can find a similar organization near you. I learned a lot in that group and still go sometimes as my schedule permits. I had a girlfriend when I was 19, and she was new as a dom, just as I had little experience subbing. We enjoyed exploring things together and learned many things experimenting with one another. There wasn't any pressure for either of us to be the ultimate dom or sub and I think that is part of what worked so well. We knew we were young and enjoyed getting experience together. My husband used to explore BDSM with me when we were first together. We were 19-20 at the time and he had no idea what all this was about. He got into some things, because I was sexy to him and I was getting off on it. He played my dom occasionally and hit me with things, but as we grew up, he came to realize that he didn't really enjoy any BDSM itself, but he enjoyed when I was happy. He kind of grew out of this BDSM exploring phase, while I came to realize that it was an essential part of my being. (he ultimately let me have another Dom, but I digress) My point being that a lot can change from 18-25, and some are not ready to take that journey with you. When I was 26, I had a Dom who was 18. He was still figuring out what he wanted in the world, let alone the lifestyle, he did some things that were unsafe, and had trouble remembering the rules and limits we set up. He claimed the title switch, but I'm not sure how readily it applied, as I believe switches, like myself, fully enjoy both sides. I ended up feeling off kilter with him. Overall, we didn't mesh. He was being a service top, rather than a Dom, and it seemed that he wasn't totally into the experience. There was absolutely no psychological or intellectual component to our play. It was all scene-based and sensation-based. He has the ability to creatively hit people with stuff, but that was basically the extent of it. I still enjoy him as a person, but couldn't really submit to him. When I was 18, I identified as a lesbian, submissive, masochist. Now that I am 28, I have realized I am bisexual, a switch and have a deeply sadist streak, in addition to the primary submissive masochist I first recognized. A lot of change and growth can happen in 10 years. I wouldn't say that all young people are like the examples I've given, but I think it may be more likely than not, since we are trying on many things in our late teens and 20s. It is what we are supposed to be doing. Some people will fall at your feet, being younger or more inexperienced than you, and others will steer clear of you entirely. If I knew you in person, we might have things to teach each other. I don't think that technical skills have an age limit and I've met many a young dom who was skilled at tying knots and weilding a flogger. Still, for the psychological aspects of dominance and the maturity of dealing with another person's physical, emotional and psychological well-being, I am fairly certain I would want a dom my age and beyond.
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