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RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/19/2007 1:40:34 PM   
TwiztdErotic


Posts: 155
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline 		That's an awfully long OP for just one serious question. all the whining aside, it seems the only thing you want to know is whether or not other young D's are faced with the same opposition. The answer is no. If you're facing such a response, it may be entirely possible that it's your actions that provoke this response rather than your age. If you get the same shit from someone who doesn't know a thing about you, ignore them. Ignorance is everywhere, there's no sense in whining about it. Continue to learn and grow into your skin, shit comes together when it's meant to. So long as you're learning and analyzing yourself rather than whining about other people, all of this will pass and be a laughable memory.

(in reply to Ryeguy91)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/19/2007 1:57:04 PM   
Submissiveideals


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/7/2007
Status: offline 		You are breaking this down to much. Basicly what you experence is common if you focus on just finding ones to dominate. That is not how this works for us young doms. No we much seek more then just a Sub or Slave but something much more fitting. Someone to help us through this time where we are outcast to many. While young, we also have something olders dom do not. A will to change small things in order to better ourshelves in this life style. Once you ahve reached a certain point you are set in yours ways. This is not always true but it happens at times. I myself have messed up a few times due to being young, nervous and unsure at times. But it has nto stopped anything. Recently due to a thread like this i meet a young slave, that i have talked to over the past bit and she holds no grudge against me for being young, but rather enjoys me being young. Another sub i have talked to has offered to help me learn these ways. It is all a matter on how you approach people at this stage. Try to seek more of a learning experence then someone to have. It MAY help you. Not promising anything but for me, it has helped a bit more then saying "Want to be my pet?" and plus you will learn from it easly.

~Jon~

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/20/2007 11:22:46 AM   
ForcefuIHands


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline 		Okay, since this was addressed as a question to the young Dominants, for young Dominants... I am not exactly old myself. I am not one of the lifestyle camp, nor do I participate in much of the community, and I will say that part of that decision came largely from the response I got as a "young" Dominant. I FULLY agree with the statement of BDSM experience versus life experience as the underlined answer to your question. Period. It comes down to the "if I knew then what I know now."

It's not the Boy Scouts. There are no merit badges in ass paddling, or crop making Wednesdays, or a retreat to the Brownie Dungeon. (Get out the outfits, kids, that's getting played out tonight somewhere.) There aren't ranks, or degrees. There's not a Clergy of the Church of Domination. No tests, no trials, no exams, no schools, no degrees. In other words, there's no way to prove, absolutely, that you have the whole "fresh out of high school" Dom thing "down." I'm sorry, but you can spend ten years and struggle with that like I'm sure roughly everyone has. Some discover it later, some discover it earlier. Comparing Dominance is like comparing the ratio of lepricauns to unicorns. So, my question to you would be: If there's no way to PROVE how Dom you are, then who are you trying to prove it to? The answer is, yourself.

Trust me, I have had the late-night phone call with women twice my age telling me I knew nothing about being Dominant. (Okay, now I'm dropping the capitals, because this is ridiculous.) I have had subs walk out, or things didn't mesh, or any number of other reasons. Does this make me less dominant to the submissives and slaves I have had between and since? No. Not at all. Period.

Being a young Dominant is akin to signing up to be an ordained clergyman online, then marching into a church, and calling the theology school graduate pastor a douchebag. Both are part of a system that deals in an intangible medium; faith. Who is really to say who is more qualified to talk about things beyond our knowledge and control? No one. But regardless, a modicum of respect is owed to people who have put in the time, walked the trenches, and done the freaking work.

Charging in like a bull at the gate gets you nowhere. Believe me. Take the opportunity to learn from people, get real experience under your belt... date girls and live a vanilla life when you can't be all leather straps and chaps. Learn how to fuck and make love, well... extensively. I can tell you that if you walked into a BDSM convention looking like The Crow belted to the nines with supermodel servitors on chains coming from your mighty Dom wrist gauntlets, that someone in the back would be asking how much the whole production cost.

I wish you well. Keep fighting the good fight, but realize that how "Dom" you are comes down to two things; you and your submissive.

< Message edited by ForcefuIHands -- 12/20/2007 11:23:46 AM >

(in reply to Submissiveideals)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/20/2007 12:42:52 PM   
Casseopia


Posts: 76
Joined: 11/27/2007
From: Monte Serreno, California
Status: offline 		That was brilliant. I couldnt have worded it better

(in reply to ForcefuIHands)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/20/2007 1:02:41 PM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		A different point of view here...

Perhaps you are getting "no's" from submissives not because they disrespect you, but because they aren't turned on or interested in doms your age. I've never been able to feel overpowered by somebody younger than me. I also don't feel attracted to men too much older than me. I have been viciously attacked by doms from both sides of the age spectrum, accused of being closedminded, blah blah on and on. If it isn't a question of age, there are lots of other factors that will get you a "no thanks" from the majority of submissives, and they too don't want to hear any whining and complaining about their decision. Move on to those who are also looking for people your age.

The thing is to focus on people who *do* respond with interest to you, because it's a guarantee that moaning about the ones who don't will not further your life one bit.

(in reply to Casseopia)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/20/2007 1:20:40 PM   
ForcefuIHands


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline 		I think really the thread issue is about young Dominants in the community feeling like they don't get the proper "respect" from the older ones. Particularly while new to the scene, it's easy to take any little snipey comment (and we are a snarky bunch) personally. I was always intrigued by the psychology of insult, and the primary reason for being insulted and reacting defensively, is the fear the comment in question is truth.

For me, it's a personal matter. If you feel inadequate or not respected as a Dominant, that burden lies with you. Like religious guilt, that's a personal struggle.

I think really, for the younger set, there's a mental image we have of Domination. There's an edge young Doms think they have, and that is their younger age. We see examples, as infrequent or imperfect as we might choose not to see them, of young, cute girls flocking to these older men. The older men must be gross and inadequate because they are old. There's a dream of the MTV RealDomWorld, where a harem of lusty nymphs is going to flock to the door because you're the hip, sexy alternative. It's fiction.

The realities of the scene cannot be prepared for by simple introduction. It's like visiting a place of worship for someone else's religion. Care must be taken, respect given, and mostly quelling the urge to open your mouth. The first step to enlightenment is knowing that you know nothing. Young Dominants, and I mean this regardless of age, must respect first and respond later. Growth in BDSM is personal growth and learning.

I equate the problem to telling people you intend to marry your high school sweetheart. Most people would quirk a brow and question the decision, not because they doubt your feelings. Young love is strong and passionate. The love threshold is like the pain threshold. When you're a kid, the skinned knee hurts more because you have no experience with that level of pain. The same is true in relationships. You have to go through the good relationships and the bad ones, feeling all the bliss and pain and highpoints and heartbreak before you can sort out exactly what it is you're looking for.

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/20/2007 2:04:26 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear ForcefuIHands, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
It has been my personal experience that men often are hard on men who are new and or younger and yet, men are very hard on women also--regardless of how seasoned or not the woman Dominant may be.
 
What is important to understand and will be proven later when you come to the age I am now; that respect for Senior/Elders in the scenes are not always given.  Not much different when its in a parent-child-family situation -- always testing authority.  But, when the chips are down and when help is want/needed --it is usually a Senior/Elder Dominant who will attempt to help--despite all the grief and disrespect of the past.  But, for me--I remember how it was to be young and feel like I knew it all--and I knew a lot then and know a lot now--its just I don't know everything--nor will I ever.  It is easy to be cynical as life tends to create such.  Nobody seems to respect anybody anymore--a civilization and society problem and in M/s, D/s, S&M and or BDSM, the civilization/society is shrunken into a smaller focus and thus amplifies everything in view.
 
It takes one person to offer/give respect as to give a fair chance to an opportunity to open a dialog and or exchanges which may be most positive and worthwhile in growth as a young adult lady or gentleman.  Only people as individuals can control their own enviorment and how they present themselves for public consumption.  I believe that if allowed, a hand up will be appreciated.  It will never be the old days of my time--the 1970's through the 1980's where so much change took place, as far as I saw--I only hope to present what was good of those times and share my life's lessons and experiences, so others do not have to take the long road but the shorter road with the same quality as would taking the long journey.  There are things which only time will teach.  Hopefully, there will be those things that can be taught now--be useful as to bring clear vision when they hit that time benchmark.
 
At one of the Master-slave conferences, a well respected Master and presenter in his own right, came up to me and gently spoke to me--He in summary said--"I know by how you move and speak you are a fine Master.  You don't need to wear a sign--your body floats on air and elegance.'  I believe all have a potential to float on air if they are willing to be ladies and gentlemen who lead with keeping other's welfare and feelings in mind.  Yes, it is a form of respect.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to ForcefuIHands)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/21/2007 4:32:34 AM   
bdsandm


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline 		LOL... seems so familiar.

(in reply to deeddlit)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/30/2007 10:54:43 AM   
GentleandStrict


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		I am 25.  I have studied the philosophies of the lifestyle for 11 years now. 

I have never had a submissive bluntly laugh at my face.  Perhaps its not your age but your approach. 

I was lucky enough to have expierenced real time with a slave and a submissive.  I realize my grasp on philosophy of the lifestyle is strong.  But you give me a paddle/whipe or cane, I know I could seriously hurt someone in all the wrong ways .  You see my friend I'm not here to bash you.  And honestly I don't think OldBasterd or any of the people here are.  But what they are trying to tell you is, submissives WANT soemone who can use the tools of the trade the right way.

Most of the time, older means you have been in the lifestyle longer.  It's not always true, but most of the time it is.

Here is my advice to you.  Stop wasting time on people who won't give you a chance.  Don't get emotional or pissed about it.  Rejection is just part of life.  Just accept the fact people have preferences and opinions.

< Message edited by GentleandStrict -- 12/30/2007 10:55:29 AM >

(in reply to deeddlit)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/30/2007 11:23:27 AM   
wolfsprincess


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

I saw a profile & post from a girl that claimed kenny was her Master, so apparently he does own somebody. It was an 18 yo girl that says he is the best master ever.

Kenny, the way you present yourself has everything to do with the level of respect you get and what you learn. If somebody doubtful claims to know all, I usually scoff at them, BUT if a person, no matter how skilled claims to be inexperienced AND willing to learn, I am more than happy to offer some pointers in a very helpful, usually discrete manner.


Ummm - i went and looked at his profile.  If it's possible for someone who was looking for a Mistress in September, then a "mom" in November to suddenly be a "Master" in December, i want the name of that school!



_____________________________

princess
"...slave isn't just a word - it's who and what i am ... walking forever in His light and seeking shelter in His shadow"
http://absoluteslavery.com

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/30/2007 12:01:56 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Nope.
quote:

ORIGINAL: kennyautopsy

Are any of You being met with the opposition of age that I am?

(in reply to kennyautopsy)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/30/2007 12:20:28 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail


and all the 18 year old girls run up to the old guys...begging collars......

Ron 


Umm....where exactly would One find these hordes of 18 year old girls begging? Just asking out of curiousity, of course...

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 12/30/2007 1:01:15 PM   
snapdragon9


Posts: 24
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline 		In the small time that I have been in the lifestyle (since I am definately a young dom), I have learned that you will always be learning. Even after the basics, there is a lot to learn about how each different sub reacts to everything you do to her. The lifestyle is the same as life, you get your basics and then you realize how much you still have to learn, and you may even see places that you can go that no one else has thought of.

Don't worry about all the weird stuff you get. If you are dominant, then you should be in control of yourself. Shrug it off, its ok, part of dominance is the security you have in respect to your dominant nature. One big thing I have learned, desperation in dominance negates the dominant part and subs don't like that. Figure out if you are really dominant, or if you are just trying to live your life without compromise (which will keep you alone).


_____________________________

America: the world's greatest christiocracy.

I'm leaving,
snapdragon9

(in reply to Lureaetagg)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 1/1/2008 10:49:17 AM   
Guilty1974


Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
our 18yo self still remain valid - and unanswered....  Why are you even in the lifestyle?  What need or void does a D/s relationship fulfill for you that your doubtless numerous previous egalitarian relationships did not?  'Cause right now I'm sitting here thinking it's something really teen-lame like how it's cool to be different to your peers....  Or perhaps you've heard that your slave doesn't get to reject you in the way those pesky sexual equals are inclined to tease you with....?


I know quite a few 18-25yo's who are interested in BDSM. I can't speak for the OP, but in general they tend to be in it for pretty much the same reasons as most of us. Most of them have been fantasizing about power exchange, bondage, rape, etc from a pretty early age onwards, and have decided they want to do something with their feelings. You're pretty much right in the things you say to the OP - young Doms on this board seem to be whining a lot these days - but that doesn't mean their motives are wrong (whatever "wrong motives are").

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 1/1/2008 11:07:15 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		as girlscout said it best...

quote:

I've never been able to feel overpowered by somebody younger than me.  


The human brain is still growing up until the person is 22 (give or take a few cells), on the other hand the old dudes have LOST more cells than you have accumulated thus far.

I want one somewhere in the middle. Not young and dumb and fulla cum, not senile but one that is jussssssst right.

*btw, since my kids are older than you, if you were a bad Dom to me, I could ground ya! right??


(in reply to Guilty1974)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 1/1/2008 2:36:11 PM   
masterlink65


Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline 		i guess everyone went out of thier way to prove your point. and you are right, there are older people with less experience, but you better believe they will be the first to tell you what is up.


ageism sucks,

and yes it does happen. and munches and all that BS doesnt really help much either. stick to your beliefs and something good may come along. life experience will prove more beneficial than some of the crap on here.

stay young as long as you can.

(in reply to kennyautopsy)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 1/1/2008 5:08:11 PM   
undinerising


Posts: 36
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline 		It's not about younger doms. If it were I'd be riled up too. Look at this rationally. BDSM involves placing your health and safety (mental and physical) in someone else's hands. That's why there's such a to-do about people being experienced; let me tell you, the first beating I administered was rather inept, and my first few scenes were clumsy... And that happens to everyone. Everyone.

Get yourself into your local scene. Watch and learn; don't expect to get treated like Super Captain Domlypants five minutes in. People will warm to you if you have a positive attitude.

(in reply to deeddlit)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 1/1/2008 5:47:39 PM   
masterlink65


Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline 		you are placing yourself at risk anytime you have any form of sex

(in reply to undinerising)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 1/3/2008 2:08:19 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65

ageism sucks,

Of course it does; doubtless the world would be a better and safer place if there were a suitable representation of teenage Generals and Presidents etc making decisions that affect the lives of others....
 
It ain't the age but the lack of wisdom, life experience and maturity that inherently and inseparably goes with it! 
 
Yeah, I know, you know a bunch of 50yo's who fit that criteria, too - don't we all....  *yawn*
 
Focus.

(in reply to masterlink65)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: To My fellow young Dom(me)s - 1/3/2008 5:16:40 AM   
ares12


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline 		Being a young new inexperinced Dom, I think I can say, Yeah I don't have the skills the life experince, hell the time to own someone and have it work out, maybe it is just me but NO one I know around my age would be able. Vietnam/ BDSM what is the diffenance, really?

I have had some really postive responses from people I have talked to here, maybe it is that fact I RESPECT them as human beings. Take you own advice...
quote:

Ignorance makes U/us all look bad


Now some of mine.
Toughen up, have some concrete!

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 80
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