RE: How to determine the wannabes (Full Version)

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AnimusRex -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/14/2007 5:03:15 PM)

I agree with Irish-
The biggest myth perpetuated by wannabees, is the idea that there is such a thing as a "TRUE" Master....
there are only men who are Dominant to varying degrees, who are involved in relationships of varying qualities...there is no bright line magically separating the real from the fake.
Anyone can join a BDSM club, and buy a whip, and read books...doesn't make them any more or less real or fake.

If a man is good to you, and creates in you the desire to surrender to Him...He is your true Master...if he is an effing jerk...then he is an effing jerk, even if he is fully accredited with memberships in the Whatnot Dungeon club or such.

My advice...stop looking for a real Dom, and just look for a good Dominant Man.



MasterGaach -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/14/2007 5:50:27 PM)

I completely agree with AnimusRex's comments, which were well reasoned and well said.

Being a Master is all about control...but one must master oneself before one can Master others. Total self-control, self-disclipline, self-improvement are the hallmarks of a true Master. This is not to say that one must constantly be rigid and stuffy, but that one be always in control-- 'grace under fire', as it were. It's easy to strut around "being the Dom" when times are good, but much harder to react appropriately when tired, hungry, stressed, or angry.  Were I a sub, I would NOT want to be with a mercurial Dom; the whip must be applied with precision, not emotion!

The sub can only fully trust the Dom if she knows that the Dom will remain in control at all times, and not "lose it" and do something regrettable...and full trust is the foundation for any successful D/s relationship (or vanilla, for that matter).

One good indicator of 'wannabe-ness' (wannabe-osity? wannabe-fulness?) is his initial demeanor.  If he doesn't even wait to introduce himself before barking orders... or he acts like he's God's Gift to Subs and you'll roll over and play dead just because he tells you to, before he even knows you... or you just feel like he's "pushing" you in an unwelcome manner, I'd say he's a wannabe.

Subs are quite happy to be given orders, or to be pushed hard... but only when they feel comfortable with a Dom, and trust him completely.  This takes time and emotional investment... and wannabes don't invest that time or emotion.



topcat -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/14/2007 6:05:46 PM)

http://despair.com/dysfunction.html

Also, in some salescourse I took, once upon a time, they advised that you consider any gratitious declaritive statement to mean the opposite: i.e., "I am a man of honor"...



windchymes -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/14/2007 6:06:33 PM)

I think Ron and Jeffffffffffff should do a morning radio show [:D]



IrishMist -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/14/2007 6:58:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I think Ron and Jeffffffffffff should do a morning radio show [:D]

You know of course that they are PURE don't you?



KatyLied -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/14/2007 7:05:35 PM)

quote:

If he doesn't even wait to introduce himself before barking orders...


I thought it was the sub's job to bark.    [8D]



SirJohnMandevill -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/14/2007 7:10:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterGaach

One good indicator of 'wannabe-ness' (wannabe-osity? wannabe-fulness?) is his initial demeanor.  If he doesn't even wait to introduce himself before barking orders... or he acts like he's God's Gift to Subs and you'll roll over and play dead just because he tells you to, before he even knows you... or you just feel like he's "pushing" you in an unwelcome manner, I'd say he's a wannabe.



A wannabe will try to dominate your body. A "true" Dominant will control your heart and mind first, knowing that your body will inevitably follow.

My .02 zlotys.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)



IrishMist -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/14/2007 7:13:35 PM)

quote:

A wannabe will try to dominate your body. A "true" Dominant will control your heart and mind first, knowing that your body will inevitably follow.

Not necessarily. It's not a given that emotions that control the heart are the only thing that drives a person.

Some Dominant men can control with a single look from their eyes; the first time you meet. It has nothing to do with the heart, the mind...or how TRUE someone is.



Sexynmentalinkc -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/14/2007 8:07:30 PM)

I have to say....

I've seen a lot of these threads lately - fakes, real or not real, wannabe's....yada yada yada.


People are people.

I hate labels.


If someone wants what you don't, move on. If they seem to want the same, dig deeper. It isn't rocket surgery.



*tips his hat*

- Mr. S



MasterFireMaam -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/14/2007 10:23:24 PM)

1. Learn to be responsible for your choices. Asking someone else to choose for you isn't doing that.

2. If you don't like the results you've been getting sit and look at your process. What things do each of the negative relationships/people have in common? What is your current process of choose said people. Change all that, and you'll change your results.

3. Further yourself by studying yourself. Become self-aware. This will help you find more quality people.

Master Fire



DiosDeEsclavas -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/15/2007 12:32:52 AM)

I think there is a big draw to try to and come up with specific things to look for to quickly weed out and reduce the list of potential Doms.  For example, I don't have a picture because I don't want someone to do a city search and say, "that's my math teacher."  But I know many subs immediately ignore all who don't have a picture.  another problem, in a way, every Dom w/o a sub is a wannabe.  A King without a kingdom.  If they contact a sub, it's because they want.  Being a "true Dom" doesn't give them any special skill, attribute, or quality different from a poser.  If there were, the posers would just copy it (and they do).  All you can do is read, how troublesome.  Reading will let you get rid of the most ridiculous..



laurell3 -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/15/2007 12:38:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: chyanna

Please i need some help here, from All you Masters out there on how to see a fake from a true Master, i am sick of being used as a punch bag
sincerely
chyanna


There are no fakes. There are no reals.
There is only what you decide you want and can live with.





Perfectly true.



WickedPrince -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/15/2007 2:52:40 AM)

Well for my 2c, and you can take it for what the icecream cone beneath my nick is worth.

In general any given pointer MAY work nearly always, sometimes or not at all. For example: just because somebody isn't hugely experienced doesn't make them a fake, inherantly. So that will be one reason why a perfectly good "Dominant" could fail one (or even 99%) of the rules listed here. I know I have made some of the mistakes that have been listed as proof of being a wannabe simply because I have only been in the lifestyle a few years, despite decades of interest. *shrugs*

But if your choices have landed you with utter bastards, then the first thing to look at are the rules you have been using to choose them. Figure out what those rules you have been consciously or subconsciously using to choose your Dom's, and then make them your top priority for what NOT to accept in the next one.

As an example: if you routinely choose men who tell you that you matter, but ACT like you don't, then you should learn the lesson from that and next time look for a man who ACTS like you matter regardless of what he says.

Albert Einstein said: "Insanity = doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Which is basically a reiteration of what MasterFireMaam said.



Peridot -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/15/2007 7:05:22 AM)

Hi chyanna:

Good for you for reaching out and asking questions.

I can give rational, warm, supportive advice to others that I don't follow myself.

Doubt, and fear of surrender hold me back from happiness. D/s could be bliss.
To risk being so open is frightening. At points close to surrender, I worry the loss of control.  It can feel like a black hole - the unknown - when you've never surrendered.

When someone else takes power - they need be there, for me, for them, for us, for the possibilities that follow. ( as we need be there for them...)

It takes "D" and it takes "s" to be paired as "D/s".  It is not just one sided. 
Both must work together.

Most of all; there are few absolutes, but degrees and perception. 

So, words like "wannabe" are just cold and dismissive. If someone makes a statement, don't look for lies, but look for the truth - it may make a difference.

Trust in yourself and don't let any one diminish your value.  

Wishing you well -

PS I should write my own post 50x on a chalkboard.





Rover -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/15/2007 7:26:04 AM)

I believe that identifying wannabes is the same as identifying witches.  Therefore, you can use the following witch identification process, and simply substitute "wannabe" for "witch" wherever it appears.
 
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=4536868129832245353
 
Glad to be of service.
 
John



tanzur -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/15/2007 7:35:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chyanna

Please i need some help here, from All you Masters out there on how to see a fake from a true Master, i am sick of being used as a punch bag
sincerely
chyanna


I don’t look at people and see them as wannabe’s, fakes, true, or any other word that is used to describe a person who does not match that which you are looking for in a mate.
People are people; you either have a connection with them, or you don’t.
As for you comment about being tired of being used as a punching bag. Well, that’s not their fault. You place yourself in a situation such as that; you need to take the blame for making that choice



subtee -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/15/2007 1:51:08 PM)

Thanks John; I am apparently a wannabee...and/or witch...possibly a duck. Oh and "0 smart." I love it:

My score on The �Monty Python� A Witch! Test:
**************************************
/*tnote[Bypass]*/
   A WITCH!
   (You are: 100% made of wood,  and 0 bridges can be made out of you. Also you're right about witches 0% of the time, and 0 smart.)
"You are in fact a card carrying witch who weighs the same as a duck... good luck in life, you'll get far with that.
Heck, you can't even spot other witches, you might not have even realized you were one."
**************************************
Take it!
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/4536868129832245353/�Monty-Python�-A-Witch!



WickedPrince -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/15/2007 5:07:57 PM)

Hm, the other suggestion I had, is if he claims he's experienced, ask for a referance. If he refuses, claims something like "they were just bitches and didn't like me," or what-ever, you can pretty safely assume that he's not what you want. Heck, even if he says he isn't very experienced , ask for a referance. If he can't at least provide a referance who knows he's not an ass, then he probably is one.



laurell3 -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/15/2007 5:11:29 PM)

yeah....not so true  in my opinion.  I find references as any measure of who a person is instead of using your own common sense and talking to them to be a pitfall instead of a support.  If he's a "fake", his references are "fake" too.

There's a whole recent thread on references, I won't belabor the point.



sweetstorm -> RE: How to determine the wannabes (12/15/2007 5:15:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

It isn't rocket surgery.




ROFLMAO - Rocket surgery??? Sounds like slang for a vasectomy.

"Bartender, make it a double. I'm going in tomorrow for rocket surgery."



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