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BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 12:32:59 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Recently I've seen quite a few posts that seem to say if a person that identifies as a submissive posts on these boards and/or has an opinion that they feel strongly about they are not submissive or in the alternative, if a Dom/me posts on these boards asking for advice is it somehow an indication they are lacking as a Dom/me.

Do you believe this is true? Is a submissive and/or slave, in your opinion, required or should they be required to submit to or change their personality to suit the D types on a message board? Does asking for advice on a forum indicate to you that someone is less of a Dominant?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

Post #: 1

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 12:41:25 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Do you believe this is true?

Um, hell no.

quote:

Is a submissive and/or slave, in your opinion, required or should they be required to submit to or change their personality to suit the D types on a message board?

No, unless they identify as an intellectual doorknob, then they would not be true to themself if they did not.

I don't do anything to suit D types anywhere, let alone a message board. Now if you are speaking of someone who is my particular D, that's a different story.

quote:

Does asking for advice on a forum indicate to you that someone is less of a Dominant?

No, unless they are The Omnipotent Dom, and Jefff has that one pretty much secured.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 2

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 12:42:20 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

People can be so freaking lame sometimes!

I don't believe that any of that is true. I'm only submissive to my dominant. The very thought that I would change my personality to suit someone I don't know, or even someone I do know, is laughable.

A dominant who ask for advice is in my opinion someone who hasn't put themselves up on a pedestal. A dominant is a person, not an all-knowing-ubber-lord-of-the-universe.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 3

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 12:43:41 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Recently I've seen quite a few posts that seem to say if a person that identifies as a submissive posts on these boards and/or has an opinion that they feel strongly about they are not submissive or in the alternative, if a Dom/me posts on these boards asking for advice is it somehow an indication they are lacking as a Dom/me.

Do you believe this is true? Is a submissive and/or slave, in your opinion, required or should they be required to submit to or change their personality to suit the D types on a message board? Does asking for advice on a forum indicate to you that someone is less of a Dominant?

You pretty much already know my answer to this. I could care less about how others view me. I am just me; on the forums, and in real life...there is no difference between the two.

I simply am.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 4

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 12:45:14 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

For the benefit of those who may be new, having no opinion does not make one a submissive. One is a submissive because one chooses to submit or to surrender to another and can thus be as rigorous as a contact sport for those of us who are independent, strong-willed but who still identify as submissive.

I haven't met many Doms in my time as a sub who like "yes men" and seem to prefer to Dominate someone who has opinions and intelligence and independence. Otherwise, it would be like playing solitaire or dancing alone all the time.

As for Dom/mes asking advice, only an ass would presume to know everything or pretend to know everything. Posturing is weak and therefore not Dominant.

Good thread for folks just starting out / learning, laurell. I'm glad you posted it.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 5

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 12:45:58 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

I'm saying "no" on both.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 6

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 12:51:48 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Do you believe this is true? Is a submissive and/or slave, in your opinion, required or should they be required to submit to or change their personality to suit the D types on a message board? Does asking for advice on a forum indicate to you that someone is less of a Dominant?

No, I don't believe it's true.

No, the only one the submissive needs to worry about pleasing is the one they are actually submitting to in my opinion. Strangers on a message board aren't the boss of all subs/slaves.

No it does not. It indicates you have a question or situation you'd like feedback, thoughts or answers on. Has nothing to do with dominance or submission.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 7

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 1:02:06 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
Is a submissive and/or slave, in your opinion, required or should they be required to submit to or change their personality to suit the D types on a message board?

No and if I did, Master would be pissed. I don't submit to everyone else I encounter in life and molding my opinions and actions to be "pleasing" to any of them is pretty much expressly forbidden. Master doesn't want me to serve the world. My purpose is to please and serve Him. If, in doing that, others like me and find me nice to be around that's cool and a nice side effect. It just don't let what they want motivate or change me.

quote:

Does asking for advice on a forum indicate to you that someone is less of a Dominant?

Asking for sound, sincere advice anywhere is an indication, to me, of an intelligent person who realizes they aren't all-knowing and perfect. Master told me from day 1 that He is a fallible human being who is far from perfect. He welcomes good advice from many sources, including me. I would run fast and far from someone who wanted to take charge of my life yet couldn't accept the fact that he doesn't know everything.

In a nutshell, Master has never wanted to own useless property. That's pretty much what he considers people to be who have no thoughts, no opinions, no depth, no fiestiness and have a "whatever you think or want" mentality toward everyone (or at least every male) they encounter. He has no use for such a dullard and if He ever caught me being that way (which He never will), He'd have a major issue with it.................luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 8

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 1:04:53 PM

OTKkindaGirl

Posts: 447
Joined: 12/26/2005
From: NW Arkansas
Status: offline

One's quest for enlightenment should never be extinguished by the judgemental. No matter who you are, openess to learning from the counsel of others does not make you less than what you already are. It is what you take from others counsel and how you use that knowledge or advice that helps shape your own growth. Anyone who thinks less of anothers search for answers only shows how close minded they themselves, are. Journey on! That is all i have to say about that, forget those turkey's!!

_____________________________

~~ lil darlin' ~~
hope

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 9

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 1:11:50 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If I hold an unchangeable moral viewpoint that is diametrically opposed to someone else's it does not mean that I am not submissive or that he is abusive. It simply means I am not compatible with him.

However me thinking that chocolate covered pretzels in chocolate ice cream is the all time greatest flavor doesn't make me nonsubmissive. It just means I better buy some Moose Tracks for him as well.

Forgot to add that a dom who knows enough to know he needs help and goes and gets it is a smart one. The ones who think they know everything are the dangerous ones.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 12/15/2007 1:13:41 PM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to OTKkindaGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 1:15:52 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Recently I've seen quite a few posts that seem to say if a person that identifies as a submissive posts on these boards and/or has an opinion that they feel strongly about they are not submissive or in the alternative, if a Dom/me posts on these boards asking for advice is it somehow an indication they are lacking as a Dom/me.

Do you believe this is true? Is a submissive and/or slave, in your opinion, required or should they be required to submit to or change their personality to suit the D types on a message board? Does asking for advice on a forum indicate to you that someone is less of a Dominant?

laurell, I think you know my answer to this question. are you kidding me??

I just blasted someone on another thread (perhaps this is the thread you are referring to??) for making this same statement. Here is what I wrote there:

"You know, I find a lot of submissives who post about the aggressiveness of other submissives to be really annoying. Trying to be "subblier than thou" gets you no points around here.

YOU don't see submission in people posting the way they want? Oh, gee whiz sorry? Who appointed you the arbiter of how submissives should post. I happen to think you posting with capital T/t is ridiculous, but I don't care, because as you may have forgotten, this is a public forum and people can reply in any manner they choose without their submissiveness being questioned.

You would do well to develop a sense of humor because many of these so called aggressive, childish and ill mannered posts are actually funny. More often than not, they are honest and upfront, which is a hell of alot better than giving namby pamby advice like so many do who are afraid to express themselves."

I find it hard to believe that anyone thinks that speaking your mind, giving tough opinions, being honest, witty, amusing or any other way of posting diminishes someone being submissive or Dominant; it is so absurd, it is laughable.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 12/15/2007 1:19:09 PM >

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 11

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 1:16:49 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i'm submissive only to 2 Dominants and not to the rest here.

i shouldn't be required to "dumb" myself and my opinions down to satisfy a few who feel i'm not being submissive while posting on the forums. you don't have to like what i have to say however respect that i have an opinion like everyone else no matter the title.

< Message edited by sambamanslilgirl -- 12/15/2007 1:17:28 PM >

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to OTKkindaGirl)

Post #: 12

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 1:18:08 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Obviously, I don't believe any of that is true. Though I do sometimes wish that people would rediscover some element of privacy, discretion, and shame. But I accept that some people feel a need to share to a degree that far surpasses what passes as "reasonable" to me.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 13

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 1:24:58 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I not only disagree with your generalizations, I feel that you either don't read all the threads or are projecting your fear of being found to be "less than" onto the forums. These are the types of posts that I see:

1) What should I do?...but let me tell you what I already know I should do.
2) Is what I'm doing ok?
3) Where can I find a resource for a specific topic.
4) Why do we do X (X can be physical, emotional, spiritual, ethical, etc)?
5) How do I learn to do X?
6) Who shares experience X with me?
7) Why are people on the internet rude?
8) Why aren't people contacting me?
9) Why are all the undesirables contacting me?
10) I see these sweeping generalities, who agrees with me?
11) How do I become a much more healthy person?
12) Look how wonderful I am!
13) Why do I continue to have bad experiences?
14) This is what happened, have you had a similar experience?

How we react to these posts is usually dependent on how they're worded and the past posting history of the OP. Someone who continually posts 1, 10, 12 and 13 time after time are usually met with much a much more sarcastic/condescending tone than someone who continually posts 5, 11 and 14.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 14

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 1:28:05 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Is a submissive and/or slave, in your opinion, required or should they be required to submit to or change their personality to suit the D types on a message board?

It depends. If one has a dominant or Master who requires it, then they should - especially true on the Gorean forums. The fact is, there are a lot of expectations bandied about that are unrealistic in nature but it doesn't stop those expectations from being there. There will be any number of dominant's who believe their self-proclaimed titles garner a certain behavior or level of respect that are not warranted to those of us who identify as submissive or slave. Generally, they find out quite quickly that it doesn't.

That said, if someone identify's as a slave and goes over to the Gorean boards acting as something 'other' than Goreans preceive a slave should act, they'll either get ignored or Goreans will give an attempt or two to set them straight and if it doesn't work, ignore them or bash them and suggest they go back to the 'other' side IE the BDSM side. In the end, I don't think (because of the make-up of the boards and inclusion of a Gorean forum) there is a straight up yes or no answer to this question.

quote:

Does asking for advice on a forum indicate to you that someone is less of a Dominant?

::chuckles:: Again, it depends on what's being asked. Also, 'how' something is asked will put my antenna up as well. Sincere questions looking for advice are different than whiney rants disguised as a question especially when it's called on and then the whine is defending. That to me is someone seeking validation. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean they aren't a dom but in my eyes, they wouldn't be a good dom for me or most of the s-types with whom I am acquainted.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 15

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 1:29:27 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

I like differing opinions, I don't mind being questioned.....and I hate kissasses.....as much as dumbasses

Jeff

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 16

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 1:32:04 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I not only disagree with your generalizations, I feel that you either don't read all the threads or are projecting your fear of being found to be "less than" onto the forums. These are the types of posts that I see:

1) What should I do?...but let me tell you what I already know I should do.
2) Is what I'm doing ok?
3) Where can I find a resource for a specific topic.
4) Why do we do X (X can be physical, emotional, spiritual, ethical, etc)?
5) How do I learn to do X?
6) Who shares experience X with me?
7) Why are people on the internet rude?
8) Why aren't people contacting me?
9) Why are all the undesirables contacting me?
10) I see these sweeping generalities, who agrees with me?
11) How do I become a much more healthy person?
12) Look how wonderful I am!
13) Why do I continue to have bad experiences?
14) This is what happened, have you had a similar experience?

How we react to these posts is usually dependent on how they're worded and the past posting history of the OP. Someone who continually posts 1, 10, 12 and 13 time after time are usually met with much a much more sarcastic/condescending tone than someone who continually posts 5, 11 and 14.

Master Fire

I'm personally not attempting to make any generalizations. I am asking an open-ended question because I have seen similar comments to these quite often recently and I wonder how many really believe that responses in a forum or rudeness really have anything to do with roles. (I have zero fear of being found "less than" on a forum just fyi

. )

I thank everyone for their responses so far.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 12/15/2007 1:37:32 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 17

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 1:35:57 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Obviously, I don't believe any of that is true. Though I do sometimes wish that people would rediscover some element of privacy, discretion, and shame. But I accept that some people feel a need to share to a degree that far surpasses what passes as "reasonable" to me.

John

That brings up another topic of how much we share about our personal relationships on a forum that I didn't include in this one but have thought about asking before just to get a feel for what the general thought is on it.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 18

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 1:36:04 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Unlike MFM, I have encountered doms on threads demanding that all subs act in a manner that that particular dom enjoys. The problem here is that since every dom is different, what they find attractive in submissive females is different.

Mine enjoys me being witty even at his expense. We have a sort of competition of topping each other's puns. He enjoys a little brattiness as he knows I am uncomfortable asking for something, I would rather do without than put myself in the position of being rejected, and a touch of brattiness is an indirect way of asking for some play.

But I've gotten taken to task in emails for not presenting myself in a suitably submissive manner which really translates to they don't want to fuck somebody like me. They don't have to want me, they haven't got a chance anyway since I'm taken but I find it the worst of bad manners to have them out of the blue write me and tell me how unsubmissive I am for turning them off instead of on.

And his rules include me not submitting in any way, shape or form to any dom on any board or anywhere else. So when I present myself in a way that some right wind dom from Idaho considers unappealing, I am actually in the process of submitting to The Man.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 19

RE: BDSM, D/s, roles and forums - 12/15/2007 1:43:04 PM

BondageSlaveMN

Posts: 80
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Recently I've seen quite a few posts that seem to say if a person that identifies as a submissive posts on these boards and/or has an opinion that they feel strongly about they are not submissive or in the alternative, if a Dom/me posts on these boards asking for advice is it somehow an indication they are lacking as a Dom/me.

Do you believe this is true? Is a submissive and/or slave, in your opinion, required or should they be required to submit to or change their personality to suit the D types on a message board? Does asking for advice on a forum indicate to you that someone is less of a Dominant?

This all depends on the nature of the sub/slave. Those who seek to be "subblier" than all the rest most certainly should conduct themselves in a submissive way to all persons posting on the boards. Then again, if they are really all that submissive, why are they posting at all?

I think the average sub/slave (including myself) that frequent this board are of a different opinion. I think most of us are submissive to one person or a select few. Take me for example, a currently unowned slave. I am submissive to no one because no one is my Master. Being submissive in a BDSM sense is different than be a submissive person. I have no problem asserting myself here while submitting to a person in real life should they earn the right to dominate me.

As far as doms are concerned, again it depends on the dom or really the arrogance of the dom. A sensible dom will not have problems asking questions of others whilst maintaining their role as dominant. An insecure and arrogant dom, on the other hand, will ignore the wisdom of others at the expense of stunted growth in their capacity as a dom.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 20

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