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Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 6:15:33 PM   
lilredny


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline 		Am I completely insane to go to his home for our first meeting? Shall I ask for information to leave someone? Should I be worried?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 6:19:30 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		Yes...Yes...and uhm....YES....
 
That is of course, unless the idea of being raped, beaten, mamed, and murdered appeals to You...then hey, go for it....
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 6:28:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm thinking you already ARE worried.  And that's why this might not be a good idea.

But you're already calling him sir, the meeting is likely a formality.  So if you've closed yourself off from your own common sense and good judgement, you'll just have to wait for the new relationship hormones and harsh light of reality to come through before any real advice will stick.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Kalista07)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 6:31:06 PM   
goodgirl08


Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah, you should be REALLY careful. If you're going to do that you need to leave his name, phone number, and address with someone you know and let him know that someone knows where you are and who he is, in case he tries anything dangerous.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 6:34:29 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		What if he turns out to be your gynecologist or your second cousin or your second grade teacher? Still going to call him sir and let him have his way with you?

If he is somebody worth getting involved with, then he would want you to feel comfortable and safe meeting him, he would offer you his info and let you pick the time and place.

Guys who insist you submit from the get go, who don't care if you don't feel good about this are almost always just looking for some sex/play and not for a relationship. If he wanted a relationship, he would do things that foster one, not things designed to make any thinking woman run for the hills.

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(in reply to goodgirl08)
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RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 6:38:18 PM   
gcarlos


Posts: 98
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Have you talked to him about your concerns regarding visitng him at his home?  I would suggest bringing up your concerns to see what his reaction is.  Go from there, use your judgement.

Why not suggest to him doing something vanilla first?  Go out for dinner, talk, see if there is any chemistry. 

Best,
Their {girl}

< Message edited by gcarlos -- 12/16/2007 6:45:19 PM >

(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 6:40:08 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
If he is somebody worth getting involved with, then he would want you to feel comfortable and safe meeting him, he would offer you his info and let you pick the time and place.

I wouldn't.  I am willing to discuss a time and place, but there is very limited info I would offer someone on a first private meet and I would NOT just meet anywhere or time they chose.

I want them to feel comfortable and safe, but not at the expense of my own comfort.
quote:


Guys who insist you submit from the get go, who don't care if you don't feel good about this are almost always just looking for some sex/play and not for a relationship.

That's a lot of jumping to conclusions if you're talking about this particular case.  We have no idea if he's insisted on anything, cares about anything and SHE could be looking for just sex and play for all we know.  

I don't think I have to tell you how common it is for a sub (specially newbie) to let her hormones be in control, forget about common sense and just go looking for the next hot scene.

quote:

 If he wanted a relationship, he would do things that foster one, not things designed to make any thinking woman run for the hills.

Again, what evidence do we have that he hasn't? 

I honestly have nothing against first meeting in private homes- I've done tons of them with great people.  I have an issue with THIS meeting because it seems apparent that at least one of thep eople involved is not completely secure or using good judgement.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 6:40:08 PM   
sakidorei


Posts: 65
Status: offline 		i am not sure what kind of information you are considering asking for ... if you don't have a hella lot of information about Him then girl, meet at Starbucks or something.  Giving information to someone else only tells them where to look for you last or where to find the body ... it doesn't keep you safe.  It's really a false sense of security in my book.  Meet Him in a public place and see how it feels to you before going to His house at the very least. 
 
If there is a doubt in your mind then don't be a fool.  How long have you known Him?  Do you know where He works or other reasonable facts about Him?  Have you already verified any personal information that He's given you?  How well have you already checked Him out?  If you've already done your homework and you feel good that all is clear ... then have at it if you want ... but somehow i don't get the feeling you have all the information you need to feel comfortable.  Go for the coffee instead.  If that offends Him ... see the red & blue lights flashing.  Something is probably amiss.
 
~saki
Property of Master D.

_____________________________

Followers, do not backlead. Not only does it make leading more difficult, but it also makes it more difficult for the leader to avoid collisions.

(in reply to goodgirl08)
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RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 6:41:59 PM   
Dolce


Posts: 34
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with the others. Meeting at their home screams all sorts of wrong to me. I dunno, it may be that "single female syndrome" that almost all women have, coupled with the horror stories our fathers told us about boys when we were teenagers. 

It's always safe to meet in a public place...that way, you can see his face, and then go check the America's Most Wanted website and make sure he's not a fugitive.


_____________________________

The presence of a noble nature...changes the lights for us: we begin to see things again in their larger, quieter masses, and to believe that we too can be seen and judged in the wholeness of our character. ~George Eliot

(in reply to gcarlos)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 6:55:59 PM   
lilredny


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all so very much. I am talking to him about it and he doesn't want us to meet if I have ANY doubts. I really want to meet him though...very confused indeed.

(in reply to Dolce)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 6:58:25 PM   
lilredny


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline 		we are meeting at the train station, guessing I can always turn right around...?

(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 6:59:32 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

What if he turns out to be your gynecologist


That would actually be kinda hot.....

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 7:00:16 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredny

Thank you all so very much. I am talking to him about it and he doesn't want us to meet if I have ANY doubts. I really want to meet him though...very confused indeed.


okay, i understand Your desire to meet/please Him/ to not be alone anymore/ etc. etc. ect.....However, the very fact that it's all of nothing for Him scares the hell out of me....Be very very careful.....Because remember, if You get in there and don't want to do what he wants You to...and He forces You, rapes You, etc. and You end up having to call the police to break You out of there, please do not be foolish enough to think that anyone will help/support You from the law enforcement angle...

Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 7:00:27 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		This smacks of emotional  mantpulation to me. How can you not have doubts. You havn't met. hung out. spent time together. Maybe his scent will offend you? Anything could happen. Later saying you were naive doesn' get it done if something bad happens.

Jeff

(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 7:03:34 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredny

Thank you all so very much. I am talking to him about it and he doesn't want us to meet if I have ANY doubts. I really want to meet him though...very confused indeed.


Meet him, just not alone at his home.  Keep it public the first couple times, till you feel comfortable.  Have coffee, and if it works, have dinner.  Walk around the mall. Listen to some live music if you can find some, but go easy on the alcohol, if you have any at all.  You want to keep a clear head.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 7:06:00 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		OMG!!! Is it that abomination of all human kind???
 
i agree with Jefffff......
 
 
aaaaaaaagggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
 
Now back to Your regular posting....

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 7:07:47 PM   
lilredny


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline 		Kali, although I really do appreciate your concern, please understand He is not pushing me into anything. We've been doing the onine thing for a while now. I think it's time for us to meet, just the fact that it's in his "turf" makes me nervous. Again, thank you for your support. I am a newbie and these forums are my bible

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 7:08:54 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredny

Am I completely insane to go to his home for our first meeting?

If you were dating a vanilla man, would you go to his house for the first date having NEVER met him before?

quote:

Shall I ask for information to leave someone?

You should have: a current picture and physical description, a telephone number and an address, at the BAREST minimum. You should set up a safe call where you are required to call a friend at an appointed time. Your friend should have all the information about this man that you do, including screen names and know that if you don't call at the appropriate time (+/- say 10 min) they should call the cops. You should also have a code that tells the friend when you're on the phone with them that you are in trouble and to call the cops. This phrase shouldn't clue the man in as to what's going on. For example, "Yeah, I did hear from Amanda today, she said she'd call you." is a sentence you might throw into the end of a conversation with a friend. In reality, it's your alarm.

Also insist on calling your friend if you change locations AND set up another safe call. Someone needs to know exactly where you are at all times.

quote:

Should I be worried?

Yes, assuming this is a man you have never, ever met. Again, would you do this if this were your average date?

You already feel uncomfortable with this situation or you wouldn't have posted here. You're gut is trying to tell you something. Go with your gut.

Master Fire


< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 12/16/2007 7:34:47 PM >

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 7:19:17 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredny

Kali, although I really do appreciate your concern, please understand He is not pushing me into anything. We've been doing the onine thing for a while now. I think it's time for us to meet, just the fact that it's in his "turf" makes me nervous. Again, thank you for your support. I am a newbie and these forums are my bible


lilredny,
i understand where You both are coming from.....However, hindisight is a bitch and i'd rather You learn from my mistakes.......If he truly respects You and cares about You He will have no problem meeting in a public place and having no expectations of taking it privately....
i understand that You are new and i appreciate You asking this question...Please be careful and heed the advice given to You.

Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Meeting Sir - 12/16/2007 7:28:05 PM   
BlackWolfSwitch


Posts: 40
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredny

Am I completely insane to go to his home for our first meeting? Shall I ask for information to leave someone? Should I be worried?


His home? I've seen and heard many horror stories starting like that.
For the love of puppies or whatever... meet in a PUBLIC place. Only ignorance throws common sense to the winds. If you want to (possibly) end up getting kidnapped and turned into a slave living in the basement, fed one time a week... made into a sex toy for complete strangers and whatever else, including your possible demise or lifelong mental scarring ...... Then by all means, go to his place!
 
Just the soft voice of common sense beating you in the head with a foam bat.
 
~Wolf

_____________________________

"Command of the collar, or submission to wear it. It's your choice. My choice is to know what I like from both."

(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 20
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