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What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 3:00:59 PM

sodsta

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
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A quick question...

If you are submissive, and you meet someone new, do they become more attractive to you when you find out they are Dominant? Or, say, you're friends with someone, on a fairly casual level, and you've never viewed them in a sexual light before - do they suddenly develop a certain sexual appeal when you discover they are a Dom/me?

The same question goes for Dominants who meet someone new and find out they are a submissive. Does this change your perception of them? And does that person become more attractive to you when you discover this?

Post #: 1

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 3:14:02 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

A quick question...

If you are submissive, and you meet someone new, do they become more attractive to you when you find out they are Dominant? Or, say, you're friends with someone, on a fairly casual level, and you've never viewed them in a sexual light before - do they suddenly develop a certain sexual appeal when you discover they are a Dom/me?

The same question goes for Dominants who meet someone new and find out they are a submissive. Does this change your perception of them? And does that person become more attractive to you when you discover this?

I am attracted to people; not labels.

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RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 3:16:08 PM

laurell3

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I don't look for sexual partners in the vanilla public so I'm not sure how this question would apply to me as I generally know what people's roles are when I talk to them.

Within the lifestyle, the fact that someone claims a label does nothing for me, it's the person that does.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 12/17/2007 3:40:34 PM >

_____________________________

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Post #: 3

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 3:21:27 PM

sodsta

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
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quote:

I don't look for sexual partners in the vanilla public so I'm not sure how this question would apply to me as I generally know what people's roles are when I talk to them.

#

Ahhh yes, I guess that's where I should have clarified. I meant in the vanilla public, if you meet someone and <i>then</I> discover that they are kinky and Dominant (or submissive, depending on your preference) would <i>that</I> change your perception of them?

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 4

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 3:22:41 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

If you are submissive, and you meet someone new, do they become more attractive to you when you find out they are Dominant?

Most definetely..not so much that they are dominant, but just the fact that they display masculine traits. A strong handshake, muscular, etc. But then again, for me, being dominant and masculine tend to be connected. I don't think you can be dominant and not masculine.

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Post #: 5

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 3:26:15 PM

goodgirl08

Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
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Definitely! I would be surprised and pleased because I've never met anyone in vanilla life who's openly in the scene.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 6

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 3:29:54 PM

SubmissiveAK

Posts: 94
Joined: 3/5/2007
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If they have a dominant (or submissive) personality, I think it will come across as you get to know them. Now they may not know it, they may not be into or have considered kinkiness. In that case... thank god for the peverted who can spark thier inner lights >:)

If they are truely dominant, it may not take a whip in thier hand to realize it.

~submissiveAK~

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 7

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 3:37:51 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

quote:

I don't look for sexual partners in the vanilla public so I'm not sure how this question would apply to me as I generally know what people's roles are when I talk to them.
#

Ahhh yes, I guess that's where I should have clarified. I meant in the vanilla public, if you meet someone and <i>then</I> discover that they are kinky and Dominant (or submissive, depending on your preference) would <i>that</I> change your perception of them?

I am generally attracted to someone regardless of their kinky status, but the question becomes whether or not they'd be game to participate in my fun. In years of flirting, I have developed a pretty good sixth sense regarding a man's opennees to at least trying the submissive role. Recently I was with a girlfriend at a sporting event and there was a guy I found rather cute; I engaged in some shameless flirting with him, and just out of curiousity, wanted to see if I could determine in 15 minutes or less if he was open to kink. There are so many obvious, easy going hints that can be dropped, and it's just a matter of watching reactions and seeing if a man takes the bait. It almost makes me want to be single again! When I called him over to talk to me and my friend (it was a bit loud, there were a lot of people around) and he came over, I pointed to the ground to indicate he should kneel/crouch down. That put him closer to eye level with my boots, which I shifted position in so he could see them. He immediately said, "Nice boots" and I said "Thanks. They go great with the whips and chains." That was the first of about four harmless comments that he acknoledged, nodded, and gave me a boyish grin about. He never got up off the ground. When he had to go, I said, "It's a shame. You looked good down there at my feet." There's no doubt he knew what I was about; and he would have been game, I'm sure.

Does that make him more attractive to me? Sure -- much more than a guy who would have kind of brushed off the hints. It's all about chemistry, after all.

Akasha

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(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 8

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 3:41:41 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

quote:

I don't look for sexual partners in the vanilla public so I'm not sure how this question would apply to me as I generally know what people's roles are when I talk to them.
#

Ahhh yes, I guess that's where I should have clarified. I meant in the vanilla public, if you meet someone and <i>then</I> discover that they are kinky and Dominant (or submissive, depending on your preference) would <i>that</I> change your perception of them?

My perception sure as we would have more in common. Would it automatically be a sexual turn on? No.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 9

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 3:50:18 PM

sodsta

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

quote:

Does that make him more attractive to me? Sure -- much more than a guy who would have kind of brushed off the hints. It's all about chemistry, after all.

Akasha

Thanks for the reply. That's pretty much what I meant. I asked mainly because I've been casual friends with someone for a couple of months now, and had no idea she was kinky at all, until this weekend. I found out that she used to be a Pro-Domme, but now just does it for fun. We discussed her kinky interests, and I found myself becoming more attracted to her as the conversation went on... I think it was the discovery that we had more in common than I had first thought, and the fact that she sounded very confident that appealed to me.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 10

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 4:34:41 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
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From: Charleston, WV
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It depends on why I found them attractive and what I was looking for at the time. I tend to date other Dominants or open-minded poly-oriented vanilla men. But, as a play partner or submissive or slave, then obviously being a bottom or s-type is advantageous.

Master Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 11

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 5:01:25 PM

AFlyInYourWeb

Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

If you are submissive, and you meet someone new, do they become more attractive to you when you find out they are Dominant? Or, say, you're friends with someone, on a fairly casual level, and you've never viewed them in a sexual light before - do they suddenly develop a certain sexual appeal when you discover they are a Dom/me?

If I suddenly discovered that a female acquaintence shared an interest in history, politics, art, the environment or any number of things I love, I'm sure she would become more "attractive" to me. Shared interests do that.

Naturally, were the discovered shared interest WIITWD, I wouldn't be particularly suprised if I suddenly felt "chemistry" toward her.

I don't date vanilla, so I tend not to think of vanilla women in terms of potential relationship partner. An otherwise attractive woman is not attractive to me if I think they are 'nilla. Suddenly discovering that someone was a Domina would change the way I related to her as a potential realtionship partner.

Even if we never dated, it would change the relationship between us. Shared secrets do that.

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(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 12

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 5:08:23 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

I don't go to public munches or scenes. I've met the ladies I've become involved with in the "Vanilla" world, which I call the "REAL" world. I find a lady attractive physically. We talk. If I'm lucky, she is intelligent, witty and fun to be around. We get to know each other. We discover if there is a spark. Now comes the part I don't expect anyone to believe. I get a feeling. As I get to know someone, by touches, by actions when together, I get a feeling. Its in my neck and mind. I "feel" that they have a hidden side. Its pretty accurate (or the women were so desperate to be with me, they faked it ... like that would happen). That is how I've found my partners. (Talk about a work of fiction, here come the flames).

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Post #: 13

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 5:10:41 PM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
I am attracted to people; not labels.

I second that. I'm only attracted to people who show an obvious dominant/alpha personality in their vanilla interactions. A dominant man does not have to be involved in lifestyle BDSM and have adopted that label for himself to be attractive to me, I'm open to vanilla partners who are naturally dominant. Now, finding out that someone was specifically, openly into kink too, sure that would make them even more attractive. And if they weren't sexually attractive, but finding out they were kinky, would potentially make them more attractive as a potential friend.

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

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(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 14

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 7:34:36 PM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline

i don't like a person based on their role, i like them based on them. makes no difference to me. the world does not revolve around this lifestyle for me. it's nice to have friends with similar interests, but it's not mandatory for me. so no, for me my opinion or interest in a person would not change.

PM

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Post #: 15

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 7:36:55 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

I am way more attracted to dominant women than "vanilla" women. I would much rather be with a super sexy, dominant femme fatale who is physically a seven than a Playmate of the year who was boring and passive.

(in reply to PanthersMom)

Post #: 16

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 7:44:12 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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To the OP..I have never found myself in that position..but sure ,there have been a few times I thought somone may be of a Dominant nature and into WIITWD..but...was never sure and never pursued that info.Did I find myself drawn to that personality?..sure...I occasionally have dated "vanilla"...but that "attraction" spark was fairly non-existent.....Tempting

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Post #: 17

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 9:16:46 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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A lot of novices do because they enjoy the thrill of "belonging" and finding someone else in the "secret club" that they can share their jargon and toys with.

But really, no. It might enhance thoughts I already had and make me more inclined to pursue, but if it wasn't there to begin with, it might actually be more annoying to find out.

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Post #: 18

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 9:26:13 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Doesn't work that way for me. Just because someone claims they are dominant doesn't mean I find them so. There are damn few people in this world whom I feel any tendency of submission towards, and only one who I trust, admire etc enough to act on those tendencies.

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Post #: 19

RE: What attracts you...? - 12/17/2007 10:32:15 PM

TethersEnd

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

A quick question...

If you are submissive, and you meet someone new, do they become more attractive to you when you find out they are Dominant? Or, say, you're friends with someone, on a fairly casual level, and you've never viewed them in a sexual light before - do they suddenly develop a certain sexual appeal when you discover they are a Dom/me?

The same question goes for Dominants who meet someone new and find out they are a submissive. Does this change your perception of them? And does that person become more attractive to you when you discover this?

Eye candy is eye candy.
That essence of Dominance is alive and well even in the Nilla world.
What I mean by this is I have met Men over the years that just emit
some energy that speaks directly to the Submissive in me.
This has nothing to do with the lifestyle, more so by nature.

I have also met Men where over time talk of the lifestyle has taken place
where they share that they are Dominants. That enlightenment didnt
change a thing, for me they failed to emit that draw.

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 20

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