quote:

ORIGINAL: SingleRarity

so I am sorry if you thought I was lumping you into this group.  I apologize.  However, if you read back over this post, the OP was treated so disrespectfully by the people who act as leaders on this board. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: SingleRarity

Bounty Hunter,

You were not one of the one's who wrote so rudely to this girl, and from what I've read of your posts, they are intelligent, thoughtful, and very rarely rude, so I am sorry if you thought I was lumping you into this group.  I apologize.  However, if you read back over this post, the OP was treated so disrespectfully by the people who act as leaders on this board.  It simply blew my mind.  It happens all the time, but this was just too much this time.  Again, I apologize to you.

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ORIGINAL: SingleRarity

...the OP was treated so disrespectfully by the people who act as leaders on this board. 

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ORIGINAL: womyn

Obviously the people who look at my profile do NOT read through it. I get so many obnoxious people calling themselves dom (mes) that seem to think I'm a slave and can order me around!

I am a SUBMISSIVE NOT a slave....yet! Why, WHY are people so disrespectful?!

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ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

- Mr. S

P.S. I do agree that there can be negativity from long-time forum users of most any community. Not sure why that happens but I see it a lot here and there.

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ORIGINAL: LoveAndDS

Alot of people on here are just looking for a quick thrill and don't realize that some people on the other end are acutally genuine. 

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ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

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ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

- Mr. S

P.S. I do agree that there can be negativity from long-time forum users of most any community. Not sure why that happens but I see it a lot here and there.

Mr S
 
I don't believe it is negativity - I believe it is more that people do not 'get' the way certain posters post and make assumptions people are being evil-automatically.   I participate in another forum but only vary rarely as it is more Darcys domain - but I read and watch the way people interact with each other there and from a casual or even 'outside' observer - it can seem very negative.  But then you learn more of the people, or the relationships people have on the forums and you start to 'get' the personalities and how far they do push each other.  You start getting the jokes and the little play on words.
 
The only negativity comes when a new poster really believes it's the first time a particular subject is posted and that they 'own' the problem - then you do get a little ridicule because it's been seen before - or when they do not get the reaction they craved as though it is a right - or when someone complains that people are being judgemental.  Some fail to understand that judgements have to occur for people to survive, move forward - even back and that it isn;t a negative quality to have.
 
the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

- Mr. S

P.S. I do agree that there can be negativity from long-time forum users of most any community. Not sure why that happens but I see it a lot here and there.

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ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Mr S
 
I don't believe it is negativity - I believe it is more that people do not 'get' the way certain posters post and make assumptions people are being evil-automatically.
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
 
...when they do not get the reaction they craved as though it is a right - or when someone complains that people are being judgemental.  
 
the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1

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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Oh and be nice to the regulars or they'll rip ya a new one!

No, you don't have to be nice; just not a humorless, smug, twat. Not talking about you, I'm just saying.

Baisically what Red is saying is you cant be thinned skinned.

Honey, I knew you werent talking about me. I'm one of the funniest people I know! Uh oh, that sounded smug...didnt it?

Yes, I meant you have to go with the flow, be yourself, don't let pixels on a screen upset you, jump in if you feel like it, joke around (we all make bad jokes, but sometimes amazing jokes) and add value where you can.

It is the ones who whine about everything and start post after post about nonsense or ask the same question in 10 different ways that irritate me.

Confidence is cool, arrogance and smugness is not. See, you said you were funny? Confident attitude, rock on!

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ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

- Mr. S

P.S. I do agree that there can be negativity from long-time forum users of most any community. Not sure why that happens but I see it a lot here and there.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Mr S
 
I don't believe it is negativity - I believe it is more that people do not 'get' the way certain posters post and make assumptions people are being evil-automatically.
 

 
I am on-board with that you mean. I'm definitely no stranger to online communities of various subjects...in fact, quite the opposite. I know that what can be perceived as negativity is, in fact, just someone's posting style and that they are generally good people that honestly want to offer help and advice.

It's how their attitudes are perceived that is at issue - not who they "are". If someone doesn't 'get' you, you can't do much about that.

But that being said...I've seen a lot of situations where long-time vets of a board can lapse into a flavor of negativity that they themselves don't even recognize anymore. They lose a certain objectivity due to the amount of time they've been part of that community.

Not sure that makes sense, but....LOL
 
 
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
 
...when they do not get the reaction they craved as though it is a right - or when someone complains that people are being judgemental.  
 
the.dark.

 
 
I've seen this too. "Why are you beating up on me for asking an honest question?!?"  In that situation, honestly (IME), both sides carry a certain amount of blame. The original posters generally don't take time to read the forums that are there before they post the 8,420th post about topic X or Y. That is THEIR fault.

The fault at the 'leaders' is very often laying ridicule on a poster that's new and may not truly deserve it. We were all new at one time and I've seen some people on this board and other boards lay incredibly crass and negative replies on someone that was just there asking for honest, open communication and needed some quality feedback from people they thought might do so.

And they got 'crushed' for it. Hard not to understand, in that situation, how a new poster could be put instantly on the defensive and feel like the community they'd like to belong to isn't exactly welcoming or respectful.

In my opinion (while I understand *why* it happens), it's still not cool - and it's easy to understand why some would hop in to flame the flamers.


Anyhoo....race ipsa locquitor.  *shrug*


- Mr. S
 

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ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

Not sure that makes sense, but....LOL
 

Made sense to me - (but then I am weird like that)

quote:

The fault at the 'leaders' is very often laying ridicule on a poster that's new and may not truly deserve it. We were all new at one time and I've seen some people on this board and other boards lay incredibly crass and negative replies on someone that was just there asking for honest, open communication and needed some quality feedback from people they thought might do so.

And they got 'crushed' for it. Hard not to understand, in that situation, how a new poster could be put instantly on the defensive and feel like the community they'd like to belong to isn't exactly welcoming or respectful.

In my opinion (while I understand *why* it happens), it's still not cool - and it's easy to understand why some would hop in to flame the flamers.


Anyhoo....race ipsa locquitor.  *shrug*


- Mr. S
 

Yes, it does.
I do worry about the 'concept' of leaders though.  To me, it gives the vibe that there is only a certain way to go (as it were) - and BDSM, well, relationships in general - cannot flourish if it/they follow the way of 'leaders'.  The 'leaders' are those in a certain unit - not across the board(especially a message board were you may never even meet people). It reeks of superiority - and maybe that's just my own personal 'issue' - I just don't see anyone better than anyone else (well - except Darcy) and to assume people into positions of authority over 'everyone' is both rude and ill thought out.
 
It comes down to personal perceptions of what is said - rather than trying to understand where someone is 'coming from' most of the time - I think personal responsibility for our own feelings is often forgotten when it comes to the hard done by reactions.  I don't think there is blame on either side.
 
Sometimes (if we are into motos at the moment) - it's good to remember facta non verba
 
 
the.dark.

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

But that being said...I've seen a lot of situations where long-time vets of a board can lapse into a flavor of negativity that they themselves don't even recognize anymore. They lose a certain objectivity due to the amount of time they've been part of that community.

I just love the smell of sweeping generalizations in the morning.

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I fail to see...

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ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

But that being said...I've seen a lot of situations where long-time vets of a board can lapse into a flavor of negativity that they themselves don't even recognize anymore. They lose a certain objectivity due to the amount of time they've been part of that community.

I just love the smell of sweeping generalizations in the morning.

The above underlined were my personal observations. If you took them as a sweeping generalization - that's on you. I don't think that this happens generally but I've definitely seen it happen. *shrug*

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I fail to see...

My point entirely. Posters can become 'myopic' to how their posting style may change and/or be perceived.


- Mr. S

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Oh Red -  I have to say - in my time here - I haven't seen the 'offical' leader title. 
 
the.dark.

Hmmmm....I see a dilemma in his future....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Oh Red -  I have to say - in my time here - I haven't seen the 'offical' leader title. 
 
the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

LMAO.    Right....now I am myopic because I used a figure of speech (you know, like I hear you, when someone wrote something??) and I did not agree with your point, right...NOW I see the light. Thank you. Perhaps you should stop posting now at 97 posts, I would not want you getting "myopic" like the rest of us jaded posters.