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Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 4:59:30 PM   
OnlyHis


Posts: 137
Joined: 2/25/2004
Status: offline 		Just what does being open minded mean , in your opinion, within this lifestyle ?  Are any of us really open minded or do some activities, other peoples relationships or how others chose to learn or live still make us squeamish?

Myself I have, in the last 6 years, become more open minded to what or how others chose to live their relationships. More than once I have read or heard or even saw of some specific activity or way of living that others enjoy and live that I felt might fit for me and within the relationship I have with Master. Which I would talk to him about of course.  But I must admit that I still have a lot of growing to do in that direction- in more open mindedness.
Only His

< Message edited by OnlyHis -- 12/20/2007 5:00:00 PM >
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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 5:02:31 PM   
Hergirl0824


Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		to me openmindedness is more about accepting that something works for another when it may not be something that works for you..accepting that all people are different and making judgements based on character as opposed to what something "looks like" from the outside

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 5:06:00 PM   
WhiteDom77


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline 		I think many, in both vanilla and BDSM society, make this topic much more difficult than it needs to be, and make others feel bad about not being "tolerant enough". Tolerance does not necessarily mean we like or respect a particular activity, it is just an acknowledgement that if the activity is consensual, the consenting partners are free to engage in it. I do not feel guilty when a particular activity disgusts me, I just don't partake. Who says you have to like or accept everyone or everything into your circle?

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 5:13:35 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		In my experience, people in the life style are, in general, no more open-minded than regular people.
I would also say that they do not either, as a rule, grow more open-minded over time.
Instead, they just become familiar with more stuff, like anyone else.
In fact, if anything, they're less open-minded.
I am speaking generally, of course.

The degree of open-mindedness someone has is generally fixed somewhere in their first 2-3 decades of life.

Health,
al-Aswad.

P.S.: For a reasonably solid metric on it, that has an actual neurological correlate, try the Big Five inventory.


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From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 5:14:30 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
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Status: offline 		to me it comes down to.........my kink .......your kink?...who cares.......if you are enjoying it, knock yourself out
or.......have some one do it for you..:)
Jeff

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 5:14:53 PM   
chellekitty


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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteDom77

I think many, in both vanilla and BDSM society, make this topic much more difficult than it needs to be, and make others feel bad about not being "tolerant enough". Tolerance does not necessarily mean we like or respect a particular activity, it is just an acknowledgement that if the activity is consensual, the consenting partners are free to engage in it. I do not feel guilty when a particular activity disgusts me, I just don't partake. Who says you have to like or accept everyone or everything into your circle?


absolutely, could not have said it better....

i prefer not to be so openminded my brain falls out....

chelle


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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 5:18:08 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
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Status: offline 		chellekitty said it before i could. 

kitten, who reserves the right to disagree with anyone, but not the right to be disagreeable in doing so

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 5:18:10 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Openmindedness doesn't mean I have to enjoy it. It just means that although I don't want to do it, I don't believe that therefore nobody should do it. I'm still as easily squicked as ever. And that's fine.

There's room for us married with ums types who do a little slap and tickle on the weekends, and for the types who swing from the chandeliers four times daily. And every flavor inbetween.

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 5:18:50 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		I've actually begun to become more close-minded as I have grown into the lifestyle. I suppose, I just feel more comfortable making judgements and I have really gotten more comfortable in my own skin. I'm more easily offended...but less affected. 

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 5:20:59 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteDom77

I think many, in both vanilla and BDSM society, make this topic much more difficult than it needs to be, and make others feel bad about not being "tolerant enough". Tolerance does not necessarily mean we like or respect a particular activity, it is just an acknowledgement that if the activity is consensual, the consenting partners are free to engage in it. I do not feel guilty when a particular activity disgusts me, I just don't partake. Who says you have to like or accept everyone or everything into your circle?


Agreed however, I think open-mindedness also applies to being new to the lifestyle and setting limits.  Things you absolutely do not perceive as being healthy for you are obvious, things you don't really know what they are and have never tried, not so obvious.

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 5:29:56 PM   
MadRabbit


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OnlyHis

Just what does being open minded mean , in your opinion, within this lifestyle ? 



Well, my two cents on this...

It'ss taking in new information on a subject objectively, giving consideration to the information, and then forming an opinion based on the new information.

Hearing what you want to hear and reading what you want to read isn't taking in new information objectively.

Just simply listening but not thinking about the new information isn't giving it consideration.

Pretending to take it in and pretending to give it consideration and still keeping the same opinion doesn't qualify either.

Rejecting information because you think it is misinformation or the source is dishonest isn't being closed minded. It's just remembering that people are sometimes full of shit.

Keeping the same opinion even after the new information is processed doesn't automatically equate to being closed minded either.




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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 5:34:17 PM   
MasterofScyn


Posts: 141
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		I'm a very open minded person, sometimes I wonder if I'm to open minded. There are things that make me squeamish at the thought or site of it... But at the same time, it tends to grab my curiousity. I may never want to try it personally and I do envy people that can handle certain things. I also tend to see things from both sides of an argument, which makes it difficult to chose one side of the argument sometimes (which is why I avoid it as much as possible)..
 
As for being open minded in this lifestyle.... It's one of those things that anything can happen. If your open minded enough, nothing should come as a total surprise. But people handle things in different degrees, alot of it grabs my attention and perhaps someday I'll try a few things that I want to do. If it's something I know I wouldn't like, I'm not going to sit there and say they can't do it. In fact (depending on the situation) I'd probly watch and just be amazed at whatever it is they are doing.
 
I figure it's hard to be closed minded when so many out there are... I like to be different.. Also, it's just how I was raised, to be very opened minded to everything around me.
 
Scyn ~

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 5:35:02 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Being openminded, to me, means accepting what other people do in their own lives. I may not like it, I may not agree with, it may sicken me...but, it's not my place to tell them that it's flat out wrong. So, instead I accept that they are adult enough to make their own choices.
It also means keeping my opinions 'open' , meaning that there is always room for more learning and more growth.

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 5:46:21 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Understanding that pain and obedience are not the same thing as damage.  What you think might damage you could be a tool to build someone else up.  Hell, it might not even damage *you*, and you might even like it when done with the right person.

This does not mean there is no such thing as abuse.  There sure as hell is.  Read the recent barbed wire thread if you don't know what I'm talking about.

It's a fine line you are going to have to decide for yourself.  Don't degrade people for what they enjoy, but don't stand by idly if you see abuse.  Openmindedness does not mean abandoning responsibility for others.

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 5:51:42 PM   
LadyChef


Posts: 105
Joined: 11/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hergirl0824

to me openmindedness is more about accepting that something works for another when it may not be something that works for you..accepting that all people are different and making judgements based on character as opposed to what something "looks like" from the outside


I agree! As I grow more mature, I don't mind as much as I used to. Wisdom increases as we realize to accept people more for who they are. There are of course limits to everything.

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 6:55:47 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Ah, well, yes. That is self-evident, of course.
In case it was not obvious, that was my sarcastic tone of writing.

There only limits are those we set for ourselves, or set for us by reality (e.g. gravity).
And I have my doubts about the latter.

If you wish to set rigid, stringent or absolute limits for yourself or others, that is your choice, clearly.
But it is not open-mindedness.

Health,
al-Aswad.

< Message edited by Aswad -- 12/20/2007 6:56:36 PM >

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 8:33:57 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
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From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		My idea of Openminded is having a zipper in her cranium so I can skullfuck her.

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 8:41:54 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		That works, I guess. Not much for getting marrow in my dick, myself. That'd be an odd tale, no? 

Health,
al-Aswad.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/20/2007 10:21:38 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnlyHis

Just what does being open minded mean , in your opinion, within this lifestyle ?  Are any of us really open minded or do some activities, other peoples relationships or how others chose to learn or live still make us squeamish?
 
Since i don't concern myself too much with what other people do in their private lives, outside of reading about their experiences on this site, open-mindedness, for me, has nothing to do with acceptance of others. 
 
For me, open-mindedness has everything to do with my own willingness and eagerness to Experiment and Have Fun, in a manner that's healthy for me, and not backing away from something, simply because i've never done it before or it makes me feel squeamish.  i couldn't enjoy BDSM, without being open-minded about what i want to do and what i can do.  i remain open to all possibilities, even the ones i haven't thought of or heard of yet.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

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RE: Being open minded ? - 12/21/2007 12:43:01 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I feel being open minded means being open to possibilities, in all facets of life, for all people.  It means being aware enough to know that I can't fully judge what I haven't experienced for myself in many areas, and knowing I might come to enjoy things I've never dreamed of doing before.  Consequently, others may be enjoying things I've never dreamed of doing before, too, which typically ends up intriguing me enough to want to understand it.

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