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RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/21/2007 1:09:12 PM

MsSaskia

Posts: 415
Joined: 9/9/2004
From: Denver
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

The OP could have used some nicer wording, and I don't agree completely with some of the comments, but there's nothing wrong with the idea of providing a search field to distinguish between pro and non-pro, or possibly whether "tribute" is required. Purely non-judgmental. People looking for pros could find them more easily, and people who don't want pros could filter them out without the time and hassle of reading through the profiles to find the tiny little comment that identifies them as such.

Maybe just a little scarlet P next to every pro dommes name here would do it. Or a little yellow star? Totally nonjudgmental! Then all the good, upstanding board citizens who would never have their own agendas would know to just skip past any posting by one of the pros, knowing that there couldn't possibly be anything constructive in it that might enrich a discussion.

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 21

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/21/2007 1:23:05 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear Cactuslovedoll, Ladies and Gentlemen;

To be honest, no one Dominant--male or female; professional, lifestyle or anything else; slave, submissive, bottom and or servant --are the same.

To be more accurate for searching, the search engines should have over 200 areas, e.g. likes and dislikes as well as for those wonderful 'maybe' check boxes.

In everything in life, it isn't tailored to my likes/dislikes and or anybody else's Life isn't fair and it is labor intensive finding anything and or anyone. If it was fair and tailored exactly to my standards--it would be unfair to everybody else. Thus, compromises.

I do not use Collarme.com as Hugs.com. It is everybody's to share and everybody has to be responsibile for themselves. Collarme.com is a wonderful networking tool but, just like socialization, parties, gatherings--enjoying each other is great--it is also an opportunity to network and or share things, e.g. knowledge, search sites, etc.

As far as Dominant Women verses Pro Dominant Women; again--may women who are Dominant will disagree about things as much as agreeing to things. We'll always have bad apples among us all--I've heard gripes from Pro-Dominatrix about other Pro-Dominatrix and it really boils down to individuals who cause problems on themselves and generalized and paint brushes all of us--Pro or not in a bad light. Unfortunate, but that is life.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Cactuslovedoll)

Post #: 22

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/21/2007 7:08:07 PM

Aubre

Posts: 478
Joined: 12/9/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

And also there is the search issue of the many, many like myself that are both lifestyle And pro and are here in search of Both lifestyle subs and sub-clients.

What is the difference between who you would chose for a lifestyle person vs a person who would see you professionally?
This seems like it could be a tough decision to make.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 23

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/21/2007 7:16:32 PM

Muttling

Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aphrodite5

quote:

If CM were to include a search feature for prostitution specifically,

Not to drive this thread off-topic, but I would like to clarify something here. Domination is not sex, and sex is not domination. You can have one without the other. A professional dom is not a prostitute. I have yet to hear of one that has sexual contact with a client. I'm sure that it happens. That doesn't make it the norm, and it certainly doesn't make the professions interchangable.

While my personal views are in complete agreement with you, the legal definition of prostitution is frequently crossed by pro-dommes. For example, strap-on play or any other form of penetration play is considered sex in most states (if not all) and getting paid for that service is considered prostitution. To reiterate, I do not concur with that definition but the laws are defined by what is written in the legal statutes and not by what is written in Websters.

As for the original topic, I agree with the poster who mentioned that you don't have to look at what you don't like. The kink community is all about openess and acceptance (within reasonable limits) of instead of following someone's rule book.

< Message edited by Muttling -- 12/21/2007 7:19:37 PM >

(in reply to aphrodite5)

Post #: 24

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/21/2007 7:59:23 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Oh and there are many prodoms, but usually not here since this is much more of a straight than gay site.

Yi,Yi,Yi,Yi,Yi !

Missy

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 25

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/21/2007 8:28:29 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aubre

quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

And also there is the search issue of the many, many like myself that are both lifestyle And pro and are here in search of Both lifestyle subs and sub-clients.

What is the difference between who you would chose for a lifestyle person vs a person who would see you professionally?
This seems like it could be a tough decision to make.

Lots of things... What we're both looking for at the time, how our interests overlap, what sort of natural connection or vibe we have, etc.

It really tends to be quite clear-cut, some approach me as a friend and we become so with kink, fetishes, PE as natural parts of our interaction and then others approach just looking to do a session(s) of some sort be it realtime, phone or online.

Sometimes it's more fuzzy and we talk it out and see what suits us correctly for our lives and desires and connection, but most of the time is clearly one or the other: they're either looking for a personal relationship or a professional one with me, and I then screen them accordingly.

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(in reply to Aubre)

Post #: 26

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/21/2007 8:36:09 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Oh and there are many prodoms, but usually not here since this is much more of a straight than gay site.

Yi,Yi,Yi,Yi,Yi !

Missy

Okay, I'll bite. What's the yi, yi, yi for?

I have never seen a gay pro top ad here. I have seen them other places, therefore I assume that it relates to the fact that this is not a site with a sufficient gay bottom population that would make it worthwhile for a pro dom to hang out here.

If I'm wrong please correct me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to brightspot)

Post #: 27

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/21/2007 8:48:44 PM

LadyLegs

Posts: 176
Status: offline

So if I were to accept money, that act would change my attitude, opinions and behavior?

No wonder so many people like money, it has magical properties.

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"Knowing others is wisdom; Knowing the self is enlightenment; Mastering others requires force; Mastering the self needs strength."

(in reply to Cactuslovedoll)

Post #: 28

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/21/2007 9:36:48 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cactuslovedoll

There is certainly quite a divide between the women on here who are honestly looking for something real and the ones who are just here to make money. No offense to practicing pro-dommes. I was just thinking that since everyone is looking for different things it would make sense to have a “Pro/lifestyle” filter option in the search engine.

I dont' want this to be a gender issue. I'm sure there's pro-guys on here too. Although that concept seems ill-fated for some reason...

I agree...and I'm willing to sell myself, in this venue...a pro sub...I'm not a slut...but for a price...I'll lower myself....for the right woman.

Don't let that be a template for my own degradation (although if it gets me some pussy....I'm flexible)....

I'm actually affordable....(although don't let it be said that I come cheap).

(Okay...I'm fucking cheap).

Okay....I'll pay.

(Okay...I'll sell my fucking house....but I'm keeping the fucking station wagon).

(Okay....you can have the fucking station wagon).....

Okay....I'm not affordable....I'm dirt fucking cheap.....

(Gawdammit....I'm a whore.....I admit it).

(in reply to Cactuslovedoll)

Post #: 29

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/21/2007 9:37:37 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

was just thinking that since everyone is looking for different things it would make sense to have a “Pro/lifestyle” filter option in the search engine.

Here is an idea, use the tools that collarme has so generously provided for you, one of which is a little button called "hide user". Take any profile you do not like and "hide" that user... magically they disappear from search parameters... you never have to see them again! Pretty cool, huh?

_____________________________

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(in reply to Cactuslovedoll)

Post #: 30

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/22/2007 12:49:19 AM

awmslave

Posts: 599
Joined: 3/31/2006
Status: offline

Work as a pro domme is not an easy money. It takes bright brains, creative mind, lot of courage and self-discipline, good physical shape, knowlege of psychology, fashion ...etc to be a good pro domme. I have known many pro dommes personally and they deserve a lot of respect. People who try to put bad labels on pro dommes do not usually know what they are talking about.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 31

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/22/2007 1:04:30 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

...

Try looking up one of the ten billion threads on this self same, boring, done to death topic, instead of starting yet another boo hoo thread.

Don't like the plate? Don't look at it.

I don't see it as "boo hoo", but as a legitimate suggestion. Yes, it's been commented on before, and yes, it gets boring, but obviously a lot of people feel the same way as the OP here. Complaining doesn't guarantee any improvement, but eventually, maybe the powers that be will do something about it. If everyone stays quiet, it's definite that nothing will change.

I've noticed you often comment on my particular comments hardbodysub. Here's a tip, I couldn't care less whether you agree with me or not.

Complaining is just that, complaining. You think repeating the same old thing over and over and over again is going to change anything? You think whoever runs CM is going to say "well, we've had 4 billion threads on this, so we'll bow to public opinion"? Grow up. They are probably as sick of reading this bullshit as the rest of us are.

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(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 32

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/22/2007 1:50:33 AM

Muttling

Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: awmslave

Work as a pro domme is not an easy money. It takes bright brains, creative mind, lot of courage and self-discipline, good physical shape, knowlege of psychology, fashion ...etc to be a good pro domme. I have known many pro dommes personally and they deserve a lot of respect. People who try to put bad labels on pro dommes do not usually know what they are talking about.

This response really has me thinking......

My first and second encounters were with a pro-domme in Atlanta. She is an incredibly delightful woman who impressed me to no end. She helped me to explore a side of myself that I couldn't describe to others. To this very day, she holds a terrifically special place in my heart for what she did for me. (The encounters were good, but the coming to understand and embrace myself is the special part.)

While I knew her role required self discipline and a service attitude, I never really thought of it in the light you describe. Your comments make my memories of her all the more special and I appreciate them. I know she did a lot for me, but I am starting to think of all the details and I am starting to realize how much effort she put into doing those things for me.

I feel very fortunate to have met her.

(in reply to awmslave)

Post #: 33

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/22/2007 2:24:56 AM

KarenElizabeth

Posts: 22
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline

There are more than just two simple spectrums to why someone is here as a domme. Some dommes are here just to spank for $100 an hour, some want a husband, some interested in no strings attached pain induced activity, some are gems and deserve to be paid for their company, some are just nymphos. It can't be narrowed down into two different categories. That would be like me saying that all male *S*es are either obedient or whiners like you. (cactus boy)

< Message edited by KarenElizabeth -- 12/22/2007 2:27:51 AM >

(in reply to MsSaskia)

Post #: 34

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/22/2007 3:08:08 AM

BiteGirl

Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline

I think it should be divided, definatly. I am sick of finding profiles saying "I don't give away freebies" and thinking, "but, you're on a 'freebie' website, arn't you? Not on a, pro site. Damn."

But yeah, Re-word your proposal to be less sexist and it could work.

(in reply to MsSaskia)

Post #: 35

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/22/2007 5:35:46 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

Pro's are allowed to advertise here. To the best of my knowledge, it is illegal.

Pro Domination is NOT illegal unless some type of sex is involved. It generally is not. A reputable Pro is not a prostitute and serves a vital function in the BDSM community. If it was illegal to pay and be paid to get hit boxing, football and many other sports would be raided constantly.

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(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 36

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/22/2007 6:20:21 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

I've got a soft spot for pros. Some here know why, but I won't go into it on this thread.

I've "been" to a prodomme. It was in 1991. I haven't "paid for it" since. Oh wait, unless you count buying dinner sometimes, being a shoulder to cry on, and in general investing time and being willing to treat people like human beings.

There's a bumper sticker, "Feminism is the radical idea that women are people." A lot of posts here make me think men don't get the radical idea that pros are people. Is she a pro if she does two sessions on a Saturday to have extra spending money while in school? Is she a pro if she also has another source of income? Or are you so blinded by your urge that you are unable to understand that she's a human first?

edited for typos

< Message edited by RedMagic1 -- 12/22/2007 6:22:38 AM >

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 37

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/22/2007 7:14:34 AM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

...

Try looking up one of the ten billion threads on this self same, boring, done to death topic, instead of starting yet another boo hoo thread.

Don't like the plate? Don't look at it.

I don't see it as "boo hoo", but as a legitimate suggestion. Yes, it's been commented on before, and yes, it gets boring, but obviously a lot of people feel the same way as the OP here. Complaining doesn't guarantee any improvement, but eventually, maybe the powers that be will do something about it. If everyone stays quiet, it's definite that nothing will change.

I've noticed you often comment on my particular comments hardbodysub. Here's a tip, I couldn't care less whether you agree with me or not.

Complaining is just that, complaining. You think repeating the same old thing over and over and over again is going to change anything? You think whoever runs CM is going to say "well, we've had 4 billion threads on this, so we'll bow to public opinion"? Grow up. They are probably as sick of reading this bullshit as the rest of us are.

Here's a tip for you: you're not the center of the world. I'm ROFL that you're so paranoid you think I'm singling your posts out or something. I merely comment positively when I find someone's post really excellent, or disagree when they're illogical or just plain off target. Evidently, you don't take disagreement very well, but here's another tip: I don't give a rat's ***. So grow up yourself. If you can't take the debate, don't post.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 38

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/22/2007 7:39:35 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

I have no problem with he pros whose profiles clearly state that is what they are. But I have never appreciated the supposed non-pros who, as soon as you meet them, start in about their telephone bill or their car payment or something, and they expect the guy to pay it.

(in reply to Cactuslovedoll)

Post #: 39

RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 12/22/2007 8:11:42 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear awmslave, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I gently disagree with your statement, that those who have bad labels put upon and directed at Professional Dominatrix do not usually know what their talking about.

For me personally, I know of many 'declared' pro-Dominantix who are not in good shape and in the super sized BBW range, poor hygeine and can't flog themselves out of a wet paper bag.
Their reputations are bad because they are very well deserved and seen as theives and leaches as money is their objective and do not give a hoot to the person they have in their clutches and when the money flow dries up--that person is kicked to the curb. Few are in Southeastern Virginia and a few in mid-Virginia in the Fredericksburg, Virginia area and one flees to West Virginia until its safe to return back and has more aliases than Carter has liver pills.

That said, nothing really is easy when it comes to the Dominant women in the lifestyle and or the Professional Dominatrix. It boils down to the 'intent' of Dominatrix in how they view the entire interaction. What matters to me as a Dominatrix (not a Professional one, although I treat it as a profession and art), is that the person they are working with is treated with consideration and respect -- not a bottomless money purse who owns no feelings.

Furthermore, some Professional Dominatrix handle things that go way past limits of another Dominatrix. Although it is a paid service, that service might be beyond the limits of other Dominatrix. Again--I feel strongly that the real problem is with the 'intentions' of individuals; be they guised in Professional Dominatrix labels or those of us who are Lifestyle Dominatrix.

In addition, I feel that Professional Dominatrix should be the ones who judge other Professional Dominatrix, as it is their peer group and can speak from their own experience, their own judgements and standards. In a court of law; the term would be 'with standing.'
Expert against Expert and recognized by the court.

My belief, is that those speaking about personal experiences, e.g. the ones I mentioned in paragraph #2 of this post--should be declared as being personal experiences. This is not a general paint brush but, a just cause as to make a statement based upon personal experiences and or witnessing this first hand. I do know how often we (in general) say things that can/may be taken as a generalized statement of fact but, speak from our own world--not the entire world.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to awmslave)

Post #: 40

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