HouseDV8
Posts: 37
Joined: 5/10/2007
From: Houston
Status: offline
|
OK, so this is the first time i have ever posted to this forum. i tend to be long-winded. i will do my best to keep it to the topic, but i must admit, this particular topic really gets me.
First i would like to say that most all assumptions are worthless. Most ALL. In this day and age it is not even safe to assume that the air we breathe will still be safe in the morning. Your assumptions are your opinions and we all know opinions are like assholes. Those that speak out for Pros having various reasons for joining the site...yeah for you, but even those posts are assuming or limited.
The only thing you can do is decide for yourself what is right for you. It would be nice if you realized this...as in, just because you like something or don't like something does not make it right or wrong for the next person. We are all different and this is a good thing.
Here is my two cents on Pro Domination. This thread and others like it always seem to focus on the pro's reasons for being a pro. The truth is, just like in any business, the demand makes the business, not the supply. If there was no demand there would be no Pro's. So i would like to talk about the REAL reasons Pros exist, and that is because of the subs and their reasons for seeing them.
First of all, to assume that a man sees a pro to eliminate a emotional connection is absurd. i am so in love with every sub male that serves me, and only one of them is not a client. They are in love with me too. We have a deep and spiritual connection, and in fact, the money is what allows that.
HUH??? The money allows for a spiritual connection? YES. Why? Because the money eliminates all the other drama associated with forming a relationship...we get to get right to the good stuff...the deep stuff, the powerful stuff. We don't have to worry about each others kids, or parents, or friends, or favorite foods, or whether or not we like the same movies or have a schedule that matches up, etc, etc, etc. Money is very straight forward. It creates a very obvious boundary. We do not have to maintain each other, check in and see if everything is good, make small talk, send birthday cards. We know how we feel about each other, and the time we spend together is valuable to us both. We are satisfied and satiated with the arrangement.
We don't even have to be local. In fact, of the dozen or so clients that i have collected in the last 8 years (counting only the ones that are regulars, deeply important to me), none, not even one of them, is local. That is not unusual. A lot of men that will see a pro will do it when visiting a city, or will see a visiting pro. This reduces the risk of people that they do not wish to know finding out. There is risk because a lot of Pro's are also in the lifestyle and a lot of clients are too. So, if they see a pro in their hometown and then they run into that person at a party, it might be awkward and it could also be risky.
Now, i am not an authority on domination as a profession. It is a distant priority in my life and i am extremely picky. i do mean this...i have taken on only one new male sub in the last year and i barely advertise at all, and certainly not on this site, where i am here representing my personal life and family. There are pro Doms in my hometown (Houston) that do this exclusively, as their sole income and profession. They are certainly seeing a lot more clients than i am. They might have a different opinion and most likely they have a lot of local clients. i would guess that their clients do not participate in the lifestyle much outside of their sessions though but i could be wrong. They might not have as deep a connection because they are seeing so many, but then again, they might. Those of us that are, what i call, BDSM Trekkies, absorbed in this leather lifestyle, tend to get very good at making powerful and intimate connections very fast because the very thing we have in common is already our kink, so we start there and work our way towards the less intimate details of our lives instead of the other way around.
My point is still the same. Assumptions are opinions and opinions are limited by your perspective, background, religion, upbringing, experiences, culture, etc. This includes mine. My experiences are only mine. Everyone is different. My reasons, approach, limits, results are also only mine. i know girls that scout for clients on yahoo. i won't even chat with my best friend, let alone a stranger. Does that make them wrong? Nope. If it works for them, more power to them. i have no interest in sitting at a PC and chatting.
Second, to assume that a man sees a pro because he is weak, or unable to attract a Dominant otherwise is also absurd. Most of the men that see a pro are very powerful and busy men, dominating most every aspect of their worlds. They simply do not have time to pursue this type of relationship, but they need balance. Sometimes they are also already down a path in life and not willing to break the promises and commitments they have made. If you ask me, this is honorable. There are selfish and pitiful men that will leave their families and obligations to pursue their own needs and desires. A man that pays a pro to get his needs met is keeping his promises to his family.
Many might argue that he is lying to his family. i say he is protecting them. If he were to tell them, they might be devastated. They might be hurt in a way that he cannot fix, or disillusioned in a way that ruins the relationship. It is not anyones fault that he found his kink later in life...especially not theirs. The average age in this lifestyle is 40-50. Most did not figure it out as young as i did. Most did not have the opportunity to make this choice from the beginning. Divorce, breaking promises, reneging on commitments to children and futures, is not getting any of us any closer to bliss. If anything, a man seeing a pro is compromising himself for the sake of his family. He might desire a much deeper, or more 24/7 relationship. He might fantasize about being a total slave, but he will never pursue it because it would mean breaking all the promises he already made in life.
i think a man that goes out and cheats is much more the weakling than some assume the clients of a pro are. It is risky, foolish and involves lying usually to everyone involved, not just protecting the innocent from information that would hurt them. It is sneaky, and highly likely to backfire. Even those of us that are totally out have trouble finding the right connections and go through a lot of wrong ones before we find it...this happens with cheaters too. You think they just get lucky and the first person they try to cheat with is the right one? Each one is another person out there that can bring their world down in a heartbeat. RISKY. SELFISH.
Third, to assume that paying a pro is any less of a fetish or any less legitimate of a fetish as any other...well, again, ridiculous. Someone actually did point this out above. Sometimes, maybe even a lot of the time, part of the fetish is that this woman is unobtainable, that she is out of their league and that the only way they could ever capture her attention is to pay her. The act of paying her turns him on...it makes him feel the humiliation he craves in a way that nothing else can. Whether or not this is actually true, does not matter. The role-play...the feeling is what matters. Maybe this women is just your average everyday girl in terms of looks...they still like the whole idea of paying her. Maybe the gentleman is perfectly capable of attracting a woman like her...they still like the idea of paying her. It is part of their fantasy, part of their fetish. If you take that aspect away, (and yes, i learned this the hard way, years ago) the relationship will likely fall apart. As soon as he is no longer paying her monetarily, even if he is still compensating her in some other way, he no longer has that same feeling of unworthiness.
In regards to the legality of pro domination, this is different depending on what state or country you live in. Some states do have laws against it. You opinion or assumption makes no difference. Most pro domination sessions are highly sexual for at least the sub, even if the pro is only in it for the money. For that matter, so are most non pro sessions. All of my sessions, pro or not, are highly sexual. This does not mean we have penis to vaginal sex though. A fetish, by definition, is sexual arousal inspired by something that is not traditionally thought of as having anything to do with sex. This includes a lot of things that this community does find sexual, but are not traditionally sexual...like leather, or latex. All of my sessions, lifestyle or pro, are highly sexual because i am highly sexual. i would not have the least bit of interest in doing a session that was not going to turn me on. It might be that i get turned on by a session and then go home and beg Master to fuck me, but guess what...a lot of subs like that idea too!
There is no point in arguing over whether or not pro domination is prostitution because it would be a case by case decision. Which brings us right back to where i started. We are all different, and that is a good thing. You cannot know what a person is taking money for unless it is specifically negotiated. Most every pro i know will certainly list her interests and experiences, but they do not promise to do any exact thing. They promise their time. Whatever is done with that time is between consenting adults. This is also true of a great deal of escorts. The ones that will promise a certain activity in exchange for money do not last long because that is definitely against the law in most parts of the US and they get busted because they are not smart enough not to. So, if you are going to try to debate whether or not pro domination is prostitution then you will also have to debate whether or not prostitution is prostitution, according to the individual case by case analysis. Personally, i have way better things to do with my time.
As to whether or not there should be some way of seperating the two...well, it isn't going to happen for the very reason that someone already pointed out. This site does not have it on their "to do" list to attract the attention of the authorites. However, the assumption that this site exists so that real lifestylers can meet for real...well, as much as i would like that to be true, it isn't. The fact is, we are not allowed to share any real information unless it is in a private mail to one individual at a time. We are not allowed to post our websites, or our emails, or our phone numbers. We can do all of that and more on sites like myspace, mydungeonspace, match maker sites, and even blog sites, and they all still manage to make money off advertisers. i do not know why the rules are the way they are, but if you want to play, you play by the rules or find another playground.
In my opinion this limiting of ability to post real information does not lead to the real-time meeting of individuals. If anything, this site just BEGS for fakes and scammers because of their rules. If you are not prepared to ignore or weed through all those fakes and scammers and people offering things you do not want, like pro dominiation, this is not the site for you.
My personal approach is this...if i want to have anything more than a totally meaningless casual and short-lived interaction with a person, i give them my number. The reality is...very few call...because they are not for real. This does not mean that they are not real, but they are not for real in what they said they wanted with/from me. The ones that do call...some of them are STILL not for real. For this reason, i do not have a lengthy phone relationship either. We talk, and then if we decide we have a reason to meet, we meet. HouseDV8 only allow for one strike. The very first time they do not do what they said they would do, we will never communicate with them again...not even to tell them that we will not be communicating with them. i do not feel an obligation to be civil with words on a screen...until they are a real person right on front of me that i can touch...whether it be a hand shake or something more...i do not owe them a thing, and i certainly do not owe them my valuable time. This is my best advice if you are tired of the fakes and frauds. Most of them are fakes and frauds and of the ones that are not, most of them will not be a good match. Don't waste your time.
Further...get out in the real world. Very few people in my intimate world came to me from the web. This is because what is meant to be, will be. Those people that you are meant to be close to you will find you and you will find them. Maybe, once in a rare while, it happens in this type of venue...but most the time it happens when you are not sitting at your PC. i think a site like this is great for sharing ideas, venting, possibly learning, maybe teaching, certainly laughing, and sometimes getting some good reinforcement from others that have had similar situations, but it is not ideal for meeting real people in the real world. The real world is ideal for that.
This, of course, is only my opinion.It is not right. It is not wrong. It is valid, and so is yours.
House DV8 is gender and sexual orientation bending. For this reason, readers can assume that pronouns used are for convenience only and can be switched to the other gender as applicable. This particular topic almost always comes up in regards to pro fem Doms and male or tranny subs...i have no idea why...maybe because the ones complaining are too uncomfortable even with that idea to wrap their brains around pro male Doms seeing male, tranny or female subs. i will say that a genetic female seeing a Pro (male or female) is very very rare because of our culture, however it does happen, but even then, often the female is a tranny and identifies and lives her live as a man. It just does not happen often...kind of like female serial killers. It is just rare, for whatever reason. It is not a bias on my part.
|
RE: Dommes Lifestyle vs. Pro - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread