RE: My advice for novice female submissives

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RE: My advice for novice female submissives - 4/16/2008 7:04:25 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I had no safe call.
I got in his car after about half an hour.
We played on the second meet, would have on the first but ran out of time.
We're going on five years now.

My only suggestion is that you don't start looking until you know what you're looking for. Because you may not find it if you do know what it is but you sure won't find it if you don't.

Oh, it's a relationship. And relationship skills are the same kinky and otherwise. You have to know how to communicate efectively and how to listen. How to ask for what you need because your partner is not a mind reader.

If all your past relationships have failed spectacularly and in the same way, then you have a problem. Don't go finding a new relationship to sabotage until you've figured out what you do wrong and then change it.

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RE: My advice for novice female submissives - 4/16/2008 7:16:29 AM

akisha

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Wow, 3 year old thread still getting responses.

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RE: My advice for novice female submissives - 4/16/2008 9:44:55 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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I read the whole damn thread.

and althought the beginning was good it quickly and suddenly went down hill and ended up nothing more than something which has given me a headache.

Steel

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RE: My advice for novice female submissives - 4/16/2008 7:12:16 PM

SltlyBrokenAngel

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

I guess I'm not true.

He's the person I went to with all my questions.
I did get into his car on the first meet.
We parked at a beach and groped in the car, if the cops hadn't driven by looking for drug dealers we would have had sex there. We wouldn't have done it outside because the mosquitoes were ferocious.
I had no safe call.
I had no interest in public stuff.
I had no caller ID/blocking. Still don't.
He had some input into what I wore but didn't order it all.

We've been together well over three years.

The one thing that pisses me off the most is the assumption that just because people are new to BDSM that it means they've suddenly turned stupid. The same people who do dumb things like move across country for someone they haven't met would have been stupid enough to do the same if they met on eharmony or match.com. None of these relationship skills or life skills are specific to WIITWD.

I wanted to thank you OsideGirl & Celeste
I love that you took the time to put together such a well thought out and helpful post, OsideGirl, its certainly reminded me of a few things and made me think.

I also think that your point is very important Celeste - and honestly a little reasuring for me as someone that is new and that hopes that my intuition will guide me even if I not able to (or maybe unwilling to) take all of the precautions I should.

Thank you both!

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RE: My advice for novice female submissives - 4/18/2008 7:19:54 AM

subseeks1

Posts: 30
Joined: 3/12/2008
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Thanks for a great post.
Its all ssmart & sound advice. Sometimes people change their criteria or code of conduct when they are looking for a kink partner than vanilla dating. The advice on mentors was very helpful. I did start doing that here since i am alone for the most part. They know people in the community better & longer than I have and were able to say "So-n-so is rougher than you are used to etc." or even just the total heads up on the 2 submissives another had put in the hospital with dislocated shoulders. Local mentors are like great big brothers that look out for you. They are priceless.

((Giggles at the idea of a sub handbook that we all keep secret))

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