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Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 4:35:26 PM

BoundForFun

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From: Napoleon, Ohio
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Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 4:38:18 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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What's the point of consent otherwise? Consent means "I will use whatever judgement process I find appropriate for me to accept or reject someone as I see fit."

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 4:38:27 PM

spanklette

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Cart before the horse, I think...if the Dominant is, indeed, their Dominant, then any of the reasons for serving should already be out of the way. There are other reasons for serving aside from attraction...

But, a submissive submits to who they choose...so, yes, they can base the decision on those factors.

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 4:40:48 PM

Level

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Is the "submissive" just wanting to get laid? They may be kinky, rather than a submissive. Nothing wrong with that, as long as everyone is honest about it.

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 4:40:56 PM

littlehumbledone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun

Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?

I wouldn't think so, attraction is a very personal thing, personally I'm attracted to people who make me laugh first, or who demonstrate a sense of humour... The Doms that reply to my profile, who ACTUALLY get the humour in it make the best first impressions, doesn't matter much what they look like, thats not even secondary, coming in down the list after making me laugh and making intelligent conversation.

So why shouldn't your thing be that the thing that attracts you is sexual and intellectual, I don't think you can serve someone you aren't attracted to in some way.

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 4:41:03 PM

summerblossom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun

Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?

I am much more likely to be/feel submissive to someone that I am really attracted to in both those ways than to someone that grosses me out and that I don't have a connection with.

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 4:44:09 PM

TethersEnd

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speaking only for myself i can serve anyone if my gut has deemed them a Master, but if that service is to be sexual then i have to have that attraction there.

go ahead, call me shallow.
grin

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 4:47:05 PM

nohalo

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All I can say is, gawd, I hope it's not wrong. That being my point, I would agree with the others that attraction is a lot more than looks and superficial bullshit.

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 4:49:41 PM

Raechard

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun
Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?

First and foremost it’s a relationship the same as any other relationship but maybe the Dominant can show the submissive something that outstrips both looks and intelligence. The question shouldn’t be “Can they choose?” but “How do you make them see other qualities you have?” I could be talking bollocks, if so never mind. The more I say, the more I’m unsure of what I say. Damn I shouldn’t have said that.

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 4:52:37 PM

MidMichCowboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun
Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgments on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?

I hope not. I wouldn't want a woman to submit to me unless there is a spark of both sexual and intellectual attraction. I'm not just looking for someone to beat or order around. I want a woman that will fulfill the many roles in my life that I need, friend, lover, submissive, partner, and hopefully wife. I don't want someone who is punishing themselves for some reason by being with me. I say this, realizing I'm not a Brad Pitt (or even close). Hey, I have to depend on wit and intelligence to impress a lady (god, that sounds pathetic doesn't it), but one does what one does.

I need to have a sexual and intellectual attraction to the lady I want to get involved with. I believe that what's sauce for the goose (is sauce for the gander).

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 5:04:01 PM

PanthersMom

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seems to me, a dominant and submissive would hash out those questions before a relationship actually began!

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 5:14:52 PM

daddyncherry

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i look at this situation in two different ways...

First, if i were seeking a Dominant, and when i did meet my Master/Daddy, those two things (as well as others) were absolutely necessary for me to submit on the long term, in other words, i wouldn't/didn't want to get involved with someone who i couldn't just look at and melt over and who i didn't feel had the intellictual chutzpa to teach me some stuff.

That being said, the other way to look at this would be in submitting to someone for a scene.

If my Daddy shared me with someone else those things really wouldn't be needed. In a situation like that, i am submitting to my Daddy's desire to have someone else use what it his. Would it hurt if those things were present? Hell no, BUT they wouldn't be needed for a scene or evening or whatever. Ultimately i would submit to anyone he had me submit to, even if it was someone i really didn't have any attraction to other than the fact that they were Dominant (which of course, to me, being submissive, is an attractive trait to have).

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 5:15:32 PM

SirJohnMandevill

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I'll add my .02 zlotys to the chorus. I have to be physically and emotionally attracted to a submissive -- and she to me.

It doesn't mean physical perfection or love at first sight, much like in the (gulp!) vanilla world. You form relationships with the people you find attractive for one reason or another.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 5:19:14 PM

LadyPact

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My Goodness. You mean I have to live up to that? Be attractive and intelligent in some forrm? It makes Me wonder what My submissive could have based his wanting to serve Me on?

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 5:21:19 PM

AFlyInYourWeb

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun

Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?

No. You have every right to set your own standards for a relationship, and choose your partner by those standards.

If you don't enjoy being with someone on any level, why on earth would you consider getting involved with them? You are ultimately being unfair to THEM as well as yourself.

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 5:21:48 PM

LadyChef

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Attraction is in the MIND of the beholder.

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 5:21:55 PM

KyttynTheMynx

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If a guy can't challenge my mind, or if in my opinion, hes not much to look at, I dont think there would be much more potential than friends.

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 5:26:24 PM

Raechard

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I think he is asking if Dominants should be exempt from the usual rules of physical attraction because people supposedly come here looking for something else. Then they start basing who they want to submit to on the same type of attributes as everyday relationships.

It’s why you see all the threads about ugly Dominants coming here because this is the only type of relationship they can get, supposedly.

< Message edited by Raechard -- 12/27/2007 5:27:48 PM >

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 5:30:00 PM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundForFun

Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?

This feels like a catch-22. Why is it "their" Dom if they are not sexually/intellectually attracted to that Dom? How did the Dom get to be "their" Dom in the first place? Why would you agree if there was no attraction? I can see this conversation... "Hey, you don't light my fire, I don't light yours, but do ya wanna be my sub?"

Cali

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RE: Question on Attraction - 12/27/2007 5:54:17 PM

DesFIP

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Not if you have a brain.

I'm not service oriented, but to submit means I have to decide that this person I am submitting to has the capabilities of making the decisions that will come up. If you propose to handle her finances, then you had better not be $100,000 in credit card debt. Want to make decisions re her career? Not if you've been fired six times in the last three years and are currently living in your parents' basement and flipping burgers for a living. Want to make suggestions re um rearing? Better have some of your own who are all doing well. Etc, etc, etc.

I required a man who could demonstrate competency in all those arenas and a host of others. Anyone lesser doesn't merit my submission, nor do they trigger it. They do trigger sympathy for their problems, or cynical laughter at their inability to master themselves.

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