RE: submssives helping Dominants better themselves?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: submssives helping Dominants better themselves?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: submssives helping Dominants better themselves?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: submssives helping Dominants better themselves? - 12/30/2007 9:44:05 PM

cankles

Posts: 59
Joined: 8/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: cankles

i think her point of contention wasn't with the notion of the dom-as-teacher, and more with the idea that the sub cannot contribute in return or that a sub can't instruct and inform their dom (for fear of being insufficiently submissive, if nothing else)

i can't speak for her tho!

Of course submissives can do these things, but I can see how and why some submissives wouldn't want to do these things. For some it would mean they had power in the relationship they did not want. For some it maybe seen as undermining the power exchange. Some people just want the roles to be clear cut..

The best thing people can do is spell out the roles they have in a way that makes sense to them.

That's the thing tho, I don't see how it should undermine the power exchange! It's just what happens in a relationship, and I think cordoning it off as inappropriate for the sub/dom dynamic is needlessly literal and concrete. The roles can remain clear-cut. I agree with your second statement, tho.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: submssives helping Dominants better themselves? - 12/30/2007 9:58:05 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

My Daddy sees my mind as being one of his best assets that comes with the package that is "me". He asks for my input on many things. He values my judgment. He feels there is a lot to learn from me... but I have to say, I get off on him being mentor/teacher/guide... yadda yadda yadda. I desire him to be the person I look up to. That doesn't negate my strengths at all, nor does it mean I expect him to be all knowing and all powerful... but part of the attraction for me is that I view him as more experienced in many things than I am and I look to him for guidance....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to cankles)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: submssives helping Dominants better themselves? - 12/31/2007 7:07:28 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: cankles

i think her point of contention wasn't with the notion of the dom-as-teacher, and more with the idea that the sub cannot contribute in return or that a sub can't instruct and inform their dom (for fear of being insufficiently submissive, if nothing else)

i can't speak for her tho!

Of course submissives can do these things, but I can see how and why some submissives wouldn't want to do these things. For some it would mean they had power in the relationship they did not want. For some it maybe seen as undermining the power exchange. Some people just want the roles to be clear cut..

The best thing people can do is spell out the roles they have in a way that makes sense to them.

cankles, yes, that was my point...thank you...

julia....yes...that is exactly what i mean...the ever feared, "i can't do that, it wouldn't be submissive of me"...but, looking back at my OP...what if helping your Dominant better themselves was "necessary and desired"...a lot of people cut out that key phrase when they just looked at my questions...it's not just about what the submissive wants to do, though that is the way i phrased my question, and perhaps i was wrong in doing it that way, i just noticed that...but rather about being required along with the wanting to help...the necessary along with the desire...

personally, i would not want to be with a Dominant who's ego was so big that he could not learn something from me or take guidance from me if he was looking for guidance, just because i was his submissive, and inferior to him...just because our authority dynamic is such doesn't negate my intelligence, experience or wisdom....yes, i want him to be in control, but i don't want to be thought of as not having anything to give on an intellectual/psychological level...they are two totally different venues...

take care
chelle

edited to add: as for the myth, it was the "all Dom's are, and all sub's are" myth, i was trying to defuse...not that, "Dom's can be, and sub's can be"...because, i certainly know that Dom's and sub's can be what ever their hearts desires, and who the fuck am i to say they can't...

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 12/31/2007 7:10:09 AM >

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: submssives helping Dominants better themselves? - 12/31/2007 9:34:06 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

julia....yes...that is exactly what i mean...the ever feared, "i can't do that, it wouldn't be submissive of me"...but, looking back at my OP...what if helping your Dominant better themselves was "necessary and desired"...a lot of people cut out that key phrase when they just looked at my questions...it's not just about what the submissive wants to do, though that is the way i phrased my question, and perhaps i was wrong in doing it that way, i just noticed that...but rather about being required along with the wanting to help...the necessary along with the desire...

In my reality we do what we can to help people we love when it is necessary, no matter what role they have.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to chellekitty)

Profile

Post #: 44