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RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 9:10:46 AM   
shellzbythesea


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: buddyboy22222

and gain power in excluding those they arbitrarilly choose to ignor

justify in their own minds the power to play "the ole' game" of sex as a form of currency?



The law of averages suggests some will conform to your assumptions; for many though, I'll guess the basis of their selection will be reasonable, i.e. not simply looking for any man, but, rather, a man who meets certain needs.


Ding, ding, ding...we have a winner!

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 9:20:53 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

Your question is backwards, actually. Why on earth would a dominant pursue a submissive?


Bingo.

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 9:30:55 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

Sex is a form of currency?

Welllllllllllll shit fire! I'm going down to the Lexus dealership TODAY!


From Out of Phase by Sugarcult:
 
We walk alone like broken motorists. Behind the bars and discotechs.
Love is product and sex is a currency. We're all cheaters and can't win.
Imagine the girl holding by will paint a picture of a kinder, gentler war.
And our good scenes that have no ending.
One that leaves us standing at the gates with broken wings
while a heart scan reports "access denied, access denied." We have arrived.)

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 9:40:11 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Yep.. sour grapes.  And I just have to wonder if this is the same guy in another guise who asked the question
"Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?"
Seems to be of a similar mindset.
If that post wasn't you, Get a clue OP.
Just because we may choose submission, it is a choice.  We have the responsibility to ourselves and our partner to be selective.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

I'd add something, except the rest of you have pretty well already covered it.  Instead I'll just add two words regarding the OP...

sour grapes


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 9:43:23 AM   
Bella1965


Posts: 285
Joined: 12/12/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		G'afternoon all:


To the OP - Oy vey. Another whine from a male too eager to get down to business and not invest some time in the search for a match that fits his parameters. Here's a clue; not all the submissives you contact will throng to you in droves simply because you list yourself as dominant. They have just as much right to be selective as you do.

By the way? That's part of what power play is about. The surrendering of your own personal power to someone you feel is qualified and worthy of such. *eye roll* What? You want someone that'll just roll over and play dead?? You reek of desperate aspirations.

On the other hand, my search ended and the choice was under my nose for years. We simply never discussed long term and monogamy until April. Since then, he wears my training collar.


Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...





Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!

(in reply to buddyboy22222)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 9:44:52 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Yep.. sour grapes.  And I just have to wonder if this is the same guy in another guise who asked the question
"Is it wrong for a submissive to make judgements on whether to serve due to sexual and intellectual attraction to their Dominant, or the lack there of?"

Perhaps, or perhaps just an all too common theme among a certain type seeking easy conquests... and discovering that submissives, in fact, do not = mindless sex toys free for use by anyone.

For which I will simply offer just three words of advice...

block
delete
ignore

< Message edited by Padriag -- 12/30/2007 9:45:16 AM >

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 9:49:47 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: buddyboy22222

On the other, they are here selective and gain power in excluding those they arbitrarilly choose to ignor. 


I'm not arbitrarily ignoring you.  I'm ignoring you because I have zero interest in the two or three interests you listed in your profile, including birdwatching.  Does that give me power?  I sure wish someone had told me that before. I could provide heat for a small 3rd world country on all the power from ignoring people I have no interest in.

Cali




_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to buddyboy22222)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 10:08:57 AM   
shellzbythesea


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Oh, I don't know... when I first started this journey, while I never had any man turn me down, generally I found that what they were really after was the sex, not the D/s part of things. During those times, when I'd be fooled, I'd find that once they got that, they had no more use for me. So really, who used sex in that situation? I was hoping for D/s, and believe me, they spoke some very pretty words to get me to that point.

It wasn't until I started realizing that if sex was really the draw, then the clue to finding what I wanted was to NOT engage in that little process. I started being more discerning, more decisive and certainly more picky. It wasn't me withholding sex, it was me getting a clue as to what I wanted in a relationship, and for my money, if more women did that, there'd be a whole lot less problems in relationships that develop out there.

Yes, people come with grocery lists - both dominants and submissives have their own. It's when neither of them have one that makes me nervous. How they handle their respective lists is what makes or breaks a relationship.

...

Sex, I can get...it's the D/s that is what mattered. It was the same for him.

juliet


Very well said, juliet.  Your response echoes my own experiences (hence the highlights) and is another great reason for subs to be very discerning (and Doms should be, as well).  It's very disheartening to invest so much time in someone who suggests they want the same thing only to find it was just their little road to sex.
 
i'm a bit confused by the OPs post, though, given what he has stated in his profile.  His profile suggests he wants a sub who is *intelligent* yet his post suggests he believes subs are just mindless twits who should bow to any Dom who happens along their path.
 
And believe me, if i choose to ignore someone, that choice wasn't arbitrary.

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 11:10:29 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm submissive to one and one only. And had I not found him with his amazing combination of traits and high level of compatibility, I wouldn't be submissive to anyone.

What I am not is an abandoned coat at the local thrift shop available to anyone with $1, I'm haute couteur and worth it. You decide what you need, used and stained or one of a kind and a perfect fit, and then you decide whether or not you can pay the price.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 11:28:28 AM   
secretagentgirl


Posts: 70
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		I think what bothers me about your question is that you're implying that in the "ideal" scenario, the Dominants would be the highly selective ones since that matches up more with the D/s dynamic.
Which to me implies that it's acceptable (or even desirable) to let the Doms choose the subs and the subs be more or less at the mercy of who selects them.

I agree... the unbalanced ratio of genders here does make the power a bit uneven.  But if all worked as it should, it would be equal and no gender would have an edge in that regard.  Which to me would be ideal and as it should be.
D/s or not, it's still people meeting each other, trying to connect, and find someone compatible.  And to me, a level playing field is the best place for that to happen, no matter who you are.


(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 12:54:23 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Midear Julia,

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

You make it sound as though quality submissives grow on trees, you know, there are female HNG too... and desirable mates, whether male or female, are hard to come by....


Oh, absolutlely- still I suspect that when we grind off the Daytrippers, freakseekers, confused, desperate and clueless, there's still a surplus of submissives, but that may just be the fact that they, of course, hound me<g>.

quote:

Not to sound sexist either, but men tend to be the aggressors whether there is an over abundance of women or not in my experience.


can't put my finger on it, but there's a line between (I think) aggressor and pursuer... Fuzzy words, damnit. I mean, I may intitiate- follow up, but I am not going to 'chase' anyone. If she's not smart enough to jump at the chance, she's too dumb for me to mate with<g>.
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence
 
 

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 4:32:40 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

Sex is a form of currency?

Welllllllllllll shit fire! I'm going down to the Lexus dealership TODAY!

damn I nearly went to sleep and missed this one......pmsl

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 4:38:31 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: buddyboy22222
how do supposedly submissive women justify in their own minds the power to play "the ole' game" of sex as a form of currency?

oh please I beg you, you simply have to believe me, (grovelling, crawling) I can justify anything in MY mind but sex as a form of currency??? now that's a game I have truly never ever played....is it like Monopoly you know you play banker and pay me for standing in Euston Square?

(in reply to buddyboy22222)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 4:47:23 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos


quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

Your question is backwards, actually. Why on earth would a dominant pursue a submissive?


Bingo.


My personal experiences have been in line with this line of wisdom personally. I have a LDR with a girl who pursued me after getting to know me through reading my posts on an online forum. She has known me for close to a year now and the relationship has gone much smoother and better from the fact that she wants to serve me as opposed to the girls in the past I pursued because I wanted them to serve me.



_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 4:48:48 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Well,women in a lot of western cultures seem to have been trained to see sex as a bargaining tool. Not surprising we see it here too-very nilla. As far as submitting? Most only submit to what they want to begin with-and just go after a Top to facillitate it anyhow.  So of course they have these big shopping lists. Great way to conveniently objectify a relationship.


Sometimes (in a half serious kind of way) I think the trick is to become content with self gratification and pornography. If you achieve that Zen like state with your sex drive, the world is yours.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 5:13:01 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

Sex is a form of currency?

Welllllllllllll shit fire! I'm going down to the Lexus dealership TODAY!




_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 5:24:38 PM   
NaiveTempest


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Exactly what power are we gaining by choosing to ignore all the HNG, assholes, and people looking for a piece of ass? The power of the right of selection/choice? The power to finding the Dom/me who suits you cause you did waste time on the others? The power to reply to your post to tell you that you need to learn to handle rejection better?

_____________________________

"All the things I should have said that I never said/All the things we should have done that we never did/All the things I should have given, but I didn't.../Give me these moments back..."

Kate Bush, "This Woman's Work"

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 5:45:40 PM   
thisgirl72


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Well,women in a lot of western cultures seem to have been trained to see sex as a bargaining tool. Not surprising we see it here too-very nilla. As far as submitting? Most only submit to what they want to begin with-and just go after a Top to facillitate it anyhow.  So of course they have these big shopping lists. Great way to conveniently objectify a relationship.


Even though a person may identify as a submissive or slave, do they enter a relationship in that role? Should they? I don't think so. More likely than not, their first experiences with each other will be more along the lines of a top/bottom dynamic than anything else. Once the trust grows, the submissive will relinquish more power if that's the direction the relationship will take. It's not a matter of objectifying a relationship, it's just the progression of things. I don't think most Dominants or Masters would really want someone giving them everything right off the bat. There has to be some boundaries in place until everyone knows what they're getting into.  Now some relationships (many even) never make it out of the top/bottom dynamic but as long as the parties involved are satisfied with that, it's all good.

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 6:00:08 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos
quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat
Your question is backwards, actually. Why on earth would a dominant pursue a submissive?
Bingo.


And yet, if, as the OP suggests, we should be submissive to all dominants, to the world at large, how can we be the pursuers?
What a conundrum; languish alone and simply wait for any ol’ dominant to sweep us off our passive feet, or seek what we  <gasp> want only to find that others would deem that to be the dreaded ‘topping from the bottom.’
To be unwilling to make initial contact because ‘it isn’t the done thing’ from whichever side of the slash you reside seems rather silly to me.  There is a nice middle ground called mutual interest.  I’m thinkin’ that is where most successful relationships begin.


_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/30/2007 6:06:44 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

  Oh, I don't know... when I first started this journey, while I never had any man turn me down, generally I found that what they were really after was the sex, not the D/s part of things. During those times, when I'd be fooled, I'd find that once they got that, they had no more use for me. So really, who used sex in that situation? I was hoping for D/s, and believe me, they spoke some very pretty words to get me to that point.

It wasn't until I started realizing that if sex was really the draw, then the clue to finding what I wanted was to NOT engage in that little process. I started being more discerning, more decisive and certainly more picky. It wasn't me withholding sex, it was me getting a clue as to what I wanted in a relationship, and for my money, if more women did that, there'd be a whole lot less problems in relationships that develop out there.

Yes, people come with grocery lists - both dominants and submissives have their own. It's when neither of them have one that makes me nervous. How they handle their respective lists is what makes or breaks a relationship. 


All I can add to this is my applause......well done! 

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 40
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