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RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/31/2007 10:05:46 AM

SlaveOwnerDave

Posts: 113
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Petaluma, CA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
And as an aside,there are probably about three to four more times sub women on sites like this than men. As has been mentioned, if you weed out those who can't even qualify as competent tops.

Get into guys who can actually sustain a D/s thing (as in controlling their egos--thinking with the big head) and I'd say you might have about a ten to one. With the women being the majority. We would see more success stories otherwise.

I have seen this before, that if one weeds out all the incompetent tops that there are more competent submissives than dominants (femsub/maledom)... It is like there is an assumption that it does not take much competence to be a submissive... and that to me is not true... finding competent partners is the key. It really isn't rocket science to spank someone with a flogger, just like it isn't rocket science to bend over for one.

In another thread, a young Dom was unhappy because He was having only "some" success, rather than the lots-of-success He wanted. Many posters told Him His profile should have useful information in it--even I did so.

When I checked His profile, it was--to oversimplify!--"who we are is unimportant. Do this, that, the other". I am amazed He had any success at all.

My profile is honest and straightforward, and has produced a few flakes. I have messaged a number of women and received nothing--not even "I am not interested"--from them.

Obviously His approach works infinitely better than Mine. ("Some" divided by zero gives infinity.)

There are people on here who say they met their SO on Collarme. So I will keep trying, but I suspect, come summer (I cannot say "come sunny days", because it is sunny here as I write this!) I will decide the outdoors is much more alluring than the cyber-nothing I expect I will still be experiencing then. (No, this is not bad attitude: It is extrapolation.)

Getting to know someone seems to be one of those quaint outmoded customs. Why get to know someone? If s/he takes the effort to make contact, then s/he is "desperate" and should be ignored.

Reading these debates about "right" and "wrong" reveals an extensive array of conflicting ideas and heated rhetoric. Some of the comments are humorous, and I guess that will have to do.

In the meantime, I will oversimplify My profile as well--maybe I will then have "some" success.

Sincerely,
Master Dave

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

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Post #: 61

RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/31/2007 10:13:18 AM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I do not think that the profile is what will score you babes, I think it is the opening email... such as taking an interest in them, instead of being interested in what you want at the start. Human nature, we tend to want to interact with those who take an avid interest in what we have to say about ourselves. It is a key concept in the work I do, listening gets me what I need to do my job. If I were seeking a mate and emailing people, I would definitely remember this. Trying to get someone interested in you means being interested in them first... perhaps you already do this, but most men that have emailed me didn't

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RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/31/2007 12:49:54 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I do not think that the profile is what will score you babes, I think it is the opening email...

Sadly that seems to be very true. I say sadly because the majority of the women I've contacted and gone on to coorespond with never read my profile which makes all the time and effort I put into it largely a waste apparently. On the other hand, a good opening email... if its opened and read, seems far more effective... provided of course that it's opened and read at all.

quote:

Trying to get someone interested in you means being interested in them first... perhaps you already do this, but most men that have emailed me didn't

Actually, I'd disagree. If you want someone to be interested in you... you must first actually be interesting. Too many "doms" make the mistake of thinking that just by being loud they can get what they want. More often, it just doesn't work that way. Submissives have heard the pick up lines, the put downs, and every other "approach" ad nauseum. The dominant who gets the submissive will be the one who did two critical things, demonstrated his own worth and made her smile.

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Post #: 63

RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/31/2007 12:53:32 PM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I do not think that the profile is what will score you babes, I think it is the opening email...

Oh yes, I totally agree with this statement. Had it not been for the initial email, I never would have gone and looked up my Daddy's profile. If I had read his profile before his opening email, I think I might have been frightened away and I most definitely would not have made the first move.
It wasnt just the first email, it was the first line of the first email.
He really did have me at hello.

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Post #: 64

RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/31/2007 2:15:10 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I do not think that the profile is what will score you babes, I think it is the opening email...

Oh yes, I totally agree with this statement. Had it not been for the initial email, I never would have gone and looked up my Daddy's profile. If I had read his profile before his opening email, I think I might have been frightened away and I most definitely would not have made the first move.
It wasnt just the first email, it was the first line of the first email.
He really did have me at hello.

My Daddy's first email asked what I wanted to study in graduate school, and also stated that he had taken a few graduate level courses himself, he thought perhaps we may have that in common... and basically that was all it said. It was an opener for polite conversation that was completely unrelated to BDSM or our respective roles... and I have to say that was very refreshing on many levels. He didn't assume anything, he was friendly, and I did go and read his profile thoroughly as a result.

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RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/31/2007 4:18:34 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

Love is product and sex is a currency. We're all "access denied, access denied." We have arrived.)

Then open the gates - I here to pick up my car. If it makes you feel better, I will love my car. Very much. I'd marry it even. Until it broke down and then, of course, we'd have to get divorced. Nothing says "walking papers" like a car that won't run.

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Post #: 66

RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/31/2007 4:32:58 PM

amayos

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From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat
Your question is backwards, actually. Why on earth would a dominant pursue a submissive?

And yet, if, as the OP suggests, we should be submissive to all dominants, to the world at large, how can we be the pursuers?

What a conundrum...

If submission means being passive to the entire world, a conundrum it is indeed. Thankfully, "submissive" does not mean "cannot or should not express interest toward a being that has inspired curiosity or desire"—or at least it shouldn't.

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Post #: 67

RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/31/2007 6:11:00 PM

catize

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Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

Thankfully, "submissive" does not mean "cannot or should not express interest toward a being that has inspired curiosity or desire"—or at least it shouldn't.

On this at least, we agree!

< Message edited by catize -- 12/31/2007 6:24:32 PM >

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RE: Curious dichotomy - 12/31/2007 8:40:55 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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The dominant who gets the submissive will be the one who did two critical things, demonstrated his own worth and made her smile.

Well,...you made me smile..:0)..Tempting

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RE: Curious dichotomy - 1/1/2008 5:11:02 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I do not think that the profile is what will score you babes, I think it is the opening email... such as taking an interest in them, instead of being interested in what you want at the start. Human nature, we tend to want to interact with those who take an avid interest in what we have to say about ourselves. It is a key concept in the work I do, listening gets me what I need to do my job. If I were seeking a mate and emailing people, I would definitely remember this. Trying to get someone interested in you means being interested in them first... perhaps you already do this, but most men that have emailed me didn't

The profile can absolutely "score you babes".

So can an unsolicited e-mail.

So can message board posts.

All this talk about giving up because it can't be done here ... it boggles me. Being unable to hook up with a BDSM partner here compares to being unable to hook up with a sexual partner in a whorehouse with c-notes sticking out of both your ears.

This place is rife with all sorts of potential partners. Lets say that most of those potential partners are ridiculous from your point of view. They are from mine, too. But so what? I mean what percentage of the thousands of people here do you want to get down with this year? It is much more important to note that with so many thousands of people already pre-selected as being into kink of some sort, the chance that there is no one here you could get with is microscopic--if you want to put things in statistical terms.

I am ridiculous myself. Ridiculously choosy, among other things. And I've found and connected in various ways and degrees with plenty of wonderful, formidable people here.

Anyway, in contrast to julia I suggest to anyone to rock your profile; rock your e-mails; rock your pictures; rock whatever expresses *you*.

The person you're hoping to meet is by definition someone you don't already know. You therefore presumably don't know what will capture his or her interest

A profile needn't be used to attract people. I think the best use of a profile is to turn away the hordes that you wouldn't want to engage with, simplifying the task of winnowing through the remaining candidates.

For instance: there are a zillion profiles here that start with complaints about the site, or about the people here, or about "fakes and wannabes." These are great profiles because they invariably turn me away from the person profiled. Whining is a hard limit with me.

Some other a person has dealt with all the same phenomena that the whiners have dealt with yet manages to present her or himself and respond to it all with grace and even humor. This suggests emotional maturity and depth, to me. That person is in the running regardless of age, color or political affiliation.

Then there are those profiles which insist that a first e-mail incude a code phrase to prove that the writer has read the entire profile.

Please.

If you can't guage my engagement without the secret decoder ring then I'm guessing you're too lazy or too dim to be very much fun at all.

If you are too lazy or dim to read and read into my expressions of interest, by all means demand code words. It will save us both some time.

I say hang out. Have fun. Express yourself. Don't worry if you're a dork. There are plenty of dork fetishists here. Use your imagination AND your intuition.

(and when an original post is lame as hell, feel free to respond in a way that is almost entirely off-topic!)

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RE: Curious dichotomy - 1/1/2008 5:20:07 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

A profile needn't be used to attract people. I think the best use of a profile is to turn away the hordes that you wouldn't want to engage with, simplifying the task of winnowing through the remaining candidates.

This part is true, I have used my profile, and still use my profile, to turn away certain types of people.

My inexact wording aside, I do not think it is wise to rely soley on one's profile in order to meet the top/bottom of one's dreams... it is not utilizing the full array of tools at one's disposal.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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