RE: calling all dominants (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 7:35:03 AM)

I think I'm going to echo some of what Tammyjo said.  My world isn't built to revolve around My sub alone.  I have a full life.  It was that way when I met My sub, and it would be a full life still if he were gone.  There are a lot of people in My life, so I don't base My happiness or My ability not to 'fall apart' on My submissive. 

That's not to be confused with the difference of missing someone if they are no longer in My life.  Of course that hurts.  If I took anyone that I was close to, intimate with, shared memories with out of the picture, there would be a sense of loss.  That's just human nature.  Again, like Tammyjo, the way I feel about it later depends on the reason why that person is gone.  If it had a bad ending, I don't tend to take it the same way.  For example, dismissing someone because they weren't honest with Me didn't effect Me the same way that I lost My first slave.

Do I think about the subs I had in the past and miss them once in a while.  Sure.  I may be a Dominant, but I'm still a person, with a full range of emotions.



Rushemery -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 7:42:12 AM)

Sometimes it does hurt sometimes it doesnt it depends on how much they became involved in your life.



SirJohnMandevill -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 7:54:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

have you hearts? and did you miss her? the one? the first one? the only one? or do you miss one of many? when she is gone?



I definitely miss I first true sub -- in a way. We had great times together until a series of medical conditions made it difficult for her to see me, and we drifted apart.
We remain close friends.

That said, I met her for a vanilla dinner shortly before Christmas. Prior to meeting, I kindasorta still had hopes we might play later. But during dinner, I realized I simply didn't have the same D/s feelings for her any longer. I was depressed the rest of the night about that. Was totally unexpected.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)



BlackKnight -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 8:01:10 AM)

I'm the Dom you used to wear his heart on his sleeve, with a bulls-eye on it. to get beatten and cut up,
burned, crushed, hardened. That which did not kill it, made it stronger. Past subs, are shields, reminders,
I think of some alot, others never. I mainly think of the one I was with when I embraced this side of me. But there are a
few more I fondly remember often, miss.


-if I built this fortress around your heart...-sting



LadyHugs -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 8:05:45 AM)

Dear Princexx, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
For my personal experiences, I think my first slave will always be someone who I miss the most.  I did a lot of learning, growing and experiences that don't present themselves often and to the quality of being hard to measure as it was beyond any dream, fantasy and or reasonable expectation.  His passing is still painful for my emotions as I really loved this slave man and invested myself as well as bared all to him, in order to bare himself to me as well.  Military career doesn't permit officers to be 'breaking down and be all fluffy.'  In private, it was our time.
 
I find I am able to be very loving, sensitive and not have to cave under some need to bare my soul in order to get someone else's reactions.  There is a difference from being 'in love' and or 'in lust' and 'exchanging love' as Master-slave.  Love is a word that can be taken in many ways, subjected to assumptions and or presumptions and yet; can be as passive in nature and manifested in genuine concern for others, to the extreme of passionate-obsessive and controlling love; and everything in between.  Love can be selfish and a bottomless pit in devourering love and not return in kind or, it can be given freely without expectations of having love returned and or appreciated; and everything in between.
 
I have had other slaves in my life.  I haven't been 'as' close or let my heart open up as to be under scrutiny however, I do love others genuinely and expect nothing in return.  It is not a sexual intercourse love, I am not 'in lust' and am drawn by love to the spirit/soul not physical.
Those who love through spirit/soul as I do--those are the slaves I'm attracted to.  Mostly servant slaves and healing arch-types and or protector/warrior arch-type slaves.  But, its an earned situation where they are allowed closer to what I call my 'heart space.'
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



missturbation -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 8:15:31 AM)

I know i'm not a Dom / Domme but i just had to say that i think this topic is really sad. Some of the replies on here about not showing feelings for whatever reason break my heart. If you miss someone why not say it? There may be no going back etc but i know for one, just being able to say to my ex Dom 'i miss you sometimes' makes me feel its out there and makes me feel that little better. Also hearing it back lets me know i'm not struggling with old feelings alone.
 
 



daddysliloneds -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 8:26:36 AM)

dominants, whether they are male or female, are still human, and in my opinion, if they are human enough to admit to missing me, then that pretty much explains why i was a part of their life in the first place, if they try to hide behind the title of dominant to hide their emotions, then you can damn well bet i never belonged to them in the first place...

now, to say that they are falling apart because they miss my submission, and not because they miss me, would be a whole other ball of wax, and not an idea i'd be very receptive to believing to be realistic.



Rushemery -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 8:45:18 AM)

well it all depends my last from start to finnish was under a year, I do think about her from time to time but dont miss her,she broke rules designed to protect those that live with me, never met my parents but now drives 45 min one way to sub on a bowling team my mother is on as scooby do says yikes! lol



jakeskajira -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 8:53:08 AM)

I realize I am not a dominant, but I know my Master cares deeply for me, and he's bared his soul to me,s haring every part of him as well, not just expecting me to give him my everything and not share himself with me in return... But he and I are also married, and in love, not just Master and slave... we have so many different dynamics, including children together. I know that if something happened to me, there'd be a huge hole in heart while he healed. I know he could heal and move on and I wouldn't want him to be lonely in life if I died before him, but I also know I will always hold a special place in his heart that no one else can touch... you can love multiple people in life, in different ways....  I know he'd fall apart for a while, because while I am a slave, I am also his support system. He needs me just as I need him.

Regards, slave emma



Padriag -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 8:55:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Why is it that Doms never seem to let their submissibes know they fall apart without the submission?

Because not all of us do fall apart without it.  Personally, my life goes on just fine without it.  I may miss the presence of a specific individual, I may miss the convenience of having certain things done for me and done the way I wish.  But I don't fall apart without "the submission" in my life.  I have to wonder if any submissive would respect me if I did?

quote:

 
So: calling all you slave owners, old guard, new guard, leathermen, real-timers and strictly come sadists and any other dom types.....have you hearts? and did you miss her? the one? the first one? the only one? or do you miss one of many? when she is gone?

Ah, now this is another question entirely.  Yes, I miss some of them.  I miss one more than any other because of what we shared.  I miss Z, who wasn't even submissive (a domme I had a relationship with).  I miss K who made a place for herself in my heart.  I miss E, even though she was never my submissive, we were never more than friends, perhaps because maybe we should have been and that question remains unanswered.  I miss VG because she was such a graceful lady... and had so much potential as a submissive.  I missed V enough to let her come back for a visit.  I miss C because she doesn't write much anymore and I always had a soft spot for her.

Yes, I miss some of these women who have in various ways had an impact on my life, who shared something of themselves, who left me with something worth missing.



KnightofMists -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 9:16:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Why is it that Doms never seem to let their submissibes know they fall apart without the submission?



Some individuals willl... and others will not...

For me.. At this point in my relationships with Alandra and Kyra.... I would be very much devastated if I should lose them.  However,  Just because I am devastated.. doesn't dictate that I would fall apart.  As difficult as it is.. I would go on. But, one thing my girls know... I miss them everytime they are not around me.  The past couple weeks has been incredible.  Kyra lives with Alandra and I... there is no missing or LDR to deal with.  The only negative part is Kyra has been rather sick with cold/flu for the past week.  But she is home and we love it.

However, sometimes one is better off when a person leaves our life.  In a previous relationshp I had with another... well frankly.. I don't miss her that all.   As a added note... I believe she knows that I wasn't saddened that she ended the relationship and that only seem to hurt her and make her mad.   Ironically, while the relationship was going on.. I was blinded to a degree of how much better my life would be without her and when she ended the relationship I became much more aware of this new founded future.  I suppose she became intuned to my positive emotions of this relationship ending.... which just increased the hurt and anger.



Prinsexx -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 9:20:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

 If you're in, you're in (maybe), but if you're out- you are way out....
 


That's just it, he says he won't release me....sends mea list of terms and conditions for staying 'in' but won't release me anyway.
I guess I prefer the limbo, the resistance, the internal struggle rather than him saying I release you, which I would, well, I would fall apart. I'm topping him I know or trying to at least and I just don't know how to be the submissive he wants (and needs) me to be....the thing is I love him and he doesn't do love and I love him because he doesn't do love.....he just just that Dom thing......



Prinsexx -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 9:25:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jesiul

and have openly admitted that we miss the feelings that brought us together as a couple.


That first night thing, the first time, the first meeting....oh it only happens once. Before the baggage arrives off cloud nine and goes around and around and around and i for one always get tempted to collect it...all the unwanted memories and the clothes I wish I hadn't bought 'cos it's too hot and nakedness would have done just fine.......



Prinsexx -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 9:29:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: anowner

The ones I tend to miss the most are the ones I met in vanilla circumstances.

I am interested in why that would be.



catize -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 9:37:46 AM)

 
We still see each other when we can manage it but it’s been a number of months since we’ve been able to due to distance, finances and a few other roadblocks.  It’s not love but I do consider him a good friend.  We talk on the phone several times a month, email each other frequently.  He says, “I miss what we do” and that hurts because I wish he would say he misses me.
As Jonny Lang says, "Lie to me"............... 



Prinsexx -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 9:41:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear Princexx, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
For my personal experiences, I think my first slave will always be someone who I miss the most.  I did a lot of learning, growing and experiences that don't present themselves often and to the quality of being hard to measure as it was beyond any dream, fantasy and or reasonable expectation.  His passing is still painful for my emotions as I really loved this slave man and invested myself as well as bared all to him, in order to bare himself to me as well.  Military career doesn't permit officers to be 'breaking down and be all fluffy.'  In private, it was our time.
 
I find I am able to be very loving, sensitive and not have to cave under some need to bare my soul in order to get someone else's reactions.  There is a difference from being 'in love' and or 'in lust' and 'exchanging love' as Master-slave.  Love is a word that can be taken in many ways, subjected to assumptions and or presumptions and yet; can be as passive in nature and manifested in genuine concern for others, to the extreme of passionate-obsessive and controlling love; and everything in between.  Love can be selfish and a bottomless pit in devourering love and not return in kind or, it can be given freely without expectations of having love returned and or appreciated; and everything in between.
 
I have had other slaves in my life.  I haven't been 'as' close or let my heart open up as to be under scrutiny however, I do love others genuinely and expect nothing in return.  It is not a sexual intercourse love, I am not 'in lust' and am drawn by love to the spirit/soul not physical.
Those who love through spirit/soul as I do--those are the slaves I'm attracted to.  Mostly servant slaves and healing arch-types and or protector/warrior arch-type slaves.  But, its an earned situation where they are allowed closer to what I call my 'heart space.'
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

Dear lady Hugs:
I have always wanted to thank you, always, for your well written and carefully considered eplies, so I am taking this opportunity to do so now. Somehow I feel I understand more about domination hearing it  like this from a Domme. I don't believe I have gender issues, but I must do as I understand your spiritual/physical continuum.
It has helped me to understand that (perhaps) He accords me the greatest honour when he wants me to be the lowliest and most enslved...the one who has least and therefore 'most' power.
Despite all that other's say who have met him, (and no-one is particularly complimentary because of his air aroind me in public....in other words we are permanently in the dynamic/protocol) it is becoming obvious to me that other's opinions only serve to help me accept how when I compare him to others, no-one else comes near to knowing how to control me.
Yet thank you agai. it's always an education reading what you have to say.
Prin x



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 9:41:20 AM)

i highly doubt any of my formers miss me ...they probably miss all the "free" sex i gave them that their spouses didn't.  on the flipside, when i parted ways with them, i severed all ties and moved on.  there's one i miss however i don't miss him that much emotionally.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 9:47:33 AM)

Does it hurt? Yes. Losing someone in my life who was close to me always hurts.
How long it bothers me, how willing I am to stay friends and other tings lke that have a lot to do with the reasons for the split and what else I have going on in my life at the time.
Angel left me briefly, and it tore me apart becasue we both admitted we were the ones for one another and then things in his life took him from me becasue he couldnt handle them and me at the same time. I was very open about how much it hurt for him to be gone, which was way the split was brief.
I have had others I was crushed to see gone, some that it took months to get over, and some who I was so happy to be rid of becasue of whatever they had done that I celebrated their departures. We are human, and because of that I never hav the same reaction to two people.
My most recent split was with my Kitten, who will be visiting me later this week just as friends. I couldnt bear not to have him in my life, and he felt the same, but our roles are different.
I am very open with how I feel, but I dont dwell on discussing it. I will tell someone one time that I miss them, and then they will never hear it again. I am not interested in boosting their ego knowing I miss them or heavens forbid I want them back. It will not necessarily change anything, depending on the reasons for the split. If they ask, I wil answer them, but I dont volunteer it.
However, not saying it and not feeling it are FAR different.

DV



Prinsexx -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 9:53:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


. I don't miss her that all.   As a added note... I believe she knows that I wasn't saddened that she ended the relationship and that only seem to hurt her and make her mad.  


Here I have to admit that one of my games is to see if he is affected by my 'quitting'.....I hate that push me pull you dynamic and god how hard i try not to play it. but when we were sailing along nicely I just had it in my head he was bored. I have always been like this vanilla or flavoured.
Yes I have to admit that it would make me mad if he genuinely just stopped contact. perhaps his hard heart is better than no heart at all.
PS Dear Knight: glad your family is altogether and happy not all of you got the flu.



HalloweenWhite -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 9:56:58 AM)

I -am- a human being, yes, and yes, I do miss one I once had. But she went because she wanted to so I have to just deal with it all by My self, but then, is there -really- any other way of doing it.

The bottom line is she's gone and I can't have her back so I'm going to have to get over it, It's no-one's problem but Mine so I keep quiet, but to answer your question (if I understood it properly) yes, I have feelings, and yes, they get hurt.

.....oh look, there's My credibility going down the toilet.....lol



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