RE: calling all dominants

RE: calling all dominants (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Prinsexx -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 10:00:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire . I will tell someone one time that I miss them, and then they will never hear it again. I am not interested in boosting their ego knowing I miss them or heavens forbid I want them back. However, not saying it and not feeling it are FAR different. Hard lessons for me here. Now I have to also admit I like my ego boosted. Actually I am multiple (I am a twin) and my ego doesn't function in a very singular intact way. It's like I have ego-share (like a time share) permanently as part of my make-up. I go so fast into ego-less-sub-space that yes I admit I need my ego boost to get myself back on planet E. I just wait for that moment of power exchange, a sigh, a moan, a sense of relief I feel he feels when he is satisfied by my submission. As well as that well worn phrase good girl......but it's not always about my ego.....

Prinsexx -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 10:04:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite .....oh look, there's My credibility going down the toilet.....lol change your profile to toilet slave required???sorry just couldn't resist that.......

juliaoceania -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 10:05:20 AM)
quote: Whew it's exactly that though....I want to be the one he misses every day....but although I know there's a soul....he's not going to bare it and keeps on doing that Dom thing...but you are right, if I cared (enough) I would still be there...... I suppose I do not understand this, because if I did not care enough to stay around, I would not be wondering if they still missed me. In fact I would hope they didn't miss me. The few occasions that i was the one to walk away from a relationship, I wished the person I left got over me completely and never looked back... but I hate hurting people I love, I hated every time I hurt someone that loved me but I couldn't return the commitment.... I can understand wanting to mean something to someone that is significant to you, wanting them to miss you, etc... but everyone must go on. My mom once told me something that experience tells me is maybe somewhat true, women have an easier time getting over lost love then men do... perhaps that is an unfair generalization, and untrue, but what I have seen it seems to be kinda true. Most women tend to verbalize their hurt and move on a heck of a lot quicker than men do... if I know a man doesn't love me it makes it easy to move on. It is when I was uncertain of if they ever loved me or still loved me that I found more trouble with it.... The easiest way to get rid of me is to tell me "I just don't dig you that way, julia"... and then I do not spend so much time looking over my shoulder

Raechard -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 10:11:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx Why is it that Doms never seem to let their submissibes know they fall apart without the submission? I quit three months ago and all he could say in a recent phone call was....~I hope I am not giving too much of my power away here but I begin to miss 'em~......them? who? another or was he trying to say he was a human being afterall and missed ME? PS myanon closed the thread that wrote from a Dom's heart and there was a post there where a Dom confessed to having fallen apart without her. And yes I know i could go to 'ask a Dominant' but that would only be one person's opinion. So: calling all you slave owners, old guard, new guard, leathermen, real-timers and strictly come sadists and any other dom types.....have you hearts? and did you miss her? the one? the first one? the only one? or do you miss one of many? when she is gone? As a Dominant friend of mine used to say, “Yes I’d miss her, who else is going to take my boots off at the end of the day?”[:D]

DesFIP -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 11:06:15 AM)
If they don't have hearts, and they're too afraid of risking pain to take the chance, they aren't in control of themselves, they are just controlled by their own fears. Me, I said to him first thing that I wasn't going to be the only one to risk emotional vulnerability, and that if he wasn't interested in that then I wasn't the right one for him. Perhaps next time you ought to be more proactive about what you need.

Prinsexx -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 11:32:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania My mom once told me something that experience tells me is maybe somewhat true, women have an easier time getting over lost love then men do... My eldest son rang me today. He is 24. We were very bonded when he was a child and he is my first born. But there was divorce and for a while, because he and I felt it necessary, he spent more time with his father and we grew apart. I am honoured that he called me today to say he had safely returned home after spending a Christmas split between his father's home and mine. I am sharing this because he called me and he was sobbing. It was as if he had suddenly become a small child and bonded again (the bond never was broken of course). He had split with a girl friend just before Christmas and had mood swings then, crying on my shoulder in front of his younger siblings. His expressed grief threw us all closer. He asked for, and I gave my advice, saying at the same time, look I know what's best for everybody else but cannot be my own therapist. His tears were all the more poignant because I had not seen them, or felt the possibility of them for many years. To be honest, I didn't think he was capable of feelings like those. He has had three 'serious' girls, the first two I have met, each one of them a beauty with brains. The one he just lost, or gave away, I haven't met. I did have a discussion about assertion, but stopped short of talking about domination and submission. His personality veers towards his father's, who is every inch and forever will be a dominant male. But I just wonder if, at 24 years old, he is struggling with the responsibilities that being dominant brings. When he lets feelings of self worth and vulnerability get to him he simply makes these beautiful women feel unsafe. I have to hand it to you dom(me)s out there....respect for contouring the safety and thanks for the ride(s).

MasterFireMaam -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 12:14:05 PM)
All of us have hearts and can be hurt. We each show that in a different way...just like in vanilla life. Some are more transparent than others. Some are more demonstrative than others. But you really already know this; you post is more about wanting support in your grieving process. We hear your grieving and witness it. Master Fire

Prinsexx -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 12:44:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam All of us have hearts and can be hurt. We each show that in a different way...just like in vanilla life. Some are more transparent than others. Some are more demonstrative than others. But you really already know this; you post is more about wanting support in your grieving process. We hear your grieving and witness it. Master Fire I am not sure it is a grieving process but I accept that I am posting about something personal couched in the generalised impersonal voice. But there is a genuine interest here within me to undetstand dominance. It's not like I 'lost' someone, as in a death but more like I am making it impossible for them to dominate me. The result is the same though so ok I admit there is a loss there. Loss for me is always felt as a one way process....when it happens.....and I have 'lost' both parents, two cousins, three miscarriages and numerous friends to the ravages of time, drugs and HIV, then I am so overcome by my own frief that there is no room to appreciate that others might feel the same. grief is a luxury isn't it in a society where we do not as a whole witness death as an everyday event. And emotional grief is a luxurt indeed. I suppose what I am doing is measuring myself worth to him as a function of how much he is (or is not) prepared to admit to missing me. Firemaam, you are a harsh teacher, sometimes.

Sexynmentalinkc -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 12:46:05 PM)
I should clarify.... While I can definitely miss, and be hurt by, the loss of one that's cared for that hardly means I "fall apart". That situation would be extraordinary indeed. - Mr. S

dogobedience -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 12:54:42 PM)
As a dom who needs to always lead, I lead. As a person with feelings, I suffer at times. My father was in the military for over 31 years (WWII, Korea, and 2 times VietNam), often times he would command men to their possible death........some died...........HE LEAD, BUT HE ALSO SUFFERED. The mark of a true leader is understanding that though you have an inner drive to lead and be in charge, you are also human and will have feelings. DO NOT confuse being in control and having feelings.They exit concurrently. You can feel bad, but you must be in charge of your environment, as you have nobody that commands you. A leader always leads however, no matter the inner feelings. As a true dom (deep down to my DNA),to allow myself a breakdown, because of a breakup, does show some inability to be in control of one's self. This is not easy, to always lead and dominate For many like myself, we know no other way and will not bend to others. We lead, and live for it . .

Prinsexx -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 1:10:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dogobedience This is not easy, to always lead and dominate For many like myself, we know no other way and will not bend to others. We lead, and live for it . . Could I re-word this as: For many like myself, we know no other way and cannot bend to others............. then I understand His position.........

dogobedience -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 1:40:27 PM)
Agreeded. Be well. Be STRONG.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 3:37:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx Firemaam, you are a harsh teacher, sometimes. While it's often not my intent to be, I know I often do this...because honesty and the pain it causes is often what is required to get someone's attention. Wisdom is knowledge that's gone to our hearts. It's just that often, we choose the painful path to get it there. Humans are funny people. We often don't feel a lesson/knowledge has meaning unless we "pay" for it, either through some painful process or with money. Frankly, I am no different. hugs Be proud of yourself. You're willing to go down a path of self-awareness. This puts you above the average person. Be compassionate with yourself. You are exactly were you are supposed to be exactly when you are supposed to be there. I HAVE fallen apart when one slave disappeared. I had true, reality-based fears that he was dead. If they were irrational fears, I could have dealt with it a lot better. Since I'd lost someone else in much the same way about six months before that...well, it was a very hard lesson. Fortunately, he wasn't. Master Fire

Prinsexx -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 3:43:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam You are exactly were you are supposed to be exactly when you are supposed to be there. I kinda thought so..................having that degree of free will is why I am still searching for the perfect master ed to say still searching for perfect mastery (self included)

ExSteelAgain -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 3:45:34 PM)
Oh, I've felt like I was walking down Skid Row Ave. on a cold windy night with old newspapers blowing past before. The thing is to hang in there and one day you will find a special relationship that makes you forget the past.

RumpusParable -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 4:14:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx So: calling all you slave owners, old guard, new guard, leathermen, real-timers and strictly come sadists and any other dom types.....have you hearts? and did you miss her? the one? the first one? the only one? or do you miss one of many? when she is gone? Missing someone is something completely different than falling apart without them. I've never experienced falling apart without someone, be it a romantic partner, lifestyle partner, parent, spouse, friend of any level of closeness, or other by means of break ups, distancing or deaths. I cannot fathom such a thing. Now, if you just meant "why do some dominants have a problem saying they care about a slave who they clearly do?" well, can't tell you. I also have no problem acknowledging and stating when someone is important to me. My best guess would be insecurity or lack of confidence in themselves... ? As to the missing someone part, TammyJo and LadyPact basically summed up my thoughts and feelings.

RedMagic1 -> RE: calling all dominants (12/30/2007 5:36:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RumpusParable I've never experienced falling apart without someone, be it a romantic partner, lifestyle partner, parent, spouse, friend of any level of closeness, or other by means of break ups, distancing or deaths. I cannot fathom such a thing. I am glad for you, but --- it's a well known medical situation that if you have a married couple in their 80s or 90s and one dies, the chances of the other dying within the year goes way up even if the person is "perfectly healthy." It is critical for the rest of the family -- and other friends -- to get super-involved in the life of the survivor during that time. People define themselves in different ways, and many people construct their fundamental identity in terms of another person. To speak stereotypically, "I serve/support him" or "I guide/protect her." This is a human being thing, more fundamental than whether someone is vanilla or BDSM. Take away someone's reason for living and sometimes that person stops living. Emotional collapse is a mini-version of the same thing.

RumpusParable -> RE: calling all dominants (12/31/2007 10:38:45 AM)
I'm well aware of that phenomenon, saw it first-hand with my great-grandmother. I'm just not one who has ever been able to identify in terms of others, it's foreign to me and not how I tick. It's something I've seen in others and can be sympathetic about, but cannot understand empathically at all.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: calling all dominants (12/31/2007 4:04:52 PM)
I was absolutely shattered when my slave abruptly left me. I carried on, of course, but it took me a long time to recover. Granted, it was a vile, toxic relationship that I should have left myself, and needed to be recovered from regardless of how it ended. :) I was absolutely consumed with rage at how I was betrayed---I actually had to take time off from playing for fear that some poor bloke was going to trip my trigger and bear the brunt of it.

tigerstyle -> RE: calling all dominants (12/31/2007 5:15:13 PM)
Yes. I've never truly gotten over the person that I co-discovered this world with, and don't think I ever will. I strill dream about her 15 years later.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.0625