RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You?

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (Full Version)

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allcatsaregrey -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/4/2008 3:54:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domahpet sounds like maybe your former dom is just going to be a sounding board for you, someone to talk to about people you may consider meeting here? sounds like a good idea to me, someone who knows you and what you like, and who hopefully wont press too many of his ideas onto you during the process. as for telling anyone else about it, i really dont see the need. are you going to have some sort of panel interviews? if not, dont worry about it I agree with domahpet, but would like to add: try thinking of this in terms of vanilla relationships. Have you ever remained friends with a former partner, at least enough to disclose information about the new person(s) you are seeing? For example, my ex is someone who is now a very good friend to me, someone whose opinion I respect. If I were to have a question regarding a new person in my life (vanilla or not), my ex would be the first one I would approach. Furthermore, as long as you are comfortable with your decisions, then there is nothing wrong with them. However, I would add that it might not be necessary to add that you are "under protection" on your profile. You are right to assume it might put some potential suitors off, even the worthwhile ones. Instead, trust in your own instincts and seek advice from those closest to you, who know you best. Also, taking time off from meeting new people will give you time to gain perspective and figure out your needs. I wish you the best of luck!

Kennyisherenow -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/26/2008 4:47:43 AM)
I, for one, had a situation with My slavegirl being stalked by her psycho ex. My girl is 5'5 115 pounds and he is a 200 pounder. This happened right before she moved to Me. I ended up flying 2000 miles to make sure that she was safe. I guess I feel like this is part of being a Dominant. I actually had to grab this wacko and physically remove him from her apartment. I guess I would go great lengths to protect My slave. It is rather hard to replace anyone, not to mention a really hot slavegirl. Needless to say, I flew her right back with Me and she has lived here ever since. I am not about to have someone mess with My slave. I believe this to be part of being a Dom and I am surprised that more dont feel this way. We are in a position of power and control. My slave must know she will be safe from things like this and I for one feel it to be My obligation and duty to her. Plus, I want to protect her from stuff like this as I rather enjoy her service to Me. So tell Me, is this wrong of Me to protect My slave from someone like this? Does this make Me a fake to some of you? Because I feel any Dom that wont protect His property is a fake. If you wont protect your slave, why dont you just leave your front door wide open and see what happens to your property inside your house? Guess if protection means You to be fake then I must be a cartoon character because there are things I will always do to protect My slave. Guess maybe I had a hard enough time finding real slave girl in the first place and that to Me alone is worth protecting.

OldBastardly1 -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/26/2008 6:54:47 AM)
well, bless your heart....but I don't think this is the situation that the OP was talking about.

fluffyswitch -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/26/2008 7:30:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 My general opinion on this is that if someone doesn't have the ability to make sound judgements about life relationships on their own then they shouldn't be looking to become involved at that point and time. If you don't know who may be good for you then how can someone else? while i see your point i guess i have to respond as someone who has been under protection...sometimes life happens and the 'protecting' dominant is there just as a reminder to stay within boundaries because you're dealing essentially with loaned property (at least that's how it was in my case, i'm not saying that it's that way with everyone). i knew what 'was good for me' but the fact of the matter was i was inexperienced (and still am) and got handed some pretty heavy blows, and my dominant was much more experienced with the local community than i was. she was there simply to make sure that i was able to learn from my mistakes but at the same time kept from becoming a doormat by anyone who came along who said one thing and then did another (again i'm working off of my own personal experiences and can't say much for anyone else). she didn't really care about who i interacted with and could pick and choose my partners as i pleased--i actually found my current Dom while under her protection and she actually encouraged our relationship. and frankly she didn't really want to read all of my emails or wanted me to tell her about every conversation i had with someone on here. i guess my point after rambling is that sometimes we make what we think are good judgements that are the exact opposite and turn to more experienced individuals for aid/wisdom/advice, which can take on the title of a protection relationship. so no, it wouldn't deter me unless after talking to them i discovered that being protected meant being micromanaged like someone else said.

Kerjin -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/26/2008 11:15:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea Heart of the thread: Without going too far into my personal situation, i'd like to know how many Doms and/or Masters would be "put off" or "deterred" by viewing a sub's ad, only to find out she has someone who is offering to "protect" or "guide" her in her choices. Would You choose not to make contact with her knowing that someone else may eventually view Your email or at least be made aware of Your intent? For me, I would not be. I've got nothing to hide and the fact that another dominant that the girl or boy in question trusted was also involved in her decision making process would be fine by me. I know far too often a submissive falls for the first smooth talker that comes her way. The ones that can talk the talk because that's all they see of them here in this electronic wasteland. IMNSHO, the bottom 10% of society comprises 90% of the online community, no offense to anyone intended. And given that one can not "see" or "hear" the words and the actions of a self proclaimed Dominant, they can only go on what they read here. Once again I digress (My girls tell me I do that far to often! [8\|] ) Bottom line, if I felt the connection to someone here, whatever the constraints are is fine by me. Remember, your mileage will vary.

CalifChick -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/26/2008 2:58:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kennyisherenow I am not about to have someone mess with My slave. I believe this to be part of being a Dom and I am surprised that more dont feel this way. (snip) So tell Me, is this wrong of Me to protect My slave from someone like this? Does this make Me a fake to some of you? Because I feel any Dom that wont protect His property is a fake. If you wont protect your slave, why dont you just leave your front door wide open and see what happens to your property inside your house? Guess if protection means You to be fake then I must be a cartoon character because there are things I will always do to protect My slave. Guess maybe I had a hard enough time finding real slave girl in the first place and that to Me alone is worth protecting. Kenny, Kenny, Kenny. Take a deep breath hon. The phrase "under protection" does not mean protecting your girl. It means protecting someone ELSE. Well, as much as anyone can protect someone online. Somewhere floating around is a thread called "Protecting your property" or something similar. That is what you are describing, not "under protection." Cali

pettingdragons -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/26/2008 5:13:07 PM)
The word protection refers to anything that helps ward off some threat; the preservation from injury or harm; money paid for a guarantee against threatened violence.Do you need that? Guidance is the direction provided by a guide, is that what you need? If I dont need either one...I would either ignore them or tell them no, maybe even tell them off...I would never this this online...plus if anyone where to find out "my info" I have roomies, big aggressive dogs, guns and big swords...LOL I do understand why Dominants (though I have had subs ask also). If I am going into a large group of Dominants and I am feeling very submissive I will ask someone to come with me for protection....and giving your protection in some circles becomes more then just watching out for you....they become little bodyguards...and for me its endearing...for others not so much...I have also been the one to be asked and i take it very seriously...small gatherings are one thing but large ones with thousands of people can get dangerous if you have a hard time saying no...So thats my rant ....I doubt it helped you at all but thanks for reading it....GRINPamela

Dnomyar -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/28/2008 5:42:16 AM)
Ok enough of this crap. OP you are going to find the the words protector and Mentor are dirty words so most in here. It pisses them off to know that they just cant jump on you quickly. From personal experience protector, Mentor and under consideration dont mean squat to most people on here. If there is a picture of a new attractive woman posted on here both the men and the women will come after them no matter what they write in their profile. They are the ones you have to watch out for not the protectors, ect. If you have someone you can use as a sounding board then go for it. Better to be safe than hook up with an undersiable.

FRSguy -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/28/2008 9:24:17 AM)
Would that be kind of like dating back in highschool when you have to deal with the parents???? Sory... I left that a long time ago

AMaster -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/28/2008 10:06:09 AM)
I have re-thought my answer. I might get involved if the proctector asked for help in the training of a sub. I would never go behind another DOM's back.

greyangelus -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/28/2008 11:15:32 AM)
To the OP: Deterred in some cases, not in others. It very much depends on the profiles feel and a whole lot of other factors. I do have have an objection to others reading my mail, buts its not a deal-breaker. As for some thoughts on "guidance". Relying on someone for guidance and stating in your profile your relying on someone for guidance are 2 seperate things: you can rely on someone for guidance or not, you can make that statement of fact or not. Personally, I always recommending doing a bit of cross-checking/guidance, even if its a simple "Is this a bad sign or not?" here on the forums (guidance writ large). I fail to see how any dom with honest and good intentions could be put of by cross-checking, as it's a sign of intelligence and responsibility to do that sort of thing. Telling any potential dom upfront thats what your doing, though, is a different story. If your merely trying to reduce the amount of wanks and sundry other characters from contacting you, it'll defintiely work (lies and smooth-talk tends to spectacularly fail under more than one pair of eyes). Note though, some of the doms you may be interested in will never bother contacting you either, as they simply don't want to deal with the hassle ( theres more to it than that, on a primal pissing-contest/ego sort of level, its inherent to the genetic structure of being male). Solution to all this? Simply rely on someone/s elses guidance WITHOUT saying thats what your doing. After all, your not their sub. Your completely free to do whatever the frak you feel like if/when you decide to accept them or not. However, DO tell them thats what you've been doing when you hit that decision point. Information like that is important and is a factor in their final decision to accepting you. At that point 2 possible situations comes up. If he gets torqued off at all, thats most likely a "Bad Sign". If hes impressed, take it as a good sign.

pettingdragons -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/28/2008 5:26:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea Would You choose not to make contact with her knowing that someone else may eventually view Your email or at least be made aware of Your intent? Protection over the internet..isnt that like saran wrap to protect your virginity??? Pamela

RedMagic1 -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/28/2008 6:47:40 PM)
I don't write anyone who announces she has a protector, for exactly the reasons aileen gave. One the other hand, I won't meet with someone in real if it sounds as though she has no good friends. I am only interested in people who have self-understanding, self-control, and the ability to make connections with others.

femaleSub1 -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/29/2008 4:43:33 AM)
I think your question is interesting and has certainly been thought provoking looking at the posts here. Your idea to take time out is a good one it allows you to recharge. I too had someone claiming to guide me until I realised he actually was attempting to dom me in a sense under the idea of claiming to be my friend. I quickly stopped that friendship. I see you were with him a long time ago and yes he will know lots about you but you will have changed since being with him. I have changed so much from being with my first dom. These changes are different such as what I want, what my experiences are, my limits, etc. I wish you luck. I am sure you can end a discussion if you are fed up with us all replying

SimplyMichael -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/29/2008 8:29:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar Ok enough of this crap. OP you are going to find the the words protector and Mentor are dirty words so most in here. It pisses them off to know that they just cant jump on you quickly. Better for "them" to step aside and let a noble protector have first crack at their crack eh? You wouldn't happen to know a protector you would recommend do you? When I see someone "new" and local to me, I send them links to the local groups and if they ask, the names of a few good books (Dossie's Topping and Bottoming books) that will provide them the information they need to protect themselves from the "mentors and protectors" out to "save" them from the likes of "them"...

Asmodeus -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/29/2008 9:23:31 AM)
I've been asked twice (well, three times now) to provide feedback for friends who were relatively new to the scene. Basically these women were asking me to help validate their opinions of people that they had met online. Did what these people say relative to D/s make sense, did they come across like they knew what they were doing, would I be a safe call if they met them, etc. I was never a "protector" but every now and then they would get a message complaining that they didn't want the sub in question telling me about them. That, in itself, was an obvious red flag. FWIW, the first two subs who asked me to do this, completely ignored my advice and got themselves into bad relationships that lasted no longer than a few months. That put me off doing this sort of thing (for many years) until a very nice friend asked me to help her out recently. She's done very well on her own and has only asked for advice, not specifics, and her profile just says she has a Dom friend she can run things past.

Skully7000 -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/29/2008 11:00:22 AM)
down to page 5, not sure if you or anyone else will read this. I admit i have little experience meeting people from collarme but i've meet many people from bdsm munches and teaching groups ::cough TES cough:: some of the first people I played with were under a collar of protection. I meet with the dom. he was NICE FRIENDLY AND APPROACHABLE!!!! and he asked what i was planning. I explained the scene. and he said "sounds like fun. if she is ok with it then go ahead" honestly it was a little weird because it was a conversation that i would normaly have with a friend "dude this is what i have planned for our date... " but with a total stranger. it wouldn't prevent me from contacting at all assuming that the DOM is friendly and approachable. Also I don't see anything wrong with showing your friend and email or sending him a link to the profile of the person contacting you. not for nothing but as much as people would like to pretend otherwise this is a public site. Cheers Skully

fluffyswitch -> RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? (1/29/2008 11:28:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: greyangelus . Note though, some of the doms you may be interested in will never bother contacting you either, as they simply don't want to deal with the hassle ( theres more to it than that, on a primal pissing-contest/ego sort of level, its inherent to the genetic structure of being male). my probably extremely unpopular opinion with that is if they can't be bothered to even send an email for clarification in that case is that they're probably not worth my time anyway, especially (at least in my case) if they can't read my whole profile and get to my journal where i said that i've been let go. it's just easier to leave it up because yes, actually, i do get higher quality emails than with it not there. there's definitely less of them but they're a much higher quality.

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