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There's always a chance that falling in love will ruin the dynamic. The master can end up saying, "Why do I want to do these terrible things to her? I love her!" The slave says, "Why does he do these terrible things to me? I thought he loved me!" and it wrecks it.

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I've seen people say that before and I do not get it.
I would think that with love comes deep(er) intimacy.  And with that even more revelations of you.  Making it easier to be yourself, meaning more comfortable at showing those pieces of you that perhaps are not so nice and pretty, and perhaps more mean and nasty.  And having your partner say "it's cool because I also love that part of you and I understand where it comes from..."  Am I so wrong in my thinking?

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ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

How about asking him if he loves you? Men sometimes can't verbalize the word love and they show it by their actions. The best way to find out is just ask.

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ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

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ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

How about asking him if he loves you? Men sometimes can't verbalize the word love and they show it by their actions. The best way to find out is just ask.

I agree with the others who have suggested you talk to him about it. I disagree with the above approach, however, and here's why. Many people have difficulty expressing their feelings, and it could be men or women. Yes, Virginia, women have trouble in this area as well. I know this from personal experience. I grew up with a mother who literally could not say the words. And that does not mean she doesn't love me. She just cannot express it in those words. But the thing that usually happens when someone is asked outright, "do you love me?" their natural defenses kick in. they feel cornered and the pat answer that most give is a mumbled version of, "of course, I love you..." What then follows is the question, "then why don't you ever tell me?" And once that question hits the floor, it's all over. Because there is no easily rendered answer to the question, "why?" All the other person hears is accusation.

I think the better way to approach this is from the point of view of telling him how you feel and why you would like to hear him say he loves you...and try not to get hung up on the "needing" to hear it. You don't really need it, you want it. You can live without it, it just is a thousand times better to hear it. But want is different than need. And telling someone you need to hear something they may not be able to say can also set in motion feelings of guilt that ultimately may undermine what you're hoping to achieve in the first place.

If it ends up being that he does love you but has trouble expressing it in words and prefers showing it in other ways, that could be just as valid. Perhaps you can discuss some sort of compromise that gives you what you want some of the time and still allows him to fall back on his comfort zone. He may need time to get comfortable with the exercise of using those words. A lot of people who naturally use this word think just because it comes easily for them, that it should come easily to everyone, and that's simply not the case.

Anyrate, best to you and I hope things work out for the best for you both.


MNN

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ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

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ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

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ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

How about asking him if he loves you? Men sometimes can't verbalize the word love and they show it by their actions. The best way to find out is just ask.

I agree with the others who have suggested you talk to him about it. I disagree with the above approach, however, and here's why. Many people have difficulty expressing their feelings, and it could be men or women. Yes, Virginia, women have trouble in this area as well. I know this from personal experience. I grew up with a mother who literally could not say the words. And that does not mean she doesn't love me. She just cannot express it in those words. But the thing that usually happens when someone is asked outright, "do you love me?" their natural defenses kick in. they feel cornered and the pat answer that most give is a mumbled version of, "of course, I love you..." What then follows is the question, "then why don't you ever tell me?" And once that question hits the floor, it's all over. Because there is no easily rendered answer to the question, "why?" All the other person hears is accusation.

I think the better way to approach this is from the point of view of telling him how you feel and why you would like to hear him say he loves you...and try not to get hung up on the "needing" to hear it. You don't really need it, you want it. You can live without it, it just is a thousand times better to hear it. But want is different than need. And telling someone you need to hear something they may not be able to say can also set in motion feelings of guilt that ultimately may undermine what you're hoping to achieve in the first place.

If it ends up being that he does love you but has trouble expressing it in words and prefers showing it in other ways, that could be just as valid. Perhaps you can discuss some sort of compromise that gives you what you want some of the time and still allows him to fall back on his comfort zone. He may need time to get comfortable with the exercise of using those words. A lot of people who naturally use this word think just because it comes easily for them, that it should come easily to everyone, and that's simply not the case.

Anyrate, best to you and I hope things work out for the best for you both.


MNN

Yes you have a point but beating around the bush doesn't help things either. Everyone must do the way they feel is right. I am not a beat around the bush type of person. Sometimes it hasn't gotten me the answer I want but that is life. Waiting for someone to make up their mind and make excuses doesn't work for me. It doesn't work for everyone but it it has for me for many years.

What works for one doesn't for some. I posted my opinion about what has worked for me and I stick by it.

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My ex husband told me he loved me all the time and it came to mean nothing because he was an asshole to me.

My Master very rarely tells me he loves me, but I see it every day in the way he interacts with me and the way he masters me.  We recently talked about why he is the way he is with me - why he is stoic and sometimes appears emotionally removed.  He explained why and whether or not I agree with all of it, I respect it and it has been very helpful to me in understanding him and why he does what he does.  Not hearing the "I love you's" is not an issue for me.  I hear it when he wants me to hear it, and that's what matters.

You may want to ask him how he feels about you, saying that he's never really told you before and it's something you've been thinking about. Ask him if he can help you understand his thoughts and feelings.

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ORIGINAL: subbieforHisuse

i am a white female submissive to my One who is a black Dominant male.  We/we are both in our early 50's and are in this relationship 24/7 live-in.  We/we have been seeing one another since 2004 where we lived together for about 6 months in 2005 and i just moved back into His home in Oct. 2007.
i am a natural submissive who loves to give to my Dom....anything & everything.  In return i get my needs met therefore we are both happy and pleased.
There is only one thing i am missing.... and that is the fact that He does not verbally tell me that He loves me.  i FEEL His love towards me, but at the same time, i NEED to HEAR those 3 words: "I Love You".
my question is this.... Is that natural for a Dom to GIVE His love to His submissive without TELLING her He loves her?
i need to hear your thoughts on this topic please.  i would like to hear replies from both Doms as well as subs please.
Thank you for your time.

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ORIGINAL: subbieforHisuse

my question is this.... Is that natural for a Dom to GIVE His love to His submissive without TELLING her He loves her?