RE: advice for failed relationship

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: advice for failed relationship

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: advice for failed relationship

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: advice for failed relationship - 1/4/2008 7:14:18 AM

ksub4u

Posts: 124
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

OK, I'm trying to understand what's going on here.

First of all, thank you for your service and commitment to our country. It is admirable, to say the least.

Secondly... this woman is new to the lifestyle, yes? She is discovering what her needs and desires are as a submissive or possibly slave. She's running from the lifestyle while still wanting to hold onto you and what you both had together. You need to be a Dominant within this relationship or it will not work for you.

Perhaps rather than having her pull one way and you pull the other, she could do some reading and self-exploration and discovery while you are apart. If you requested it of her, as a woman who values you, not as her Dominant ordering her to do so - could you give her websites to peruse, books to read, any information which would help her understand both you and herself? This could open up worlds of communication between the two of you towards understanding one another rather than working at odds.

Perhaps she has different views of what a D/s relationship looks like - perhaps she has needs she has yet to discover or has yet to communicate to you because the lines of communication have faltered?

Unless she is willing to do some major self-exploration and talking with you, I don't think this will work. But, if she is willing to open the door a crack and let some information in and can reflect on it to see what appeals to her, there is a chance. She could be fighting who she really is and with your guidance, she can understand more ... or she may just not be who she and you wish she could be.

Good luck to you.

(in reply to darkpassenger434)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: advice for failed relationship - 1/4/2008 10:58:43 AM

darkpassenger434

Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline

Yes, much of this can be laid on myself. I have taken a lot of time while here to explore myself and try to figure out what makes me tick. Figuring her out has been a prime motivation as well. I certainly do not lay the blame of the failure on her, I lay it on us. I feel I should answer some specific critiques of my character. I haven't just turned anything. This is at the point where for months I have heard on a near daily basis that she isn't happy in the role she agreed to. I have repeatedly requested input as to hard limits, rules, protocol, and goals to make her happy. There is a point where my emotions just flatline. (apparently around 8 months or so). I have sincerely considered that she just might be better off with someone else, that I might not be what she needs. Part of my recent decisions are based on that belief. Although I am just as flawed as anyone, I am generally quick to apologize if I felt any confrontation was unreasonable on my part. Any person or activity she has been asked to give up has had specific reasons beyond paranoia or any such reason. This was a rare occurence ( happening prehaps one time in the tenure of the relationship.) I guess what I'm saying here is I can be just as much an arrogant dick as anyone, but do examine my own behavior and attempt to correct things that appear detremental or illogical. To master myself as it were. I guess I'm just a little suprised by the tendency of others to automatically paint the Dom/Master as a complete flaming asshole with all the stereotypical flaws.
-R

_____________________________

"The man who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the man doing it."

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Profile

Post #: 42