RE: Action vs. Reaction

RE: Action vs. Reaction (Full Version)

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meticulousgirl -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/5/2008 12:58:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PsyVamp You bring up an interesting concept. I read your question to say that the emotional distance was being utilized as a punishment for something done wrong or not done at all, which would be different than you being unhappy when he was upset because his boss sniped at him. And that care needs to be taken with this type of punishment because as a hard whipping will leave physical scars, an emotional withdrawl can leave emotional scars. Lady Jag I agree with this 100% i still dont believe that a Dominant could ever understand the emotions and feelings that we face in good moments and in the bad unless they have experienced it themselves and in the end that's what this topic boils down to is the emotions that we feel on a daily basis. ~meticulous~

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/5/2008 1:02:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP But actually, it depends. Some subs like emotional sadism, having their moods go back and forth in response. They find that dealing with this sort of thing makes them stronger, like humiliation play. For them it's a good thing. oh wow a poppi culture term lets see NOT no healthy human being on this or other planet likes mental abuse or negitive put downs how stupid is that unless they have some kinda of childhood abuse NO WAY

IrishMist -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/5/2008 2:46:13 PM)
quote: oh wow a poppi culture term lets see NOT no healthy human being on this or other planet likes mental abuse or negitive put downs how stupid is that unless they have some kinda of childhood abuse NO WAY Hmm Really? And you are so all knowing that you can state this with absolute certainty? How nice it must be to know that you are God.

DesFIP -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/5/2008 2:50:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP But actually, it depends. Some subs like emotional sadism, having their moods go back and forth in response. They find that dealing with this sort of thing makes them stronger, like humiliation play. For them it's a good thing. oh wow a poppi culture term lets see NOT no healthy human being on this or other planet likes mental abuse or negitive put downs how stupid is that unless they have some kinda of childhood abuse NO WAY I know some incredibly strong sub who do this deliberately in order to get stronger. However they make sure they get the positive reinforcement needed through different people. One in particular is married, in an open relationship. Her top is also married in an open relationship. Neither one does this kind of play with their spouse, only with each other. And BOTH of them have found it helpful in exorcising demons, including and excluding past abuse. So unless you can give proof that you are one of the top psychotherapists in the nation who can speak definitively on this subject, you may want to retract your assertions. Because don't look now, but you're making assumptions. And that means that you're making an ass of yourself.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/5/2008 7:56:01 PM)
No but i bet i could search through all the mental health journals find a lot that do rofl kinda like global warming rofl what a crock rofl

laurell3 -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/5/2008 7:57:43 PM)
If you truly believe that you won't find yourself in that same journal many times LB you are kidding yourself. Stop judging us by vanilla standards and life might be quite a bit easier on you.

taintedgypsy -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/6/2008 5:14:24 AM)
I am all for what ever rocks your boat and is concentual ... but from my point of view withdrawal is unhealthy period. To step back and take a calming breath or to take a walk or take some time out to let yourself regroup ... this is understandable but it needs to be short break not "I am out of here for days" ... if things have gone wrong, mistakes made, or hurt caused ... no contact for days just makes a wound fester, it allows insecurities to breed and perspective to go on a one way warp because there is no communication happening to bring about any kind of resolution. If you have any issues with abandonment you are screwed. He/she can tell you that they are taking time out to recharge but as the days go by and you are left hanging reflecting and performing the same post mortem over and over, wondering when and then after a while if, s/he will talk things out ... hey all the kings men and all the kings horse will not be able to put it back together again ... I consider withdrawal a cruelty and destructive to the relationship and the people involved in it. I will not be involved in a relationship where withdrawal is seen as acceptable in any form, if that makes me co-dependant so be it ... for me it is self preservation. just my 2 cents worth

geishagurl -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/6/2008 7:36:41 AM)
I agree whole heartedly taintedgypsy. I will never be with a Dom who does this type of punishment. Glad I have a choice. To each their own, right? :) Geisha

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/6/2008 8:34:14 PM)
I judge by those who have already been where you are many years ago. every generation has its own issues and problems what choices you make either as a individual or as a society. Do not beleave me just take a look around in the polictical round table of people you might be suprised shrugs

JDEmpath -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/6/2008 11:04:09 PM)
For my first post, I guess I might as well jump right in with both feet... This is a tough subject, since a lot of it is very subjective. One can never be certain what the motivations of another person are. Even with a high degree of empathic connection, there is still going to be some uncertainty about what might be going on inside the mind of another. Perhaps the withdrawal may in fact have nothing to do with the submissive. Sometimes people just have times at which they need to withdraw within themselves for self-reflection. I am merely pointing this out as a possibility, since there are many possible explanations of a person's behavior. It certainly makes sense to explain to your partner why you are behaving in a certain way, and being a "Dominant" should not give one any special privilege to refrain from doing so. However, I have no right to judge another, and therefore I must also accept the possibility that someone out there may have this exact philosophy, and even if I do not choose to have it myself, I cannot condemn it. Personally, I am in favor of relationships that encourage growth and the increase of a sense of poise and self-worth in all parties concerned. This is sometimes not easy, since the ego plays a major role in these bumps in the road that we experience. How many times have I had an argument with someone where I was sure I was right, only to discover much later, after perhaps contributing to unhappiness, that I would rather have been happy instead of right? I believe that in these situations we need to try to let that ego go, and re-acquire life. This must, by it's own definition, apply to both Dominant and submissive in a D/s relationship, since were it not to apply to both, there would be no way of knowing that the relationship was real, since the ego could be masking the true feelings of either party. Letting go of the ego may be a difficult thing for a Dominant, but consider the possibility that it is equally as difficult for a submissive! A worthy cause though :)

CuriousLord -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/7/2008 12:21:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: geishagurl I think Dominants sometimes do not realize how MUCH power they have over their submissive, emotional wise. If he is happy, she is happy. If he’s unhappy, she is unhappy. If he’s disappointed in her, she’s even more disappointed in herself. If he withdraws from her for punishment, she withdraws even further. If his withdrawal from her lasts too long, she can go into depression. I think sometimes Dominants forget or are unaware just how sensitive submissives are to their Dominant’s satisfaction and/or acceptance of them. What’s your take on it, anyone? Agreed. My slave breaks down and hides behind furnature if I so much as glare at her coldly. We have no sadomasochism in our dynamic and I've never hit her, nor would any sane person ever believe that I would. So, after this happened once, I asked her why.. apparently, she was terrified of simply being displeasing and was trying to hide from it. Heh. She's adorable.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/7/2008 4:29:51 AM)
OK, I'm going to make the codependency call on this one as well. However... I tend to look at codependency in both healthy and unhealthy ways. People tend to form relationships with a codependency upon one another. It's a two way street, communication works wonders, so does understanding and seeing problems for what they really are. Codendent Healthy or Unhealthy is the real issue here. A relationship is a commitment, and everybody has their own Fucked up behaviors and bad habits. Face it, nobody is really perfect. The thing is if it's a good or bad relationship for both people. Yes, I agree, that when a Dom is disappointed in a submissive, the submissive is even more disappointed in themselves. This deep understanding I learned a long time ago and I'm very aware of. All and All I tend to agree with your posting. In terms of depression, that can be a double edge sword for both Dom and subs. A Dom can suffer from depression and you bet it will effect the sub, a sub can suffer from depression and it will effect the Dom. A sub or a Dom can withdrawl with one another at any point, and it will effect the other person. We are all human, withdraw in any relationship has the same effect. Withdraw is not good. Sure, perhaps a timeout is a good effective punishment tool. It places somebody into a state of silence and having to think about things. I have explained the nature of one's offense, and gave them some quality timeout to reflect upon my words, their own actions. But this is not withdraw. Withdraw can actually kill a relationship.... There are times when somebody get wrapped up in work, home improvement projects or something else. This is not the same as withdraw, it's basically where the other person is overloaded or has become preoccupied with some other thing. This something that can happen to both Dom and sub alike. What is important is that people see things for what it really is, talk and communicate. Any relationship requires one on one time to make it work.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/7/2008 8:01:35 AM)
oh what twisted web you weave. yet with all manner of idealism stuffed in its neat little pocket of life the universe and such some people just do not get it. for addition there must be a subtraction to the question of what is or is not. It is in that you should find the true answer of your purpose for being where you are and where you are headed YEP

geishagurl -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/7/2008 8:41:31 AM)
Hello JDEmpath, Thank you for your response, and for a first post, it was excellent. You had some very good points in your words. Geisha

geishagurl -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/7/2008 8:47:38 AM)
CuriousLord, You are right, it's very hard on us when we know we've displeased him. I'm not sure I would hide behind furniture, but then again, it would depend on what I had done wrong! lol Thank you for your post. :) geisha

geishagurl -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/7/2008 8:55:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave OK, I'm going to make the codependency call on this one as well. However... I tend to look at codependency in both healthy and unhealthy ways. People tend to form relationships with a codependency upon one another. It's a two way street, communication works wonders, so does understanding and seeing problems for what they really are. Codendent Healthy or Unhealthy is the real issue here. A relationship is a commitment, and everybody has their own Fucked up behaviors and bad habits. Face it, nobody is really perfect. The thing is if it's a good or bad relationship for both people. Yes, I agree, that when a Dom is disappointed in a submissive, the submissive is even more disappointed in themselves. This deep understanding I learned a long time ago and I'm very aware of. All and All I tend to agree with your posting. In terms of depression, that can be a double edge sword for both Dom and subs. A Dom can suffer from depression and you bet it will effect the sub, a sub can suffer from depression and it will effect the Dom. A sub or a Dom can withdrawl with one another at any point, and it will effect the other person. We are all human, withdraw in any relationship has the same effect. Withdraw is not good. Sure, perhaps a timeout is a good effective punishment tool. It places somebody into a state of silence and having to think about things. I have explained the nature of one's offense, and gave them some quality timeout to reflect upon my words, their own actions. But this is not withdraw. Withdraw can actually kill a relationship.... There are times when somebody get wrapped up in work, home improvement projects or something else. This is not the same as withdraw, it's basically where the other person is overloaded or has become preoccupied with some other thing. This something that can happen to both Dom and sub alike. What is important is that people see things for what it really is, talk and communicate. Any relationship requires one on one time to make it work. Owner4SexSlave, I like your attitude and your mind, very much. You pointed out some interesting facts and I agree with you. I believe that without good communication in "any" relastionship, it's bound to fail. Thank you for your input. :) geisha

geishagurl -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/7/2008 8:57:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 oh what twisted web you weave. yet with all manner of idealism stuffed in its neat little pocket of life the universe and such some people just do not get it. for addition there must be a subtraction to the question of what is or is not. It is in that you should find the true answer of your purpose for being where you are and where you are headed YEP Latexbaby, I have no idea what you are talking about. Could you elaborate? geisha

charmdpetKeira -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/7/2008 9:06:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 oh wow a poppi culture term lets see NOT no healthy human being on this or other planet likes mental abuse or negitive put downs how stupid is that unless they have some kinda of childhood abuse NO WAY Something to consider; perhaps what you are calling mental abuse is merely a lesson of humility to those who like this type of activity. k

SirJmes -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/7/2008 10:05:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: geishagurl Hi JuneCleaver... I'm talking about his being sad, disappointed, upset or angry with "your" actions... not something he's going through out in the world. When he is upset with you, does it not affect you emotionally? If he were to withdrawl from you for days because of his disappointment in you, how does that, or would that affect you? Thanks.. [:)] When I get upset or disappointed with my sub it does cause emotional distress with her. I do not withdrawl from her but deal with the behavior right away, talk and correct. I only use punishment as a last resort and withdrawl for days is not one of them.

geishagurl -> RE: Action vs. Reaction (1/7/2008 10:40:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirJmes quote: ORIGINAL: geishagurl Hi JuneCleaver... I'm talking about his being sad, disappointed, upset or angry with "your" actions... not something he's going through out in the world. When he is upset with you, does it not affect you emotionally? If he were to withdrawl from you for days because of his disappointment in you, how does that, or would that affect you? Thanks.. [:)] When I get upset or disappointed with my sub it does cause emotional distress with her. I do not withdrawl from her but deal with the behavior right away, talk and correct. I only use punishment as a last resort and withdrawl for days is not one of them. I suppose there are some mental masochists that do enjoy the pain of withdral for several days. Everyone is different, and there is always somebody for someone, somewhere. :) For me, I think a day or two would be very difficult, but for many days.... I'm not sure if I could handle it. Thank you for your response, SirJames. :)

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