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What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 10:31:35 AM

SlaveR1

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/20/2005
Status: offline

It has always been my platform that there are not enough true subs/slaves that are available to meet the needs of the Mistresses. I ran a post saying that I felt maybe some of the Mistresses might contact the subs/slaves. The response to that was all the Mistresses mailboxes were jamed full of e-mails everyday (which I don't doubt). Then why are you still on here looking? Anybody can e-mail a Mistress and say whatever, but when push comes to shove the sub/slave is no where to be found. In my last thread that I started I had several Mistresses that e-mailed and said my profile wasn't quite accurate. I asked in what way, they explained, and I made the changes and I told them I appreciated their help. What I am saying to everyone, if (and that's a big if) you are truely looking get your profile as accurate as possible. Enough said on that. Another unnamed Mistress said "if the sub/slave didn't contact her she considered the sub/slave lazy. And who wants a lazy sub/slave?" Now I realize that the sub/slave is suppose to contact the Mistress, but there are going to be alot of Mistresses who either never find anyone or have to settle for whatever because they were to proud to send an e-mail. Please understand I'm not telling anyone how to handle their business, you need to approach things in a way that won't take you out of your comfort level. Now for the question: What percent of the people on Collarme.com are available and really looking for someone? I've been told by several Mistresses 90/98% are just cyber junkies. I'm giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and I say 20% are really looking. I would like to hear how others feel.

Post #: 1

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 10:51:46 AM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

Well, there are some mistresses whose e-mail boxes are not jammed, and who actually dont have any problems in sending messages when they like subs profile.

But I seem to be very scary person, for when it comes to meeting in RL all those eager onliners just vanish in thin air.
I could say that submissives on collarme are not serious and not looking for anything but some cyber. But I dont - I say lets wait some more and see if something comes up.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to SlaveR1)

Post #: 2

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 11:01:45 AM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

I *was* looking, but I found my sub here six months ago. Does that count?

Actually, isn't the question really what percentage here are looking for the same thing you're looking for?

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to SlaveR1)

Post #: 3

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 1:58:47 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I think that many of the males on here are having a cyberfestival. I engage in conversation via email and IM for awhile, and go to a RT meeting if I feel any connection at all. How many of those ever so eager guys actually manage to meet me for coffee? Not too darn many!

Oh, Francine, you're so SCARY, folks tell me. Okeydokey. If I scare them off with emails, that's spiffy, since it takes balls to serve me! Better that they run away early. :)

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 4

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 2:06:31 PM

Kindred2Evil

Posts: 227
Joined: 4/16/2005
Status: offline

I'm looking and available and having the same luck as most. Emails are going well, IM's are wonderful, sometimes even the phone conversations are great. BUT when it comes time to meet in person, they fade off into that neverland, never to be seen or heard from again.
So it's not just the Dom/me's who are trolling and fooling around. It gets frustrating when you invest time and effort into contacting people, trying to get to know them etc only to have them disappear on you later on.

_____________________________

Her touch is on the breeze that brushes your cheek, Her voice rides the thunder as the storm breaks, Her tears will clean your heartache when the rains come, Her sun will light the darkest times when you feel alone...She is the Goddess.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 5

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 2:16:47 PM

Nuke718

Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

Ladies, neither of you is scary In my opinion. But I have been wrong before LoL.

I understand the OP's point of view tho. When you take out Dommes that are geographically undesireable, then eliminate those that you won't satisfy (even if I was into sissy play I would hardly be a woman), then take out the ones that want a very different type of relationship than you are looking for (Poly for example) you are left with a short list. And some of those are bound to be using the site for the boards, or games, or something other than a partner. It CAN be frustrating.

My advice, based on a ton of threads here SlaveR1 is to not limit yourself to just this site in your search. Illinois is crawling with Kinky folk, go out and meet some people.

Nuke }:-

(in reply to Kindred2Evil)

Post #: 6

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 2:19:04 PM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

If subs want to contact a Mistress, I see no reason why they shouldn't go ahead and make the first contact. Why sit around hoping to get noticed? I've seen too many subs use the "I know many of you Dommes are busy with tons of emails, and I don't want to add to your stress" excuse as a way to hide from taking that step to real life.

I've emailed subs to compliment them on their profiles, and get nothing back in response, so it works both ways in my opinion. As for how many people are actually serious, who knows? I have only had one sucessful meeting with a sub that has developed into a really good friendship/realtionship. I've also had success meeting some local Dommes who get together once a month for a luncheon. The rest of the contacts have resulted in a few emails exchanged, lack of interest, or disappearing contacts, and that is over the span of a year and a half on this site.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to SlaveR1)

Post #: 7

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 2:25:03 PM

dommemagnet

Posts: 134
Joined: 10/6/2004
Status: offline

Ditto Nuke. For all the complaints I've read from both subs and dommes, I'd say your best bet for rt is to get involved on the local level. If they make a meeting, munch or event of some kind, at least you know they are who they say they are.

To Kasia, your mailbox is empty because your profile "can't be found" according to the site. Maybe once you're found, your mailbod will be overflowing, scary or not. Good luck!

(in reply to Nuke718)

Post #: 8

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 2:43:13 PM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

The thing is, dommemagnet, I first registered on the site and then when I tried to login at message boards it didnt let me in - "incorrect username or password". So I tried to register on the boards with the same nick, and of course it was "occupied".
Thats why I made one nick for the site and another for the boards - the only difference is in one letter - you may find my profile as Kassia.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to dommemagnet)

Post #: 9

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 3:21:48 PM

SlaveR1

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/20/2005
Status: offline

I think it's one level up from cyber festival, whatever that might be.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 10

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 3:23:32 PM

SlaveR1

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/20/2005
Status: offline

That's where I have made my contacts for the most part. They can see you and talk to you.

(in reply to dommemagnet)

Post #: 11

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 4:02:39 PM

anthrosub

Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline

I don't know quite how to explain it but it seems to me this lifestyle combined with the Internet makes for nothing but a big mess when it comes to trying to meet people. It's great to get information about the lifestyle but as a means of finding a partner from either side of the whip, forget it. Sure there are people who have found each other but they are probably in the 3% range compared to the whole population.

Start with the group as a whole and sift out the following...

1. Players and fakers
2. Realistic proximity (location)
3. Vanilla compatibility?
4. Lifestyle compatibility?
5. Not actually looking for a relationship partner

This narrows things down quite a bit. As mentioned, it doesn't help that the Dommes are log-jammed with spam from fantasy seekers. This pretty much puts the last nail in the coffin as far as having any chance of meeting someone. Some people think I'm being negative about all this but really, I think it's high time we all just realize the hard reality of the way things are. The Internet is not the watershed people think it is. I think the only way around this issue is to start up a pay site (different from Alt or B.com) that's so expensive, the only people who would join are those who are sincere enough to want to invest in a membership. This would weed out a lot of the crap to be perfectly blunt.

There are also profiles here and on other sites from Dommes who are clearly the real McCoy but they have not found their slave(s) in the 4 years I've been aware of them. It makes me wonder if this online approach is really viable in general terms. If they aren't having any luck finding the "real subs" then who is?

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to SlaveR1)

Post #: 12

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 4:36:01 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

I would like to hear how others feel.

From my personal point of view, I struggle with people who comment on the 'real' and 'true' variety of submissives and slaves and speak in percentages which have no basis in research, other than a persons observations.
Anyone can make claims and comments on what is true to BDSM and what is not, but at the end of the day when push comes to shove, everything is personal opinion and in no way set in stone.

Online BDSM is no different to anything online - there are those who are just along for the thrill, but there is no set percentage as these change daily - you only have to watch the forum 'move' to see that. Get out - visit groups and be honest about who and what you are to people. But by colouring the majority that one meets with the 'not real' brush, instead of seeing someone who may not fit your idealism of what is 'real', one loses the chance to meet many wonderful individuals, allows one to become confined and begins to limit themselves.

Peace and Love

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to SlaveR1)

Post #: 13

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 7:59:20 PM

MistressGrace07

Posts: 100
Joined: 7/29/2005
From: Chicago
Status: offline

I try to respond to every PM I get... and I'm still looking 'cuz I love playing with people! ;)

_____________________________

My Journal

"Let me make this as monosyllabic as possible" - Captain Amelia in "Treasure Planet"

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 14

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 9:00:03 PM

denimknight

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

The much lamented "no shows" are a prime example of the fact that those things which are acquired without struggle are neglected without hesitation. It is all too easy for one who does not place the proper value upon a slave or a dominant to communicate with, endear themselves to, and arrange to meet, a prospective partner. Because they have acquired that which they desire with such ease the "no show" thinks nothing of casting it aside.
I think perhaps a change of mindset about the how to use this electronic resource may well eliminate this problem. As it has already been discussed countless times collar me is NOT a legitimate means of finding a partner. As such I have not used it to do so (of course I don't seek a Mistress/Master in the classical sense anyway but that's another post for another time). However, I have used collar me as a means of interacting on a causal level with O/others who share my interests to varying degrees, enjoy correspondence with some truly wonderful people, and gain insight into the slave's path that I walk by hearing of the experiences of others. Collar me has been very effective in allowing me to reach these goals that I set for it.
The simple fact is that one of the reasons why the "no show" is so common and collar me is such a poor method of finding a partner is that if indeed the Master, Mistress, or slave in question was serious enough about this Lifestyle to show up for a meeting and close enough to you that such a meeting was feasible, then they would also be serious enough and close enough that Y/you would have already run into them at a MUNCH, event, or club and thus meeting them on collar me would not be necessary. Thus collar me is a poor method of finding a partner. Given this line of thinking it then reasons that E/everyone should stop trying to meet a partner via collar me.As I have described before it is still a very useful resource, but only if used to accomplish those things for which it is most effective.
However, if Y/you insist upon using collar me to find, and then meet prospective partners perhaps there are ways to limit the let down when they (inevitably) don't show up.
One method that springs to mind is to set up such meetings not only in a public place, but at an actual MUNCH, event, or club where Y/you know people Y/you already know and enjoy spending time with will be. That way when the jerk (or jerk-ette as the case may be) doesn't show up Y/you aren't left sitting at some diner someplace all by Y/your lonesome. Instead Y/you can enjoy the company of friends and have a good time anyway.
This method of doing things also has the bonus of allowing Y/you to get the opinions of trusted associates about the prospective partner on the off chance that they do show up.
Still, this only serves as damage control. The fact remains that an ounce of prevention equals a pound of cure. The best way to eliminate the frustration, to say nothing of what I can only imagining is quite the emotional slap in the face, of being stood up by people Y/you arrange to meet from collar me; is to stop arranging meetings with people Y/you meet on collar me.
Even as I say all this I know full well that things will continue to go on as they always have. People will keep trying to use this electronic tool for something it is poorly designed to accomplish, and people will keep getting stood up, and then they will express their displeasure one way or another.
And so, having said all this I am left asking myself the same question I have been asking from the day I first came to this little corner of cyber space: Why is it that so many truly wonderful people seem so intent upon buying themselves so dearly, only to sell themselves so cheap?
Respectfully Submitted
dk

(in reply to SlaveR1)

Post #: 15

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/24/2005 9:08:23 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

I'm real and looking with the following issues occurring:

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub
2. Realistic proximity (location)
3. Vanilla compatibility?
4. Lifestyle compatibility?
5. Not actually looking for a relationship partner

Plus what the other ladies have mentioned: on occasion there seems to be vanilla and lifestyle compatibility and a hint of chemistry, but still nothing comes of it.
I have met some kool people in the process and some not so kool..
Just like life.. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to SlaveR1)

Post #: 16

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 3:00:22 AM

MadamMichelle

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline

I have found Collarme a great way to meet people. I have met three people off this site that I thought were really cool and yes I have met withthem more than once. Some areas don't have munches, socials and play parties and of the five people I have met in the lifestyle here I would only feel comfortable playing with one of them

(in reply to denimknight)

Post #: 17

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 3:26:32 AM

saret

Posts: 71
Joined: 4/27/2005
Status: offline

I was following the same post, over on the Ask a Mistress forum, and I think you misunderstood what most dommes were saying.

- You said, in your opinion, the Mistress should contact the sub.

- Most Mistresses said they DO contact subs. But most profiles on collarme.com will not get an email because they are poorly written, inaccurate, or simply not what the Mistress is looking for.
- Most Mistresses also said they do not send a "no thank you" reply to every email because of so many emails. Most of those emails are also poorly written, inaccurate, or simply not what the Mistress is looking for.

I have emailed subs. I do write "no thank you" letters to polite, well written emails.

I think you just brought your rant over here, to a different audience, to see if there was anyone over here who would sympathize.
Personally, I think you're just frustrated at not being able to find a Mistress.

Have you tried looking in your local area instead of online?

-S-

(in reply to SlaveR1)

Post #: 18

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 5:55:07 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

What percent of the people on Collarme.com are available and really looking for someone?

To the OP: probably the same percentage as there are on any personals site. Some people will meet anyone; others won't meet unless the other person seems absolutely perfect (which means never because no one is ever a "perfect" match). Most fall somewhere in between.

quote:

The simple fact is that one of the reasons why the "no show" is so common and collar me is such a poor method of finding a partner is that if indeed the Master, Mistress, or slave in question was serious enough about this Lifestyle to show up for a meeting and close enough to you that such a meeting was feasible, then they would also be serious enough and close enough that Y/you would have already run into them at a MUNCH, event, or club and thus meeting them on collar me would not be necessary. Thus collar me is a poor method of finding a partner. Given this line of thinking it then reasons that E/everyone should stop trying to meet a partner via collar me.As I have described before it is still a very useful resource, but only if used to accomplish those things for which it is most effective.

To denimknight:

I don't think that there's any "best" way to meet people exclusively. I think it's a numbers game; dominant/submissive/top/bottom/whatever you are, you have to use a number of resources, meet a lot of people, and actively court those you find interesting.

If you feel collarme is a good resource to learn, to talk to people, having "enjoyed correspondance with some truly wonderful people", does it not stand to reason that if any of those truly wonderful people were reasonably local, it would make sense to pursue meeting them? They may not be the orientation/gender/ideal you are looking for in relationship, but remember "friendship" is also a level of relationship.

I don't think you can have it both ways. If an online resource is putting you in touch with wonderful people, you can't discount it as a potential way to meet wonderful people.

In theory, it would be great to label those that get out to local scene events as the "serious" people, and just limit your available pool of potential partners to those that frequent clubs, munchs, etc. I have seen just as many "players" percentage wise at scene events as I have online. It seems like there are more online simply because you come in contact with a lot more people online.

One of the specific problems for Dommes seeking a male submissive by getting out in the local scene is that single, male submissives who are looking for a lifestyle relationship are very rare commodities at local scene events. In practice, they just don't get "out" there in any great quantity. From talking to males online, many seem to be willing to go to events WITH a Domme once they find one online, but not go by themselves with the hopes of meeting people and eventually a Domme.

The rare exception to this are events that are specifically F/m oriented. There aren't a lot of such events though.

Let me differentiate that I am talking about those male submissives who are single, available, and looking for a lifestyle relationship. There are always those males that show up at clubs just looking for someone to play with them that night, but nothing more.

Do you also go to every event in the area? You may go to Munch X and Play Party Y on a regular basis, but that person who is great for you goes to Munch N and Club O, so you two don't cross paths. However, you may both belong to Personal Site C, and start talking there.

That said, I do occasionally use involvement in the local scene as a limiting factor when meeting people from online, particularly when I am only looking for more of a play partner rather than a life partner, as I am now due to other obligations I have in my life right now. I am well aware it's a very limiting factor, but sometimes I just don't feel like dealing with those that may or may not be able to turn off the computer and get OUT there.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 8/25/2005 6:01:59 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to denimknight)

Post #: 19

RE: What % of people on Collarme.com are really ava? - 8/25/2005 6:56:49 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Thus collar me is a poor method of finding a partner. Given this line of thinking it then reasons that E/everyone should stop trying to meet a partner via collar me.

Who determined this and when? Why wasn't I told before I met those people I have met and interacted with/had fun with.
No one denies the usefulness of going out and meeting people face to face rather than staying only on the net, but collarme and other internet sites are great ways to run into people whom one would otherwise never run into... So, going to have to tell you your advice is not good in this instance.. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to denimknight)

Post #: 20

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