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MsSaskia -> RE: Do all Dommes require tributes upfront? (1/11/2008 12:34:52 PM)
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ORIGINAL: LadyJeelys
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ORIGINAL: MsSaskia
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ORIGINAL: LadyJeelys
"Normal" is a bit subjective. But no, not all Dommes require "tribute". For instance, I believe that allowing a sub to offer financial "offerings" means that he is able to have some level of control and expectation. Plus, I just don't think money is much a tribute--I earn quite enough on my own, thank you very much.
It sure is a good thing submissives in non-professional relationships never try to top from the bottom, manipulate, have hidden agendas, are completely self-serving or just plain refuse to obey their dominant. Everybody knows it's only submissives who see pros who do that.
Actually, its a good thing that submissives, like Dommes, get to decide when to enter a relationship and are not expected to just yeild to anyone on a power trip. As I'm sure you're aware, being sub doesn't make men doormats for any twit. Only after a Domme and sub agree to a relationship does the Domme need to worry (pffft) about being topped from the bottom. Personally, I don't live in fear that some sub somewhere might try to top from the bottom, instead, when my slave tried once, I addressed the issue.
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Funnily enough, there's usually some thread or other going on regarding negotiating scenes and relationships and whether the submissive has the "real" control because he or she can safeword. Involve money, though, and any thoughts that the domme in that relationship may have as much say as the submissive vanish into the ether.
And to repeat myself and be redundant and to see if it makes any more sense to you using slightly different words:
Negotiation is considered respecting limits and compromising for the sake of a relationship if it happens in a non-professional relationship. Negotiation in a professional relationship is just assumed to be the domme selling out and the bottom/submissive getting exactly what they want. This stereotype gets really old.
Yeah, you're right, it is sooo not about the money when someone approaches a submissive man and demands.....money.
The bottomline is that we all have different needs and desires, some guys NEED a more relational experience than what a pro-Domme can give......And in the real world I know pro-Dommes who admit this--after all, if there is no relationship, the paying male sub can just get up and walk away, where if he is married to the Domme, as 6 kids, community property and a designated spot chained to the wall of the basement, he doesn't as easily have that option. That doesn't mean pro-Domme relationships are wrong, lessor or negative in anyway. BUT it also does not mean that pro-Domme is right for every sub or the ONLY option. Which is the feeling that lots of subs get especially when anytime they question the tactics of those seeking money subs, the sub is told the problem lies with them.
For the purposes of this thread, the OP did not make it clear that any dommes were approaching him. That's obviously strictly about money, and so what? Scamming people on the internet doesn't make someone a pro domme.
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ORIGINAL: LadyJeelys
"For instance, I believe that allowing a sub to offer financial "offerings" means that he is able to have some level of control and expectation." Everyone in any Ds or BDSM relationship has some level of control and expectation before they go into it. Money doesn't change that.
"The bottom line is" that not everyone is right for a professional experience. Not everyone needs 24/7, obviously. It's not something a pro domme would have to only grudgingly admit. Some people are beginners and want to explore, some people want a truly professional experience that amateurs are not equipped or experienced enough to provide. There are as many needs and expressions of BDSM as there are people, and there's a lot of room for expression between someone having a 1-2 hour interaction with a pro domme and being chained to a wall in a basement 24/7. Nobody on either end of the spectrum has more or less BDSM credibility or validity.
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ORIGINAL: LadyJeelys
"BUT it also does not mean that pro-Domme is right for every sub or the ONLY option. Which is the feeling that lots of subs get especially when anytime they question the tactics of those seeking money subs, the sub is told the problem lies with them."
I'm not sure where you get the idea that subs, especially on this board, are encouraged to believe that the professional route is the only one open to them. I see endless threads on this board bashing pro dommes (and pro dommes stand right up and give as good as we're getting), and it's highly unlikely a submissive seeking a partner could overlook them. Even if there were threads encouraging submissives to only seek professional domination services, I have a hard time believing they'd be stupid enough to not be able to think for themselves or to be able to go through profiles and determine that there are non-professionals seeking relationships with submissives.
Questioning tactics of people marketing themselves as financial dominants is not the same as encouraging or discouraging someone from doing anything. Financial domination is a subset of professional domination. Few (actually, none) of the pro dommes I know are financial dommes. The pro dommes I know provide a service and don't demand money for nothing, which is my understanding (quite possibly flawed since I don't know any financial dommes or people who support them) of what a financial dominant is. I've had men approach me online who've offered money and gifts in exchange for as much or as little attention as I choose to give them, and it's never been something I've agreed to or pursued. Questioning tactics aside, I've never seen anyone told that the problem lies with them for not wanting the services of a professional. The OP on this thread has an issue with being approached by people seeking money or by mistakenly approaching people who turn out to want money. That's a frustration for him and there are ways he can change his tactics to mitigate and minimize this happening. One poster on this thread took the time to read the OPs profile and was able to make an educated guess as to what was happening and made suggestions for a possible solution that the OP appreciated. Perhaps, armed with a bit of insight into why he comes across as a thinks-with-the-little-head chump when he approaches professionals and otherwise makes himself an appealing target for scammers, he'll make the changes to his profile and exercise a bit more discretion when he's deciding who to approach online. If he also makes changes to his expectations from a BDSM relationship and not just his profile, he'll stand an even better chance of finding one.
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