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juliaoceania -> RE: 90%??? (1/10/2008 12:43:06 PM)
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quote:
All the while be prepared to offer and accept forgiveness when you each, inevitably, fuck up.
I think that this is a big one... if D/s relationships are failing more than others, perhaps it is sometimes hard to forgive a fuck up when your partner is supposed to be the perfect "submissive" or the perfect "dominant". One thing I have found in reading these here boards is that many people that do what we do are somewhat rigid... strict... firm... whatever you want to call it. The concerns I read are doms worried about being topped from the bottom, and subs complaining they aren't being dommed enough.
In vanilla relationships when one of the people hit a slump there is support for them.. other people around them can tell them "this is a temporary thing, maybe your wife doesn't want sex because there are babies... maybe your husband doesn't want sex because he is worried about money"... with D/s there just isn't that sort of understanding to each other from what I have read. Dominants that state if the sub has issues she can walk out, or the submissive who wants to be topped more than she wants a mature relationship based upon understanding another human being...
From what I have read there are many that would rather live a stereotyped characture of a relationship then have the real relationship. In real life, submissives often attempt to get their needs met in ways that piss their dominant off, their dominant is not always going to be physically or emotionally up to domming them... and if you stay together long enough, eventually one person is going to have some sort of issue, and if a relationship is so rigid that it doesn't allow room for those in it to grow, it isn't going to succeed.
I wrote a thread about change within a D/s relationship, and planning for the eventuality that people do change, their needs and desires change with them... and I asked how people plan for this within a D/s structure because I want our relationship to succeed.... mostly... like Noah said, you have to be willing to forgive, and that means not being so rigid... and for all the talk of trust, losing trust, never being able to regain trust... I believe that is just garbage... in a long enough time line, we all lose a little trust here and there, those without the ability to adapt and who are too rigid.. how can their relationships survive that?
To me, what we are to each other is more important than a stereotype role, the label doesn't describe what we are, we define it... and that might be why I think we have a good shot at making a go of it.. perhaps not all those relationships failed, perhaps they just changed.
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