ElanSubdued
Posts: 1511
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Saltwatergirl,
quote:
With regards to the week of training... it was actually I that suggested that the slave come here. I honestly would feel more comfortable doing all of this in the privacy of a place I feel comfortable in.
This makes perfect sense to me and it is the reason I've met people at my home (or theirs).
quote:
Basically to have a person here for an entire week is going to take me away from regular work for that week plus it would take a huge amount of work in advance to prepare for an entire week of training. Just planning his schedule for the week took me three days and that was with the help of a another very experienced Mistress. I emailed back and forth with the slave at least 10 times that day.
What in the heck are you planning? I used to live with a slave (yes, my slave) and it never took me this degree of planning. Are you two actually going to talk to one another or is this week all about play? If all you do is play, it's unlikely you'll be able to gage any other kind of compatibility (which ostensibly is part of what the trip is about is it not)? This is beginning to sound more and more like a week-long professional domination session rather than two people meeting to enjoy each other's company. No wonder you want to be paid!
quote:
Now I am not saying that I should be paid for doing this because yes, it is something I truly enjoy but at the same time I need to live. So, to ask for the money that would have been spent on trips to cover my expenses this month would have allowed me to focus all of my energy and attention on planning and enjoying that week. Does that make sense? Also, I kind of feel like this slave has some rather big expectations for training - seriously - training a slave on a 24/7 basis for a week would be a lot of work no matter how you look at it and no matter how much you enjoy being a Mistress.
I've trained a 24/7 slave 365 days of the year and this didn't stop me from working and leading my life. In fact, part of the training involved teaching the slave to do things that made our working and home life easier so as to give us more time together. Something seems seriously out of balance with this visit. Are you just catering to every fantasy the slave has? Do you truly expect to keep him pseudo-chained (or literally chained) in the basement for the entire visit? Wouldn't going to a movie or out to dinner (vanilla style) allow you to get to know each other a bit?
Why is it you need to take the entire week off anyway? Certainly, if this man is so much work that you're incapable of holding down a job, I'd say he's not a great candidate for a life partner. Under these circumstances, the slave would need to become your sugar daddy. Perhaps this is why you've stipulated (both here and in your profile) that you're looking for someone well established financially.
Once again, the sense I get is that this visit isn't about getting to know one another. If you're both itching to get your groove on for a week of non-stop BDSM play, hey, that's fine, but call it what it is then. Deluding yourself that it is something different is likely to cause problems. Indeed, once you two both agree on this, working out the financial arrangements will be much easier. Under the circumstances you've described, it actually makes sense that the slave would pay your wages for the week. I mean, geesh, it sounds like this slave is about to become your full-time job. This is where loose definitions in BDSM cause confusion. To me, what you've described isn't a slave or a submissive, but he may be either (or both) of these things to you. In my own terminology, what you have is a "do me" boy and yes, were I you, I'd want to be paid for the "doing".
Here's a novel idea. For the purpose of this next exercise, I'll assume you're both genuinely interested in one another as long-term, romantic relationship partners. So... how about having the slave share in the planning of your mutual visit? Tell the slave what you like to eat, what restaurants and theaters you like to frequent, and what things you like to do. Ask your slave what he likes and discuss things you'd like to do together. Once you've shared these things, instruct the slave to make an itinerary to entertain you both. The slave can figure out what's on at the local theater that may be of interest to you, he can make dinner reservations, he can... drum roll please... cook, clean up, and wash dishes, prepare your bath, and get things ready for you to go to work the next day. Now the visit can happen without reams of toil on your part and without you needing to take a week off work.
If you really want to see how the two of you get along, do some actual living while enjoying each other's company. During courting, it's kind of essential that you do quite a few vanilla things together. This is how you unwrap the greater quality of a kinkster and determine broader compatibility. And hey, if you want to get kinky, you don't need elaborate methods to get someone's attention. Often simple and effective means get the job done equally well. For example, grab a hair band and wrap it tightly around your slave's balls and the base of his cock. Now sit and play cards. I guarantee you'll have the boy squirming in his seat. His mind and the sensations will do all the torture work for you. When you've had enough fun watching this predicament and the boy's delicious expressions, slap his face, throw him down, and fuck him however you'd like (or have him pamper you in whatever way you'd like). Voila! Plenty of fun with no special equipment or laborious planning required. (Safety note: if you're binding the cock and balls in any way, it's a good idea to check periodically that enough circulation remains. Or, from time-to-time, you can have the slave report on his condition.)
Regarding emailing your slave ten times a day, put a stop to this. Delegate tasks to the slave and leave him to do them. If I can be so bold as to make this comment, part of being an effective dominant is making the best use of the resources you have. Your slave is a resource. Besides using your slave as a play toy, for God's sake make use of him functionally too. Have him help plan, prepare, and manage the visit. You'll enjoy your time together much more if you're both involved in planning and making it happen.
quote:
This slave was coming here to be evaluated for a long term slave contract and one of my stipulations is that the slave be financially secure which this slave has known from day one so I felt that all above considered that it would be reasonable to contribute the funds that would have been spent on stupid hotels to the monthly expense of the household for that one month only and see how things go. Again freeing up my time to focus solely on the time spent together. Is that really whorish or unrealistic?
You may both want to enjoy each other in whorish ways and this is fine. Enjoy each other. However, it sounds like the two of you are not working together to make this visit mutually enjoyable and realistic. Yes, your slave can buy you the week off, but do you really want to spend an entire week placating someone? For the first day or two this might be fun, but it gets tedious very quickly after that. I'm still unsure whether the two of you have the same goals and expectations. If what you're both after is to determine long-term relationship compatibility, it doesn't sound like you're setting the stage very well for this. Ironically, if all you both want is a week of carefree, kinky play, I don't think you're setting the stage particularly well for this either. At this point, I'd recommend the two of you chat about what it is that you're doing. Drop the kinky talk and just communicate as two human beings. Truly, I think you'll get much farther discussing this outside a BDSM context. If you decide your goals are the same, you can work together at planning a mutually enjoyable visit and deciding on whatever money (if any) is to be exchanged.
Elan.
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