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RE: Need your opinion - 1/8/2008 11:30:59 PM

BabyDollVanIsle

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/27/2007
Status: offline

dear saltwater girl,

wow, people have given some great advice and perspective.

if the fellow can afford it, why not have him pay for your hotel room, and meet at a place with close access to a public dungeon, have him pay for the time to use the dungeon and maybe even an staff assistant for you.

this way you have convenient facilities, get to play in an interesting new place, give him the experience you seem willing to give him while not having him to your home. and if it isn't working for you, you can just go home.

if you give the situation another chance, i think you will have any questions you have about him answered, in terms of long term possiblities.

(in reply to CdnExplorer)

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Post #: 41

RE: Need your opinion - 1/9/2008 12:34:04 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Saltwatergirl,

quote:

ElanSubdued:
I mean, geesh, it sounds like this slave is about to become your full-time job. This is where loose definitions in BDSM cause confusion. To me, what you've described isn't a slave or a submissive, but he may be either (or both) of these things to you. In my own terminology, what you have is a "do me" boy and yes, were I you, I'd want to be paid for the "doing".

Oops. I got a little cocky here. Often the best chemistry is when you both want to "do" one another. :-) If you and your potential slave want to play, I see nothing wrong with this. I apologize if my words above are mistaken or come across in a judgmental, hurtful way. I'd remove this section, but unfortunately the Collar Me system will no longer allow me to edit my post.

Elan.

(in reply to Saltwatergirl)

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Post #: 42

RE: Need your opinion - 1/9/2008 12:39:43 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Saltwatergirl
What do you look for in a slave? or maybe better yet - what is your idea of the perfect slave?

While there might be some common traits, I think this question is best answered by you.

If the relationship you seek is a romantic D/s relationship then your perfect slave would also need to have compatibility to be a romantic companion. If the relationship you seek has the slave in a role that is more like a classic slave, the compatibility and traits required would be different.

With the information that is available to me through this thread, my instincts are beginning to wonder how much promise this opportunity has. I agree with HelenaTroy and others that if you were truly excited about the prospects here, you would not be concerned about being compensated.

Also, your posts suggest this man likely has a decent career. Let us imagine the week spent together goes well. What happens next? Is the scenario that he will leave his career to assume the role you would like to see on the farm a realistic one over a long period of time? If he is telling you that he is going to leave this career to be a slave, I wonder if he is being honest with you or with himself. If the situational compatibility seems weak, it could be causing doubt about whether this arrangement will work.

I once spoke with a friend about frustrations she was having with her sub. His submission was geared more towards masochism and they were having difficulties over him doing housework. He had a demanding career and they could afford to hire a professional maid. My advice to her was to find some service activities that fulfill her want for service, and to hire a maid so as to allow him to serve in areas that maximize his potential. I felt that there were fundamental matters that would have the frustrations linger, and that the cost of the maid would be worth ridding their marriage of that source of frustration. In that particular scenario, the D/s parameters and the relationship parameters did not fully align and some ground had to be given from what she might have wanted with a slave alone in favor of what she wanted from a marriage. This idea might also be relevant to you.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 1/9/2008 12:46:07 AM >

(in reply to Saltwatergirl)

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Post #: 43

RE: Need your opinion - 1/9/2008 12:49:37 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

I appreciate the effort you put into your thoughtful posts.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

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Post #: 44

RE: Need your opinion - 1/9/2008 5:29:37 AM

Saltwatergirl

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

I really do appreciate all of your opinions. They are most helpful in exploring both my thoughts and the slaves thoughts, motives etc. I am starting to think that perhaps because it seems like he has these "expectations" which in my mind a slave really shouldn't have, that I started to feel like this was more about what he wanted. I guess he thinks I am going to give him some adult disney land adventure - or at least that is how it felt.

Oh, for the first meeting it was not really a problem between us specifically. Some personal things came up during the time we were together that totally distracted and interfered with the experience.

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Post #: 45

RE: Need your opinion - 1/9/2008 8:50:03 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Sea,

quote:

I appreciate the effort you put into your thoughtful posts.

Thank you. I really appreciate your kind words. A few of my longer posts in this thread (yeah, okay... they're all long :-) got away from me. During this, some of my daemons from past, bad experiences slipped out. I certainly didn't mean to be coy, judgmental, or hurtful. Hopefully my intent (which is to be kind and helpful) comes through. Again, thank you for your thoughts.

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 1/9/2008 9:55:57 PM >

(in reply to undergroundsea)

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Post #: 46