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Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 8:33:16 AM   
signusnova


Posts: 21
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline 		I was noticing some of the posts of some female "slaves" and "subs" and to be honest they are pretty mean. Some call Male Doms liars. Some even get offended.  Whats up with this?  What is the proper method or process to address a prospect sub so that she does not get "offended" by even saying you are looking for a female slave? 
Some girls are really confused on what they want.  Some say they want a Master but cant stand the fact that the prospect Master asks a bit about themselves. Why are we here?  To meet like minded individuals. So why on earth there are women here that want you to be thier boyfriend and go to church with them. Then why do slaves want to hold hands with you and be your girlfriend? I am here to seek female slaves period. Whats wrong with that?
Some even have rules on how to speak to them.  For example, "Dont message me if you say xxxx or xxxx". "I want to submit my life to a Male Master and have no rights but I still want to do what I like?".  "I love this lifestyle but please dont whip me?" so on and so forth.
Please give me some insight on this.
Regards,
Signus


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 8:42:17 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

Please give me some insight on this.


"To each his own"

People want what they want, and sometimes they want to get offended/mean/catty/whatever.

So what?


_____________________________



(in reply to signusnova)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 8:46:47 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: signusnova
Please give me some insight on this.


Remember, it's not sexual harassment if you are good looking!

It is (very nearly) a waste of time to contact a female slave.  You need to make yourself known and then have them contact you...

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to signusnova)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 8:59:30 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Hi Signus,

Why are you approching this from such a heavily D/s influenced view? 

I think it's too often that people are 'in search of a sub' or 'I'm looking for my Master.'  As Taggard said, it's nearly futile (though I don't think for the reason and approach he suggested.)

Writing a potential slave/submissive as if they were a person you met on, say, Match.com might take a lot more effort and time, but it'll yield the kind of communication that allows intimacy to grow.  If you're writing a slave from a "I am UbarLordMasterofAll and I have written to inform you that you should drop to your belly and crawl to Me, worm." you're not likely to get any sort of meaningful, long term relationship out of it.  Instead, taking the "I'm a XX year old dominant, and I really liked what you said in your profile about hiking; I'm an avid hiker, and love being outdoors.  I'm a musician and love playing guitar, and I play regular gigs in my area.  I also love reading; mostly historical fiction, with the occasional Grisham novel tossed in."  Explaining who you are, and what about yourself you think a prospective submissive/slave would find interesting will land you a much higher quality of communication.

While you're at it, stop writing submissives/slaves who only have a couple of sentences of "I'm a real no-limits slave looking for a harsh cruel Master for immediate relocation."  Use some logic here; what sort of woman would actually write this?  A woman with no job, family, future, or money?  Someone who's greatest desire is to be kept in a box under your bed?  Trust me, these profiles are about as genuine as a Rolex sold on a street corner.  Don't even waste your time.

Good luck,

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 9:01:11 AM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		i think in the beginning we all have our limits and our main goal is to just get to know someone as a person.  There are things that turn everyone off, you too i'm sure so not understanding that, like those Doms who just seem to talk fantasy constantly are almost looking to get treated that way in my opinion.

We do get offended in the beginning because even though we are subs and slaves we have choosen to indulge and deserve at least in the beginning a little respect....maybe that's where the problem lies, i know that even though i am not searching i persistantly get emails from guys that only want to hear yes Sir and no Sir, and that is not how i communicate in this lifestyle with anyone but, the one that i serve. 

~meticulous~

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 9:24:58 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

Please give me some insight on this.


"To each his own"

People want what they want, and sometimes they want to get offended/mean/catty/whatever.

So what?



I think this is good advice.

Address a submissive like you would address any other human being. If they get offended then realize they are not for you and do not worry about their drama.

My advice for anyone on the other side is do not write to a person if you just like their picture or just because you have not written to them before but to be selective and take their words seriously. Personally I have found it not that hard to read a profile and determine if the person is sincere in trying to find someone for them, is on here for some attention and titillation or what I see the most is a person who has by daydreaming, attention they get spoiled them and cyber utopia disease make anyone not good enough in their eyes. If people avoided these they would save themselves a lot of frustration.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 9:34:14 AM   
KnOcala


Posts: 260
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		Its not your kingdom to make demands of your peasants.  Any of the "real" people will want to know you as a person before they are willing to submit to you.  

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 9:48:09 AM   
txnights05


Posts: 51
Joined: 7/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Why are we here? To meet like minded individuals. So why on earth there are women here that want you to be thier boyfriend and go to church with them. Then why do slaves want to hold hands with you and be your girlfriend? I am here to seek female slaves period. Whats wrong with that?


There is nothing wrong with that if that is what you want. I personally am looking for more of a "relationship" than what you seem to be expecting as i suspect many other sub/slaves are too. I can only speak for myself but i do expect my Dom/Master to be my friend and lover as well and not just think of me as furniture.

(in reply to signusnova)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 10:06:03 AM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Perfectly said. This is real life and we are all human beings. i find that you have to give respect to get it. Maybe why you see yourself being treated so harshly is because of how you come across. take a step back and check it out. Also, most (not all) are not into playing all the time. There is a time when we have to grow up and look for deeper and meaningful things.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to txnights05)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 10:07:53 AM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Your profile is blank.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to signusnova)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 10:35:17 AM   
signusnova


Posts: 21
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline 		I know you are not supposed to treat your slave like piece of furniture.  However sometimes certain "slaves" get really bitchy and act like Doms. Makes you think who is really in control does it?  I think is the slave that controls everything. Without thier yes there would be no Masters or Mistresses I think. 
I know there is certain etiquette in Master slave relationships. 
Thanks
Signus


(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 10:47:09 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: signusnova
Makes you think who is really in control does it?  I think is the slave that controls everything. Without thier yes there would be no Masters or Mistresses I think. 


The truth is, no one is really "in control".  In the best D/s relationships, both Master and slave submit to "the dynamic."  The slave knows her role, and relishes in the release of control.  The Master knows he is in charge, but also knows that it is a consensual arrangement.

The trick is getting the slave to the point of not wanting to exercise control...to trigger that thing in her that makes her unable to say "no".  This doesn't happen in the first email...though it can happen the first time you look into her eyes.

Taggard

< Message edited by TallDarkAndWitty -- 1/8/2008 10:59:39 AM >

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to signusnova)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 10:48:23 AM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		lol. til they get collared by someone, they are in control of their own destiny, and whom they get collared too.  Some are pain sluts, some love humiliation, some are just service, and some are all of that and more. Fill out your profile more, post intelligent, thoughtful stuff on the forums, get connected to your local community, and you might have better luck.  Though keeping in mind that there ALOT of male doms out there looking, and not that many single female subs.  And a question to ponder on:  What do YOU have to offer a sub?

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to signusnova)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 11:07:13 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Some women might not wish to answer very personal questions from a strange man who claims he is a Dominant.  This holds true especially for a Dom who is in a different country and says he is seeking only real time slaves for fucking, sucking, and BDSM fun (This information found in your profile).  You see...a slave from.....well.....New York City, USA would wonder how real time the relationship is going to be with someone from Honduras.  They might suspect you are a whanker looking for chat to get off on.  For that reason they might not wish to answer questions about a personal nature. 

You might be interested in knowing how many female slaves from your country there are on this site.  I did a seach and was sad to discover none.  This tells me that you've only been in contact with slaves from countries other than your own.  This alone might be a reason for the slaves you have contacted to suspect your motives in contacting them.  By the way...there are 2 other male Dominants and a male submissive listed for your country. 

As to the BDSM dating service you plan on setting up....with confirmed identities (also gotten from your profile information).  I might ask how you will confirm my identity since you are in Honduras and i am in Arizona, USA?  Have you even considere the logistics of confirmed identities? 



_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to signusnova)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 11:10:54 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: signusnova

I know you are not supposed to treat your slave like piece of furniture. 



A misperception, though apparently not your first.  Some people want to be treated like a piece of furniture.

quote:


However sometimes certain "slaves" get really bitchy and act like Doms.


Well if YOUR slave were to get bitchy, that would be up to you to handle.  However, if someone who is not your slave is getting bitchy with you, then it should be pretty apparent that she does not respect you and likely will not in the near future.  It seems to me, and I could be wrong here (hey, it could happen!) that you seem to think of people who identify as a slave as if they were a slave of a couple of hundred years ago.  That slave would treat all "masters" with deference.  Perhaps a good whap upside the head with a reality stick is in order? Oh, that is for you, not for the slaves, in case it wasn't clear.

quote:


Makes you think who is really in control does it?  I think is the slave that controls everything.


Each person controls themself.  You seem to want to TAKE control from someone.  In reality, they must give it.  Otherwise it's a felony.  Maybe work on a little charm and selflessness?

quote:


I know there is certain etiquette in Master slave relationships. 


Well, no, not really.  Each couple (or other number of people) in a relationship define it for themselves.  There is no set etiquette, just as there is no set etiquette in any type of interpersonal relationship.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to signusnova)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 11:23:47 AM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		I've had all kinds of "introductory" mesages from Doms - from the "vanilla" type, well thought-out and calculated to get a positive response from any self-respecting woman, to the type that says "I am going to be your Master," to  a couple that literally said only, "Mesage back," to one that said, "Does girl have a picture?" and one that said, "You take it up the ass?" Maybe I do and maybe I don't, but I don't take it FROM an ass.

I am listed as a sub - but as such I am still a mature, intelligent, articulate woman, and I have the right to expect respect for those qualities, for my ability to make an accurate self-assesment, and for the fact that I've made it this far in life on my own, with nobody else's help.

This may be a cyber "meat market," but it is not a "slave market." Gor exists in the literary world and in our imaginations - it is not a member of the United Nations.

Just my two cents' worth.

Subbie On Wheels

(in reply to LadyLynx)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 11:32:40 AM   
tigerstyle


Posts: 168
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline 		1. Stop trying so hard.
2. Don't take the tense or angry tone of many of the profiles so personally. YOU aren't a tool....right?

You mean this 19-year old Asian model seeking Extreme Brutal Master is a fake? Her profile gave me such a bone.....:(

< Message edited by tigerstyle -- 1/8/2008 11:33:52 AM >

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 11:44:40 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels

"You take it up the ass?" Maybe I do and maybe I don't, but I don't take it FROM an ass. 

I am listed as a sub - but as such I am still a mature, intelligent, articulate woman, and I have the right to expect respect for those qualities, for my ability to make an accurate self-assesment, and for the fact that I've made it this far in life on my own, with nobody else's help.

This may be a cyber "meat market," but it is not a "slave market." Gor exists in the literary world and in our imaginations - it is not a member of the United Nations.

Just my two cents' worth.

Subbie On Wheels



I concur. And the line I added the laughing dude to was priceless! Thank you for that.

~Christina

p.s. Everyone here has given you excellent advice. I doubt you'll listen, but, if you're wise you will.

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 12:02:02 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		I read your journal,   not everyone on CM is currently searching, some have partners, some some trying to decide if this is the lifestyle for them, others are here out of curiousity, some  come here for friendship and to join in on chats, so it is not strictly a dating site.

Not every sub wants to give up total control and be in 24/7 power exchanges, some are here as tops or bottoms because they enjoy the play dynamics,  some are only looking for bedroom D/s, M/s relationships or have desires for different levels of submission.  People also like to get to know each other as friends first to see if  they like each other and to find out if they are compatible only  after that they form a contract on what their relationship dynamics will be.  If you came to me and expressed an interest I am not going to start acting like your submissive from day one, I want to know if I can trust you first and know that you will be respectful of my needs, only after it is proven and I feel comfortable would I be ready to submit to you, it is not something you take by force from me, it is a gift that is given  once you've proven worthy of it.  Because there are so many  Doms that come on here  demanding instant submission, or showing a lack of  respect to the subs they contact, it has caused many subs to start stating what they will and will not put up with  especially in regards to first contact. If you want to contact them simply treat them with the same level of respect you would want from them


_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Whats wrong ? - 1/8/2008 1:23:32 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

Maybe what you are seeing as subs/slaves looking for a boyfriend is really them looking for a well-rounded relationship.

If I was approached only from a d/s angle, particularly if refered to as "girl" or some other moniker that is not my name, I just wouldn't be all that interested. Depending on what the actual letter, I would be downright snarky in my response. Even if we could scene all day long every day, that isn't the kind of relationship I want. I want to know if you like history, what kind of family you come from, where you want to go in life along with your kinks. I couldn't be happy if the only areas where Valyraen and I got along where the BDSM ones.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/8/2008 1:44:02 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 20
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