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RE: Would your life change - 1/10/2008 4:32:52 PM   
Arrrchibald


Posts: 350
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		No change at all.  

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Would your life change - 1/10/2008 4:53:02 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		Let's see. at 19 I met a person, eloped 3 weeks later, family was upset first but got over and accepted.. never once then did they ask me about my sex life nor did I go into explaining to them .....   I doubt anything would change today if it was a Dom instead, their biggest concerns is for my happiness and  safety, like it was back then, my son already knows.  

But I do not want to be witnessing my families   sex lives  when together   so out of mutual respect I would not try  shoving my lifestyle down their throats by forcing them to witness mine  either.  I have sat on the floor with past husbands by their feet in the livingroom with family around not D/s relationships, so I can do the same with a Dom unobtrusively without fanfare, or making a production of as well as fetch beverages and my family would not anything of it or finding it odd behaviour for me to do

If what you are saying  is you  want to  flaunt  your lifestyle  it becomes just  plain distasteful  and rude to others,  no different  if you were vanilla and sat there  french kissing, groping or putting hickies on each others neck in front of the family or friends .  

< Message edited by Maya2001 -- 1/10/2008 4:54:17 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Would your life change - 1/10/2008 4:55:43 PM   
RoughFN


Posts: 197
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline 		I've come out to a couple of people over the years about having an open relationship, most recently my sister (which implies my mom probably knows about it, too). I tend to get a battery of initial questions and then everybody seems to forget about it.

I don't get into details about bdsm activities because that's more private stuff and not necessarily anybody's business. My friends don't walk around talking about their sex lives or who handles their finances, so neither do I. But I wouldn't shy away from the question if anybody asked.

I've told one and only one friend about the bdsm stuff years ago, since he started it. He told me the story about how he went to a strip club (he was working on their website) and the owner convinced him to take off his shirt and get up on stage to be tied to a Saint Andrew's cross and be whipped by a "busty black woman". He thoroughly enjoyed it. So I told him about what I do, and all he could focus on for some reason was insisting that I must wear a little mask when beating someone. He never asked or thought about anything else. I think he subsequently forgot all about it.

I do have a few friends on my list of people to tell when I get around to it, but it hasn't come up in conversation. I'm sure they'll be pretty accepting of it, but we'll see where it leads. The whole reason I hooked up with babe in the manner I did was we were talking online and she said she had to go take a shower, so I told her to leave on her webcam. It completely threw her for a loop since I'd apparently never said anything sexual to her previously and she spent the next day and a half dwelling on it wondering what the hidden meaning was (or if it was something I typed in the wrong window). Finally, her curiosity got the better of her and she probed a bit more and here we are.

(in reply to Rushemery)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Would your life change - 1/10/2008 5:47:15 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Pretty much nothing would change. When friends have questions I answer honestly although I don't go into great detail (unless it's the gals and we've had a couple cocktails). My family can ask if they want info but no one has asked, and I sure wouldn't go into even the most general descriptions of my sex life with them even if it were vanilla.

I've always worn choker-type necklaces (hippie girl) so seeing me in a collar isn't something anyone would question. I've always had a tendency to sit on the floor beside someone's legs or bewteen their feet (male and female) so that's not uncommon. I guess I'm just pretty much myself at all times, when in a D/s dynamic or not.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Would your life change - 1/10/2008 5:57:50 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Yes. It did change, it changed a lot and in a very negative way. 2 years ago my almost legally aged niece saw the photo I had used here on my profile along with a couple of others that were very similiar. They were low key and I thought sort of tastefully done.I was in a corset and stockings with no 'bits' showing, I had no sex toys in hand or in sight. No restraints etc, just me in a corset in what I had thought to be some of the best photos ever taken of me.Well the family was/is outraged. I am no longer considered fit company for the nieces/nephew even though they are now all of legal age. I was assumed to be a prostitute and some sort of internet whore (I didn't really understand that bit).With that reaction over just some simple photos if they found out anything more I would be literally disowned. So I hide it, I keep that part of me locked away from the eyes of family. It hurts but they will never accept me as a submissive woman. I want/need to be a part of my family, so I just.. hide it. I wear my collar but they do not recognize the signifigance or meaning. If they did I would remove it when visiting. Luckily (?) since my photos were seen visits have become very very far and few between.I don't want that emotional hurt from them so I stay quiet. My friends that know a bit think I'm some sort of slightly sick freak. How dare I throw away decades of womens lib and be a submissive. Never mind that the fight was for the ability to choose and this IS my choice. So again, I keep it quiet. Heh I don't like to rock the boat. It hurts but I think it also hurt all of them because they don't understand it and it scares them. le sigh.

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(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Would your life change - 1/10/2008 6:03:04 PM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		Generally most of my vanilla friends don't understand the real meaning of BDSM They just think its sex with some whacking involved.. On my circle of friends they know me as a person that doesn't take thinks to seriously. So recently on a Saturday night when i was at my regular vanilla bar i go i did let one of my close friends know as he was frequently asking why i don't try to pick up the "chicks" my response was that i am kinky and his response was that: don't worry once you get them in bed then the rest is eazy... So how am i left to react with such a response?? smirking and chuckling away... The worse part now is that the bastard (i just call the maggot like that) is letting everyone know about my secret.. lol.. So now they all look at me with only there corner of there eye..... But as the pretty girl above me has said (camille) i would never dare let my family know.. It may have repercussions on me contacting my nieces and nephews, i'm not sure but i wouldn't risk it.. Even if it may not happen from my sister's side there husbands will have question to ask.

< Message edited by petpete -- 1/10/2008 6:09:35 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Would your life change - 1/10/2008 6:45:49 PM   
ksub4u


Posts: 124
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

It hurts but I think it also hurt all of them because they don't understand it and it scares them. le sigh.


I'm sorry you've had such difficulty - that judgment from family must have been very painful for you. 

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Would your life change - 1/10/2008 8:00:33 PM   
fluffyswitch


Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline 		doubt it would change anything. my dad already thinks i'm a freak,  my mom refers to my 'exotic' relationships, and most of my friends know at least parts of my lifestyle choices and i doubt the rest would surprise them.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Would your life change - 1/10/2008 9:42:02 PM   
amaris


Posts: 14
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline 		My Mother knows, she and my Father (now deceased) had what is termed on CM a 50's style relationship, she deferred to him in everything, he came first for my Mother, that was just how it was in our house. My Father knew before he died, he is the one who gave me courage to end my marriage because he could see it was slowly killing me from the inside, Mum knows I am submissive. 

Unfortunately my brothers who grew up used to the females in the family deferring to them seem to have inherited none of my Father's charm, tact, willingness to listen, or his Gentlemanly ways, and are instead somewhat bullying in their behaviours, for this reason I am glad they don't know.

Would it make my life easier, no I don't think so, those that matter don't mind, those that do mind don't matter.






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(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Would your life change - 1/10/2008 9:52:40 PM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		no matter how unjust our families opinion matters, Im sorry this is painful for you ... consider yourself hugged.

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Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Would your life change - 1/11/2008 6:51:30 AM   
SilentTigresss


Posts: 261
Joined: 1/18/2004
Status: offline 		The only thing that has changed is that most of my friends have come to me at least once to ask questions about their own life, and sexual issues.
i've written this before but none of my friends were surprised or shocked, nor was i abolished; at least i can pick good friends!  :)

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Would your life change - 1/11/2008 7:35:20 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		My sex life or my friends doesn't come up in conversation.  Other than someone saying I had a hot night last saturday night.  If I were to tell my family they would accept me so that wouldn't be a issue.  A couple of times when I have attempted to bring up the kinkier side of life, the conversation went nowhere.

BadOne

(in reply to SilentTigresss)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Would your life change - 1/11/2008 8:17:42 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		I come from quite an old fashioned bunch, so yeah things might change-some would be freaked out and try to drag Me to the church to say I was possesed, some (like My sister) would probably just laugh her head off at Me and tell My neice and nephew that thier stupid uncle is "a bit wierd".

I expect they'd get over it in the end.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Would your life change - 1/11/2008 8:24:34 AM   
MidnightFoxGirl


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline 		My family would probably not be very accepting at all, they would think that Alpha is abusing me. I tried to broach the subject once with my mom, very subtle...talking about someone else and she went on a tangent about slavery so I haven't tried that again.

some of our friends know, those that do have been ok with it. One was a little worried that it might not be what I wanted, but otherwise she was fine with it. I think it's more about what you are willing to share with those around you and how well you know them. If you believe your friends and family will be accepting then...most likely they will ...but if you have concerns that they won't then it's better to wait or keep it to yourself.
At least, that how I see it ^^

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Would your life change - 1/11/2008 12:27:02 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		I believe that many of them do know.  Not chapter and verse, nobody wants to hear the gory details.  But I think people know what the locked steel chain around my neck stands for.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Would your life change - 1/14/2008 12:37:35 AM   
Feric


Posts: 227
Joined: 1/9/2008
From: San Francisco
Status: offline 		Probably. I come from a very traditional background, so complete acceptance for the lifestyle would require quite a change on the family's part. 

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(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Would your life change - 1/14/2008 1:53:51 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		It would be nice to speak open about it, when people know. The thing holding me back, is that i am not in the mood to explain things. I am just who I am.

(in reply to Feric)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Would your life change - 1/14/2008 2:19:24 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

My mother sat on the floor in front of my father often, she liked her hair played with. 


Same in my house!  my mother often sat on the floor next to my dad's chair (the one no one else was allowed to sit in) while he petted her hair or neck.  No one thought anything of it.  i have done the same in many 'vanilla' settings.  At restaurants, Master and i sit next to each other, never across from each other.  My collar is a silver choker made to resemble barbed wire which i wear all the time.  Kinky?  Yeah, a little, but everyone who knows me knows i'm a little 'odd' anyway.

i can't think of anything that would change if i were 'out'.

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Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Would your life change - 1/14/2008 4:12:34 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I would worry my family needlessly. My father's 81 years old and there is no way he could understand the myriad ramifications. He would worry about me and my ums being taken advantage of, of being stolen from, of being abused. Why would I do that to him?

They see our relationship without labels and they judge it to be one in which I am protected and respected. Which is how my friends see it. Why would I want everyone upset and worried for no reason?

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Would your life change - 1/14/2008 4:15:44 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		My life didn't change. Everyone in my family knows who pup is, surely they didn't think I was dating a guy 30 years my junior. He wears his collar morning, noon and night. With the exceptions of sleeping, at which time he wears his sleep collar. My adult neice found out this year and she says to me "I knew I was like you". I certainly hope so <s>

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(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 60
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