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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 12:32:49 PM

Jeffff

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Yes Katy..........why don't you tell us all about............Ben..........hummmmm?

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 12:32:53 PM

bestbabync

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Dnomyar,

like i said this is my take on it! meaning this is how i felt when i was in the situation. notice i said 'when i was'. i do seek someone that can commit to me 100%, and a married man cannot do that. therefore, if a Dom is married, i wish him well and move on.

kiss!

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 12:33:08 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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confused where? i'm not cheating on either dom - i have 2 ...dos, deux, two seperate relationships where with Daddy, it's not sexual. yes i'm getting married to my SO and no it won't be cheating on him since Daddy will remain as Daddy in my life.

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 12:36:25 PM

beargonewild

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Part of me is quick to condemn people who do cheat on their spouses, yet in all honesty I can't actually condemn them.. I have been in the position where I had affairs with married men and their wives didn't know. What I have learned over the years and being "the other man" is that I can not make any judgment on the ones who do cheat. Yet I have learned that relationships take on may forms. What I have found to ease my conscious(sp) is knowing that it is the married man who chased after me and I wasn't the one chasing them. Yes, this probably doesn't justify my actions and puts me in a poor light, yet that is something which I have to live with and not anyone else.

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 12:37:04 PM

bestbabync

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oh and one more thing.

not everyone wants commitment from their Dom or sub and that is their right. i just happen to be a sub that wants more than what the married Dom can provide.

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 12:43:10 PM

PanthersMom

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just noticing this alarming trend? from day one, many years ago, that was a good portion of what i saw online. that's one of the reasons i do not play online, if it's not real, it's not for me. all i've ever gotten online was headaches.

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 12:44:48 PM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

confused where? i'm not cheating on either dom - i have 2 ...dos, deux, two seperate relationships where with Daddy, it's not sexual. yes i'm getting married to my SO and no it won't be cheating on him since Daddy will remain as Daddy in my life.

Still confused. How is that any different to open relationships? Sex has nothing to do with it. Take that out of the equasion because many open relationships only have sex in one of the relationships.

the.dark.

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 12:46:36 PM

beargonewild

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

It must be time to go home because I feel like venting. bestbaby you have no reason to cry. You know where the door is. I hear so many women on here bitching about this but they turn around and get themselves into it all over again. It is all the married mans fault. Mmmm could it be the women are doing it because they cant handle being commited to a single man.

Yet to be fair all around, men are also known to seek affairs also. To be fully open about this, both have to take responsibilty for the affair, the person who seeks to have one and the other person who agrees instead of walking away.

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 1/10/2008 12:51:23 PM >

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 12:56:47 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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perhaps you should address your confusion to me offline because i don't how to explain my separate relationships between 2 men any simplier than i just did ...unless i start drawing diagrams

< Message edited by sambamanslilgirl -- 1/10/2008 12:58:03 PM >

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 1:40:57 PM

RCdc

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I just do not see your relationship as any different to open ones.
There are plenty of open relationships, that have sex involved with one part of the relationship, no sex and more a provider role in the other. They are completely seperate relationships - no different to yours - you have two relationships, one you have said is under the blessing of your daddy... they know about each other, they understand about each other, they are open relationships whether they are two seperate ones or not - yet you just said all open relationships are cheating ergo - you are also calling yourself a cheater and I was just confirming that.

Either that or your contradicting yourself and being a hypocrite.

Poly is poly, no matter how you go about it. There are just different kinds. You want me to list them for you to make it easier to understand, I will. But an open poly relationship is not cheating.

the.dark.

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 1:50:21 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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i'm neither a hyporcite or contradicting myself - remember you're the who is confused that cannot figure out i have 2 separate relationships with 2 separate Dominants which is neither poly or otherwise.

i'm not cheating on either dominant and never will. neither dominant has never or ever will co-dominate together.

like i said - i cannot get any plainer and simplier than that for you.

my question to you is again - where does your so-called confusion lay? again i request that you address it offline which you have blatantly refuse - otherwise move along and get over it.

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 1:58:22 PM

beargonewild

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Maybe what is needed is an acceptable and clear agreeable definition of open relationship as opposed to having two distinct and separate relationships?

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 1:58:28 PM

xxblushesxx

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Just to be clear; my question was not directed to 'open' or 'poly' relationships. I don't think you necessarily lose the element of trust in those cases.
It was directed at straight out liars and cheaters.
I think everyone who is affected by your actions (especially with what you could be bringing home) should be made aware of those actions and have the choice whether to continue with you or not.
That is called a level playing field.
jmo...

~Christina

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 1:59:10 PM

RCdc

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I don't need to take it offline, you brought it up on the forum, so I am asking on the forum. Unless you have something to hide or don't like being challenged I will ask and you can answer. You may decide not to - no biggy. I will still ask the hell I want.
I am not confused about your relationship, just the hypocrasy. Your partners may not be poly, but by definition you are. Your relationships are seperate but they are well aware of each other, You were quite happy to exude your happiness when your Daddy gave his blessing on the board which is all cool and great and I wish you the very best. You are open in your relationships. Open relationships have external relationships - like you have. Ergo - by your definition - you are cheating. I just wanted to confirm. Thank you.

the.dark.

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 2:04:07 PM

juliaoceania

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I have to say, I have never understood the term "cheating" being applied to open relationships or poly relationships. There are plenty of people all over the world that live in these sorts of relationships.... women with multiple husbands (yes, rare, but it does happen), men with multiple wives, cultures that have serial monogamy as the norm are rather common in hunter/gatherer societies that have been recorded. Cheating is when someone is being dishonest with their partner. Cheating implies elements of a lack of consent. Some dictionaries say that adultery is cheating, but what about those societies that allow more than one spouse? Just because we do not allow for more than one spouse does not mean it is wrong, or dishonest to have more than one spouse.

Here is my working definition for "cheating?"

quote:

1: to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud2: to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice3: to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting

I disapprove of real cheating because it deprives a person of knowledge that they need to decide whether or not to continue in a relationship. It is a nonconsensual action on the part of the cheater. In my world of ethics it is wrong to have some partake of my kink nonconsensually, perhaps being exposed to diseases, and forcing them to live an inauthentic life.

That being said, I do not think that people who do not live as I do, or by a different ethical code are evil or terrible people, but I do believe that behavior is wrong. I do not believe having open relationships or being poly is at all wrong, and I draw a huge distinction between these situations based upon consent

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 2:04:17 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

i'm neither a hyporcite or contradicting myself - remember you're the who is confused that cannot figure out i have 2 separate relationships with 2 separate Dominants which is neither poly or otherwise.

i'm not cheating on either dominant and never will. neither dominant has never or ever will co-dominate together.

like i said - i cannot get any plainer and simplier than that for you.

my question to you is again - where does your so-called confusion lay? again i request that you address it offline which you have blatantly refuse - otherwise move along and get over it.

I imagine the confusion lies in simply trying to understand your judgemental and contradictory posts where you make blanket statements with no regards to how possibly things might not add up in your black and white view.

However, I am curious. What exactly constitutes "sex" and "cheating" in your view?

Vaginal penetration?
Anal penetration?
Oral sex?
Penetration with a dildo?
A hand job?
A pair of nipple clamps?
Hot wax?
A spanking?
A massage that might have some erotic tones?
Kissing?
Hugging?
Touching?

Where is the line drawn that somehow makes your intimacy you share with your two partners "okay" and everyone elses "not okay"?

I would love to hear all about it.

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 2:05:49 PM

RCdc

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My apology to blushes... didn't mean to hijack your thread...
You are right, your post wasn't about poly or open relationships. I may post as bear suggested and get peoples views on said hey... apology to you again.

the.dark.

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 2:05:50 PM

KnOcala

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No cheating of any kind can be tolerated.
End of sentence,
There is no more.
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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 2:06:51 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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whatever - not cheating ...not poly or otherwise - think what you assume since you're the one who brought up my relationships to this thread not me

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RE: Cheating, Lying Kinksters - 1/10/2008 2:11:54 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Do you, as a sub, want to give yourself to a Dom who is such a coward he can't tell his wife what his fantasies are, AND that you even exist?

been there ...done that and won't do it again. i had 2 formers who had no qualms cheating on their wives (1 even had a "stable" of others if i wasn't available). however i have met doms here who are married (and they proudly state that in their profile) openly searching for that submissive.

i know i'm going to get flamed for this - but why in hell stay married if you're openly cheating on your spouse? i know the old saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" yet to me, no matter if you have an open marriage and understanding spouse - cheating is still cheating.

And that is where I would disagree with you...in an "open" relationship, the term "cheating" is oxymoronic. Cheating is where you either become involved with someone else in an intimate manner that your partner is NOT aware of or, if your partner is aware of your activities and consents to them, you go outside the boundaries laid down between you and your partner to define the level of involvement with another....e.g....wife is O.K. with husband seeing others for sexual BDSM encounters but on a casual basis only with only enough "getting to know them" to enable a feeling of dominance/submission during play. Husband and submissive go further...carry the D/s over into their interactions outside the "play" arena. That is one form of cheating in an open relationship.

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