RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment

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RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 1:18:53 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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I broke out into singing, "It's not easy being green" once, but I didn't mean it.

Seriously, talk to your Dom and ask him about it. A simple, "What prompted you to switch to using my name other than the role playing name?" might help you get your answer.

(in reply to Statepalace)

Post #: 21

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 3:45:29 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
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If he really means in time he will bring it up again in a less intense moment, so you can either wait for that moment to arrive or if you find it is really weighing on your mind ask

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 22

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 4:11:38 AM

Rianne

Posts: 49
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline

I think I'd be in a similar place as you are...it's a hard one. I know he can get me to say things in the moment that I get very embarrassed about at other times, but that's different. Although I know that when I'm deep into anything for 6 hours, I start to live that in my head like it's the whole world, and all kinds of important things slip off my planet...like the real world.

Let us know how it turns out.

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 23

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 4:43:19 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Statepalace
To me, it is not game playing and crap to ask something online before I talk to my relationship partner. It is a way for me to practice, refine my thoughts and get feedback from others before talking to my partner.

reminds me of talking to myself in the car, talking to a chair, practicing a dialogue with a friend, writing out my feelings, talking to a friend over coffee for her opinion....nah, this isn't game playing.... You have been so upfront and added more details as the conversation has moved forward, like a real conversation, that it seems very appropriate to me. We all have our ways of getting feedback and support this is (one of) yours. That's cool.

peace.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Statepalace)

Post #: 24

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 6:12:21 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Statepalace
Maybe the question should be "Men, would you want something you said in the heat of the moment brought up again, or would you prefer it not be mentioned?"

Are you sure you heard him correctly? If he's in the heat of the moment is there a possibility that you were enraptured a bit yourself? An old female acquaintance of mine who I was intimately involved with and who wanted a larger relationship with me was sure one time that I said the L word to her. I found this out through a mutual friend. I recall the conversation clearly - it wasn't in the heat of passion, even - and I really did not say that. I would never have said that at that point in the proceedings given the convoluted nature of the circumstances at that time even though I did love her.

Are you sure you heard what you think you heard?

P.S. This is not why I videotape play but it's another good reason to.

(in reply to Statepalace)

Post #: 25

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 6:12:58 AM

Suleiman

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I always stand by what I say. I try very hard not to say things in the moment (or rather, when I am in the moment I try to make sure that I will not later regret what I am about to say). I have had dominants say things to me in a fit of passion that they later took back. Both were women. Go figure.

(edited to add) Both times I believed them. It hurt like hell when they backpedaled. I swore to myself I'd never do that to anybody I cared about, and I don't play with people I don't have strong feelings for.

< Message edited by Suleiman -- 1/12/2008 6:14:55 AM >

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to Statepalace)

Post #: 26

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 6:16:08 AM

Evility

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Joined: 12/19/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Statepalace
MissMagnolia - wait and see of He says it again was one of my top choices for handling it.

That is what I would recommend, as well.

(in reply to Statepalace)

Post #: 27

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 6:24:02 AM

cherrypez

Posts: 114
Joined: 12/20/2007
Status: offline

    I definately have.   I have also agreed to things that he knows I would never agree to do if I were not totally out of my head in excitement.    He has told me things that he was going to do to me at some future time when he was totally excited that I know will never come to pass.
  Honestly, at times, I have asked him about certain things he has expressed in arousal, if I wasn't sure and it bothered me.   For example, the other night you said--did you mean that or was it said in the heat of passion.
You are not going to know unless you ask or if you wait it out and he expresses these feelings when he is not aroused.

(in reply to Statepalace)

Post #: 28

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 7:08:13 AM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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My experiences in this world with men that were serious about me....

My ex husband began talking about spending the rest of his life with me during oral sex after we had been seeing each other about a year.

My Daddy from the very first said warm wonderful things to me when in the heat of the moment, and he never says things he doesn't mean...

This is just my experience with men that said "things" in the heat of the moment. I do not know what is the case with your gentleman friend, but there are many ways to ask a question of such a nature without pressing about it. I find that men often open up in the heat of the moment in ways they wouldn't necessarily do otherwise, but that does not mean they do not feel that way.

BTW, if you do ask, and he confirms he means it in a nonchallant tone, it could be because for some men it is hard to share those types of feelings, especially when they first start doing so. If I were you, I would wait, because he will eventually restate it if he meant it. He will probably restate it sooner rather than later. It is always better when people say things like that uncoached. And since things are obviously going well for the both of you, what is the hurry to hear it again?

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/12/2008 7:09:20 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Statepalace)

Post #: 29

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 10:18:26 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Well I'm generally ok with the waiting deal and wish more people could employ that- but I'm more concerned about WHY she wants to wait. She doesn't want to make things awkward. That shows avoidance and insecurity- not just content to see things through.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 30

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 1:41:37 PM

sexyred1

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I tend not to take anything seriously said in the heat of passion. People will say most anything when over stimulated.

I find the things said when not in the heat of passion, and more importantly, the actions done outside of the heat of the moment, to be more accurate.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 31

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 3:47:04 PM

SweetPerversion

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/12/2008
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I guess this doesnt help you now but Sir and I always discuss a scene after (once we are back to level ground and all) and if he said something and I was unsure about it then that would give me a chance to bring it up openly without awkwardness. Ie is it was your case I could say you know I really loved it when you used my name and said ......, then if he avoids/changes topic you have your answer or he may open up and say it again.

As for the long distance thing, Sir and I are long distance (a 16 hour car trip about 1400km) and we have known from the outset we are meant to be, my view if if you really care for this guy let him know.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 32

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 5:57:11 PM

MissOchistic

Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
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I'm not a Master, but sadly I must admit that I have done this, in both positions, and in the vanilla world.
I think a good way to go would be honestly asking him, just so long as you wouldn't be terribly hurt if he told you he was saying things he didn't necessarily mean.
If it would hurt you badly, I suggest just letting it go, or taking it whatever way you want to.

_____________________________

"The amount i care for Thee
is more than two, but less than three."

"Submission is a potlatch."

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 33

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 6:43:10 PM

vampchick88

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Joined: 4/10/2007
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This is a tricky one. I once had a guy say he loved me, then later completely denied it. Men can be weird when it comes to this. Its like when their little head is up the big one gets stupid and they never know what the hell they're saying. It might have been his subconcious, it might have been him in 'happy zone'. If he says it when its not during that...um...event, then your good and in the clear. Somtimes dropping hints of what was said can provoke the convo where it might be said. Hope things work out for you.

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Proud owner of rubberpet, the best investment of my time, trust, and heart that any Domme could ever dream of.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 34

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 9:05:46 PM

KnOcala

Posts: 260
Joined: 12/19/2007
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No, In control of myself. Very careful when playing. I've said things not in the heat of the moment I would like to have back but like a gun once you fire it, no way to get the bullet back

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 35

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 9:12:43 PM

laurell3

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I don't think I would wait for some preset time. I think the time has been accelerated by his comments and I personally would have concern of how he would feel if I just avoided it and didn't reciprocate if he truly did mean it. Don't look for any one answer, accept whatever answer he gives you, but talk to him.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to KnOcala)

Post #: 36

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 10:37:24 PM

junecleaver

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There's always the option of asking him, but in your situation, it wouldn't look like a good idea to me. My Dominant has never really said anything in a scene that he wouldn't have said outside of one. But we are at the point in our relationship where everything has already been discussed....ie commitment and the controversial 'l' word. I think you are wise to just wait. If whatever he said is a recurring feeling/thought, it will probably be said again under more normal circumstances. If it was complimentary...take it as a compliment...but not so seriously. I know you mentioned it was not the 'l' word, but I think the gist of the example can be applied to other statements too. If someone told me they loved me in the heat of the moment, part of me would think that means they want to love me even if they aren't at that point in reality and I would give them time to grow into it. I hope that makes sense.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to Statepalace)

Post #: 37

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 10:46:59 PM

Lordandmaster

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Joined: 6/22/2004
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I'm a big opponent of thinking something and not sharing it with your dom.

I'd do something like this:

"Sir [or whatever you call him], may I speak?"

"Yes, X [whatever he calls you]."

"Sir, what did you mean the other night when you said 'XYZ'? I [or whatever you call yourself in his presence] have been thinking about it constantly ever since, because it had a profound effect on me."

He'll have to give you SOME insight into his feelings at that point.

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 38

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 11:44:23 PM

sunshinemiss

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Joined: 11/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I'm a big opponent of thinking something and not sharing it with your dom.

I'd do something like this:

"Sir [or whatever you call him], may I speak?"

"Yes, X [whatever he calls you]."

"Sir, what did you mean the other night when you said 'XYZ'? I [or whatever you call yourself in his presence] have been thinking about it constantly ever since, because it had a profound effect on me."

He'll have to give you SOME insight into his feelings at that point.

SSM: Excuse me , L&M, may I speak?

L&M: Yes, sunshine.

"SSM: Sir, what do the fucking elephants of your avatar mean? I have been thinking constantly about them ever since I first saw them because it's had a profound effect on me. I seem to want to go to Africa.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 39

RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment - 1/12/2008 11:52:46 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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You know, I don't think anyone has ever asked me--at least not in the forums.

I like the avatar for a few reasons.

1. It shows two animals doing what they want to do without an iota of self-consciousness. Pretty much bullshit-free communication, and they really don't give a shit what anyone else thinks of what they're doing. I admire that. We humans, once we set aside all our baggage, strive to do what those elephants seem to be doing effortlessly.

2. I admire elephants because they work together and care for one another, and use intelligence to solve problems.

3. No one ever fucks with an elephant twice. You don't bother the elephants, and the elephants won't bother you, but if you fuck with one, you'll find out that you made a mistake.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 40

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