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RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/13/2008 11:05:27 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		It came to me one day that it'd be a kind of funny nick name, and it's also supposed to indicate an interest in spankings, their hand for spanking my butt, all though sometimes people have interperted it as a desire for something else, like anal fisting, but mostly those mis interpertations are few and far between. Unlike when I was equestrianne on alt, every one thought I wanted pony play when equest means horse rider, lol.
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

How true! By the way if you don't mind telling me how did you come up with your screen name? It is one of the best i have ever heard and i've heard a lot of good ones.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 201
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/13/2008 11:05:33 AM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FullCircle

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
I didn't know jack shit about budgeting or investing when I was 19 and there is a vast difference between my knowledge now and then.


It's a bit myopic to judge others by your own standards.


Wow, that's really ironic coming from you, given your previous posts on this thread.
quote:


quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
You might try thinking a bit and realizing there is a greater philosophical question here that goes past the details of the example I used to illustrate it.


Do enlighten me I'm all for learning new things.




Try to imagine for just a minute that you are 20 year old girl, in her junior year of college, barely able to make enough money at some crappy part time job to pay for a movie or a party here and there but you are at least able to do well enough in school to please your parents who still take decent care of you in terms of tuition, car insurance, and healthcare. Your parents have always been supportive but in exchange for their "support" you have to do what they say (Do your homework, eat your vegetables, be in bed by 10, no tattoos, no piercings, no boyfriends they don't approve of, etc.) lest they decide to cut you off and leave you unable to pay for college or even buy groceries. You'd better believe that there are people out there who are VERY much under their parents' control even as they enter adulthood, so what happens if such a person decides she is a sub and gets into a relationship with someone who basically takes over the same role as protector and provider that her parents always have - in exchange for the same control, and more (the sexual and s/m aspects.) While not guaranteed, it is POSSIBLE that such a person can find herself never really gaining real world experience in fending for herself which could be detrimental when that relationship ends. I'm not saying by any means that this happens frequently but MadRabbit's posing of the question is a very valid point. It isn't all just about money and knowing how to balance a checkbook. There are plenty of other, more important developmental issues, revolving around the formation of an identity as an autonomous person that are just really taking hold when a person reaches the age when they are working and supporting themselves and thus gaining independence from their parents. I know that many people don't have the luxury of being fully supported by their parents and are forced to grow up more quickly. I went to college with people on both ends of the spectrum: ones whose parents paid $200,000 for their kid's education and ones whose parents sent them out on their own to get a quarter of a million dollars in student loans. The ones who paid for school on their own were much closer to adults by that age. They got to choose where they lived and how they lived. Those still subsidized by their parents had less control because the parents had this right to govern considering the kid was indebted for this outrageously priced education.

So what happens when someone who has never had real control over their own life goes straight into a situation where they still have no control over their whole life? Having gone through the experience myself, of becoming someone's slave during very formative years of my life, I certainly understand the point posed by MadRabbit, it is not something that is purely hypothetical. And I do think that it can be handled in a way (like Aqua and Rover have mentioned) that can be hugely constructive to a person but it can also be handled in a way that can be destructive to a person. The Dom certainly has the obligation to use his/her power responsibly so as to not stifle the sub's growth into a fully independent adult even while nurturing him/her as a slave.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to FullCircle)
Profile   Post #: 202
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/13/2008 11:14:15 AM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Actually, i took it to mean just what you meant it to mean. A warning though. i may steal it one day years from now when i am on another message board. :)

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 203
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/13/2008 11:14:34 AM   
FullCircle


Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry can people stop making this thread about me because the topic has enough weight on its own apparently.

I think someone made your point already I'm just tired of trying to understand the specific D/s relevance?

Anything I write is going to add to this nonsense, more people wrote than just I. If you want your share or the drama pie go and attack one of them because I'm bored now..

_____________________________

∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 204
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/13/2008 11:16:12 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: FullCircle

Sorry Mr MadRabbit you are the only person I’m going to apologise to.



I can't say I am all that surprised as the way this turned out. No matter how you write a controversial topic, people will still manage to read it with a filter on. This is my only real beef in our exchange of words, because I am saying A and you are taking it as B.

I unfortunately can't answer some of the questions you have asked because those questions were asked off the basis that I was "saying" or "implying" or "insisting" B instead of "asking" A. I haven't made any gross absolute statements or stated a hard opinion that there is an age limit to an M/S relationship or that I believe that anyone who enters one at too young of an age is going to come out unable to cope with life. Submitting an abstract concept for discussion isn't the equivalent of believing that concept is "true" or "going to happen" in every scenario or context.

So when you present questions such as "What is the age limit?" "How young is too young?", I unfortunately can't answer them, because they are asking me to submit an opinion that you seem to think I have, but don't.

Sadly, if you argue in a discussion based off a tangent created by your own imagination (and one you have continued to hold to despite any clarification I provide), your going to get fed to the wolves. I don't take it personally. I hope you don't either.

If you had simply submitted an opinion in disagreement with the concept presented, I won't have tried to draw blood, but you didn't. You insisted that I was implying something that I was not implying. I was just trying to make people think.

But...hey...maybe this is just a result of my "naive childishness" and lack of the understanding of the "obvious" answer presented by the wise and all knowing Invictus that someone who decides to be a slave is never going to need any life skills! (Besides the important ones like sucking cock, I suppose).

Thanks to everyone who replied, particularly our new troll for the entertainment of ignorant opinions, insulting statements, and childish drama (all the while pretending to be the nicest and friendliest person on Collarme.com).




wipes off monitor,,,you fooled me and got me with the last statement.  It was true, but I spattered my monitor.  Happy weekend!!!!!!!!

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 205
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/13/2008 11:33:06 AM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Whew, this is better than UFC! Good stuff. 

Anyway, regarding the OP, I think it is a very valid question, kudos MR.  Not to polute the D/s vs. vanilla relevance thing, but I had a very intense vanilla relationship through all of my college years.  I became very co-dependent, and basically lost my identity, and this was with someone who wasn't even particularly dominant, maybe even more submissive.  I just was so needy and submissive at the time that I put his desires and feelings so far above my own that it was very destructive to me.  He was however a very 'caretaking' type and took care of everything he could for me from computer stuff to car stuff etc.  When I finally realized I needed to find my own identity it was a very good thing, but I also really overcompensated for a lot of the intensity and confusion and lost feelings I had experienced and I think it prevented me from being able to develop healthy, intimate relationships for a long time.  I think it would have been even more destructive, and harder recognize/accept that and break free from a defined D/s relationship. 

That said, I think I turned out okay.  We all have challenges that contribute to our development and make us who we are.  People will do what they are drawn to and make their mistakes; you can't protect them from everything, especially themselves.  I don't regret that relationship.  I do worry about people who give themselves over so completely though, before they have really developed their own identity and life skills, and the dependence and devotion that they feel can make it ny impossible to leave a destructive situation.  Especially when the dominant's life skills and judgement might not be so good either, thus they are led towards hardship, learn bad habits, or even un-learn good ones.  My heart goes out, and I can only hope that they come out stonger and wiser for it in the end.  

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 206
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/13/2008 12:19:28 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

Here in florida if you are under 18 as she  was . It is against  the law no matter if she jumped on him and raped him herself. Here he would still be charged. It's on our news casts here almost every day.

They met 20 years ago,. Was the law in New York the same as they are now? Just curious.


I believe they are Canadian so really that should explain everything ;)

Just kidding of course. The real truth of it is that we are all doing things that could be considered illegal but it makes us happy. After being together for 20 years, I don't think anyone can look at KoM and Alandra and say they did the wrong thing by choosing to be together, perhaps 1 year before some outside party decided it was ok. It might not be the right life choice for everyone, but it worked fine for them, so who cares?

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 207
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/13/2008 12:20:50 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FullCircle

Sorry can people stop making this thread about me because the topic has enough weight on its own apparently.

I think someone made your point already I'm just tired of trying to understand the specific D/s relevance?

Anything I write is going to add to this nonsense, more people wrote than just I. If you want your share or the drama pie go and attack one of them because I'm bored now..


Eh... you don't get it. We accept that. If you are bored, leave the thread. The comments people make to your previous comments might help someone else understand.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to FullCircle)
Profile   Post #: 208
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/13/2008 12:25:27 PM   
FullCircle


Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline 		You expect me to go back and read all the crap that has been written towards me?
 
Go find another monkey.

< Message edited by FullCircle -- 1/13/2008 12:36:10 PM >

_____________________________

∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 209
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/13/2008 12:25:52 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

. Here in florida if you are under 18 as she  was . It is against  the law no matter if she jumped on him and raped him herself. Here he would still be charged. It's on our news casts here almost every day.

They met 20 years ago,. Was the law in New York the same as they are now? Just curious.


What does the age of consent in the US have to do with people who live in Canada?  Age of consent in Canada is 14, so your implications about Alandra being a minor are pretty groundless.

Knight's Kyra


Ahhh, see? I should have left it to the experts.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 210
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/13/2008 12:28:23 PM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		i agree with you, by the way i love your picture. If i can talk my Owner it to it, i want to have one made of us. He doesn't care for pictures very much. Maybe we can do it for Valentines day.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 211
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/13/2008 12:48:13 PM   
cherrypez


Posts: 114
Joined: 12/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

i agree with you, by the way i love your picture. If i can talk my Owner it to it, i want to have one made of us. He doesn't care for pictures very much. Maybe we can do it for Valentines day.
   That would be way cool!   I would hope that you would post it and share it with all of the friendly people on CM, but only the friendly ones.    We had ours done last Valentine's Day at the Walmart Studio.    I wore my pretty white gothic gown that I sewed myself on the Singer and a collar that is studded with ruby hearts.   They wouldn't allow the leash though or the flogger but he did wear his Leather Chaps and Leather Vest.   They made him put his jeans on under the chaps though, they said his thong was a bit too revealing.   I hate the fact that Walmart is not a bit more kink friendly but it was beautiful anyways.             

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 212
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/14/2008 8:17:09 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cherrypez

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

i agree with you, by the way i love your picture. If i can talk my Owner it to it, i want to have one made of us. He doesn't care for pictures very much. Maybe we can do it for Valentines day.
  
That would be way cool!   I would hope that you would post it and share it with all of the friendly people on CM, but only the friendly ones.    We had ours done last Valentine's Day at the Walmart Studio.    I wore my pretty white gothic gown that I sewed myself on the Singer and a collar that is studded with ruby hearts.   They wouldn't allow the leash though or the flogger but he did wear his Leather Chaps and Leather Vest.   They made him put his jeans on under the chaps though, they said his thong was a bit too revealing.   I hate the fact that Walmart is not a bit more kink friendly but it was beautiful anyways.             


Seriously, what is your problem? 



_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to cherrypez)
Profile   Post #: 213
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/14/2008 8:21:21 AM   
cherrypez


Posts: 114
Joined: 12/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

quote:

ORIGINAL: cherrypez

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

i agree with you, by the way i love your picture. If i can talk my Owner it to it, i want to have one made of us. He doesn't care for pictures very much. Maybe we can do it for Valentines day.
  
That would be way cool!   I would hope that you would post it and share it with all of the friendly people on CM, but only the friendly ones.    We had ours done last Valentine's Day at the Walmart Studio.    I wore my pretty white gothic gown that I sewed myself on the Singer and a collar that is studded with ruby hearts.   They wouldn't allow the leash though or the flogger but he did wear his Leather Chaps and Leather Vest.   They made him put his jeans on under the chaps though, they said his thong was a bit too revealing.   I hate the fact that Walmart is not a bit more kink friendly but it was beautiful anyways.             


Seriously, what is your problem? 


The fact that a decent thread was repeatly highjacked.  

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 214
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/14/2008 12:03:22 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		uh huh

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to cherrypez)
Profile   Post #: 215
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/14/2008 12:42:27 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		ok, so my disclaimer, i did not read the whole thread...this is a fast reply of my opnion and my opinion only...

i have been involved in real life D/s relationships since aproximately 2 months after i turned 18, so there would not be a question of legality (that was not a barb at anyone here, that was litterally my thought at that age, i like older men, i always have...i did not want there to be any legal problems possible for them)....and i entered my first 24/7 M/s relationship 4 months after that...so i've been doing this for over 6 years...

that being said...some of the best things that could have ever been done for me, have been for them to release me so that i could grow up...i haven't been in a long term D/s or M/s relationship in almost 3 years...and long term for someone my age is longer than 2 months...heck, i'm starting to thing any relationship longer than 2 months in this lifestyle is long term, no matter what the age....but anyway....i have done soooo much growing since that know it all 18 year old first got involved in a D/s relationship....i did a lot of interpersonal growing in relationships...i learned to trust and how to interact withother people normally, and so many other things...then when i was single...i learned about myself, and how to trust me,...and how to interact with other people without having sex with them or at least trying to (this one may seem like a "duh" to some people...but there was a point in my life when i didn't know how not to be sexual...)...and there were further growth periods....coming into my own....i don't know if i could have done them any other way than i did...i just know that i did them the way that i did, and at the time, i felt that i could not have done them with that kind of control...

does that make any sense?
chelle


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 216
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/14/2008 12:47:56 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

ok, so my disclaimer, i did not read the whole thread...this is a fast reply of my opnion and my opinion only...

i have been involved in real life D/s relationships since aproximately 2 months after i turned 18, so there would not be a question of legality (that was not a barb at anyone here, that was litterally my thought at that age, i like older men, i always have...i did not want there to be any legal problems possible for them)....and i entered my first 24/7 M/s relationship 4 months after that...so i've been doing this for over 6 years...

that being said...some of the best things that could have ever been done for me, have been for them to release me so that i could grow up...i haven't been in a long term D/s or M/s relationship in almost 3 years...and long term for someone my age is longer than 2 months...heck, i'm starting to thing any relationship longer than 2 months in this lifestyle is long term, no matter what the age....but anyway....i have done soooo much growing since that know it all 18 year old first got involved in a D/s relationship....i did a lot of interpersonal growing in relationships...i learned to trust and how to interact withother people normally, and so many other things...then when i was single...i learned about myself, and how to trust me,...and how to interact with other people without having sex with them or at least trying to (this one may seem like a "duh" to some people...but there was a point in my life when i didn't know how not to be sexual...)...and there were further growth periods....coming into my own....i don't know if i could have done them any other way than i did...i just know that i did them the way that i did, and at the time, i felt that i could not have done them with that kind of control...

does that make any sense?
chelle



Something are better learned with out guidance. To fall and stand-up with out some one picking you up al the time.
Guess that is what you say?

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 217
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/14/2008 1:11:53 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

Something are better learned with out guidance. To fall and stand-up with out some one picking you up al the time.
Guess that is what you say?



sort of...somethings are better learned "the hard way"....as children we are told, "don't touch the stove, it is hot"...but how many children actually learn not to touch the stove until they do it? 

if you wrap a person in bubble wrap, they learn that falling down doesn't hurt, until all the bubbles pop, and then all of a sudden, it hurts to fall down and they are suprised...and then often, they are mad at you for not teaching them that falling down hurts...

however, it is good to have people there to help you up once you have "fallen"....if you are willing to reach up to them and help yourself up...it takes effort from both sides to get a person off the ground...but it doesn't have to be a person that is "in control" helping the other person up...it can be any number of people...that is what a support system is for...family (biological or chosen) and friends as well as signifigant others...what i would consider a well rounded life...

chelle


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 218
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/14/2008 1:14:34 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

Something are better learned with out guidance. To fall and stand-up with out some one picking you up al the time.
Guess that is what you say?



sort of...somethings are better learned "the hard way"....as children we are told, "don't touch the stove, it is hot"...but how many children actually learn not to touch the stove until they do it? 

if you wrap a person in bubble wrap, they learn that falling down doesn't hurt, until all the bubbles pop, and then all of a sudden, it hurts to fall down and they are suprised...and then often, they are mad at you for not teaching them that falling down hurts...

however, it is good to have people there to help you up once you have "fallen"....if you are willing to reach up to them and help yourself up...it takes effort from both sides to get a person off the ground...but it doesn't have to be a person that is "in control" helping the other person up...it can be any number of people...that is what a support system is for...family (biological or chosen) and friends as well as signifigant others...what i would consider a well rounded life...

chelle



I totally agree with that. I am bad  at it though. I am overly protective. Learned the hard way recently, so it works  ;)

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 1/14/2008 1:15:18 PM >

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 219
RE: Control, Young Subs/Slaves, and Individual Growth - 1/14/2008 2:00:29 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Just...please, please don't make me balance my checkbook.

[Math=hard limit]

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 220
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