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RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 8:36:07 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

quote:

Thank you lass. Yes we do but perhaps we have similar values. BTW and on a totaly different matter, Neets had a ball last night.

IronBear

<Envys Neets; thus commiting one of the Seven Deadly Sins>>>better haul my ass down to Confession this pm..LOL>

pinkpleasures

Neets was talking to you lass or was it the night before.. I lose track of time at the moment spending most of the night sorting out things for my business and relaxing on the boards untill I have to get back into work again.. heh I sleep a 10 hour night every third night the rest of the nights I have cat naps or is it Bear naps..

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_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 21

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 8:39:00 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Quite frankly I don't care either way. I don't take someones comments about me here personally unless they know me in person. No one here can truly know what I am like.

Even after meeting me once or twice they still cannot.

I don't flame anyone. I do however bring it to other's attention when I see a pathological liar trying to lure people to them. Because people are going to get hurt. When it is very clear for anyone to read here in black and white to see what they are doing. I do have a tendancy to point it out.

I know myself and my dom stroll to the beat of our own drum. No biggy we're happy. We don't need someone else to justify for us that we can be happy.

People evolve, some just haven't finished yet. That is where the issues come into play.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 22

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 10:30:34 AM

cellogrrlMK

Posts: 672
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

i no longer fit the classification of "newbie"

What makes you think anyone was talking about YOU?????

cello

_____________________________

There's too much Blood in my Caffeine system!

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 23

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 10:38:13 AM

cellogrrlMK

Posts: 672
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

For example, i find dismissing a person's post due to spelling errors., etc., a form of bullying. S/some people just cannot/do not want to be exposed to derision of that nature.

than thay shud uz spel cheq! In ths dae and aydg 2 nt bothr iz nuthik moor thn beeing layze!

Damn, it took longer to MISSPELL than to spell! LMAO As many have also said, the words we read from folks online is often the first impression they make. Personally, I am not impressed with someone who, in this lifestyle especially, can't even spell the word "protocol" properly.

Also, as Osidegirl said, what some might take to be flames ARE simply expressions of exasperation . I agree with her, and I have bitten my typing fingers on more occasions than I can count.

< Message edited by cellogrrlMK -- 8/27/2005 10:39:58 AM >

_____________________________

There's too much Blood in my Caffeine system!

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 24

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 10:39:52 AM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

i no longer fit the classification of "newbie"

What makes you think anyone was talking about YOU?????

cellogrrrlMK

"I no longer fit the classification of "newbie" is part of my response to MsIncognito, made above. That's why...but then again, what difference does it make?

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/27/2005 10:55:46 AM >

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Post #: 25

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 10:53:03 AM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

quote:

Neets was talking to you lass or was it the night before.. I lose track of time at the moment spending most of the night sorting out things for my business and relaxing on the boards untill I have to get back into work again.. heh I sleep a 10 hour night every third night the rest of the nights I have cat naps or is it Bear naps..

IronBear

ROFLMAO; that is NOT what i thoughtYou meant : (borrows a WEG).

pinkpleasures

_____________________________

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 26

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 11:07:38 AM

cellogrrlMK

Posts: 672
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

"I no longer fit the classification of "newbie" is part of my response to MsIncognito, made above. That's why...but then again, what difference does it make?

You know pink, you probably should have just left the above edited post as it was, which was "Point taken". Your editing it the way you did simply proves a point that I think others will see, as should you.

The fact that you changed your post, coupled with the fact that you are now trying to "take it private via email" (paraphrased, excuse me) shows me that you are typing out of both sides of your mouth, so to speak. I shall answer your email, but I need time to put my thoughts together in such a way to hopefully have you see WHY I "seem angry with you".

*Exasperation level is approaching the red line*

cello

_____________________________

There's too much Blood in my Caffeine system!

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 27

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 11:25:54 AM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

quote:

You know pink, you probably should have just left the above edited post as it was, which was "Point taken". Your editing it the way you did simply proves a point that I think others will see, as should you.

The fact that you changed your post, coupled with the fact that you are now trying to "take it private via email" (paraphrased, excuse me) shows me that you are typing out of both sides of your mouth, so to speak. I shall answer your email, but I need time to put my thoughts together in such a way to hopefully have you see WHY I "seem angry with you".

*Exasperation level is approaching the red line*

cellogrrrlMK

i changed my post after reading the thread again, to make it accurate and answer your question. As for your "exasperation" i am truely mystified; IronBear posts an Op thread on flaming amd communication,. and i post to it, agreeing with Him. Seems fairly innocous to me. i am getting fed up with being sneak attacked by "friends" on the boards; as well as with "insults" insinuated but not made, to protect the member posting from the wrath of the Mods.

i am sorry you feel there is something deceptive about emailing you; just this am you made inquiry as to whether i'd need you as a safe call today. i took it at face value that we were still friends...and that something changed...and i reached out to you to find out what is is. i do not see a deceptive action in my conduct.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/27/2005 11:29:39 AM >

_____________________________

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Post #: 28

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 11:35:01 AM

MsIncognito

Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

i changed my post after reading the thread again, to make it accurate and answer your question. As for your "exasperation" i am truely mystified; IronBear posts an Op thread on flaming amd communication,. and i post to it, agreeing with Him. Seems fairly innocous to me. i am getting fed up with being sneak attacked by "friends" on the boards; as well as with "insults" insinuated but not made, to protect the member posting from the wrath of the Mods.

A long time ago someone told me something that, once I internalized it and applied it to my life and interactions with others, was invaluable to me. I'll quote it here because I truly think it can be of use to you, too, if you can take it in the spirit it is intended:

quote:

Not everything that goes on around you is about you.

That's all.

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 29

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 11:42:49 AM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

quote:

Damn, it took longer to MISSPELL than to spell! LMAO As many have also said, the words we read from folks online is often the first impression they make. Personally, I am not impressed with someone who, in this lifestyle especially, can't even spell the word "protocol" properly.

Also, as Osidegirl said, what some might take to be flames ARE simply expressions of exasperation . I agree with her, and I have bitten my typing fingers on more occasions than I can count.

cellorrrlMK

We shall have to agree to disagree as per spelling errors, etc. There is no educational level required to post here, and people who make spelling errors still have something to say...which generally is easily understood. If spelling errors truely prevent you from grasping their meaning, you can always ask for clarification.

To me the demand that posts be free of spelling errors,etc., are elitist and not in keeping with the respect -- or at least common courtesy -- we owe one another here.

As for flames; in my opinion they are always recognisable and are always a violation of the Rules. We can discourse on any idea; come to an agreement; educate one another; add a point of view not previously heard from; etc. What is forbidden is dismissing a thread or post by insulting the member making the entry. The difference is easy to see; and i for one agree with IronBear; you may not agree; you may even be annoyed by someone else's style of writing; but what you cannot do is flings insults at them.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/27/2005 2:47:10 PM >

_____________________________

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Post #: 30

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 11:53:42 AM

cellogrrlMK

Posts: 672
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Oy.... I've had it with you. I've tried to be a friend to you through a lot of shall we say what I perceive as unwise things you've done on these fora. You are beginning to sound like a broken record in all your self-defending posts, and I am sick of this... I'm simply going to block your posts for my own sanity.

Before you go running to the Mods with this... Mods, I'm finished with any discourse with pinkpleasures. I have enough "drama" in my real life, I don't need or want to contribute her own online drama.

cello

_____________________________

There's too much Blood in my Caffeine system!

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 31

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 12:13:00 PM

cellogrrlMK

Posts: 672
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

i am sorry you feel there is something deceptive about emailing you; just this am you made inquiry as to whether i'd need you as a safe call today. i took it at face value that we were still friends...and that something changed...and i reached out to you to find out what is is. i do not see a deceptive action in my conduct.

OMG, I can't BELIEVE you posted this... I did NOT "make inquiry, etc", I asked if you were meeting the guy this weekend. I will remind you that when we were IM'ing on Yahoo about your meeting someone in real life I and my Master asked whether you had a silent alarm (safecall). You said you did not and that's when I made the conference room so you could talk to him about it. All you were interested in was knowing if he liked the bra you were thinking of buying for your date. Now THAT really impressed him bigtime! (NOT) Oh, and whether or not you should tell the guy you've gained some weight recently. You assumed that I would be your safecall, me, six hours away from you. OMG, I can't believe this....

That said, again, I'm done here... but I won't allow you to misrepresent anything I have said to you on or off of this website!

cello

_____________________________

There's too much Blood in my Caffeine system!

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 32

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 1:35:23 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
When an "educated" person posts in a nasty way, it's because they are Master Wordsmiths who are simply annoying (*instead of the possibilities of being narrow minded, vile, hateful, nasty bastards, lol).

When a lesser educated person responds in an unkind way, than it's lack of skills, lazyness, inability to accept disagreements, hatefulness, etc.

I would like to think that I fall into both of these groups, M.
Me.

Ron there is no way you are hateful or narrowminded. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 8/27/2005 1:51:49 PM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 33

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 1:50:37 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

My view was simply that some wordsmiths have the ability and manner to be very annoying and even sounding that feel superior. This is often not the case but it provably stems from most of their writings being targeted at colleagues and other academics. They simply don’t understand that some people prefer and understand plain speaking. On the other end of the spectrum, some folk with out a good education manage to sort through the words and get the meaning and direction, whilst others feel, probably, fragile and resent the writings of those who care able to do so. Others and I am close to one, simply, due to lack of formal education, places less value on those who have it and considers them all a “Bunch of Time Wasters”. I simply made an observation of where I see situations occurring on threads, which develop into flaming because personalities and not the subject become the issue.

I can understand personalities clash; I want to say that it's not always lack of education (though that too happens). A lot of times what I see happening is passive aggressive posting with unkind meanings wrapped in $.50 words to impress the impressionable, and I cannot respect that any more than the person who outright says phuck you when they are in disagreement.

I personally tend to stay away from posters I feel are mean spirited without good reason (I feel that makes good sense, and keeps me away from unnecessary drama).

quote:

I perhaps comment that I personally value people on what they are as a person and not their status, acedemically, financially, politically or birthright.

In this case, you and I are a lot alike, because I value people who are humane regardless of status. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 34

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 1:54:27 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Oh, M, so kind. I can keep the nasty bastard, tho; right? And hold dear the inability to accept disagreements and hatefulness. Oh, GAWD! Don't Deny me that. I would lose all my self-respect.

Gimme a break, here, M.

Wishing you a lorious day. BlkTallFullFig.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 35

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 4:03:09 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I can understand two people getting up each other’s noses, probably due to misunderstandings and personal drama and stress playing a part in it, but there are limits.

I rarely let too much upset me these days, however I must say that posting details regarding private conversations is almost as bad as posting their personal details (home address and phone number etc) Where I come from it just isn’t done.. You know what I’m saying … It just isn’t cricket…..

quote:

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

i am sorry you feel there is something deceptive about emailing you; just this am you made inquiry as to whether i'd need you as a safe call today. i took it at face value that we were still friends...and that something changed...and i reached out to you to find out what is is. i do not see a deceptive action in my conduct.

OMG, I can't BELIEVE you posted this... I did NOT "make inquiry, etc", I asked if you were meeting the guy this weekend. I will remind you that when we were IM'ing on Yahoo about your meeting someone in real life I and my Master asked whether you had a silent alarm (safecall). You said you did not and that's when I made the conference room so you could talk to him about it. All you were interested in was knowing if he liked the bra you were thinking of buying for your date. Now THAT really impressed him bigtime! (NOT) Oh, and whether or not you should tell the guy you've gained some weight recently. You assumed that I would be your safecall, me, six hours away from you. OMG, I can't believe this....

That said, again, I'm done here... but I won't allow you to misrepresent anything I have said to you on or off of this website!

cello

Ok I know some don’t like pink just as there are a few who I have pissed off and I could name a couple who have me on block. I really don’t give a rip, their loss not mine. However I’m not into cliques either but as far as I’m concerned, pink is a friend, and she can talk to me any time on YM or here or in my comm. If she wants.. I just took there time to figure her out and being an old fart I like classy boards/dames/ladies …. Females..

I’ve read the interchange of posts and honestly, there is way too much information being tossed about by both posters. There are better ways of dealing with situations like this without getting into a verbal pugatorial situation.. There are no winners, it’s a lose/lose situation. Sheesh I have to deal with this every day with conflict resolution I don’t need to come here to relax, meet folks and learn and have to see this. Suggestion: perhaps we need a forum called “Flame Wars” (watch out for Death Stars and Baarth Invader) where you all can take your verbal combat skills and exercise them there and allow the discussions to progress calmly.

I really don’t care if some one pisses you off there is no need to publish such personal information and I’d hazard a guess that its against the forum rules. Some forums I’m a member of would ban the offender without hesitation..

Now you can take all the shots at me you want all that will do is to make me chuckle

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 36

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 4:18:43 PM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

quote:

I really don’t care if some one pisses you off there is no need to publish such personal information and I’d hazard a guess that its against the forum rules. Some forums I’m a member of would ban the offender without hesitation..

IronBear

Thank You Sir. i felt violated by her disclosures, as You can imagine. i suppose it's my legal background, but to me what is said in private (email or YIM or whatever) is intended to remain private. i expect to take such confidences into the grave.

i also feel completely baffled as to why a grown woman could not communicate at the time what upset her, but let it become such a grudge that a good friendship ended. i do not understand casting friends aside so easily. i have no intentions of reporting this woman to the Mods for this misconduct; she is someone i cared about and i feel like just letting it go. *sigh*

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/27/2005 4:27:23 PM >

_____________________________

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 37

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 4:26:12 PM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

quote:

If she wants.. I just took there time to figure her out and being an old fart I like classy boards/dames/ladies …. Females..

IronBear

<Reminds IronBear He may call me a "lady" with impunity; it is His special right, LMAO>

pinkpleasures

_____________________________

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 38

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 5:39:05 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
Where I come from it just isn’t done.. You know what I’m saying … It just isn’t cricket…..

I agree with that...

As for the cricket statment well look at England. Were not playing cricket ::(

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 39

RE: Insults and Flaming V Good Healthy Communications. - 8/27/2005 5:42:02 PM

luvdragonx

Posts: 388
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Suggestion: perhaps we need a forum called “Flame Wars” (watch out for Death Stars and Baarth Invader) where you all can take your verbal combat skills and exercise them there and allow the discussions to progress calmly.

YEAH!!!!!

That's what I was thinking when you started this thread. There are some people who just can't let stuff go, have to be right, have the last word, blah, blah, blah. I've seen threads pulled and possibly good discourse lost forever because of this stuff. It's frustrating in the search for good debate.......but on the other hand watching some people shove their feet down their throats is entertainment. Ok, I admit it, I like being on the sidelines of an online squabble a lot of the time. But I don't like seeing it interfere with a good thread.

I will not pretend to be above being petty sometimes. I read some of the posts around here and I was THIS CLOSE to posting a snide reply. But I didn't. Believe me, I could have jumped in there and stirred it up real good, but I thought better of it. Had I contributed to that line of conversation, I'd be as guilty as the others. That's what keeps me civil and hopefully a decent contributor.

I've noticed a few things lately that have been causing me mild irritation, but now, thanks to IronBear I can get them out in print.

1. Some people are unable to tell the difference between BEING flamed and FEELING flamed. To me a flame is a statement that starts with a proper noun or pronoun, and finishes with an insult. Example:

"You are an idiot." "You're stupid" "you're a @#&*% @##$$%!!!!!!!" Or more subtly "only an idiot would think that", "what kind of crack are you smoking??" Ok, not so subtle, but not as direct. Outside of those, it's up to personal interpretation, IMO.

Many of us would like to think that we contribute something unique and valuable to the boards. Many also like to think that our 'genius' will be recognized as such and receive the accolades to which we are deserving. When that doesn't happen, some of us get pissy. If someone else can't appreciate the importance of what we're trying to say, then they must have something against us personally. NO WAY could we be wrong. NO WAY could someone else see it differently and still be in their right mind. How DARE they challenge us????????

2. People post topics and replies of a very specific nature, and then try to retract and/or take the discussion out of the public forum. WHY????? If it was important enough to type it in the first place, then leave it there for others to see. Concurrently, don't bash other people for not liking what you say. If you're allowed to post whatever inane thing you thought up while drunk/sleepy/standing on your head, then someone else has the right to say 'Hey, that sounds like you wrote that when you were drunk/sleepy/standing on your head'.

3. More on personal topics. If you volunteer personal information, why feel insulted/attacked when someone questions you about that personal information? If a topic has been placed in a public forum, and the discussion gets heated, leave it. There are 20 people reading for every one person actually posting. The natural progression of the thread - without the 'take this offline' or 'email me about this' - could actually benefit someone. Continuing the discussion privately does nothing for those who actually had interest in the discussion. Plus, it looks like you have something to hide.

I have a grandmother who, for many years, played the victim. EVERYTHING had to be about her. If it wasn't about her, she'd make it about her. Example:

"Hey gran, I stubbed my toe, I think it's broken." Her reply "I broke my finger once, it hurt really bad. See? It never really healed straight, look at it......"
"Hey gran, Junior is playing soccer now. He's a goalie." Her reply: "I never liked soccer. I like football. The Cowboys are my favorite team. Did you see them last week?"

Those are some mild examples, but she would do it when the topics were serious. It got old after a while. I love her dearly, but I don't fall for the games. Whenever she gets worked up, I just talk to her like she hadn't said anything out of the ordinary and ignore the histronics. She sees after a while that she won't get anywhere with that, and she goes back to being a regular grown up. I have the benefit of having lived around her for many years, so I love her and can forgive her flaws. People online don't get that same allowance from me. That's why it's sometimes irritating.

However it IS just an online forum. That's all. Nothing that happens here affects me negatively in any way whatsoever. I'm all for the Rock-em Sock-em Thread, so the rest of the boards can be left in peace.

_____________________________

Never Without Love

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 40

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