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Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 1:59:18 PM

saseblubutrfly

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Does having no contact with your sub/slave as punishment correct bad behavior? Doesn't it just reinforce to the sub/slave that you don't want her/him anymore?

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 2:05:25 PM

zuki

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i know i am a sub, but one view that was offered to me by a Dom i know when we talked about this was, that communication is so important in a D/s relationship, to cut it off could be damaging to the realtionship.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 2:09:59 PM

saseblubutrfly

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The damage is being done, that's for sure.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 2:12:37 PM

Redoubt

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In an mainly online, long distance relationship this could be used as a tool, but only if it has a finite ending (and preferreably short one)

Removing onself in this manner is a last resort measure, and can have some serious long term effects on the relationship. It really is just one step away from "This isn't going to work".

If the dominant partner can't rely on his/her disappointment being enough of a punishment in the above situation, chances are the relationship will have way more serious problems should the relationship move outside of a fantasy.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 2:13:25 PM

takenbyjohnr07

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Cutting off communication would be a deal breaker for me. i guess that mostly happens to online and long distance relationships.

i am happy that My Owner thinks it's moronic and childish.

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i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 2:17:55 PM

BitaTruble

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quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly

Does having no contact with your sub/slave as punishment correct bad behavior? Doesn't it just reinforce to the sub/slave that you don't want her/him anymore?

It's so much easier just to exhibit good behavior and avoid it as a punishment. That said, if it fits the 'crime' then I would say it can be effective as a means of behavior correction. For example, if the submissive were supposed to contact the dominant at a certain time or with reports, emails or story's and failed to carry out the assignments, then silence/no contact fits that crime.

As usual, my answer is .. it depends on the circumstance which caused it in the first place.

Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 2:19:02 PM

AquaticSub

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~Fast Reply~

Depends on the situation and how silence is being used. We don't believe in cutting off contact in long distence relationships, however there are times when silence is very effective. It is not used as a punishment much but more as way to have us stop talking when we are having a disagreement and give us both a chance to think about the disagreement. If I am being too mouthy or chattering too much, I may lose speaking privileges for a few minutes.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/13/2008 2:20:32 PM >

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(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 2:27:35 PM

saseblubutrfly

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We are/were real time. I missed 3 call times because I was doing things for him. I went out with a friend for a drink and the rule is that I have to ask permission first. He's self diagnosed bipolar and he's been almost absent for 3 weeks around the holidays. When I went out with a friend for a drink and had a little too much it pissed him off. He must have then decided that he needed to be the Dom he hasn't been being and starts shouting protocol and house rules at me.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 2:32:31 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly

We are/were real time. I missed 3 call times because I was doing things for him. I went out with a friend for a drink and the rule is that I have to ask permission first. He's self diagnosed bipolar and he's been almost absent for 3 weeks around the holidays. When I went out with a friend for a drink and had a little too much it pissed him off. He must have then decided that he needed to be the Dom he hasn't been being and starts shouting protocol and house rules at me.

Ouch. First piece of advise to encourage him to get treatment if he really thinks he is bipolar. Second, have a talk with him as soon as the period of silence is over. Consistency is a good thing, I can't imagine that having periods of "uber-Dom" and "non-uber-Dom" would be easy. How long is the period of silence for?

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 2:33:04 PM

Redoubt

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Ouch, a bipolar dom?

While I am a huge fan of equal opportunities, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

saseblubutrfly, I'd step carefully away from this one.

It sounds like you both have some issues, I'd suggest the good old C word moving forward - but honestly, bipolar domination sounds like a recipe from hell. Like submitting to a dominant evangelical moral-right by day, leather skull cap wearing psycho by night.

Sorry.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 2:34:50 PM

angelslave77

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I agree with aqua here. I think it has no place in LDR because god damit they are hard enough to mantain. But in person being silent for an hour or so to give time to calm down and think isnt necessarily a bad thing.

But if it is the "oh I am going to cut off all communication for days to punish you " type deal, well to me that is emotional blackmail and a pretty good indicator that the person cutting of communication has weak communication skills and limited imagination. But then I have a strong view on this because my mum used it as a blackmail tool on me when I was growing up and so it is pretty much a hard limit. If a Dom cut off contact with me I quite simply would not be there when he chose to return luckily I know Sir would never do that to me

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 2:49:24 PM

kinkypuppy2

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No its not a productive method

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 2:55:43 PM

lilabbotsfordgrl

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No contact can certainly work for me, but only if he tells me when it'll end, explains why it's happening, etc. Just like any punishment, it should be clear what I did wrong. A few days is enough to have me craving him and his control, and very sorry for disobeying.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 2:59:27 PM

Justme696

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silence can be punishment. But as peopel said online it is harsh if it takes to long (if we speak about days).
It is often the only way of contact and if you don't use this communication line, you can make your sub/slave worried like hell.....and propably pissed. Which as mentioned harms the relation.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 3:09:59 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly
Does having no contact with your sub/slave as punishment correct bad behavior?

Not for me. In my personal opinion, it's a lazy dom's way of punishing. It takes some actual work, effort and teaching to correct a pattern of bad behavior. Not all subs/slaves disobey to be bratty. Some do it because they truly need help in a certain area. To have Master "help" me by ignoring me, refusing to talk to me, or keeping me at a distance would be the absolute worst approach. But that's just me.

He has never handled a situation by pulling away from me. As a matter of fact, He has routinely done the opposite. If things aren't just like they should be, He's on top of it and dealing with it whether I feel like talking or not. He insists that we talk and deal with it immediately. Ignoring me or the problem just causes a bad situation to become worse...........luci

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 3:17:51 PM

Justme696

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quote:

it's a lazy dom's way of punishing

mmm i know it was an opinion, but kids get put in corners too at schools. I guess silence is similar to that.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 3:21:49 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci
He has never handled a situation by pulling away from me. As a matter of fact, He has routinely done the opposite. If things aren't just like they should be, He's on top of it and dealing with it whether I feel like talking or not. He insists that we talk and deal with it immediately. Ignoring me or the problem just causes a bad situation to become worse...........luci

Ditto ditto ditto.

I once felt deserving of being punished and suggested he not talk to me for a week. He asked why he would ever want to damage the bond rather than grow it? Also, he knows that being ignored was a tool my parents used (upwards of a week at a time) and how emotionally damaging it was. He had no desire to continue such trauma.

Only once have I seen him "ignore" someone - a girl he was training, who chose not to contact him for four days. When she came back around, he reciprocated this, intentionally, to show her how unproductive lack of communication is. She became very upset by it and saw his point and the issue was corrected. It is the only time I have seen him do this, as he would rather face, dissect, and deal with the problem before it grows, no matter how hard it is to talk about.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 3:23:52 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

it's a lazy dom's way of punishing

mmm i know it was an opinion, but kids get put in corners too at schools. I guess silence is similar to that.

"Go sit quietly and think about it awhile" is far different than no communication with no indication of when one will be talked to again.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 3:26:12 PM

Justme696

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

it's a lazy dom's way of punishing

mmm i know it was an opinion, but kids get put in corners too at schools. I guess silence is similar to that.

"Go sit quietly and think about it awhile" is far different than no communication with no indication of when one will be talked to again.

But the point was "the lazy way" .

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 3:31:06 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
But the point was "the lazy way" .

I'm not speaking for luci but some dominants do not put much thought, creativity and wisdom into punishments. They hear about popular punishments and just go for it, without a lot of regard to consequences. "Corner time" indicates thought was put into it - a start time, an end time, an assignment to "think about things" during the process, and a goal of learning as the outcome.

Just being pissed off and not talking to your submissive for an undetermined period of time, with no instructions as to what he/she should do during that time, and with no consideration of consequences and outcome...is often times the "lazy way."

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