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hisannabelle -> RE: Overly romantizing the lifestyle (1/15/2008 12:35:04 AM)
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greetings cherrypez,
i think that people's misconceptions of what an m/s relationship is like can be overly romanticized. it comes down to this: he makes the rules, i obey the rules. he changes the rules, i obey the new rules. he comes up with random shit he wants me to do off the top of his head, i do it. LOL. he's not perfect...he doesn't like having someone else in his space and is still getting used to it. he has a tendency to get angry at the world and verbally take things out on me, and i have a tendency to take everything personally, so we tend to play emotional bumper cars every now and then. but at the same time, i trust him with my life and i love our relationship and i wouldn't trade it for the world. that doesn't make it romantic. he is not the candlelight dinner and roses kind of guy (although i am that kind of girl, which took me a long time to get over). we spend more time laughing and screwing up scenes than we do getting everything right and shiny and perfect and scripted. he does the cooking when we are together, because i use an oven and he is against using the oven on principle. he also does most of the cleaning in his place, because he likes to clean and he's honestly a ton better at it than me. he's not traditionally handsome or buffed...but then again, i'm not exactly what you'd call classically beautiful, either. we are way more likely to be sitting in sweats on the couch passing a crossword puzzle back and forth with him trying to explain golf to me on the tv than at some romantic dinner followed by a night at the opera. i don't spend all my time on my knees naked. he'd get so incredibly bored by that (which probably means they'll revoke his man card, hehehe).
the fact is, all it means is this: he's in charge. i obey. i'm property who happens to be human and a woman, but i am still property. that doesn't indicate anything about us as people or our personalities or even the qualities of our relationship. we're really not that different from any other relationship, vanilla or bdsm-related. we aren't. the fact that he is owner and i am property doesn't make us more special. it doesn't make us more emotionally healthy or advanced or anything silly like that. it makes him the owner and me the property - the rest is just all this crap we attach to it mentally, which is just silly to me. it's just the common denominator - it's why we're an "m/s" couple. i think the reason people tend to read all these shiny romanticized things into those lines is that as human beings we stereotype things and then we take the stereotypes and we make inferences about them. for example - we see a guy in a suit and we think, "oh! male wearing a suit," and then our mind tacks all this stuff onto it, like, "he's a businessman, he's on his way home to his wife after a long day at work, he must drive a fancy car," etc., etc. stereotyping is a necessary cognitive function to be able to get through life and mentally categorize things without overloading ourselves, but the more socially advanced we get the more we make assumptions to go along with those labels. and everybody, of course, has their own list of assumptions to go along with the label of "m/s" or "24/7" or "master/dominant" or "submissive/slave" or what have you.
respectfully,
annabelle.
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