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Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 8:41:31 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I noticed something as I was just adding a compliment to a post that got Me wondering a bit. I've found that I have a habit that not many engage in anymore, and I'm thinking it might be something that some have stopped.

When I first entered the lifestyle, I was taught that it was only proper to mention a hello to the Dominant of any submissive that I might have the pleasure of speaking with. It was a form of respect, not just to the Dominant themselves, but also in respect for the dynamic that they shared together. The same was true when speaking to another Dominant. It was the common practice to wish their submissive well at some point during the conversation.

Is this something that is no longer practiced?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

Post #: 1

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 8:43:11 AM

JDEmpath

Posts: 34
Joined: 1/5/2008
Status: offline

In any real life situation where I perceive that someone is clearly owned, and their owner is there, I will ask the owner if I can speak with their property.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 2

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 8:47:00 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Thats along the lines of talking to someone you know is married and wishing a hello to the spouse and asking after the kids. Its polite small talk, but its absance doesnt necessarily make someone rude. Personally, I will ask how someone is if I know the other party as well. Or, if they mentioned having trouble or something significant happening good or bad. But in most conversations, I wont ask after a partner vanilla or lifestyle unless it has been quite a while since i had seen the person.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to JDEmpath)

Post #: 3

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 8:47:51 AM

takenbyjohnr07

Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

The people that i have met in the Munches that go to the same dungeon a i do are very polite and respectful no matter who they are talking to or about. Everyone talks and mingles with everyone. Though i have to say if someone wants to play they do go and Ask the Dominant for permission after they have asked the sub if he.she is interested.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 8:51:05 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Thats along the lines of talking to someone you know is married and wishing a hello to the spouse and asking after the kids. Its polite small talk, but its absance doesnt necessarily make someone rude. Personally, I will ask how someone is if I know the other party as well. Or, if they mentioned having trouble or something significant happening good or bad. But in most conversations, I wont ask after a partner vanilla or lifestyle unless it has been quite a while since i had seen the person.

DV

I agree, it's like me asking one of my "vanilla" friends how their partner is doing. I see it as a nice gesture, but not something that is specifically respectful of the particular type of relationship I have with Valyraen.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 5

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 8:56:56 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I think I so equate it the same way as I would in the nilla word. If I know the person is married, for example, asking how is the wife. I've noticed a lack of it in Our BDSM world though. When I do it, I believe it is usually received well.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 6

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 8:57:51 AM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline

in all the years i have been in this life i have rarely encountered anyone who mentions the other half of a relationship during conversation with one of the participants. the only time someone mentions hubby is when they are friends of ours. same goes the other way, when talking with him our friends ask after me but no one else bothers. i think it's a custom that has been lost in our one track mind society. it's a shame really. i think it shows respect for the people involved, not just the one you're talking with but the one you're not as well.

PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 7

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 8:58:57 AM

MasterWilliam55

Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline

Old fashion pleasantries are becoming a bit of a lost art on-line. With so many folks coming into the community, it's not surprising. In real life circumstances, it's still the norm to offer pleasantries to both. It can get a bit confusing depending on the " mode" a Master has placed his sub in. In basic mode normal vanilla type curtisies are exchanged. But in Service or High protocol mode the sub is not allowed to speak directly to others without permission.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 8

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 9:05:47 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I think I so equate it the same way as I would in the nilla word. If I know the person is married, for example, asking how is the wife. I've noticed a lack of it in Our BDSM world though. When I do it, I believe it is usually received well.

Sometimes we get it, sometimes we don't. I think I would venture to say that people have often asked me to convey their good wishes to Valyraen when speaking to me on the other side. Sometimes they don't, it seems to depend on how often we talk. I honestly can't say I've noticed a lack of respect though. Wherever we have gone people have been very respectful of our relationship.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/14/2008 9:06:37 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 9:07:16 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I am specifically addressing those areas where I have already been received. I wouldn't approach a submissive that I was not familiar with for conversation. That is another old fashioned thing that I did not address.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MasterWilliam55)

Post #: 10

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 9:14:26 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I am specifically addressing those areas where I have already been received. I wouldn't approach a submissive that I was not familiar with for conversation. That is another old fashioned thing that I did not address.

Perhaps this is where a difference is. Where one person would see not approaching for me conversation because they are not familiar with me and I am owned as respectful, we see that as the potential for a good conversation missed.

I try to take my cues from the people in question. If a submissive seems very quiet, sticking to their owner's side and not really talking or talking at all even though I am talking with their owner I assume they are under a speech restriction and won't speak to them unless something happens, like I'm bumped into and I spill my drink on them, or I am informed of their specific speech restrictions.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 9:21:36 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I was talking to HoneyMaster about something similar last night. We spent a pleasant evening getting to know another lifestyle couple the other night.
The next day, I dropped a note to the female part of the couple letting them know that we had a nice time, and enjoyed getting to know them. (it was a purely vanilla meeting except for a bit of lifestyle discussion)
She read the note and never wrote me back.
I was upset about this for a couple of reasons.
First, it's just only polite (even if they didn't have a good time, and never ever want to speak to us again) to send a short, polite response.
The other problem I have with it is this;
A couple of weeks ago, I had sent her a short polite note letting her know we were sorry we couldn't meet them that particular weekend, and she never answered me. But then HoneyMaster sent her a short note, and she answered right away.
After that, I told Him 'no' to a meeting, but changed my mind because I thought it would be nice to have local friends in the lifestyle.
HoneyMaster agrees with me that even if this lady considers herself a domme, that it is not 'below her' to politely answer the short note I sent to her, and that it is only proper.
Ah well...
(it still bothers me though)

~Christina

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 12

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 9:42:26 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

Old fashion pleasantries are becoming a bit of a lost art on-line. With so many folks coming into the community, it's not surprising. In real life circumstances, it's still the norm to offer pleasantries to both. It can get a bit confusing depending on the " mode" a Master has placed his sub in. In basic mode normal vanilla type curtisies are exchanged. But in Service or High protocol mode the sub is not allowed to speak directly to others without permission.

Old fashioned pleasantries are becoming a lost art EVERYWHERE. Hense the idea that they are old fashioned. How few people write letters, by hand, and mail them. How few people send hand written Thank You cards. How few people do many things our parents or grandparents did by habit. Children were taught to refer to people older than them as Mr, Mrs, Miss. They also said yes/no Ma'am and Sir. Everyone said, excuse me, please and thank you.

On the whole we've become a society of rude, selfish people, expecting instant gratification and thinking our time, wants and needs are more important that everyone else's.

Such is life.

HOWEVER, just because others behave this way does not mean we all need to. We each have a personal choice regarding our own behaviour.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MasterWilliam55)

Post #: 13

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 9:42:26 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I think it speaks volumes that it appears (to me anyway) that alot of people don't understand the question.

If you know of the other partner/spouse/whoever, it is considered polite in an old-fashioned sense (and maybe still polite) to say, "please give my regards to your family/partner/husband/whoever."

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 14

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 9:48:38 AM

YesMistressIrish

Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

Old fashion pleasantries are becoming a bit of a lost art on-line. With so many folks coming into the community, it's not surprising. In real life circumstances, it's still the norm to offer pleasantries to both. It can get a bit confusing depending on the " mode" a Master has placed his sub in. In basic mode normal vanilla type curtisies are exchanged. But in Service or High protocol mode the sub is not allowed to speak directly to others without permission.

Old fashioned pleasantries are becoming a lost art EVERYWHERE. Hense the idea that they are old fashioned. How few people write letters, by hand, and mail them. How few people send hand written Thank You cards. How few people do many things our parents or grandparents did by habit. Children were taught to refer to people older than them as Mr, Mrs, Miss. They also said yes/no Ma'am and Sir. Everyone said, excuse me, please and thank you.

On the whole we've become a society of rude, selfish people, expecting instant gratification and thinking our time, wants and needs are more important that everyone else's.

Such is life.

HOWEVER, just because others behave this way does not mean we all need to. We each have a personal choice regarding our own behaviour.

Yes, and the title of this thread is a beautiful one. I teach my subs to improve this part of their lives, and strive to be consistent myself.
Lady Pact: How're you're subs doing?

And, I hope you all have a wonderful New Year!

Irish

< Message edited by YesMistressIrish -- 1/14/2008 10:05:55 AM >

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 15

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 10:01:18 AM

FullCircle

Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55
It can get a bit confusing depending on the " mode" a Master has placed his sub in. In basic mode normal vanilla type curtisies are exchanged. But in Service or High protocol mode the sub is not allowed to speak directly to others without permission.

Must be one of those new high tech subs, I've been looking for that damn switch everywhere.

Do you all still raise your pinkie when go to sip a cup of tea?

_____________________________

∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to MasterWilliam55)

Post #: 16

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 10:11:41 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Hello, MsIrish. Thank you for asking about My boy. He is doing very well and has been spending more time here at home now that the holidays are over. I will pass your regards along to him.

See, that is a perfect example. Not only am I happy that someone would take the time to remember that I have a submissive, but also to ask how he might be doing. It's a pleasantry that the other party can elicitc to keep communications open. It's a simple thing that takes just a few seconds.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to FullCircle)

Post #: 17

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 10:13:20 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

I do try to remember to leave thoughts for both or more in the relationship. I believe it is important to recognise the importance of the relationships. I am sure I have failed at times however.
If someone has spent some of their precious moments in caring to write something to Darcy and I whether it is positive or constructive - it is also important to recognise when someone passes on regards as well, and politeness to say a simple 'thank you'.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 10:22:24 AM

FullCircle

Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline

I do however feel there are situations where awkwardness could arise from such questions such as in the case where the people you are asking after may have left the relationship without your knowledge. A common occurrence in these modern days of the instant, self gratifying, society.

*sips tea*

_____________________________

∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 19

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/14/2008 10:25:36 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I noticed something as I was just adding a compliment to a post that got Me wondering a bit. I've found that I have a habit that not many engage in anymore, and I'm thinking it might be something that some have stopped.

When I first entered the lifestyle, I was taught that it was only proper to mention a hello to the Dominant of any submissive that I might have the pleasure of speaking with. It was a form of respect, not just to the Dominant themselves, but also in respect for the dynamic that they shared together. The same was true when speaking to another Dominant. It was the common practice to wish their submissive well at some point during the conversation.

Is this something that is no longer practiced?

My Daddy believes it is respectful for a dominant to acquire permission to speak privately with me, and he will not allow me to have private conversations with dominants without their having sought his approval first. On CM the forums are public, and communicating with me is in public on the boards. He feels it is inappropriate to engage me in private discourse without engaging him in a conversation first.

In real life, he has told me when we do go to events, munches, clubs, that in a public roundtable discussion area I can talk in a group to anyone there... but someone that wants to engage me in a one on one conversation without him present must be told that they should seek him before talking to me. He thinks of this as a certain amount of respect to the relationship.

As far as wishing people well, on a forum, perhaps it would be extra polite I suppose, but it is not disrespectful not to do so either. I have noticed that the dominants that have emailed my Daddy before emailing me ALWAYS are respectful of our dynamic and polite about it and send regards to him.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/14/2008 10:26:02 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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