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RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 3:00:19 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

I agree that its never ok to be rude. Ignoring the "s" type in question was rude....Just because I am a slave to my Master DOESN'T mean I'm a slave to everyone....not by a LONG stretch.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 41

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 4:01:19 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

Do you mean with that question; How can you answer when you think it is not O.K. to answer a sub/slave as Dom(me)?
The slave contacting You, means she is allowed and therefor also allowed to be contacted?

I actually wasn't meaning anything by the question. It was simple curiousity to help us form our own policies. We would personally assume that if a sub/slave contracted Valyraen, they were free to speak with them. However, our assuming that doesn't mean that we couldn't find ourselves in a similiar situation to the OP's where my e-mails to a dominant weren't being answered.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 42

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 4:03:49 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ottRopesandKnots

Had the Dom/me attempted to order this slave around I would possibly consider *that* disrespectful. If the Dom/me in question had openly/publicly chastised the slave in question I would possibly consider *that* disrespectful. A refusal to answer "thank you" notes? I think that's a stretch. In the context I don't agree with any expectation of the Dom/me unless otherwise discussed. If you adopt the title of Slave, should you really be surprised if you're treated as such?

It's cliche at this point but still true "I'm his slave/sub/kitten, not yours". I expect to be treated as Aqua, and neither of us will accept any less as to treat me as less is to disrespect him.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ottRopesandKnots)

Post #: 43

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 4:09:57 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Dealing with someone else's protocol is a toughie. If I get a private email from someone, I respond to them as an individual---why would that person be writing if it was not acceptable to do so? If I had some kind of doubt, or was worried about stepping on toes, I would bring it up, and cc the other party in the relationship.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 44

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 4:11:50 PM

takenbyjohnr07

Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

This possible assumption was exactly what i was meaning when i wrote the part quoted below. i know that i would have a hard time not finding someone like that threatening to my relationship or maybe not even threatening, but as someone with an alterior motive toward my Master. Not saying that that would be the case, but it could be looked at that way soooo easily.

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry
Also, when getting involved with a couple, it would seem to me that in order for things to not get "sticky", that a woman should try to make the other woman MORE comfortable with her presence...and this can be accomplished without being less dominant....but to respond only to the male of the couple....that just sounds like a good way to cause issues, hurt feelings and make things turn out not quite so nice...Especially when STARTING out....once you are all comfortable then you will see where things can go.

Yes, i remember reading that. Excellent post. i think also a good question would be and i'm sorry if this has alreay been asked, but has her Master talked to this women about her manners or to her Master. Or is he running to the computer everytime he hears "You've got mail?

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 45

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 5:12:56 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

Mm. It could be that she assumes it is more proper to contact him, and that he will share her notes with you.

Or ... she could be one of those people who isn't comfortable snuggling up (emotionally) with a woman.

Or ... she could be outright ignoring you.

Ask her about it in person and tell her it bugs you.

I would have to go with this; the first answer being the one that I thought of first.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 46

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 5:24:32 PM

Kirren

Posts: 580
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

If she is in a Domme mode why should she reply to you. You belong to another person. The correspondence should be between your Master and her.

I disagree with this. I think that she should NOT assume anything on that scale. I think that the woman in question SHOULD be speaking to blushes, just as much, if not more so, than with her Master.

Women in this lifestyle should bond. We have alot to teach each other. We relate to each other, and it makes us stronger.

On the same hand, I agree with blushes, that yes, she should feel slighted. A woman that wont reply to you, and is a switch, should be just as willing to speak with you. She does have that subbie side...and that could be what she is thinking with while portraying the Domme side.

I dont think any one should be disregaurded. EVER. Not when its a group meeting. Not when its a meeting for couples. Everyone should be included, before, after and during.

_____________________________

Everything has been said before
There's nothing left to say anymore
When it's all the same
You can ask for it by name

Did I fail to mention...I am a BITCH?

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 47

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 6:32:35 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

What I would have done is when we met I would have said, completely innocently and casually "Hey I never got a response to my emails to you, is there any particular reason for that or have you not been seeing them?"

Giving them a good "out" lets them know that you aren't trying to pin anything on them, and it honestly asks the question you really need the answer to.

Her behavior is completely normal and common from my experience. Simply getting her reasoning and responding "Well I definitely want you to email cuz I'm bored and lonely and need a distraction" should take care of the issue with none of this drama people keep talking about.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Kirren)

Post #: 48

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 6:54:46 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

LA; as usual, you are right. I SHOULD have said something, or had HoneyMaster say something. I felt, as I told Aidan, that we would become friends, and that wouldn't be an issue any more.
It's not an issue any more. And I understand why this happened. I just was surprised that it did.
As to those (I think one person) who said I shouldn't expect to be given respect because of how I see myself, well...I always expect respect.
I give it, and I expect it. But, after talking with her, this is not an issue, only a confusion.
Thanks so much for all the advice.
As I told her, I really turn to you, when I just don't know what to think. And I never would have said who was involved, had she not done so herself.
I feel lucky to have met her, and her SO, and especially lucky to have you all to turn to.

Thanks!

~Christina

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 49

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 6:57:14 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

It's not too late! Email now with just that one line and see what she says.

If she refuses to answer that...well then you've got signals of a problem.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 50

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 6:59:26 PM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

If she is in a Domme mode why should she reply to you. You belong to another person. The correspondence should be between your Master and her.

And some people in d/s relationships prefer to relate to others as *people*, not as d/s stick-figures.

There is no "should".

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 51

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 7:02:22 PM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ottRopesandKnots
I do have to chuckle though when I hear slaves complaining of not getting respect from Dom/mes.

Why?

(in reply to ottRopesandKnots)

Post #: 52

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 7:10:33 PM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ottRopesandKnots
If you adopt the title of Slave, should you really be surprised if you're treated as such?

What is "such"? How *are* slaves treated?

The truth is, we're all people. And we all deserve to be treated "as such".

(in reply to ottRopesandKnots)

Post #: 53

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 7:18:20 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Thank you ImpGirl;

Not for saving me from her or from mine, but from someone who doesn't really understand wiitwd...

*hugs*

(in reply to ImpGrrl)

Post #: 54

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 9:51:49 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ottRopesandKnots

For those of you who took exception to what I wrote earlier, I see a huge distinction between *being disrespected* and not being given respect. I see a spectrum, where disrespect is one end of the scale, and respect is on the other end of the scale. The situation as described I think falls in the middle.

Had the Dom/me attempted to order this slave around I would possibly consider *that* disrespectful. If the Dom/me in question had openly/publicly chastised the slave in question I would possibly consider *that* disrespectful. A refusal to answer "thank you" notes? I think that's a stretch. In the context I don't agree with any expectation of the Dom/me unless otherwise discussed. If you adopt the title of Slave, should you really be surprised if you're treated as such?

Some of my thoughts to this:

I am labeled as a slave; my Master and I do not see it as a title.

Regardless, I am treated as a slave by my Master, as I am his slave. If anyone else wishes to treat me as anything other than an equal human being, they are not thought highly of by either my Master or myself.

Agreed, there is a difference between disrespect and lacking etiquette. Both are frowned upon in my opinion. I once emailed the dominant owner of a friend of mine and was responded to in a way lacking anything in the way of politeness or etiquette. As a result, the respect I used to have for said owner no longer exists. To make matters worse, I was later contacted by said owner in a way that was disrespectful to my Master, which is even worse than disrespecting me.

People have their own ideas of how things should work. Doesn't mean I have to think highly of them for it.

(in reply to ottRopesandKnots)

Post #: 55

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/14/2008 10:00:38 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

People have their own ideas of how things should work. Doesn't mean I have to think highly of them for it.

I think this is it in a nutshell. People have their own ideas of all sorts of ways to be that I might find off putting, but it is their thing. In the past I used to think that it was my job to be accepting of all the differing ways people had of being because that was what an anthropologist does, right? I have discovered that this just isn't so. I can separate my personal from my vocational life.

Yes, people can be rude in all sorts of ways, and when we are a pair, a twosome, a couple (however one wants to term that) there are even more ways people can be rude to you. I find that one of the rudest things people can do is email you nasty emails about your partner. Or like I mentioned, go out of their way to include your partner in activities they exclude you from in a way that lets you know that you have been snubbed... especially inviting in a public way that includes your partner in a social setting that has other single submissives in attendance. Yes, all sorts of ways to be rude an unseemly.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 56

It is "Old Guard" - 1/14/2008 10:13:21 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

I haven't read throught all the responses, however, here's my NSHO:

This is Old Guard etiquette. And, shouldn't be taken personally. The Dominant's correspond for themselves and on behalf of their slave/submissive(s).
Although you may see Her etiquette as inappropriate, in Old Guard, it is very inappropriate for the slave/sub to correspond with a Dominant other than his/her Dominiant unless your Dominant has told the other Dominant it is ok for to correspond with His/Her slave/sub without the usual protocal.
If you think about the reasoning for that, you might find it quite respectful and very appropriate. If you can't figure it out, please ask your Master to message me in private and I will explain it.

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 57

RE: Is this disrespectful? - 1/15/2008 12:50:41 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAidan

I never expect people to know, or adhear to my set of rules, protocols, etc. I simply practice them myself and alter them when dealing with someone who practices differently. It is difficult, however, to alter my own when not knowing that the person or people I am dealing with practice differently.

Edited to say that it is incorrect to say that I have flat out ignored all of her emails. I understand where she gets this from though, as all too often I too over-generalize and focus on the negative.

Wait you're the other person for real? And you feel that you can answer her here but not in an email because you're so attached to your rules? You are kidding me right? It's appropriate for a public forum somehow but you couldn't send a note back saying these are my expectations, I don't want to be rude but.....? Yesh....you both should walk away from this nightmare and from anyone that says a slave doesn't deserve simple respect from those who do NOT own her. Good god people we're human beings not roles.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 1/15/2008 12:52:09 AM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MissAidan)

Post #: 58

RE: It is "Old Guard" - 1/15/2008 12:53:11 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

I haven't read throught all the responses, however, here's my NSHO:

This is Old Guard etiquette. And, shouldn't be taken personally. The Dominant's correspond for themselves and on behalf of their slave/submissive(s).
Although you may see Her etiquette as inappropriate, in Old Guard, it is very inappropriate for the slave/sub to correspond with a Dominant other than his/her Dominiant unless your Dominant has told the other Dominant it is ok for to correspond with His/Her slave/sub without the usual protocal.
If you think about the reasoning for that, you might find it quite respectful and very appropriate. If you can't figure it out, please ask your Master to message me in private and I will explain it.

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus

I remember that from when i started in the lifestyle. Subs/slaves asking if they could approach a Dom(me)...commucation was only between Dom(me)s unless ordered differently.
But one can not assume others to know what rules you have. therfor it is always wise to be decent to eachother and be openly.
A message with 'Dear girl, no offense, but i like to communicate through your MAster/Dom first" would have been easy and solved the problem.

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 59

Definately.... - 1/15/2008 1:07:51 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

No doubt, it seems now may be the time to clarify the protocols of communication between the Dominants. Without a doubt.
Without being involved in the situation, I can't say anything for sure, but I still don't think she was deliberately trying to be rude but agree it might have been handled differently.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 60

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