Is this disrespectful?

Is this disrespectful? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

xxblushesxx -> Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:08:11 PM)
HoneyMaster and I met a lifestyle couple this weekend, just for drinks and to get to know each other. This is a lady we have corresponded with over the last month, and her SO. My issue; Every time I write to her, (just a short note to say, sorry we couldn't make the meeting, or it was very nice to meet you and your SO) she never ever replies. But when HoneyMaster writes to her she does. She identifies as a switch, but, was meeting us as a domme. I feel that in any new relationship, that respect should be given to all. I almost told HM that I did not want to meet them because of two notes that had been disregarded previously. But then, I reconsidered, and thought it would be nice to meet new people in the area, and possibly have some friends I can discuss the sort of things we do without feeling weird. We both wrote her a nice letter the day after the meeting, telling her it was nice to meet her, etc. And yes, His was answered, while mine was not. He thinks maybe she doesn't realize that it is inappropriate to treat me as lessor. (I never agreed to submit to her, and, as far as I am concerned, we are equals.) Should He just not write back? (taste of her own medicine sort of thing) Or should He let her know that this is not how we operate, and that He will not have a relationship with her outside of ours? Neither of us want to anger her, but at the same time, I feel slighted and rather hurt. He says He will do whatever I ask. ('cause He Lurves me, and doesn't want to see me hurt) So....what do I ask? ~Christina

batshalom -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:11:36 PM)
Mm. It could be that she assumes it is more proper to contact him, and that he will share her notes with you. Or ... she could be one of those people who isn't comfortable snuggling up (emotionally) with a woman. Or ... she could be outright ignoring you. Ask her about it in person and tell her it bugs you.

Dnomyar -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:14:56 PM)
If she is in a Domme mode why should she reply to you. You belong to another person. The correspondence should be between your Master and her.

RumpusParable -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:17:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx She may be playing it "safe" and only replying to your master because she doesn't know what is appropriate for you dynamic for sure. Some people don't like another dominant exchanging letters with their sub, so she may be unsure of what to do in your two's case and is only writing to him to avoid that problem. I'd say, before assuming she's being intentionally rude, just send her a note asking nicely why she doesn't respond to yours, too; that you and your master have been wondering about that. If she doesn't talk to you two about it and get it sorted out then, then you know what's going on. It's just best to check first in case it's a simple misunderstanding.

juliaoceania -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:17:55 PM)
Does she send regards for you through him? Does she ask after you, your health, etc? Does she acknowledge you at all? I know there are certain people that have extended invitations to my Daddy, but not at all mention including me, and he and I have thought it rude. But some people do not know any better than to be that way. For the most part it goes ignored by us. Although it has left me with a bad taste in my mouth in regards to those who behave that way... I figure it is their personal issue and not to worry myself over it. I think you have handled it beautifully, you expressed how you feel to your master.

MissAidan -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:18:28 PM)
As the other person in question here, I believe I should put in my two cents. In my experience, when someone identifies themselves as a slave, it is more appropriate for a Dom/me to speak with their Dom/me in the begening. Especially when the Dom/me outside the relationship has been approached about working with said slave. Should one or more parties in the relationship have issue with this, they should simply communicate the problem as they see it to the person outside their relationship, as the person outside of it may not know that they operate differently.

Justme696 -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:21:23 PM)
guess that is solved then (the issue)

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:22:29 PM)
A long time ago when i was talking with couples... i was never ever allowed to talk to the female. it was always the male. However this one time i finally was able to talk to the female...and by phone. It was the only time i ever actually met with a couple in person. all the other times were just a waste of time.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:28:19 PM)
If HM had a problem with me talking to anyone He would let them know. I am still a person, and am given a great deal of leeway with whom I speak. He would be very disappointed in me if someone had written me a thankyou note and I did not respond. I guess some people just operate differently. Thanks for your help. ~Christina

stef -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:31:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAidan As the other person in question here, I believe I should put in my two cents. In my experience, when someone identifies themselves as a slave, it is more appropriate for a Dom/me to speak with their Dom/me in the begening. Especially when the Dom/me outside the relationship has been approached about working with said slave. Should one or more parties in the relationship have issue with this, they should simply communicate the problem as they see it to the person outside their relationship, as the person outside of it may not know that they operate differently. Expecting people to know and adhere to your own personal rules of protocol without ever telling them what those rules are, seems somewhat less than rational. ~stef

thetammyjo -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:35:31 PM)
If I were your master, I'd explain that her ignoring her notes has hurt your feelings and that in my household you both are responsible for communication and expect to be communicated with as individuals and not merely as a Ds couple. At that point you've laid out how things work and you can now find out whether or not you are all compatible even as friends.

beltainefaerie -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:37:44 PM)
I would be inclined to either ask her myself or have HM ask her why she is not responding to you. It could be that you both are operating under guidelines that you think are appropriate and they just don't mesh. I think simple communication might clear everything up and it is very likely that she is not being interntionally rude to you.

AquaticSub -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:37:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stef quote: ORIGINAL: MissAidan As the other person in question here, I believe I should put in my two cents. In my experience, when someone identifies themselves as a slave, it is more appropriate for a Dom/me to speak with their Dom/me in the begening. Especially when the Dom/me outside the relationship has been approached about working with said slave. Should one or more parties in the relationship have issue with this, they should simply communicate the problem as they see it to the person outside their relationship, as the person outside of it may not know that they operate differently. Expecting people to know and adhere to your own personal rules of protocol without ever telling them what those rules are, seems somewhat less than rational. ~stef Agreed. If I was to write a note to a dominant that we were meeting with, I would think it would fairly obvious that they are allowed to speak with me, particularly if I do this more than once. However, instead of ignoring me completely and responding to my owner only (which I do think is rude and so does he), we would much prefer that they simply speak with Valyraen and say "Your girl keeps writing me. I've always practiced X,Y, and Z. Am I allowed to speak with her?" or simply let us know that they would be more comfortable speaking dominant to dominant.

ottRopesandKnots -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:38:25 PM)
MissAidan summed it up quite masterfully I think. I do have to chuckle though when I hear slaves complaining of not getting respect from Dom/mes.

AquaticSub -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:39:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ottRopesandKnots MissAidan summed it up quite masterfully I think. I do have to chuckle though when I hear slaves complaining of not getting respect from Dom/mes. Why? It's not as though they are a superior species that magically deserves any more respect.

NakedOnMyChain -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:41:08 PM)
Trite though it sounds, I think that honesty is the best policy. Send her a polite, respectful e-mail and ask her why she doesn't reply to your e-mails when she sends them to your master. Tell her that it hurts your feelings a bit. If she's is being disrespectful or if she has a valid reason, you can go from there, but nothing much can be done until you know her reasoning.

agoodgirl4Daddy -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:41:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ottRopesandKnots MissAidan summed it up quite masterfully I think. I do have to chuckle though when I hear slaves complaining of not getting respect from Dom/mes. are you implying that those who identify as "slaves" do not deserve respect??

RCdc -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:42:09 PM)
Have you communicated your expectations? If you haven't - how can she work with you? How do know she thinks she is treating you as lesser? And try not to mix up respect with politeness. To different fillings for one sandwich. Sounds like bad communication on all three parts with no one central to blame or being disrespectful. the.dark.

Sabella -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:42:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ottRopesandKnots MissAidan summed it up quite masterfully I think. I do have to chuckle though when I hear slaves complaining of not getting respect from Dom/mes. Respect should be given to/from everyone until it's negotiated otherwise.

juliaoceania -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:43:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain Trite though it sounds, I think that honesty is the best policy. Send her a polite, respectful e-mail and ask her why she doesn't reply to your e-mails when she sends them to your master. Tell her that it hurts your feelings a bit. If she's is being disrespectful or if she has a valid reason, you can go from there, but nothing much can be done until you know her reasoning. I do not know that I would feel comfortable expressing those feelings to someone who flat out ignored all my previous attempts at communication.

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875