RE: Lessening the ego

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TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 8:50:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddyncherry The only problem is, there are a few things that he has had me do on occasion in the past....Example: peeing in a bowl....doing chores with cuffs on....spending time centering by laying on the spanking horse......If i do these things without him telling me to do them, they don't have near the impact and sometimes NONE...because they are being done of my own volition and he is no part of it....would be like spanking myself or something...So then i don't do them and wish that i could. You have to let go of those things that made you happy and focus on the things that make him happy. I would far rather have a slave greet me at the end of the day with something she had made (like fresh baked bread or a yummy beef stew) or something she had done for me to make my life easier (dusted out behind my computers) or just something silly that showed she was thinking of me (cataloging my Wii games). You can't do it for reward, or even acknowledgment. I wouldn't even mention it to him...but he will notice. Taggard

daddyncherry -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 8:51:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bound2One Just a thought - would your Master be amenable to creating a monthly chart for you on which he assigns you one (or however many) 'centering' activity per day? Perhaps you could perform the activity on that day and then write a report for him which you could submit daily/monthly or whatever? This way if he's too busy to focus on assignments each day due to work, you already have your calendar and know that you have to report in to him. No unfortunately he would not be interested in something like that. i am going to make up my own little lists tonight actually and sometime after he returns home from his business trip i will ask him to sort of approve it.....And he doesn't have the desire to read what i write, but i do it for myself and to help others ( my site )....Sometimes it is enough to just get the clarity and write it out so that i can refer back to it. Thank you though...and no you are not alone that is for sure [:)]

daddyncherry -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 8:56:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty You have to let go of those things that made you happy and focus on the things that make him happy. I would far rather have a slave greet me at the end of the day with something she had made (like fresh baked bread or a yummy beef stew) or something she had done for me to make my life easier (dusted out behind my computers) or just something silly that showed she was thinking of me (cataloging my Wii games). You can't do it for reward, or even acknowledgment. I wouldn't even mention it to him...but he will notice. Taggard See this is when it gets really confusing for me....i LOVE to serve him...am extremely service oriented and there is not much he really wants or needs me to do, with the exception of laundry. Occasionally i will bake him cookies, because he likes them but he is just as happy if i go buy them, so i do that since it is less self-serving. (does that make sense?) .....He is away on business now and i have been cleaning like a psycho (lol) but he is not a hardass about cleaning so he could take or leave it mostly......However he doesn't really care for curtains and homey (read: girly) touches and allows me to have them....sooooo while he has been gone i have take a good majority of the stuff down so that it is more monostary looking (which he likes).... (i end up going in crazy circles with all of this) Ughhh. lol

Bound2One -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:02:08 PM)
quote: And he doesn't have the desire to read what i write, but i do it for myself and to help others ( my site )....Sometimes it is enough to just get the clarity and write it out so that i can refer back to it. I know exactly what you mean. I just clicked on your site and found a lot more info to read. Thank you!

AFlyInYourWeb -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:05:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddyncherry i don't know if i am making sense here at all....but thank you for the suggestions I thought this link was helpful: http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/spiritual-articles/8987-big-ego-or-self-esteem.html The author draws this distinction: An egotistical person's sense of self-worth is mostly determined by external conditions, circumstances or events. A self-esteemed person's sense of self-worth is mostly determined by internal conditions like attitude, compassion, belief, passion and personal vision.

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:05:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddyncherry (i end up going in crazy circles with all of this) It sounds like his is living a very comfortable life exactly how he wants to live it. If he wanted something from you, I am sure he would have it from you. Since he has asked for nothing different from you, the best thing would be to do nothing different. Anything else and you are simply satisfying your own needs. If he isn't asking for it, don't do it. Look at it this way; it is possibly that when you do stuff for him that he does not ask for, he feels obliged. Many men (myself most certainly included) don't like that feeling of obligation. Doing something for him for which he did not ask is actually diminishing his life quality. Now I am obviously not certain this is the case...but it could be, so stop driving yourself crazy. Your life is such that you must bear this with the grace and charm you most obviously possess. Perhaps you can take up a hobby and dedicate any results to him. Whatever you do, don't lay this problem at his feet. I am certain he doesn't want to hear about how you can't find enough ways to do things for him. smile Taggard

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:08:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddyncherry and sometime after he returns home from his business trip i will ask him to sort of approve it. Why? He didn't ask you to do it. He probably won't care if you do these things or not. At most, he will humor you and look it over. At best, he will see it as a sign of your love. At worst, he will take it as a sign that you are not getting enough attention and will feel obligated to respond in some way. Make the list, do the things, leave him out of it. Stop looking for the reward and start focusing on doing just for him. Taggard

daddyncherry -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:14:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty quote: ORIGINAL: daddyncherry (i end up going in crazy circles with all of this) It sounds like his is living a very comfortable life exactly how he wants to live it. If he wanted something from you, I am sure he would have it from you. Since he has asked for nothing different from you, the best thing would be to do nothing different. Anything else and you are simply satisfying your own needs. If he isn't asking for it, don't do it. Look at it this way; it is possibly that when you do stuff for him that he does not ask for, he feels obliged. Many men (myself most certainly included) don't like that feeling of obligation. Doing something for him for which he did not ask is actually diminishing his life quality. Now I am obviously not certain this is the case...but it could be, so stop driving yourself crazy. Your life is such that you must bear this with the grace and charm you most obviously possess. Perhaps you can take up a hobby and dedicate any results to him. Whatever you do, don't lay this problem at his feet. I am certain he doesn't want to hear about how you can't find enough ways to do things for him. smile Taggard He asks almost nothing from me though, so i have to do some things...there aren't many expectations.....not many rules.....but he must be happy or he wouldn't still have me around after 2 years (+) .... What do you mean obligated? i don't understand that...i understand my obligations to him....well i feel them anyway..... How would i diminish his life quality? i wouldn't want to do that by any stretch.

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:24:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddyncherry but he must be happy or he wouldn't still have me around after 2 years (+) .... Exactly! If he wanted to change something, he would... quote: What do you mean obligated? i don't understand that...i understand my obligations to him....well i feel them anyway..... How would i diminish his life quality? i wouldn't want to do that by any stretch. When people do things for me, I feel pressure to reciprocate. He might feel that way about the things you do for him, when he does not ask you to do them. He won't reciprocate, but part of him might feel nagged because he doesn't, and that is just annoying. Taggard

daddyncherry -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:25:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty quote: ORIGINAL: daddyncherry and sometime after he returns home from his business trip i will ask him to sort of approve it. Why? He didn't ask you to do it. He probably won't care if you do these things or not. At most, he will humor you and look it over. At best, he will see it as a sign of your love. At worst, he will take it as a sign that you are not getting enough attention and will feel obligated to respond in some way. Make the list, do the things, leave him out of it. Stop looking for the reward and start focusing on doing just for him. Taggard Hmmmm.....interesting... although i don't see any reward in the whole thing....mostly just the idea of getting permission since he has expressly told me that i can't have a structured schedule...and i need one, whether it is self imposed or not...i have tried to go without it for a long time and it is so not working...i NEED lists or i don't get things done....like in an unhealthy type way. And why would attention be a bad thing? i'm not try ing to be argumentative, just curious, i mean a slave needs attention too right?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:29:47 PM)
For your specific issue, and from my own perspective, I recommend writing down a simple mantra you can have with you at all times, break out and repeat to yourself that lists two or three overarching expectations you have as his slave. People talk all the time about "remembering your place" this way you'll have a list that can put it all in perspective whenever you need to. I disagree with the whole "focus on him and not on you" bit- this is a relationship and it requires everyone to be focused on everyone. It's more than possible to put BOTH of you first.

daddyncherry -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:31:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty When people do things for me, I feel pressure to reciprocate. He might feel that way about the things you do for him, when he does not ask you to do them. He won't reciprocate, but part of him might feel nagged because he doesn't, and that is just annoying. Taggard [sm=meh.gif] Thank you, that was kind of like a light bulb comment (to me).... i never thought that a Master would feel that kind of obligation....i feel the need and desire to do all kinds of things for him...because i am a slave but also for all that he does for me.....i can't buy him things (often), he doesn't ask much of me......so i want to show him my grattitude, my ABSOLUTE LOVE...i never considered that it could be misconstrued as nagging or that it could be felt that way at all.... Wow!

Statepalace -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:31:53 PM)
Volunteer. If your daddy does not want or need you do do service oriented things for him, and you are still feeling a need to be of service somehow, you can direct some of that energy elsewhere. I understand where Taggard is coming from by saying that doing things he hasn't asked for might make him feel obligated. Obligated to give you time and attention that he hadn't otherwise planned to give to you. You have needs; eating, sleeping, mental stimulation, and others such as knowing that you are being of service. You can fill these needs yourself, you don't have to make your daddy fill them. By not insisting that he fill them for you, you are focusing on what he wants. You don't make him cook for you and feed you when you're hungry, so why ask that he be the one to fill this need to be of service? Animal shelter, library, meals-on-wheels - there are hundreds of places that will allow you to be of service and fill that need. I would ask to have a talk with him first, of course. Share your feelings, and ask if it would be ok for you to spend a certain amount of time each week doing whatever it is you decide will meet your need to be of service.

dcnovice -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:33:14 PM)
quote: i feel the need and desire to do all kinds of things for him Maybe what you need is more of an outlet for your selfless energies. Fortunately, my apartment is ripe for a good cleaning. [:)]

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:39:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddyncherry i have tried to go without it for a long time and it is so not working...i NEED lists or i don't get things done....like in an unhealthy type way. Are we talking about needs or wants? Perhaps your Daddy is making you grow in a way you do not yet understand...perhaps he just prefers it this way, and expects you to obey him. Either way, he seems to have been pretty clear about what he wants...your job is not to obey. quote: And why would attention be a bad thing? i'm not try ing to be argumentative, just curious, i mean a slave needs attention too right? He gives you the exact amount of attention he wants. That is one of the cool things about owning a slave. You only get the attention he wants to give you. That is one of the tough things about being a slave. Slaves have the harder job, no doubt about it. But they also have a freedom that owners will never have. Taggard

dcnovice -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:41:53 PM)
quote: But they also have a freedom that owners will never have. How so, Taggard?

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:44:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Statepalace Volunteer. If your daddy does not want or need you do do service oriented things for him, and you are still feeling a need to be of service somehow, you can direct some of that energy elsewhere. This is simply a brilliant idea. Talk to him about it...pick something he cares about, and do it in his honor. Don't make a show of it, and don't expect reward. Do it for him. I would love this... Taggard

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:49:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dcnovice quote: But they also have a freedom that owners will never have. How so, Taggard? It is hard for me to explain, having never felt it myself. But I have been in the presence of a slave when she was really free. It is a peace, a calmness, it is a place I know I could not go to and still have the control I need to satisfy my responsibilities in the dynamic. From a very physical/scene perspective it is even more clear. I have my domspace moments, but they are always tempered with a need to know what is going on. How tight are those cuffs? Are her hands turning blue? Where is that ball gag? These little links to reality keep me from ever fully losing myself the way a slave can... Taggard

dcnovice -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 9:56:07 PM)
Thanks, Taggard! I hadn't ever thought of it that way. But then I'm new at all this.

daddyncherry -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/15/2008 10:10:39 PM)
quote: hat is one of the tough things about being a slave. quote: ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitt quote: ORIGINAL: daddyncherry i have tried to go without it for a long time and it is so not working...i NEED lists or i don't get things done....like in an unhealthy type way. Are we talking about needs or wants? Perhaps your Daddy is making you grow in a way you do not yet understand...perhaps he just prefers it this way, and expects you to obey him. Either way, he seems to have been pretty clear about what he wants...your job is not to obey. i consider it a need in that it is unhealthy for me, emotionally and mentally to not have some structure of some sort...some purpose....but yes, he does have his plans for my growth and that is to give up controlling things like that....but it seems to be to my detriment...because of my perspective maybe. i just feel like i am accomplishing something and NOTHING of consequence is accomplished when i am left free in the breeze to just BE.

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