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Prinsexx -> RE: Lessening the ego (1/16/2008 11:57:45 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: daddyncherry
Hi all, thanks in advance for your responses on this.
i am going through some internal struggles as of late, i generaly will do that and then come out on the other end with alot of clarity and happiness, though while i'm in the thralls of it, it is like a rollercoaster (and i just don't like those things)
What i am curious about is lessening my ego....NOT meaning my self-esteem...but my ego. The part of me that sometimes forgets that i am a slave and confuses myself with a girlfriend.....the part of me that gets all twisted up trying to figure out my motivation for things and if they are truly for him or for my own benefit...the .part of me that feels entitled to XYZ rather than happily accepting all that i have.
i am also not speaking of ego in any way like i have some princess complex...i don't, the closest i get to that is wanting to snuggle in my pink princess blankets.[:)]
i also know, that according to some buddist teachings, egolessness is something that is a goal...(just trying to clarify that i don't mean self esteem or self worth ...which is where i have read other ego discussions go)
So does anyone have any methods in which they dull down their own ego? (i think that the reason behind that who 3rd person speech thing is along these lines)
The only reference i have ever read that lifted my understanding of the role of the ego is:
Tolle, E., (2002). Practicing the Power of Now New World Library
especially with regard to self and other.
And for myself there is no confusion between the role of ego and girlfriend.....or a confusion between the role of ego and slave....as it is simply the role of my ego to determine the difference and to keep stable the difference between the two.
Tolle's main thesis is that in the moment, in the now, all ego confusion is diminished.
i am a woman and therefore female and therefore 'girl' (in the non newly co-opted bdsm sense) and i come out of slavery each and everytime He allows frank and equal discussion of limits, roles, predilections, dynamics. That is not to say that i will have a role in the decisions taken over those things but simply that He allows discussion of them. For which i am grateful. i am girlfriend to many. Slave to only one.
Just because i am a slave does not mean i am stupid or unstable and i am aware (as that is also a function of my ego) that it is indeed my clarity, and or confusion, my subservience and or my servility, my stability and or my transition, my friendship and or my opposition which are some of theose aspects of me which He wants to own.
He wants my entirety not just my holes.
And it is within my entirety that my ego plays the games, defends my old, invites the new, ponders my past, imagines the future and pays for the roller coaster ride.
i am hoping he finds my ego as fascinating as my ability to squirt.
So girlfriend: I hope that helps.
Prinsexx
PS and i call Him darling, or darling Master, or sweetheart, or Paul or Mister, like a husband type signifier, (which is what i prefer as i love the wording of Mistress as Misus too) depending upon the games my ego is getting up to. To my friends he is Paul. To my best girlfiends he is oh-yes-the-same-one-you-know-the-one-who-blows-my-mind-shall-
we-have-a-good-bottle-of-wine-
amd-i-can-tell-you-more-would-you-like-to-see-the-weal-marks-
on-my-arse-one.
To the kids He is also my boyfriend.
He calls me hon or slut or whore or fuckin slut or bitch and so on through the Wipipedia of terms depending on what his ego is up to.
I have never seen one, tasted one or licked one during deep intimacy as far as i know, but i suspect i have bowed down to quite a few egos before understanding that beyond such a simple Latin word there is deep intimacy and joy.
PPS i do have a princess complex though hence the name with some sex and womanhood thrown in
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