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RE: Fear of your Master - 1/16/2008 7:27:31 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Fear is not something I am at all interested in. It has no place in my relationship. If he isn't able to inspire submission in me, then he isn't about to get it through fear. I'm with him because I want to be, because he is the finest man I've ever known. No coercion or threats required.

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RE: Fear of your Master - 1/16/2008 8:04:37 PM   
kyraofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

But how do sadist know when to stop...does a safety  word help?

I am sure I have a way wrong image of sadists propably.



Their morality.  There have been some excellent threads on Sadism that you could search for.  He uses the phrase "Ethical Sadism", so you could search for that.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Justme696)
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RE: Fear of your Master - 1/16/2008 8:43:36 PM   
AquaticSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

The person i am refering to (i wish i could remember his screen name) is very young with no actual experience (or very little) The way he wrote his profile he is misleading all these girls into thinking he has years and years under his belt. He posted a thread on the boards and everyone told him, what he was doing wasn't right or safe, but he never listened.


Do you actually know him, as in you have met him in real life? How do you know he has no experience personally? Who told him what he was doing, and what was it, wasn't safe? How do you know he didn't listen, have you seen him scene or interact with his property and know that he didn't take the advice to heart?

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Fear of your Master - 1/16/2008 8:47:55 PM   
Marc2b


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quote:

I see what you're saying here. I'm not involved in a relationship with any sort of punishiment dynamic. I am more fearful of what pleases him, or the predicaments he puts me in that please him. But for me, there is nothing more intoxicating than a healthy dose of fear with a whole lotta faith --in him and in myself-- thrown in for good measure.


Sort of like the fear you feel when getting on a roller coaster – a fun kind of fear. From what I’ve read we could divide the fear question into certain categories (I’m in a analytical mood tonight):

No fear.
Fear of disappointing/not being pleasing.
Fear of punishment (which may or may not comprise elements of the next two).
Fear of pain (mental and/or physical).
Fun Fear (i.e. anticipation of what happens next).
Fear for safety/life.

The last one has no place in ANY relationship. As for the rest, each of us are unique and will be any one, or a combination of the others.

< Message edited by Marc2b -- 1/16/2008 8:49:10 PM >

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RE: Fear of your Master - 1/16/2008 8:54:52 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
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Status: offline 		Fear can be an aphrodisiac, but it doesn't work well in a long-term relationship.  If you fear someone, there's a limit to what ELSE you can feel for that person.

(in reply to Marc2b)
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RE: Fear of your Master - 1/16/2008 9:01:50 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Well, it comes down to once again someones interpretation of the word..someones fear may be anothers trepidation..Do I wish to fear my Dominant....no...do I think a wee bit of an unknown quality within my Dominant, or in other words..his unpredictability can be a , as someone put it ,a nice roller coaster rush..well then, absofrickenlutely!!!....Tempting

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You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: Fear of your Master - 1/16/2008 9:35:18 PM   
girlygurl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Fear can be an aphrodisiac, but it doesn't work well in a long-term relationship.  If you fear someone, there's a limit to what ELSE you can feel for that person.


Very well said LandM, I suppose initial fear could be exciting (depending on the fear) but as you've stated, fear will eventually get in the way of experiencing the joys a relationship can bring IMO.

girly 

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(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: Fear of your Master - 1/16/2008 9:55:02 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

so my question is: Should a sub/slave live in fear of their Dominant/Domme?


i can't say what someone should or shouldn't feel.  As for me, my Master does love to scare me.  But,  i'm not afraid of Him and i don't live in fear of Him.  i wouldn't want to live that way.  It would be too stressful for me and it would be hard for me to function very well, at least for long.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Fear of your Master - 1/17/2008 2:17:31 AM   
Justme696


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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

But how do sadist know when to stop...does a safety  word help?

I am sure I have a way wrong image of sadists propably.



Their morality.  There have been some excellent threads on Sadism that you could search for.  He uses the phrase "Ethical Sadism", so you could search for that.

Knight's Kyra


Thank you.. I will read it

Damian

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(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Fear of your Master - 1/17/2008 2:19:32 AM   
Justme696


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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

The person i am refering to (i wish i could remember his screen name) is very young with no actual experience (or very little) The way he wrote his profile he is misleading all these girls into thinking he has years and years under his belt. He posted a thread on the boards and everyone told him, what he was doing wasn't right or safe, but he never listened.


Do you actually know him, as in you have met him in real life? How do you know he has no experience personally? Who told him what he was doing, and what was it, wasn't safe? How do you know he didn't listen, have you seen him scene or interact with his property and know that he didn't take the advice to heart?


That is what I asked myself too. I find Fear, Stranger and Sadist a dangerous combination

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RE: Fear of your Master - 1/17/2008 4:09:14 AM   
Evility


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Joined: 12/19/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
I am sure I have a way wrong image of sadists probably.


I think the only people who really understand sadism are sadists themselves and the people who are involved with them. There are many false stereotypes about the dynamic as this thread has alluded to. "How do sadists know when to stop?" sums that up pretty well. There is an art to sadism. That art centers around  maintaining your own sense of control. It's not the "free for all" that many people envision although it is certainly a more intense activity than most experience or want to experience. And that's okay.



(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Fear of your Master - 1/17/2008 4:14:24 AM   
Justme696


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Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
I am sure I have a way wrong image of sadists probably.


I think the only people who really understand sadism are sadists themselves and the people who are involved with them. There are many false stereotypes about the dynamic as this thread has alluded to. "How do sadists know when to stop?" sums that up pretty well. There is an art to sadism. That art centers around  maintaining your own sense of control. It's not the "free for all" that many people envision although it is certainly a more intense activity than most experience or want to experience. And that's okay.


yes for me this is completely new. So I prefer to ask instead of judging. 
Not sure if the ""How do sadists know when to stop?"  is a stereo type. I think it should be security question number 1 for people new to it. 

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 1/17/2008 4:17:16 AM >

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RE: Fear of your Master - 1/17/2008 4:24:30 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

Thank you.. I will read it

Damian


My pleasure, Damian.

Sadism is one of my favorite topics to discuss; it just gives me shivers to think about.  Here is one of my favorite posts by my Lord on Ethical Sadism.  He has posted it a couple times in different threads over the years.

Happy reading.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Fear of your Master - 1/17/2008 4:39:44 AM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
yes for me this is completely new. So I prefer to ask instead of judging. 


This is "asking instead of judging"? :

ps (personal opinion)
If a profile says Sadist and uses the word Fear    stay away

You've been passing judgment in this entire thread about something that you yourself admit you don't know much about. We're all entitled to opinions and you are entitled to yours whether you have any background on the topic of not.



(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Fear of your Master - 1/17/2008 6:59:16 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
yes for me this is completely new. So I prefer to ask instead of judging. 


This is "asking instead of judging"? :

ps (personal opinion)
If a profile says Sadist and uses the word Fear    stay away

You've been passing judgment in this entire thread about something that you yourself admit you don't know much about. We're all entitled to opinions and you are entitled to yours whether you have any background on the topic of not.





but you should see it in the light of the OP....it is a stranger  ;)

second thought ...  I should have used more words.  I should have added/said, learn him/her better before you meet
Agree

And we all pass judgment about many things. I try to be carefull, but I have my flaws. Sometiems also an opinion can be felt as judgement by some one who doesn't agree.
Next time I sure will keep your remarks in my mind before I post.

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 1/17/2008 7:02:41 AM >

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RE: Fear of your Master - 1/17/2008 7:03:21 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

Thank you.. I will read it

Damian


My pleasure, Damian.

Sadism is one of my favorite topics to discuss; it just gives me shivers to think about.  Here is one of my favorite posts by my Lord on Ethical Sadism.  He has posted it a couple times in different threads over the years.

Happy reading.

Knight's Kyra


Going to read it asap as I am home

tyvm again

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(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Fear of your Master - 1/17/2008 7:31:14 AM   
Marc2b


Posts: 6660
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quote:

Fear can be an aphrodisiac, but it doesn't work well in a long-term relationship. If you fear someone, there's a limit to what ELSE you can feel for that person.


My point exactly. The "oh God, Master is going to blister my ass when he finds out I got a speeding ticket," kind of fun fear is possible only if the "oh God, he’s going to bash my teeth in and blacken both my eyes," kind of real fear doesn’t exist in the relationship.

< Message edited by Marc2b -- 1/17/2008 7:34:34 AM >

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Do you know what the most awesome thing about being an Atheist is? You're not required to hate anybody!

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RE: Fear of your Master - 1/19/2008 6:14:53 AM   
BikerDomRealTime


Posts: 86
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

i read a Master's profile on here once and one of the things he said was that "You will fear me"

so my question is: Should a sub/slave live in fear of their Dominant/Domme? Thanks


One simple word... No!

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Fear of your Master - 1/19/2008 6:33:50 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		As a masochist who has always been with sadists I can say that there have been many times that I have feared what a sadist will do to me....but to fear the man himself? No, that would definitely tell me that I was with the wrong man.

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Peace and light,
~erin~

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When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

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RE: Fear of your Master - 1/19/2008 2:19:56 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Fear can be an aphrodisiac, but it doesn't work well in a long-term relationship.  If you fear someone, there's a limit to what ELSE you can feel for that person.


What an interesting perspective that I had not considered before.

To the OP, I think there is healthy fear and there is unhealthy fear.  I tend to feel intimidated by my Master sometimes, and always in awe of him.  I might fear what he will do to me in a given circumstance, but fearing the man himself is not something either of us considers healthy.

Having said that, when he gets angry, wow he can really get angry.  There was a time, about a year ago, when he lashed out at me (verbally) in anger and I completely cowered.  He didn't threaten me, nor did he say anything harmful to me that I can recall, but his whole demeanor scared me (then again I have had traumas to recover from, having to do with yelling in anger).  I found myself totally afraid of him.  In retrospect, I realized it wasn't him I was actually afraid of, it was that a trauma trigger had been pulled.  But at the time I did not know that yet.  I completely shut down and withdrew into myself.  A few days later as he was trying to guage what was wrong, I told him I was afraid of him.  This caused him great concern, as he does not want his slave to fear him, and he worked with me on correcting that perspective right away.

I do not consider fearing ones Master, Dominant, Owner, Top, Partner, whatever, to be a good thing.  I lived in fear of my ex husband for years.  Fear can be all consuming and walking on egg shells is never fun.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 60
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