quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

The other side of this -- for any guys who might be reading -- is that when I tell a woman that there's no chance I'm going to do anything physical unless we like each other and are friends, either she movs on right then or responds by saying, "Oh, THANK GOD!!!!"  There really are men, myself included, for whom "Friends First" is an absolute must.  Nice guys definitely don't finish last in the romantic cyberworld.  Care about something besides her ability to get you off, and she might actually respect you.

quote:

Do you honestly think that adding a qualifier such as kink, does not up the difficulty ratio even a tad?  What if I had said, must also have wavy blond hair, or, must  be over 6 ft? 
Anytime you add in some addtional component into a seach, things automatically become more limited.  Maybe they dont in your world, but in mine, adding in intelligence, humor, or kink, all adds to the properties of keeping some people out.

quote:

  My ex and I met as friends.  We hung out, we got to know each other and even had a number of dates before we got into penetrative sex..

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

It's the same old problem: Women use love to find sex... men use sex to find love. We, (men) want to know you're going to be able to be a good sex partner, before we commit to anything. Mostly because those of us who have been in relationships have gone into commitment, and then have the sex part of the relationship suddenly fade away...

You're basically paying for the deception that so many other women have pulled on us guys over the centuries.

(only half-kidding)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

Mostly because those of us who have been in relationships have gone into commitment, and then have the sex part of the relationship suddenly fade away...

(only half-kidding)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

Mostly because those of us who have been in relationships have gone into commitment, and then have the sex part of the relationship suddenly fade away...

(only half-kidding)

There are a lot of women, myself included, who have had great relationships before marriage or long term commitment, whose sexual component has completely vaporized after settling down for what we thought was going to be a life or long term gig.  It's not just the women who sometimes get frigid.  Sometimes the men decide to pull back and withdraw physically.

(not kidding at all)

~ DRH

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

Mostly because those of us who have been in relationships have gone into commitment, and then have the sex part of the relationship suddenly fade away...

(only half-kidding)

There are a lot of women, myself included, who have had great relationships before marriage or long term commitment, whose sexual component has completely vaporized after settling down for what we thought was going to be a life or long term gig.  It's not just the women who sometimes get frigid.  Sometimes the men decide to pull back and withdraw physically.

(not kidding at all)

~ DRH

been there. done that. I was married to a man whos true love is Beer. Me, I cant stomach the smell.

quote:

BDSM or not, is there some sort of magic pill out there that doesn't make it so f'ing hard?
If so, can I get a marketing plan for it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Do you honestly think that adding a qualifier such as kink, does not up the difficulty ratio even a tad?  What if I had said, must also have wavy blond hair, or, must  be over 6 ft? 
Anytime you add in some addtional component into a seach, things automatically become more limited.  Maybe they dont in your world, but in mine, adding in intelligence, humor, or kink, all adds to the properties of keeping some people out.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

My question is how does one find someone who is into BDSM

/sigh
The same way you find people who are NOT into BDSM.

Why do people have to make this so fucking hard?

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

BDSM or not, is there some sort of magic pill out there that doesn't make it so f'ing hard?
If so, can I get a marketing plan for it?

No lol, I am sorry, but there is not. It may sound cliche, but the old saying is very, very true....no thing/person worth having is ever easy to attain.

Some of the best and longest lasting relationships I have seen in real life are between people who STOPPED trying SO FUCKING HARD . They realized that the harder they tried the more they distanced themselves from those around them to the point that they were defeating themselves.

Take a step back, take a deep breath and let yourself be YOU; without all the tangle that labels like BDSM, D/S, AND M/S bring with them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

Some of the best and longest lasting relationships I have seen in real life are between people who STOPPED trying SO FUCKING HARD . They realized that the harder they tried the more they distanced themselves from those around them to the point that they were defeating themselves.

Take a step back, take a deep breath and let yourself be YOU; without all the tangle that labels like BDSM, D/S, AND M/S bring with them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

My question is how does one find someone who is into BDSM

/sigh
The same way you find people who are NOT into BDSM.

Why do people have to make this so fucking hard?

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

The other side of this -- for any guys who might be reading -- is that when I tell a woman that there's no chance I'm going to do anything physical unless we like each other and are friends, either she movs on right then or responds by saying, "Oh, THANK GOD!!!!"  There really are men, myself included, for whom "Friends First" is an absolute must.  Nice guys definitely don't finish last in the romantic cyberworld.  Care about something besides her ability to get you off, and she might actually respect you.

wow. Someone whos got a clue. SEE. you can find them!

Guys, you need to buy a clue from this guy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I do have to say that for me getting out there at all is trying.  If that qualifies as trying too hard it beats me what would be easier.  I have ads up on B.com, Alt.com, one here, and even taken a crack at craigslist (ha! try that one sometime!), I don't drop emails to men I would consider potentials mostly because for me that would be trying to f'ing hard.  I deliberately did not seek out another relationship immediately after my breakup (maybe not so good of an idea); I do attend parties; I do run a munch; I do meet people without the huge drama of worrying if their domliness will overwhelm me. 
Basically I am just a friendly woman who wouldn't mind finding a counterpoint. 
The difficult part for me is that this stuff we do is sexually charged.  My ads up on Craigslist have been mostly nilla and they do not get the rush to sex responses that the other ads get.  The sad part about that though is the men who respond to me on nilla ads wind up joining my group as male subs.  And if you try to put any mention of submission (as a female), on craigslist, 9/10 times they will pull the ad for inappropriate content.
It makes me wonder where the line is.  To avoid the rush for instant sex, how much is too much information on what I want? 
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead
There are a lot of women, myself included, who have had great relationships before marriage or long term commitment, whose sexual component has completely vaporized after settling down for what we thought was going to be a life or long term gig.  It's not just the women who sometimes get frigid.  Sometimes the men decide to pull back and withdraw physically.

(not kidding at all)

~ DRH

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I do have to say that for me getting out there at all is trying.  If that qualifies as trying too hard it beats me what would be easier.  I have ads up on B.com, Alt.com, one here, and even taken a crack at craigslist (ha! try that one sometime!), I don't drop emails to men I would consider potentials mostly because for me that would be trying to f'ing hard.  I deliberately did not seek out another relationship immediately after my breakup (maybe not so good of an idea); I do attend parties; I do run a munch; I do meet people without the huge drama of worrying if their domliness will overwhelm me. 
Basically I am just a friendly woman who wouldn't mind finding a counterpoint. 
The difficult part for me is that this stuff we do is sexually charged.  My ads up on Craigslist have been mostly nilla and they do not get the rush to sex responses that the other ads get.  The sad part about that though is the men who respond to me on nilla ads wind up joining my group as male subs.  And if you try to put any mention of submission (as a female), on craigslist, 9/10 times they will pull the ad for inappropriate content.
It makes me wonder where the line is.  To avoid the rush for instant sex, how much is too much information on what I want? 
Kyst

are you kidding me? Craigslist is the equivalent of graffiti for online dating. A friend and I did an experiment. We both put ads on Craigslist. I put a very provocative ad, (no photo) she put a very bland, conservative ad (no photo). Neither ad mentioned sex, but my ad was a bit more descriptive, let's say.

We both got 99% sexually explicit replies and from many of the same guys. My ad did not even mention BDSM at all. Once I put one on that said I was seeking a Dom for a serious relationship, just like you are talking about and all hell broke loose. I got nothing but disgusting replies. And the 1% nice replies all ended up asking about sex anyway after a few emails!

I get far more intelligent replies here on Collarme.

The point is that when you try to seek someone for a relationship online, there is nothing you can do to change behavior. You can only hold fast to what you want for yourself.