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RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/19/2008 7:36:49 PM   
lighthearted


Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		I think you have to treat craigslist just like any other dating site, use common sense and go slowly and carefully. I personally had good luck there, I met my first master (responding to his ad) and although we are no longer together, we remain friends.



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"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/19/2008 8:06:46 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Missokyst, I am trying hard; real hard; to understand exactly what the fuck you are having trouble with. On one point, you are upset because 9 out of 10 who contact you want sex right away; on another point, you are saying that for you BDSM is sexually charged;
………………yet, on the whole you seem to be saying that you are tired of men contacting you who want to engage in BDSM and sex with you.
So….I am a bit confuzzled as to what the fuck you are really complaining about here.

If it’s just the fact that they want to scene on a first date; then fuck them…you are an adult, you know how to say yes or no…who gives a fuck if they like it or not.

Geesh….IT IS NOT SO FUCKING HARD to be an adult, and ACT LIKE ONE.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/19/2008 8:28:21 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I must have missed the part about it being easy.


Finding a compatible person is not easy.  It's especially difficult for discerning people.  A lot of it has to do with luck. 


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/19/2008 8:42:29 PM   
daddysblondie


Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline 		I think I was one of the lucky few that when I was new to the lifestyle and "impressionable" I quickly met someone who treated me like a whole person. We chatter for a few weeks about every day mundane things before deciding to meet. He surprised me when he didn't go for sex right away. When we parted ways last year, I spent a lot of time frustrated because most of the men I met through cm seemed nice at first but then once I agreed to chat with them, they instantly started in with the sex questions. I kept finding myself asking, what does my favorite sexual position have to do with who I am as a person because ultimately, I wanted someone who was interested in me as a person first.

Now, since then, Daddy and I have reunited, but even still during the 7 or so months that we were apart, I only recall meeting one other man that really had that same genuine interest in talking to me as a person and getting to know me before worrying about the sex stuff. As other have said, they are out there, but yes, it seems we have to do a LOT of weeding through the ones we don't want to find the ones we do want.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/19/2008 9:44:19 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		You seem to be the only one having problems understanding.  So I will just assume we can never be on the same level and therefore will never get each other.. 
sometimes that happens...
much like not finding compatible partners.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/19/2008 9:47:34 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lighthearted

I think you have to treat craigslist just like any other dating site, use common sense and go slowly and carefully. I personally had good luck there, I met my first master (responding to his ad) and although we are no longer together, we remain friends.




Maybe Craigslist in CA is better than the one in NY; I know a ton of women who have had horrific experiences on the NY version. The same guys post there all the time. I gave up on Craigslist long ago.

(in reply to lighthearted)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/19/2008 10:03:45 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

You seem to be the only one having problems understanding.  So I will just assume we can never be on the same level and therefore will never get each other.. 
sometimes that happens...
much like not finding compatible partners.
Kyst


Giving Missokyst a huggle.
I think, I TOTALLY get what you are saying.
For me, BDSM IS very sexually charged....IF/WHEN I am in a committed relationship.
All of us are not slut puppies, nor looking to bed hop {especially those of us over 40}.
 
I want it ALL, but only in a commtted relationship, with someone that has taken the TIME,
to get to know me WELL as a real person, FIRST.
I am not into casual relationships, casual sex, or casual BDSM relationships.
 
If a man is approaching you with sex chat, sexual inuendo's and a list of what he wants to do to you,
he sounds like a DoMe.

There is nothing wrong with be discerning, having values, expectations and standards.
If a  male is not willing to take the time to get to know you well as a person first,
I agree he is not the male that I would want either, regardless of if he is a Dominant, submissive,
switch, or whatever.
Good luck Missokyst!

< Message edited by MzMia -- 1/19/2008 10:08:25 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/20/2008 2:33:53 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Missokyst, I am trying hard; real hard; to understand exactly what the fuck you are having trouble with. On one point, you are upset because 9 out of 10 who contact you want sex right away; on another point, you are saying that for you BDSM is sexually charged;
………………yet, on the whole you seem to be saying that you are tired of men contacting you who want to engage in BDSM and sex with you.
So….I am a bit confuzzled as to what the fuck you are really complaining about here.

If it’s just the fact that they want to scene on a first date; then fuck them…you are an adult, you know how to say yes or no…who gives a fuck if they like it or not.

Geesh….IT IS NOT SO FUCKING HARD to be an adult, and ACT LIKE ONE.


LOL IM, blunt but actually very true in my opinion.  Look ladies it is a BDSM BOARD.  I think having a standard that anyone that actually talks about sex in emails on a bdsm board is discarded for it is just silly.  Any checklist approach is equally silly.  If they won't get off the sex talk or seem intent on getting you in the sack right away move on if you're not comfortable, but don't assume just because someone has sexual interest they are a troll.  Hell, if they don't have any sexual interest I get concerned personally.  Talking about the flowers in someone's garden only tells you so much about them in my opinion.  Tell them you want to be friends first, find someone you ARE comfortable talking with that fits for you and get over the ones that aren't.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 1/20/2008 2:35:02 AM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/20/2008 7:38:51 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Missokyst, I am trying hard; real hard; to understand exactly what the fuck you are having trouble with. On one point, you are upset because 9 out of 10 who contact you want sex right away; on another point, you are saying that for you BDSM is sexually charged;
………………yet, on the whole you seem to be saying that you are tired of men contacting you who want to engage in BDSM and sex with you.
So….I am a bit confuzzled as to what the fuck you are really complaining about here.

If it’s just the fact that they want to scene on a first date; then fuck them…you are an adult, you know how to say yes or no…who gives a fuck if they like it or not.

Geesh….IT IS NOT SO FUCKING HARD to be an adult, and ACT LIKE ONE.


LOL IM, blunt but actually very true in my opinion.  Look ladies it is a BDSM BOARD.  I think having a standard that anyone that actually talks about sex in emails on a bdsm board is discarded for it is just silly.  Any checklist approach is equally silly.  If they won't get off the sex talk or seem intent on getting you in the sack right away move on if you're not comfortable, but don't assume just because someone has sexual interest they are a troll.  Hell, if they don't have any sexual interest I get concerned personally.  Talking about the flowers in someone's garden only tells you so much about them in my opinion.  Tell them you want to be friends first, find someone you ARE comfortable talking with that fits for you and get over the ones that aren't.


Its not that anyone who talks of sex is discarded. Its how it is talked about. For instance, if someone e-mails me and tells me what he is going to do to me before making an appropriate introduction as to who he is and what his beliefs, thoughts and NAME is. Yes, he will get discarded. If a polite introduction, with him telling me who he is, what his interests are..he can mention "I see we both have an interest in shibari and riding crops". That would be fine. But if he is going to write. "hello slut. I grab you and bend you over, cover your mouth and stick it in"...... yea, and whats your name? Excuse me, he will get the discard. Or because its me, I will write him and tell him how rude it is to tell a woman what he is going to do to her before his tells her who he is and what he stands for. Then I will call him rude and uncouth.

But thats just me. I'm sure you would be way more tactful then I.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/20/2008 7:42:27 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Then I will call him rude and uncouth.

But thats just me. I'm sure you would be way more tactful then I.


I don't respond to that sort of nonsense.  I can't see any point in continuing a conversation with someone of no interest to me.  I also don't feel it's my job to teach him manners.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/20/2008 7:45:15 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Then I will call him rude and uncouth.

But thats just me. I'm sure you would be way more tactful then I.


I don't respond to that sort of nonsense.  I can't see any point in continuing a conversation with someone of no interest to me.  I also don't feel it's my job to teach him manners.


Good for you. You take the high road. but I have had a few that made their apologies and actually thanked me for opening their eyes. men dont have a clue sometimes. they think woman respond to stimulus like mini men. We dont. Sometimes a brick over the head is appreciated.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/20/2008 7:47:09 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19


quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Missokyst, I am trying hard; real hard; to understand exactly what the fuck you are having trouble with. On one point, you are upset because 9 out of 10 who contact you want sex right away; on another point, you are saying that for you BDSM is sexually charged;
………………yet, on the whole you seem to be saying that you are tired of men contacting you who want to engage in BDSM and sex with you.
So….I am a bit confuzzled as to what the fuck you are really complaining about here.

If it’s just the fact that they want to scene on a first date; then fuck them…you are an adult, you know how to say yes or no…who gives a fuck if they like it or not.

Geesh….IT IS NOT SO FUCKING HARD to be an adult, and ACT LIKE ONE.


LOL IM, blunt but actually very true in my opinion.  Look ladies it is a BDSM BOARD.  I think having a standard that anyone that actually talks about sex in emails on a bdsm board is discarded for it is just silly.  Any checklist approach is equally silly.  If they won't get off the sex talk or seem intent on getting you in the sack right away move on if you're not comfortable, but don't assume just because someone has sexual interest they are a troll.  Hell, if they don't have any sexual interest I get concerned personally.  Talking about the flowers in someone's garden only tells you so much about them in my opinion.  Tell them you want to be friends first, find someone you ARE comfortable talking with that fits for you and get over the ones that aren't.


Its not that anyone who talks of sex is discarded. Its how it is talked about. For instance, if someone e-mails me and tells me what he is going to do to me before making an appropriate introduction as to who he is and what his beliefs, thoughts and NAME is. Yes, he will get discarded. If a polite introduction, with him telling me who he is, what his interests are..he can mention "I see we both have an interest in shibari and riding crops". That would be fine. But if he is going to write. "hello slut. I grab you and bend you over, cover your mouth and stick it in"...... yea, and whats your name? Excuse me, he will get the discard. Or because its me, I will write him and tell him how rude it is to tell a woman what he is going to do to her before his tells her who he is and what he stands for. Then I will call him rude and uncouth.

But thats just me. I'm sure you would be way more tactful then I.


got to agree with Miss LusciousLips. Everything is how it is discussed. I mean, god damn, I love a guy who can talk dirty to me...but once he actually knows me. Otherwise it sounds like the teacher in Charlie Brown, waaaa waaaa waaaa waaaa.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/20/2008 7:52:40 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ot to agree with Miss LusciousLips. Everything is how it is discussed. I mean, god damn, I love a guy who can talk dirty to me...but once he actually knows me. Otherwise it sounds like the teacher in Charlie Brown, waaaa waaaa waaaa waaaa.




lol. I know!!! And they send you smut they copied from Hustler! I have a fantastic memory so I remember these bozo's cut and pastes. I have actually had the sme mail sent by the same guy on different sites. One guy sent the same erotic story that he wrote just for me....3 times!!!! waaa, waaaa.waaaaa, waaaa waaaa

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/20/2008 7:56:17 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ot to agree with Miss LusciousLips. Everything is how it is discussed. I mean, god damn, I love a guy who can talk dirty to me...but once he actually knows me. Otherwise it sounds like the teacher in Charlie Brown, waaaa waaaa waaaa waaaa.




lol. I know!!! And they send you smut they copied from Hustler! I have a fantastic memory so I remember these bozo's cut and pastes. I have actually had the sme mail sent by the same guy on different sites. One guy sent the same erotic story that he wrote just for me....3 times!!!! waaa, waaaa.waaaaa, waaaa waaaa


LOL I have a great memory too, and that really pisses them off when you remember and tell them, dear, you sent this same boring cut and paste before, try something new. That is when you get the, you are not very submissive crap!

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/20/2008 8:05:08 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I think some of them send out the same tired stuff on a monthy basis.  They should use a domly spreadsheet to keep track of whom they've sent messages to.

Anyway, I don't consider it the highroad.  I just don't want to further encourage anyone whom I know I would not be remotely interested in. 


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/20/2008 8:10:34 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I think some of them send out the same tired stuff on a monthy basis.  They should use a domly spreadsheet to keep track of whom they've sent messages to.

Anyway, I don't consider it the highroad.  I just don't want to further encourage anyone whom I know I would not be remotely interested in. 



Think of me as......


da da da da



THE AVENGER!



(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/20/2008 8:46:58 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Shouldn't that be the: Subliest Avenger!    

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/20/2008 9:26:22 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Oh yea, Now where is my subliest Avenger cape????

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/20/2008 9:31:39 AM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

You are correct that I am seeking a relationship and not just easy sex.  My problem was in finding such a thing.  I must have missed the part about it being easy.  It is the same as finding any other relationship, but my question was still how to find them.  BDSM or not, is there some sort of magic pill out there that doesn't make it so f'ing hard?
If so, can I get a marketing plan for it?
Kyst


Man, if you had a marketing plan for that, you'd be a billionaire. 

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Uncomfortable beginnings - 1/20/2008 9:33:58 AM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:


I dont even go to munches, clubs or events anymore...and the only bdsm site im on is this one here.  for me it is almost pointless to try.... so i pretty well have stopped looking.  nobody wants to cherish, adore, and love their subs or slaves anymore...they just want sex sex sex


Not true.  But you have to look very, very hard to find one who does want to cherish, adore and love their slaves/submissives.

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 60
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