RE: Is this common?

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CapnSpankins -> RE: Is this common? (1/20/2008 5:42:54 PM)
Here's what gives me trouble about the situation - and maybe I'm in the minority here, but whatever. I think it could be okay to have your subbie find a chat partner for you. Perhaps its a way to give her practice being an attractive/seductive talker? It seems like it could be a fun game and there is a D/s element there. I think context is key - and believe me, I'm not saying he's not a lazy Dom, we just don't know all the details. (for example, has HE ever successfully attracted a third? Did he give you any instruction on how to do this? Not saying you're not a perfectly capable person, but if he fails to train you or equip you with the tools you need, its his failure.) The part I have trouble with making sense of is that he wants to punish her for not finding another subbie willing to chat with him by a certain time. I really could not see myself punishing gorgeous1 for things that are out of her control. She cannot control the response or willingness or even lack of people online at any given moment! Its a situation that is only very slightly under her influence. Seems like she was setup with no way to please her Dom other than to succeed at something that was destined to fail from the start without a random stroke of luck. That speaks to a misunderstanding / misapplication of the role of punishment to say the least. If you have any compelling reason to want to stay with this guy, you may need to negotiate / discuss what kinds of predicaments you'll be willing to accept in the future. Maybe he has something in mind we aren't aware of, but it sounds like it was unfair. If he wants to discipline you for his enjoyment, he should just come out and say it. Punishment in this case just doesn't sit right with me.

CelticPrince -> RE: Is this common? (1/20/2008 5:58:35 PM)
venue, by 700 pm ?? seems like a temporary relationship if your so willing to end it so fast. CP

BabyDollVanIsle -> RE: Is this common? (1/20/2008 9:26:37 PM)
i would say both. when i saw those profiles or statements about a sub looking for a 3rd for their Dom, i always assumed the subs loved thier Doms so much, they wanted on their own to find another sub to join them, also that they were bi and wanted the extra person for their own gratification as well. to hear that it was an assignment with punishment, puts a whole different slant on things.. how repugnant! baby doll

Maestro66babycak -> RE: Is this common? (1/20/2008 9:38:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Ok, I pulled this from another thread here on this forum, so I just had to ask Since this isn't something you find on the "Mistress" board, I came to ask My question here. Are there really a number of Masters who are so inept at finding a third that the task is assigned to their sub/slaves? Is it really appropriate to punish when the assignment given by the Master, who wasn't able to do for Himself, also isn't able to be completed by the slave? Seems to Me, in this type of situation, the word Master or Dom is being thrown around a little too casually. Opinions? Thoughts? I agree with you Ma'am!

Maestro66babycak -> RE: Is this common? (1/20/2008 10:05:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Okay, I checked google, I checked yahooanswers, I even checked mapquest. Someone, puhleeeeeese tell me where Subs-4-U is located? I mean seriously, this WAS a shopping assignment right? Because it's that easy, right?? Cali GOOD ONE!LMAO![sm=biggrin.gif]

Asherdelampyr -> RE: Is this common? (1/20/2008 10:22:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Ok, I pulled this from another thread here on this forum, so I just had to ask quote: ORIGINAL: SweetieSub37 This thread couldn't have come at a better time for me as i am about to get the silent treatment tonight from my Dom for not being able to complete an assignment. it is similar to the OP's dillema - i was supposed to find someone for my Dom to chat with by 7:00 p.m. tonight or i would be ignored. It's not like i haven't been trying...i've asked all my friends and tried to find nice people online but to no avail. it's hard enough forging your own relationships without having to make a connection for someone else. It made me feel better to read the replies in this thread anyway. I feel more confident about explaining my discomfort to my Dom and asking for him to reconsider this assignment. Since this isn't something you find on the "Mistress" board, I came to ask My question here. Are there really a number of Masters who are so inept at finding a third that the task is assigned to their sub/slaves? Is it really appropriate to punish when the assignment given by the Master, who wasn't able to do for Himself, also isn't able to be completed by the slave? Seems to Me, in this type of situation, the word Master or Dom is being thrown around a little too casually. Opinions? Thoughts? If I want to find someone, I can do it myself? I mean, im not above asking for help but punishing someone for not finding me a person to talk too? seems pretty stupid to me...

weneedyourhelp -> RE: Is this common? (1/20/2008 11:03:10 PM)
I think that it is totally ridiculous that he would even think to punish her for something that is absolutely beyond her control. We (Myself and kitten) are at this moment looking for a third, and I am the one who handles most of the details. After all, I feel it is MY responsibility as a Dom to do so. I do, however, value kittens input, as this is not only about me. IMHO he is the one who needs to be punished, and guessing the type of person he may be, I'm sure he will be one day.

antipode -> RE: Is this common? (1/21/2008 6:59:08 AM)
It depends on te relationship. There is no such thing as "appropriate", any more than there is a "lifestyle". It is whatever floats your boat - but if she really lets him do this to her she is really a sub. Whether or not he can achieve this himself - why do you even care? Do you really believe there are rules in this game of ours? I hope not....

domahpet -> RE: Is this common? (1/21/2008 8:19:24 AM)
Bloomingdales you say? hmmm, wonder if he would like an extra toy for Vday? now theres a gift idea to consider!!!

Knightenslaves -> RE: Is this common? (1/21/2008 9:35:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Ok, I pulled this from another thread here on this forum, so I just had to ask quote: ORIGINAL: SweetieSub37 This thread couldn't have come at a better time for me as i am about to get the silent treatment tonight from my Dom for not being able to complete an assignment. it is similar to the OP's dillema - i was supposed to find someone for my Dom to chat with by 7:00 p.m. tonight or i would be ignored. It's not like i haven't been trying...i've asked all my friends and tried to find nice people online but to no avail. it's hard enough forging your own relationships without having to make a connection for someone else. It made me feel better to read the replies in this thread anyway. I feel more confident about explaining my discomfort to my Dom and asking for him to reconsider this assignment. Just to play [:D] advocate.... Say the task was given to get the girl more comfortable with the idea of having a third and to introduce the two first. Or the idea is to find pleasure in having the girl complete a task that is uncomfortable for her, to make her squirm in anticipation of not being able to complete the task. Not all exercises in mental submission/servitude are because the Dom(Master etc) is lazy. Also we are unaware of their dynamic.... Remember what happens when we assume....

Justme696 -> RE: Is this common? (1/21/2008 9:47:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Thanks to those who answered. Yes, the most ridiculous part of this was that, on the thread I pulled it from, not just one, but two seperate cases of subs who were going to be 'punished' for not finding a third. While I understand that some subs might assist in the search for a third for a poly situation, I can't see it being responsibility of someone besides the one who would wish to be the Dominant, and the one who was ultimately in charge of the dynamic. Sure, it's fantastic that the potential sister sub would want to be involved, but it's really more important that the Dominant and the secondary sub match. Edited because the whole 'punishment' for not finding a third is so far fetched to Me, I couldn't even type properly. I am curious what a sub/slave thinks when a Dom(mes) orders you this? Do you feel like you fail? My previous girl was curious by times about an other female. I said..if you fidn one we see, but I don't get involved untill you are sure and continue. Mostly she looked a few days and then worried afther several days that I might start to like the other better..lol IF the relation is deep, I would never ask such for myself alone.

theUnsung -> RE: Is this common? (1/21/2008 1:15:40 PM)
Quick reply to full thread: I have had several dominants request this task from me, without the threat of punishment though. There was always an underlying tone of displeasure when I either informed them of my reluctance to such, or that my interest in another was not important. A couple of the dominants that did request this task where married and could not afford the time to pursue this during working hours, another dominant well was just unattractive in many ways. I feel we can ask any one to do whatever we want, it works for some and others it does not. If something such as pursueing another for the household has been talked about and with interest then so be it. I, like someone elses comments though, wonder if perhaps the punishment aspect may have been a training task in how the sub would deal with the situation and pursue it. Not having all the details makes it difficult to judge. Given the scenerio though is that I do not agree with looking for other partners for relationships that are still under construction. Seems excitement gets the better of people alot, yet again I suppose it is dependant on what you want your destination to look like.

TenchiRyokoMuyo -> RE: Is this common? (1/21/2008 1:25:28 PM)
In my short time searching on these types of websites...I must admit, I see it all the time. So many profiles saying 'I am owned, but my dominant wants to find another, so I am looking'. and etcetera.

wisteriaV -> RE: Is this common? (1/21/2008 1:26:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Ok, I pulled this from another thread here on this forum, so I just had to ask quote: ORIGINAL: SweetieSub37 This thread couldn't have come at a better time for me as i am about to get the silent treatment tonight from my Dom for not being able to complete an assignment. it is similar to the OP's dillema - i was supposed to find someone for my Dom to chat with by 7:00 p.m. tonight or i would be ignored. It's not like i haven't been trying...i've asked all my friends and tried to find nice people online but to no avail. it's hard enough forging your own relationships without having to make a connection for someone else. It made me feel better to read the replies in this thread anyway. I feel more confident about explaining my discomfort to my Dom and asking for him to reconsider this assignment. Since this isn't something you find on the "Mistress" board, I came to ask My question here. Are there really a number of Masters who are so inept at finding a third that the task is assigned to their sub/slaves? Is it really appropriate to punish when the assignment given by the Master, who wasn't able to do for Himself, also isn't able to be completed by the slave? Seems to Me, in this type of situation, the word Master or Dom is being thrown around a little too casually. Opinions? Thoughts? What the original Op of finding another girl for her dom to talk to by a certain time was point blank assinine to me...He set her up for failure and she did fail. However, in a poly situation where a Master and a girl are seeking to add another girl to the family, then no I think its perfectly fine for the sub/slave to look and make initial contact with another sub/slave. Vanatru is completely capable of finding another girl for the family, yet logic would dictate the two girls would have to find a common ground in order for the poly dynamic to work. For us, once I do make contact with a girl, Master and I both will set up a conferance chat and talk to her. It not only saves the perspective girl from having to type everything twice, but it also helps Master see where shes coming from and can get my imput on things as well should he require that.

eyesopened -> RE: Is this common? (1/21/2008 1:49:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wisteriaV However, in a poly situation where a Master and a girl are seeking to add another girl to the family, then no I think its perfectly fine for the sub/slave to look and make initial contact with another sub/slave. IF i were interested in joining a poly family, i would appreciate being contacted by the girl...but in the context of friendship, compatibility, shared relationship goals....but never as just an item in some on-line scavenger-hunt!

fluffyswitch -> RE: Is this common? (1/21/2008 2:15:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wisteriaV quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Ok, I pulled this from another thread here on this forum, so I just had to ask quote: ORIGINAL: SweetieSub37 This thread couldn't have come at a better time for me as i am about to get the silent treatment tonight from my Dom for not being able to complete an assignment. it is similar to the OP's dillema - i was supposed to find someone for my Dom to chat with by 7:00 p.m. tonight or i would be ignored. It's not like i haven't been trying...i've asked all my friends and tried to find nice people online but to no avail. it's hard enough forging your own relationships without having to make a connection for someone else. It made me feel better to read the replies in this thread anyway. I feel more confident about explaining my discomfort to my Dom and asking for him to reconsider this assignment. Since this isn't something you find on the "Mistress" board, I came to ask My question here. Are there really a number of Masters who are so inept at finding a third that the task is assigned to their sub/slaves? Is it really appropriate to punish when the assignment given by the Master, who wasn't able to do for Himself, also isn't able to be completed by the slave? Seems to Me, in this type of situation, the word Master or Dom is being thrown around a little too casually. Opinions? Thoughts? What the original Op of finding another girl for her dom to talk to by a certain time was point blank assinine to me...He set her up for failure and she did fail. However, in a poly situation where a Master and a girl are seeking to add another girl to the family, then no I think its perfectly fine for the sub/slave to look and make initial contact with another sub/slave. Vanatru is completely capable of finding another girl for the family, yet logic would dictate the two girls would have to find a common ground in order for the poly dynamic to work. For us, once I do make contact with a girl, Master and I both will set up a conferance chat and talk to her. It not only saves the perspective girl from having to type everything twice, but it also helps Master see where shes coming from and can get my imput on things as well should he require that. we've done that, though i was the one being brought in. it seemed to work well though i think He was surprised how well we actually did get along.

LordShadow -> RE: Is this common? (1/21/2008 2:52:41 PM)
LOL....I have assigned my girl the task of helping to find a second for the Home, however it is not solely on her to do so nor will she be punished for not finding one. The reason for involving her in the search is finding someone she is compatible with too. We all know that two girls who cannot work together will not make for a happy household, so she leads the search and refers prospects on to me. Shadow Ride Safe Live Free

quick -> RE: Is this common? (1/21/2008 4:44:35 PM)
"I think he needed the deadline to watch his 8pm TV shows." That sounds more than plausible to me. If the submissive is bothered by the task, there is an issue somewhere, is there not? Or perhaps they are merely seeking clarification, which is not necessarily a bad thing. It has been suggested to me that a submissive must know their own mind, their limits, as much as possible before jumping into an involvement with a Dominant. This could be one of those examples. However, as so many others have stated, it could simply be their dynamic at play. In the original post (the C&P one), the poster is clearly uncomfortable, and that is something she needs to speak with her Dominant about. All undertakings should be consensual on both parts, as I understand it.

LordShadow -> RE: Is this common? (1/21/2008 6:25:45 PM)
in a Dom/sub situation I suppose that is true. It would depend on the dynamic of the relationship. For some, myself included, it does not matter what she would be comfortable with, she does what pleases me. However the Dom/Master should already be aware of what her feelings on it are, if he isn't, then there are bigger problems than her seeking someone for him to chat with, namely One not in touch with his wench or a communication breakdown, or both.

quick -> RE: Is this common? (1/21/2008 7:05:38 PM)
Your wording works much better. Dominants should be aware of their submissive's feelings on a subject or task.

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