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Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 4:10:05 PM

TheLookingGirl

Posts: 162
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: A city near you.
Status: offline

Well hello everyone :) This is my first posted question...YAY!

Does anyone else get tired of seeing the messages from "submissive" people which begin with "Mistress...." and continue throughout the whole message to drown you in that word? I generally respond to anyone who messages me, unless they are stalkerish, or do this. I've run across a few that have truely interesting things to say and sound like they have a good head on their shoulders. But when I ask to NOT be called Mistress again and again in a message they tend to stop writing.

How can you have any respect for someone who will address ANYONE they find attractive as Mistress? The capitalizing of You and Your, You're etc also is bothering. I guess I would rather someone have reservations on who they will address this way, standards of a sort. It makes it seem generic...like Ms...or Mr... after awhile.

Anyone else run into this?

_____________________________

The strongest & most effective force in assuring the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated,but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.

Post #: 1

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 4:15:51 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

My thoughts:

I don't even call my Owner "Mistress" so I'm not going to call anybody else that. They're not my Mistress, they're just another person I try not to capitalize things, besides "Owner" when referring to my Owner, because I just really can't use her first name on this site.

To me, a Dominant female is just like a submissive, a switch, or the random joe next door. They get the same level of respect I give everybody else. Which is pretty good within itself.

I do know my Owner always gets called Mistress or, my favorite, MISTRESS by the few messages she gets a day.

< Message edited by Shawn1066 -- 1/22/2008 4:17:58 PM >

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)

Post #: 2

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 4:17:27 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

Yeah, this appears to be a very common phenomenon. Basically, it's fueled by submissives who want to achieve their fantasies, and they really don't care who it is that does it for them. Generally, if you're attractive, which you are, that's pretty much all they want and need.

That's why they created the ignore button (or whatever button that is). You'll run across a LOT of these guys; unfortunately, there's really not much that can be done about it as they've been here since the beginning, and they still seem to get under the skin of women who aren't looking for them.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)

Post #: 3

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 4:24:53 PM

TheLookingGirl

Posts: 162
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: A city near you.
Status: offline

Littlesarbonn, I've only (honestly) ignored one person. And he wanted me to have sex with dogs in his "viking castle"....there are some females on here who might just know who I'm talking about, in which case I am truely sorry. But thanks for the suggestion :)

Shawn1066, I completely understand your reasoning...I don't know that I would want MY name posted everywhere either.

Thanks for the responses :)

_____________________________

The strongest & most effective force in assuring the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated,but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 4

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 4:37:27 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

In real life, I tell people to call me by my real first name or "Miss C" if they prefer, because only my own submissive(s) have the privilege to call me Mistress.

Most people are cool with that. Some die hard subs and slaves still call me "Mistress" or "Ma'am" but I don't throw a hissy fit about it. They mean well.

"Mistress" is supposed to sound respectful. If you really don't like it, just tell them to call you "Goddess" instead. Or Ma'am. Or whatever you do like.

As for the capitalising business, just tell him not to do it. If he continues, I think he has failed his very first test of obedience

Is the real problem that you feel the letter is "standardised? Just delete it unread. Don't bother replying. He has spammed heaps of women with the same tripe and doesn't expect 99% to reply. Don't be the sucker that does.

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 5

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 4:39:17 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Oh and welcome to Ask a Mistress, TheLookingGirl!! Good to see you here

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 6

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 4:46:39 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLookingGirl

Well hello everyone :) This is my first posted question...YAY!

Does anyone else get tired of seeing the messages from "submissive" people which begin with "Mistress...." and continue throughout the whole message to drown you in that word? I generally respond to anyone who messages me, unless they are stalkerish, or do this. I've run across a few that have truely interesting things to say and sound like they have a good head on their shoulders. But when I ask to NOT be called Mistress again and again in a message they tend to stop writing.

How can you have any respect for someone who will address ANYONE they find attractive as Mistress? The capitalizing of You and Your, You're etc also is bothering. I guess I would rather someone have reservations on who they will address this way, standards of a sort. It makes it seem generic...like Ms...or Mr... after awhile.

Anyone else run into this?

From a submissive's point of view, initially it's a difficult call as every woman has different preferences as to how she'd like to be adressed and some can be rather "prissy" about it. To me, she's not "Mistress", until she's "my Mistress", but if that's part of her screen name, that's how I'll try to address her at the start of the the first message if I'm the one making initial contact. Some are offended by "Ma'am", or "Ms." and I don't like to begin a message without anything as that seems impolite and impersonal to me. Once an initial response is received, I try to go by how they sign their reply if a dialogue is to continue between us.

I also don't do the Y/you, W/we, etc. thing as it's difficult enough to write an intelligent and comprehensible letter to begin with without obliterating with those kinds of distractions. Once you've let a potential suitor know your preferences, if they're not respecting that, then it would seem they're demonstrating they're not capable of respecting your boundaries or being submissive to you. In which case, it's my opinion they're obviously not suitable partners you'd want to pursue for either vanilla or D/s reasons.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 4:54:17 PM

TheLookingGirl

Posts: 162
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: A city near you.
Status: offline

MsCfromMelbourne, thank you for the welcome :) I do get the copy/paste messages quite a bit, but I give a rather angry verbal assault back in those cases. Laziness is not something I tolerate well.

Pixelslave-Those types of messages are ones I would respond to. I don't have Mistress anywhere in my name, or Ma'am or anything of that sort, so its just annoying when its everywhere. Most address them to Looking, its part of my name, until I write back with my first name on the bottom of my response. And you bring up a good point. The capitalizing of words that don't need to be capitalized is definatly distracting. I've read things over three times and not understood a damn thing because of this.

_____________________________

The strongest & most effective force in assuring the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated,but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 8

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 5:23:34 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

I run into it all the time, my lovely one.

Many suffer from submissive "frenzy", it is almost like a real disease.
It is characterized by desperation, and often pledging loyalty to absolute strangers.

Especially, pretty ones like you!
You seem to have a good head on your shoulder, and I think you will be able
to separate the wheat from the tare.
There is no substitute for getting to know people WELL, before becoming
seriously involved with them.

Congrats on starting your first thread.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 5:26:42 PM

TheLookingGirl

Posts: 162
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: A city near you.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I run into it all the time, my lovely one.

Many suffer from submissive "frenzy", it is almost like a real disease.
It is characterized by desperation, and often pledging loyalty to absolute strangers.

Especially, pretty ones like you!
You seem to have a good head on your shoulder, and I think you will be able
to separate the wheat from the tare.
There is no substitute for getting to know people WELL, before becoming
seriously involved with them.

Congrats on starting your first thread.

Thank you (for the compliments and the congrats) :) And I think that calling it "submissive frenzy" is probably the most accurate I've seen so far.

_____________________________

The strongest & most effective force in assuring the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated,but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 10

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 5:31:49 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I would advise against the angry verbal assault to those who send form letters ... most of them want humiliation and abuse and you just feed it to them by doing that. A note in your profile about what you prefer to be called and to not use form letters followed by a "you should learn to read profiles" reply for those who obviously don't is what has worked for us so far.

Unfortunately, it seems that a lot of guys are just so desperate that they don't care any more - and it shows ... blah.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 5:39:34 PM

TheLookingGirl

Posts: 162
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: A city near you.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

I would advise against the angry verbal assault to those who send form letters ... most of them want humiliation and abuse and you just feed it to them by doing that. A note in your profile about what you prefer to be called and to not use form letters followed by a "you should learn to read profiles" reply for those who obviously don't is what has worked for us so far.

Unfortunately, it seems that a lot of guys are just so desperate that they don't care any more - and it shows ... blah.

Good point. Because thats my other pet peeve. I am not looking for submissive anything...but get bombarded with messages offering up everything but thier first born. In fact..... *runs off to edit profile*

_____________________________

The strongest & most effective force in assuring the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated,but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 12

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 5:53:05 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Men are really snookered when it comes to addressing female dominants. Personally, I don't like being called Mistress, but it doesn't bother me excessively, I just ask to be called something else. I do use the word in one of my email addys, to indicate orientation. I am fine with "ma'am". I know LOTS of women who absolutely freak when referred to that way, since they think it's an old lady's term. Then there are those with zero experience who think we should ALL be called Mistress... so what are we to do but smile pretty and say, "Please call me Ms Francine or ma'am".

Then when they ignore us, we smack em! :)

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)

Post #: 13

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 6:03:39 PM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

I dislike instantly being called Mistress... I am not thier Mistress...

Ma'am is fine, or Gwyn.... I think untill you *know* the person using thier screen name is most acceptable.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 14

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 6:05:16 PM

DominaJayde

Posts: 110
Joined: 12/28/2007
From: Tasmania, Australia
Status: offline

Personally it doesn't really bother me, but I've found that most of the boys who contact me call me Ma'am or Ms, which is probably a safe bet I think, only MY boys call me Mistress or Domina, one of the cheeky ones (bless his pretty pink frilly socks) calls me DeeJ, and that makes me laugh.

I have found recently though that all of the boys who contact me usually ask what I prefer to be called, so the word must be spreading.

DJ

_____________________________

letting go is a freedom in itself
http://fetishfandango.blogspot.com/

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)

Post #: 15

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 6:06:28 PM

MistressFaye1

Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

My observation: I see the "Mistress" title as one of respect and if someone uses it the first time I find that they mean it as a sign of respect. The older gentleman tend to use "Ma'am" more than the younger men just starting out in the lifestyle. I also think we shouldn't be top quick to judge why they are choosing to call someone Mistress. There are some pretty hateful Dommes on this site (from what I hear) that demand to be called "Mistress" and begin to make demands right away. The more seasoned submissives/slaves understand that it's a title, that is earned.

I agree there are some that will email and are so far out in left field when it comes to the D/s relationship or they are looking for the "kink".

As for the W/we... new trend! lol... I find it interesting that this has started. Somewhere along the way in this wonderful age of communication, someone (I bet it was a Domme/Dom) thought it was a way to show who's "in charge" and it spread like some many other things that become fads.

I don't take it as a lack of respect but something the writer thinks it should be. I let folks know that they do not need to call me "Mistress". A Dom friend of mine started my profile when I was heeing and hawing about making a profile, he gave me the profile name and I just kept it.

It becomes an issue for me when, after I ask not to call me Mistress or to stop the U/us, etc.

Faye

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 6:07:55 PM

liketophoto

Posts: 763
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

I like to call my Domme M'Lady.
But of course it is the D's choice.

(in reply to Gwynvyd)

Post #: 17

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 7:08:43 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

I'm in the "give him a reminder, and if he can't comply, he obviously isn't listening to me" camp... the kiss of death for a submissive.

But, I don't stress, as long as I'm being addressed respectfully in the message. Personally, the only title that really means anything to me is "owner".

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)

Post #: 18

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 7:52:35 PM

Boondoggle

Posts: 123
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline

Unfortunately, "mistress," as with many of the other words used with regard to identity, especially sexual or racial, doesn't have a clear denotation, much less connotation. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing as it helps to diffuse and deconstruct stereotypes. It does, however, require a necessary level of verbosity in order to communicate clearly and precisely, a condition all to often ignored.

As for form letters using the term excessively and misusing capitalization, I assume it's a lame attempt to 'demonstrate' their submission in hopes that someone, somewhere will appear as the generic mistress of their fantasies. It's certainly not a genuine attempt to initiate some sort of meaningful relationship.

_____________________________

You see I'm not the kind of fella'
who can get off on vanilla.
No I need a little color in my sex.
--The Wet Spots

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 19

RE: Generic Mistress... - 1/22/2008 8:08:06 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLookingGirl

Littlesarbonn, I've only (honestly) ignored one person. And he wanted me to have sex with dogs in his "viking castle"....there are some females on here who might just know who I'm talking about, in which case I am truely sorry. But thanks for the suggestion :)

I would have said "Sure.. if You'll 'fluff' them for me first :)"

P.S. just ignore the subs that do the irritating behavior..

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)

Post #: 20

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