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Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the line? - 1/23/2008 3:35:41 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

First, some (slightly edited) posts of my own on a thread in the Ask a Mistress section that i ended up hijacking:

We, as a family, crack jokes on each other alot; the only downside is that there is one or two (sometimes i will get Sir) that are off limits to me... not by any rules set down, but i just can't see myself tearing Ma'am a new one with a great punchline (also, since we've never really talked about that, i don't know what Her reaction would be),

Ma'am and i were friends before the Ds element; though not for very long. Also, i made it a point to be clear beforehand that, above all else, we are friends. But, with the Ds dynamic; i, myself, am unable to look at Her entirely as a friend. No matter how comfortable i am around Her, She is still my Dominant and i just don't feel like pushing the envelope too far would be worth the risk. Another thing about me, i'm liable to take something like that too far without intending to; She may be ok with it and forgive me, but i can be pretty hard on myself.

Ok, here are my questions:

1: In a casual environment between a Dominant or Submissive (or Master/Mistress and
   slave) where there are good-natured teasing and insults going; do the Dominants
   allow their submissives to return the favor and tease or insult them?

2: If the Dominants do allow their submissives to tease or insult them, where is the line
   drawn?

3: How do the submissives feel about zinging their Dominants with a good-natured
   insult or two? Are you up to it, or can you not see yourself do it?

4: Basically, where does it stop being friendly teasing and start being a breach of protocol?

Please remember, this is assuming that you are in a casual environment, such as home; and not at a Lifestyle event.

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 1/23/2008 3:36:42 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

Post #: 1

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 3:39:05 PM

Asherdelampyr

Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline

I would say as long as it is all in good fun, and I started it... I am tough enough to take anything I can dish out :P

_____________________________

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The nicest man you'll ever bleed for

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The Rainmaker

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 2

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 3:46:40 PM

verysweet

Posts: 128
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

First, some (slightly edited) posts of my own on a thread in the Ask a Mistress section that i ended up hijacking:

We, as a family, crack jokes on each other alot; the only downside is that there is one or two (sometimes i will get Sir) that are off limits to me... not by any rules set down, but i just can't see myself tearing Ma'am a new one with a great punchline (also, since we've never really talked about that, i don't know what Her reaction would be),

Ma'am and i were friends before the Ds element; though not for very long. Also, i made it a point to be clear beforehand that, above all else, we are friends. But, with the Ds dynamic; i, myself, am unable to look at Her entirely as a friend. No matter how comfortable i am around Her, She is still my Dominant and i just don't feel like pushing the envelope too far would be worth the risk. Another thing about me, i'm liable to take something like that too far without intending to; She may be ok with it and forgive me, but i can be pretty hard on myself.

Ok, here are my questions:

1: In a casual environment between a Dominant or Submissive (or Master/Mistress and
slave) where there are good-natured teasing and insults going; do the Dominants
allow their submissives to return the favor and tease or insult them?

2: If the Dominants do allow their submissives to tease or insult them, where is the line
drawn?

3: How do the submissives feel about zinging their Dominants with a good-natured
insult or two? Are you up to it, or can you not see yourself do it?

4: Basically, where does it stop being friendly teasing and start being a breach of protocol?

Please remember, this is assuming that you are in a casual environment, such as home; and not at a Lifestyle event.

I don't think it matters where you are or what 'side of the whip' you're on. I think good-natured ribbing stops being just that when it borders on being hurtful or is intentional hot-button pushing. I draw the line at that with him or with anyone I care about.

_____________________________

Poetry in devotion.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 3

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 3:55:25 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: verysweet
I don't think it matters where you are or what 'side of the whip' you're on. I think good-natured ribbing stops being just that when it borders on being hurtful or is intentional hot-button pushing. I draw the line at that with him or with anyone I care about.

Let me clarify, i do not mean anything hurtful; just a submissive playfully returning their Dominant's friendly teasing and insults.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to verysweet)

Post #: 4

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 4:00:23 PM

SilentTigresss

Posts: 261
Joined: 1/18/2004
Status: offline

While i think it is important to have that friendship element, like the one who typed in blue said, it is important also to know where that envelope is. For myself i am aware and will not do the insult(ing) part(even if meant in a jokingly way) of this post. Teasing, bantering, jousting whatever you wish to call it is fine, and it is that way (imho) because you do have that base for friendship. You just have to be aware i think.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 5

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 4:03:27 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Teasing is fine, saying anything insulting/hurtful, even in a joking way, is not. He calls me a sass bucket when I joke around.

Cali

_____________________________

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(in reply to SilentTigresss)

Post #: 6

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 4:05:23 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
Ok, here are my questions:

1: In a casual environment between a Dominant or Submissive (or Master/Mistress and
slave) where there are good-natured teasing and insults going; do the Dominants
allow their submissives to return the favor and tease or insult them?

2: If the Dominants do allow their submissives to tease or insult them, where is the line
drawn?

3: How do the submissives feel about zinging their Dominants with a good-natured
insult or two? Are you up to it, or can you not see yourself do it?

4: Basically, where does it stop being friendly teasing and start being a breach of protocol?

Please remember, this is assuming that you are in a casual environment, such as home; and not at a Lifestyle event.

1) I wouldn't be comfortable being with someone who wanted to tease in that way, but wouldn't take it coming back at him/her.
2) The line is where he tells me to stop, or I notice that look in his eye, hopefully before I've gone over it.
3) I love it when I get a good one in! He did train me in the art.
4) When he says "stop".
It's only funny for me when both parties are still laughing.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 7

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 4:08:06 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

It's up to the individual relationship. Some would find me very sassy. Others not.
Luckily, the ones I am/have been close to are strong enough in their dominance not to be bothered by a bit of teasing.

~Christina

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 8

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 4:08:40 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

1. Absolutely; he loves playful banter when it is appropriate. Alandra and I gang up on him often and he just sits there, shakes his head and laugh. We will also use his rules and protocols against him. The most often is that before completing an instruction we have to know who, what, where, when and how. If he says that he is thirsty, then we will continue to ask questions until we either can't think of anymore or he just says "go do it!" It is amazing how many questions you can come up with, especially when trying to determine the what and how *eg*

2. Typically, we will only do this when the three of us are alone or with family. However, there are times that he is not in the mood, so we refrain. In play, we have free reign to be as sarcastic and witty as we want. If he doesn't want to hear it, he makes it impossible for us to talk. There was once when he was flicking me with the tips of the flogger and deliberatly missing. He said, "Damn, I missed." and I started laughing so hard I couldn't talk. Alandra though knew just what I was thinking and I hear her in the background singing "miss me; miss me; now you gotta kiss me."

3. Love it!!!

4. It isn't so much a breach of protocol as knowing what is appropriate behavior at the time. If we guage wrong and he does not want to hear it, he will let us know.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 9

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 4:09:35 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Ok, here are my questions:

1: In a casual environment between a Dominant or Submissive (or Master/Mistress and
slave) where there are good-natured teasing and insults going; do the Dominants
allow their submissives to return the favor and tease or insult them?

I can only answer for me and mine. I am allowed and even encouraged to "zing" Valyraen back. When I manage to best him, he always laughs and is pleased with me.

quote:

2: If the Dominants do allow their submissives to tease or insult them, where is the line
drawn?

That is a very personal thing. Everyone has things that you just don't tease them about - I know his and he knows mine.

quote:

3: How do the submissives feel about zinging their Dominants with a good-natured
insult or two? Are you up to it, or can you not see yourself do it?

I do it all the time. I honestly can't see myself being in a relationship where I couldn't.

quote:

4: Basically, where does it stop being friendly teasing and start being a breach of protocol?

It's hard to define. For us, it stops being friendly teasing when feelings are hurt, either of us is actually embaressed, angered or insulted. Honestly, you could probably say that continuing to tease and zing him is part of my protocol since it amuses us and binds us together.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/23/2008 4:11:22 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 10

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 4:21:35 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

1. Daddy & SO do allow friendly joking and teasing from me. for example, i have been teasing Daddy about His sudden lateness every day to the office and telling Him He cannot play tennis this Friday. i'm always teasing the SO about spanking his ass for keeping me up all night long.

2. the line is drawn when i overstep my bounds which sometimes does happen if i take the joke/teasing too far.

3. i'm quite comfortable giving Daddy an insult or two - He knows how to take a joke and likes that about me. with SO, we're joking all the time about not being a twue BDSM couple.

4. there was a moment when i took a joke too far with SO in which he didn't know if i was kidding or serious. after taking a timeout, we discussed it and started over.

_____________________________

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(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 11

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 4:22:21 PM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

Being able to be my playful, pun-ish, sarcastic, weird-observational self is one of the best things about being with Master. And I am often surprised by how well He takes good-natured teasing (especially because He is so self-aware and that includes His own idiosyncracies).

Of course, I would never behave in this way in front of others- whether lifestyle or not. I feel it would be disrespectful. But that's my take on it- He has never mentioned it. What He has said, when I get especially silly and close to the edge, is that since He holds the leash, and He knows I will "heel" instantly at command, that I am free to romp about the yard. He will determine where the line is drawn. (And He never has had to- so far

)

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(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 12

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 4:29:38 PM

DaggerDom

Posts: 38
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

There is no line. We do whatever is fun at the moment.

(in reply to hejira92)

Post #: 13

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 4:30:49 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

1. Daddy & SO do allow friendly joking and teasing from me. for example, i have been teasing Daddy about His sudden lateness every day to the office and telling Him He cannot play tennis this Friday. i'm always teasing the SO about spanking his ass for keeping me up all night long.

2. the line is drawn when i overstep my bounds which sometimes does happen if i take the joke/teasing too far.

3. i'm quite comfortable giving Daddy an insult or two - He knows how to take a joke and likes that about me. with SO, we're joking all the time about not being a twue BDSM couple.

4. there was a moment when i took a joke too far with SO in which he didn't know if i was kidding or serious. after taking a timeout, we discussed it and started over.

New pic!!Nice

And on joking.. he teases me much more than I tease him. I tend to be hyper-sensitive and worry about hurt feelings even if I lightly tease, so I usually refrain.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 4:41:55 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Ok, here are my questions:

1: In a casual environment between a Dominant or Submissive (or Master/Mistress and
   slave) where there are good-natured teasing and insults going; do the Dominants
   allow their submissives to return the favor and tease or insult them?

2: If the Dominants do allow their submissives to tease or insult them, where is the line
   drawn?

3: How do the submissives feel about zinging their Dominants with a good-natured
   insult or two? Are you up to it, or can you not see yourself do it?

4: Basically, where does it stop being friendly teasing and start being a breach of protocol?

Please remember, this is assuming that you are in a casual environment, such as home; and not at a Lifestyle event.

1. Yes, I'm allowed to tease my Owner as freely, as long as it doesn't go too far. The same as it'd be in a vanilla relationship.

2. Tease? Of course. Insult? No. We don't insult one another.

3. I love "zinging" my Owner, though she tends to win just as many, if not more, verbal sparring sessions as I do. We're both pretty quick like that.

4. It's breaches protocol when it's uncalled for or potentially hurtful. The same as it'd be in most relationships.

This wouldn't change if we were at a lifestyle event or anything of the sort. We're the same in the privacy of our own home as we are everywhere else.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 15

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 4:44:28 PM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

First, some (slightly edited) posts of my own on a thread in the Ask a Mistress section that i ended up hijacking:

We, as a family, crack jokes on each other alot; the only downside is that there is one or two (sometimes i will get Sir) that are off limits to me... not by any rules set down, but i just can't see myself tearing Ma'am a new one with a great punchline (also, since we've never really talked about that, i don't know what Her reaction would be),

Ma'am and i were friends before the Ds element; though not for very long. Also, i made it a point to be clear beforehand that, above all else, we are friends. But, with the Ds dynamic; i, myself, am unable to look at Her entirely as a friend. No matter how comfortable i am around Her, She is still my Dominant and i just don't feel like pushing the envelope too far would be worth the risk. Another thing about me, i'm liable to take something like that too far without intending to; She may be ok with it and forgive me, but i can be pretty hard on myself.

Ok, here are my questions:

1: In a casual environment between a Dominant or Submissive (or Master/Mistress and
slave) where there are good-natured teasing and insults going; do the Dominants
allow their submissives to return the favor and tease or insult them?

2: If the Dominants do allow their submissives to tease or insult them, where is the line
drawn?

3: How do the submissives feel about zinging their Dominants with a good-natured
insult or two? Are you up to it, or can you not see yourself do it?

4: Basically, where does it stop being friendly teasing and start being a breach of protocol?

Please remember, this is assuming that you are in a casual environment, such as home; and not at a Lifestyle event.

To answer Question #1, I'm mouthy and a smart ass, so I do give playful zingers. It isn't to be rude or disrespectful. I'm just playful at heart. I feel if I can joke around with Mistress and She doesn't get offended by it, then I can have fun with Her. It lets me know She can be playful and goofy, too...even though She usually threatens me with physical bodily harm in return (which is enough to make me quit because the chick is psycho enough to do it). LOL

To answer Question #2, the line is usually very clear. Anything that insults Her character, Her physical appearance, or something that treads too closely to something traumatic in Her life is off limits to me and that is a line I've personally drawn. Now if She catches a "blonde moment" or a brain fart, She can bet Her sweet, sexy ass I'm going to sling a zinger Her way. LOL In fact, She had quite a few zingers sent Her way lately.

Hell, I can see me even sneaking up behind Her and either pinching or slapping Her tushy and running off laughing.

To answer Question #3, read my answer to #2. I'm very much up for it!

Mistress knew I wasn't any ordinary subby, so She's just seeing the full repertoire Her property possesses. Like I said earlier, it's just me being playful.

To answer Question #4, if I say something jokingly and it upsets or offends Her, then it's a breach of protocol because She won't react negatively unless I inadvertantly disrespect Her. My apology immediately follows.

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 16

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 4:45:59 PM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

We tease each other regularly. Nothing insulting, just poking fun at each other and ourselves as well. It's all in god fun and playful and I am always well aware that there is a line. Daddy described it the other day as me running up to the edge of a cliff, looking at the edge and then running back away from it.
I know if I got too close to the line, he'd warn me and I would stop. It simply isn't fun anymore when it goes too far.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 17

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 5:08:26 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

1: In a casual environment between a Dominant or Submissive (or Master/Mistress and
slave) where there are good-natured teasing and insults going; do the Dominants
allow their submissives to return the favor and tease or insult them?

This dominant does. I enjoy the banter.

quote:

2: If the Dominants do allow their submissives to tease or insult them, where is the line
drawn?

When it's not funny.

quote:

3: How do the submissives feel about zinging their Dominants with a good-natured
insult or two? Are you up to it, or can you not see yourself do it?

My slave has a deliciously snarky sense of humor--one which I enjoy cultivating!

quote:

4: Basically, where does it stop being friendly teasing and start being a breach of protocol?

When the atmosphere is no longer casual.

_____________________________

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Post #: 18

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 5:17:53 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

Daddy likes my "high spirits". he also knows that i watch carefully how far i take things, and that one look and i'm *done* with the playfulness, and absolutely in my place.

we are silly a lot...mainly because he thinks i dont get to smile and be happy enough. so he will absolutely drop his dignity and do things to make his lil girl smile. he's entirely too good to me.

kitten

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 19

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/23/2008 5:27:39 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
Ok, here are my questions:

1: In a casual environment between a Dominant or Submissive (or Master/Mistress and
slave) where there are good-natured teasing and insults going; do the Dominants
allow their submissives to return the favor and tease or insult them?

2: If the Dominants do allow their submissives to tease or insult them, where is the line
drawn?

3: How do the submissives feel about zinging their Dominants with a good-natured
insult or two? Are you up to it, or can you not see yourself do it?

4: Basically, where does it stop being friendly teasing and start being a breach of protocol?

Please remember, this is assuming that you are in a casual environment, such as home; and not at a Lifestyle event.

Just my .02 zlotys. In the environment you've described, pretty much anything goes for me. My submissive and I are always going to be people first and Dom/sub second.

I would expect my sub to know where the "line" was after we'd been together for awhile. Before -- or even after that circumstance -- if I thought she crossed the line, I'd simply tell her, explain my feelings to her and expect her to get the message for the future.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 20

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