RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the line?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the line?

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RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/24/2008 5:40:49 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I agree with what everyone else said. If someone takes themselves so seriously they can't laugh and banter, I won't do well with them.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 41

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/24/2008 5:41:47 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

FR: Shakes His Head. Being a Dominant of the First Order of the Black and Blue Lorded Knights, and seriously involved in this lifestyle since 1962 (I was born in 1956), and having trained in the Olde Guarde of East Anglican Trouser Baggers where I was forced to submit for my first 50 years and then allowed the Ring Of Great Dominant Power, I can only say that those of you so-called "Doms" who allow your submissives to sass, tweak, twitter or joke are besmirching the one, TRUE way of all Dominance are are a discredit to those of Us Who Know Better.

I now return to My Dungeon Home and await another submissive who wishes to learn the real meaning of WIIWD. The last one left in 1978...

E.

Edited to clarify. I NEVER make a mistake.

I can't tell from your tone if your kidding or not. I guess you could be involved in the life since you were 6 years old. I hear down south thats accepted... round here we call it UM abuse.

BadOne

(in reply to Emperor1956)

Post #: 42

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/24/2008 6:05:54 AM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: ME

FR: Shakes His Head. Being a Dominant of the First Order of the Black and Blue Lorded Knights, and seriously involved in this lifestyle since 1962 (I was born in 1956), and having trained in the Olde Guarde of East Anglican Trouser Baggers where I was forced to submit for my first 50 years and then allowed the Ring Of Great Dominant Power, I can only say that those of you so-called "Doms" who allow your submissives to sass, tweak, twitter or joke are besmirching the one, TRUE way of all Dominance are are a discredit to those of Us Who Know Better.

I now return to My Dungeon Home and await another submissive who wishes to learn the real meaning of WIIWD. The last one left in 1978...

E.

Edited to clarify. I NEVER make a mistake.

Reply: SailingBum. Follow I can't tell from your tone if your kidding or not. I guess you could be involved in the life since you were 6 years old. I hear down south thats accepted... round here we call it UM abuse.

BadOne

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 43

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/24/2008 7:06:27 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

One of the things that attracted us to each other in the very beginning was a love of puns. We tried real hard to top each other, punwise. Other than that, as long as it isn't designed to hurt a sore spot, nothing is forbidden. I got a little pissed and told him to fuck off once, he just laughed and thought it was great that I was getting strong enough to play that way. The truth is that he will play harder than I will when it comes to stuff like this. He's fine with some personal remarks, I'm not.

But in general, if she doesn't joke like that with you, then I'd assume she wouldn't welcome them. However in general I go with "don't dish it out if you can't take it". If she can dish it out happily, then respond in kind. However I might ask her, since it isn't something you know the answer to.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)

Post #: 44

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/24/2008 7:36:39 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

beth would never have survived with me without being able to deal with my "humor". It was a rough beginning. At first she was as likely to cry than laugh. Now and tears derive exclusivly from laughter and its not so one sided.

I don't think that it is possible for us to "insult" the other. We can't even keep a straight face while arguing, as we often do, regarding our political or philosophical differences. There is no sacred ground where either fear to go in the pursuit of humor and fun. Some of the visual 'slap-stick' stuff even leads to interesting spontaneous, not so humorous but very much FUN, encounters.

I know there are some who think a Dom or Master can't let their guard down. They can't show a 'fun' side. A Master/slave relationship is all serious and without compromise. Protocol, rules, whips and chains 24/7 366, this year at least. A Master must know when and where to draw the line. It was with that thought in mind that I recall this exchange...

beth: You're a pistol, you're really funny. You're really funny.
Merc: What do you mean I'm funny?
beth: It's funny, you know. It's a good story, it's funny, you're a funny guy.
[laughs]
Merc: what do you mean, you mean the way I talk? What?
beth: It's just, you know. You're just funny, it's... funny, the way you tell the story and everything.
Merc: [it becomes quiet] Funny how? What's funny about it?
beth: Just... ya know... you're funny.
Merc: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
beth: Just... you know, how you tell the story, what?
Merc: No, no, I don't know, you said it. How do I know? You said I'm funny. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what's funny!

Truth is, once I did use a version of the Pesci monologue during one of beth's outbursts of laughter. At the time beth had not seen the family documentary 'Goodfellas' - making it even more funny. her reaction was similar to Henry Hill's; which of course I found hilarious. Now, all I need to say is; "So...I amuse you?" in my Joe Pesci voice while reaching for my crop for both of us to lose it.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 45

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/24/2008 7:43:47 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Part of the reason Angel and I started talking was a smartassed cmment I made about his school internet conection. He was complaining about CM being blocked and how it decided what he could and couldnt view... and I messaged him that I didnt know why he wa searching, it seemed he was already owned by the WebMaster. We have been together essentaly since.
Fox and I have a similiar sense of humor, too, and it centers around obscure references to games, music and TV shows and movies. That and of course we often say things like "Thank goodness I am the brains of this operation" depending on which of us messed something up. We have good natured teasing about one anothers upbringing, and about our different quirks. He knows whe to draw the line, though, and if he mises his cue that its goen on long enough I will stop him and et him know. We are still in the learning phase, so he is getting better.

I couldnt deal with either of them if we didnt have a sense of humor. I cant take myself too seriously, nor anyone else for that matter.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 46

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/24/2008 7:45:43 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

Heh. That's one of my all time favorite movie clips. I run it through my head when I'm in a dark mood. "You think I'm funny?!? I'll show you funny!!!"

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 47

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/24/2008 7:51:14 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Jeff on your quotes. Always step forward no matter what the cost. Scratches head. What if your at the edge of a cliff??? Only fear what you love???
What does that mean.

lol
wrong thread, there is a thread about quotes, happy to explain them there.
there are days yes..jumping a cliff might solve things :P

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 48

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/24/2008 8:59:54 AM

Macslittleimp

Posts: 50
Joined: 4/12/2007
Status: offline

To survive in our Family you have to have a sense of humor.. Either you laugh or you die so to speak. Part of what Mac found attractive about me was that I am "the most sarcastic bitch he knows" (and yes that's a compliment). Part of what I found attractive about darch_Chylde was the fact that even back in the beginning he could hold his own with me. Life is to be enjoyed, not just survived. We aren't a high protocol family and everyone seems to understand when certain things would seem disrespectful or inappropriate to outsiders and it just isn't done. For the most part, well we look at it this way: don't dish it out unless you are capable of taking it or possibly worse in return.

_____________________________

"It's the submissives that show to others what type of Dom owns them." - Anonymous

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)

Post #: 49

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/24/2008 10:35:05 AM

sweetwenchie

Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

i was talking about this subject with a friend of mine last night after i had already put in my thoughts. Her words... i love 'poking the tiger".. my response... i would NEVER poke a poor animal, that is just mean... poking Dominants on the other hand is good clean fun

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 50

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/24/2008 11:01:56 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwenchie

i was talking about this subject with a friend of mine last night after i had already put in my thoughts. Her words... i love 'poking the tiger".. my response... i would NEVER poke a poor animal, that is just mean... poking Dominants on the other hand is good clean fun

lol and subs/slaves do that a lott :p
Well fun makes you going by times. Cheers you up. Wouldn't want to do with out.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to sweetwenchie)

Post #: 51

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/24/2008 11:06:05 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

I'm allowed to joke with my owner and the line in the sand that I've found is helpful is that as long as he laughs or has a particular smile on his face then its all good. I certainly would never insult him though
.
C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 52

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/24/2008 3:05:00 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

sweetwenchie: i was talking about this subject with a friend of mine last night after i had already put in my thoughts. Her words... i love 'poking the tiger".. my response... i would NEVER poke a poor animal, that is just mean... poking Dominants on the other hand is good clean fun

Of course it is. But remember. Sometimes Dominants poke back. (smile)

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to sweetwenchie)

Post #: 53

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/24/2008 5:19:17 PM

ItalianSMistress

Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Ok, here are my questions:

1: In a casual environment between a Dominant or Submissive (or Master/Mistress and
slave) where there are good-natured teasing and insults going; do the Dominants
allow their submissives to return the favor and tease or insult them?

2: If the Dominants do allow their submissives to tease or insult them, where is the line
drawn?

3: How do the submissives feel about zinging their Dominants with a good-natured
insult or two? Are you up to it, or can you not see yourself do it?

4: Basically, where does it stop being friendly teasing and start being a breach of protocol?

Please remember, this is assuming that you are in a casual environment, such as home; and not at a Lifestyle event.

I think it is healthy to have a relationship where teasing and laughing goes on, as long as its in a proper place. But even in the kind of relationships I have, I think it has a place!

_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."

http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 54

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/24/2008 11:37:02 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

i have to thank every body for sharing their thoughts and experiences, i never would have thought that so many felt so strongly about a few jokes. *wink*

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to ItalianSMistress)

Post #: 55

RE: Friendly joking and teasing, where do you draw the ... - 1/25/2008 4:33:28 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

3: How do the submissives feel about zinging their Dominants with a good-natured
insult or two? Are you up to it, or can you not see yourself do it?

4: Basically, where does it stop being friendly teasing and start being a breach of protocol?

I have no problem with zingers, teasing, and joking with anyone, including Doms. In a casual atmosphere, when it stops being friendly and starts being a breach is when it becomes mean in intention, insulting in tone, or makes the Dom look bad in front of others (including in front of his sub who just zinged him). And of course there are a variety of reasons a zinger / tease / joke might be construed as an insult to the Dom without the sub realizing it. At that time, she takes his cues and learns what is off-limits in joking.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 56

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