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Dari -> RE: BDSM SNOBS (1/24/2008 9:21:22 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Dari
Things given for free are often worth exactly what you pay for them
ORIGINAL: luci
Often but sometimes they are the most valuable things of all, I've found
I don't agree. For example, I think far and away the most valuable thing I have in my life is the love of my family and friends. It's not given for free. It's not given with strings attached, no - but it's not free. It requires time and attention and care and love in return, to keep it strong and healthy and make it better.
quote:
You can't "just walk up to" anyone and "instantly have access to everything" they know unless they know very, very little. Usually it takes a little time to get out of them EVERYTHING they know, I'd hope.
Agreed. Though some seem to think they have a right to full and complete answers to every question they ask, just because they asked it.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Dari
If you want basic information? Sure, I'll give that to you. Then I'll watch what you do with it, to see if you've earned the right for more
ORIGINAL: luci
With all due respect, how does one "earn the right" to more of your knowledge? What would that entail exactly?
A lot depends on the knowledge. For most things, it's enough to ask the question. For instance, if you ask me something, and I answer, and you ask a follow-up question, I'll probably answer that. Because it shows you're not just expecting a knowledge dump; you're taking the time to ask me a question that shows you're paying attention.
The last thing I want to do is talk to someone who isn't really listening. It's like giving a two-hundred page proof in answer to "What's 2 + 2?" Also, some knowledge brings responsibility with it. I'm not going to go into a discussion of knife play with someone who I don't think can be trusted. That's not, in my opinion, safe or sane for some future partner of theirs. Even if they ask me all about it, I'm going to probably direct them to other knowledge first - safety, and care of one's sub, and so on.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Dari
My time is valuable. What I have to teach is more valuable still (within BDSM, and without)
ORIGINAL: luci
I think many people could say that. Everyone thinks their own time is valuable and most people believe their own knowledge is also valuable.
Agreed. I'm certainly not the only one with valuable time, nor am I the only one with knowledge. I'll even go so far as to say that I don't have any unique knowledge, particularly in the area of BDSM.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Dari
If you prove you will be a guardian of knowledge, someone that will use that knowledge wisely and well, and use it to better their lives and those around them, I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to teach. But if you want everything handed to you - you should look elsewhere
ORIGINAL: luci
Again, with all respect, I think this may be what the OP is talking about. You're saying someone must use the knowledge you pass on to them to better the world and such but how do they or anyone else know that your personal knowledge is that important or valuable. You obviously think it is and perhaps it is. But to think that your time is more valuable than anyone else's or that your knowledge is more enlightened does tend to smack a bit of that snobbery that was mentioned. Just because someone wants to "pick your brain" a bit doesn't mean they owe some major debt or want everything handed to them. I am absolutely not meaning disrespect here. I'm just looking at this from the perspective of someone who thinks that an individual who considers him/herself in possession of some great knowledge should perhaps be willing to bless others with it rather than making them feel they're indebted for having access to it.............luci
That's not what I said or meant at all, actually. And no offense was taken, and I'm not trying to give any in return. I never said my time is more valuable than anyone else's, or that my knowledge is more enlightened. That's a huge value judgement that I'm not prepared to make, particularly in such company as this. There are some incredible people on these boards, with a lot to say - a new person could learn a lot, from many different ones here. If I'm conversing with someone, and they want to find out what I think about something - then they obviously find something in what I've said worth hearing. If not, I'm not going to send people PMs on the flip side about how they'd do well to listen to me!
I won't teach someone certain things if I'm not reasonably sure that they aren't going to use that information to hurt someone else (non-consensually). I know martial arts, for example. I'm not going to teach someone how to break someone else's wrist easily, if I think they're going to go home and show their little brother what to do. IMO, if I teach someone something that could, if used incorrectly - or correctly with carelessness to the target - really hurt someone, and I don't at least make a marginal attempt at making sure that they're people that won't do such a thing, then I'm going to feel some moral responsibility if it all goes downhill.
That being said, there's not a lot on a messageboard that would fit those guidelines. So share and share alike, and so on. But I just get grumpy when people act like someone HAS to teach them, just because they asked the question. Or my personal favorite is the newbie who says: "I'm going to ask this question <insert question that LA can find 70 bajillion links for> but I don't want to read the links, I want direct answers!"
Bleh. Bleh, bleh, bleh. Of course - I've not seen many people go off on anyone that is asking an honest question. Usually just the ones that preach the One True Way in their first few days on the board.
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