petdave -> RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication (1/26/2008 10:47:33 AM)
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First grade, so about five years old. A boy in my class had broken his leg, and was in a full-length cast, and i was just obsessed... i wanted to be in one (or more!) myself to feel that kind of immobility and helplessness. Also, at that age there was still very much the boys play with boys, girls play with girls social norm on the playground, but one boy got to play "Little House" with the girls, and be the family dog, and i was soooo jealous... i wonder what happened to him (and whichever girl came up with THAT idea!). Pretty safe bet that i was also cocooning myself in blankets to sleep at that age, but i don't have anything to link to an age/year as far as that goes. i don't have any memories of any sort that i can solidly link to years prior to that... without the context of school grades it's hard to pin down years. There could well have been something earlier. Likewise, it's hard to say when my interest in bondage became sexualized, since that was always indulged in private. Certainly by fifth grade i'd connected physical helplessness to relationships, since that's when i started writing stories.
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