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RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/1/2005 7:14:46 PM   
sarbonn


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline 		1. What motivates you to be submissive?
I was raised by women in a female household. For some reason, every encounter with authority figures for quite some time after that ended up being women. I realized after trying to interact on an equal basis with most women that I was most comfortable as a submissive. I like to do things for women, especially the one to whom I am able to devote most of my energy.


2. Why do you identify yourself that way?
Again, I was born in a female-strong household. Grew up that way. Feel comfortable that way.


3. What are you searching for in a Domme?
Someone with a sense of humor who feels comfortable being the one in charge and actually exercises that power every now and then.

4. What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?
I have a photo on my hard drive, if needed. She's EXACTLY what I'm looking for. No, actually what I'm seeking is someone who is fun and can be quite strict when necessary.


5. What is the hardest part of being a male sub?
Finding and clicking with the right person.

6. What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?
Try not to trip over all of the other guys rushing to get in front of me.

7. What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?
I won't measure up to what she was expecting from me.

8. What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?
Strengths: Very intelligent. Very strong sense of humor. Brilliant writer. Incessant ability to write strengths while using only sentence fragments.


_____________________________

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/1/2005 7:25:00 PM   
LASub4Real


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		Very Well, I'll be brave and have a go.

What motivates you to be submissive?
I have a pleaser personality. I like to make things right. I bend over backwards to make people happy and comfortable. That seems to run over into my sexual psychology as well.

Why do you identify yourself that way
Wow, let me see. I am very attracted to power exchange and I'm much too empathetic to be a Dominant. I would always feel sorry for the submissive and that just wouldn't work.

What are you searching for in a Domme?
I care very little about weight and I'm not into the "Leather-Me Barbie" syndrome. For me it's all about intensity, intelligence and creativity. Those three things, in that order are sexually irresistable.

What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?
Intelligence, character, compassion, balance, fairness, and a whip.

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?
how to seperate myself from the bleating throng of subs all clamoring for the attention of their fantasy...ooops! I Meant Mistress!

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?
The same answer as above

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?
That she won't be happy with me. That I will embarass myself by saying something stupid or failing to answer a question properly.

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?
My intelligece, my niceguyness, my intensity in the moment. I'm not sure if they're overlooked. Quite honestly, they have always worked well for me.

lasub

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/1/2005 7:33:00 PM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		LadyAngelika

quote:

And Ladies, please let these boys bare their souls without judgement. I’d like to hear what they have to say, honestly

============

problem is; "I" always TRY to bare-my-soul.

wolf

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"


(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/1/2005 7:53:22 PM   
denimknight


Posts: 38
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Pollux inspired me to ask this question. So here goes.

This question is addressed to male subs more specifically but in collarme tradition, everyone is welcomed to chime in. I'm usually not so heterosexist and gender specific but there seems to be a disconnect between Dommes and male subs. More often the not, you hear about the expectations that Dommes have of male subs. Let's turn the tables now and see what kind of responses we get.

What motivates you to be submissive?

Why do you identify yourself that way?

What are you searching for in a Domme?

What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?

Now talk boys!! ;-)

- LA


Good questions all. I'll do my best to provide equally good answers.

#1: I was thrown off by the wording of this question at first before I realized that it reads "to be submissive" as opposed to A submissive. In honesty few things encourage me to become submissive. I am not meek in nature and tend to be more energetic, dynamic, and far more focused upon the goal of providing dedicated, focused, respectful service than conducting myself in a submissive manor. I am motivated to show deference to another when they conduct themselves in a manor worthy of respect. I am motivated to serve when I can see that my services will bring joy to another.

#2: I identify as a slave more than a submissive. I mention this because it is directly related to the question. A submissive provides service as a kind of foreplay and part of a larger BDSM scene. As a slave I render service for its own sake. I like the way it makes me feel. Nothing brings me more joy than being able to see that my efforts have enriched the life of another, even if only for a moment. There is something in my heart that drives me to give of my energy, my talents, and my heart in an effort to serve the interests of not only one special individual, but all human kind as well. It is that spark in my soul that makes me what I am.

#3: In all honesty I am not seeking a Mistress. I figure that when I am ready She will come to claim that which is rightfully Hers.

#4: Strength, wisdom, nobility, honor, intellect, beauty, humor, an intense dedication to the goal of always improving Herself, and a desire to lift up those around Her.

#5: There are a large number of difficulties inherent in being a male slave, but perhaps the most trying are the barrage of negative messages I receive from the society in which I exist. A male Dominant or a female slave is basically filling the roll that is acceptable for them according to the established rolls of men and women. The concept of a woman in a position of power is becoming ever more accepted and in many ways celebrated. Thus a female Dominant can be seen as an empowered symbol of social progress. The male slave on the other hand receives no positive message of any kind from the society in which he exists. The very idea that a man would allow himself to be in a position of vulnerability or weakness to say nothing of actively desiring such a position is seen as weak, sick, and pathetic based upon the messages he is inundated with nearly every hour of every day. This can really ware on the psyche over time and it can be very difficult to defend against this ever present assault.

#6: I’m not really sure if this question applies to me (see my answer to question 3). To be honest I’ve never understood why a dominant woman would expect or need to be approached. If a Lady requires a drink then She makes that desire known and is provided with what She wants. It then only makes logical sense to me that if a Dominant desires me then She will make that desire known. Why then would I offer myself to One who has no desire for me? After all, if She wants me then (being a Dominant woman) would She not exercise the strength of will to peruse what She wants?

#7: My only real fear is that I will show a Dominant something less than my very best. I work hard to be the very best slave that I can, and while I still have a lot of work to do I feel that I owe it to Her, myself, and all those who have put their time and energy into me to give my very best.

#8: My best strengths are my dedication to who I am, what I do, and what I stand for. As I mentioned before I work hard to become an ever better slave, but more than that I strive to apply the ethics of the slave’s path to my every day life. I endeavor to live my life in service to the world at large and by doing so shine a light into dark places. I believe that this has merit. I’ve been told I’m a rather sharp young man and people tend to like that about me. This plays into one of my greatest strengths which is that I am a generally enjoyable person to spend time with. I’m interested in the world around me and as a result I can be an actively engaged participant in conversations about nearly any subject. When combine with what has been described as a witty and irreverent sense of humor I can be a down right entertaining person to be around and a great many (but by no means all) people really seem to like that about me.
I wouldn’t say that my strengths are overlooked so much as they are sometimes viewed as weaknesses. There are those who believe a slave should kneel over in a corner silently until One calls upon them to bring a drink or service them sexually. I can do that if called upon to, but it’s not really who I am. I think the single best service I can render is to bring a Dominant enjoyment by being my young, passionate, engaged, energetic, humorous, joyful self.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/1/2005 8:26:24 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you sarbonn, LASub4Real and denimknight.

I have to say, for the most part, the expectations listed so far seem quite realistic and sincere. Your responses all show a lot of devotion which is lovely to see.

I'm just loving this thread. Keep it coming!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to denimknight)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/1/2005 11:10:24 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks for starting this LA - gives some insight into our boys and what motivates them. Maybe I'll drag them in here to post their own thoughts and I'll get even more insight

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/2/2005 6:53:47 AM   
pollux


Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		Geez. Who wrote these stupid questions anyway?

quote:

What motivates you to be submissive?


I'm not sure I'm motivated so much as I feel like I'm just drawn to certain things. I'm afraid I'm going to have to be either politically incorrect, or clueless, or just new or something and admit at the outset that my submissiveness seems to work itself out in the images & fantasies that are erotic turn-ons for me, and not in ways that some of the other guys here have mentioned. It just seems to be one aspect of the way my sexuality formed and developed. What motivates it is a certain kind of erotic chemistry, an appeal that certain women just seem to have for me. I'm not sure I can describe it very well, but I know it when I see it -- and not every woman has "it".

quote:

Why do you identify yourself that way?


Well, like I said on another thread... I'm not sure I like to identify as a submissive because I don't like labels in general. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what it means, except that in certain situations someone submits to the will of someone else. I would say I feel more like just a guy who's attracted to certain images, situations, power dynamics, whatever you want to call them. Dominant doesn't fit (although I've had some fun doing top-like things to some of my partners) very well, so that leaves submissive.

I *do* enjoy seeing a woman who's happy. I think this is true for all men. There is nothing like the feeling of knowing you made a woman blissful, or satisifed, or amused, or that she approves of you, or is fond of you. This is one of the joys of being a man that I suspect is very hard for a woman to appreciate. I think it almost has to be biologically based. There's a problem there for me, though, because I find that if I pursue that too much, I can find myself doing things at the expense of my own needs, and I've learned the hard way that I do that at my (and my relationship's) peril. If submissiveness were to ever become a pathology for me, this is the road it would take -- doing too much for the other person at my own expense, neglecting my own needs, becoming passive-aggressive, not standing up for myself in a relationship, assuming that the other person's view was correct, capitulating too early in a disagreement, being too much of a "nice guy", things like that. So I guard against all of that very carefully.

I don't think I'd make a very good service sub. I certainly want to please my partner, but there are very real limits to how far I can go with that. I couldn't see myself offering to be someone's gardener, for example. Just the act of "serving" by itself doesn't fulfill me in any kind of deep-seated way. Plus, I've got too much of my own stuff to do. For me, I think it's better if I explore my sub side in the realm of play. If I let it run my vanilla life so that I habitually and constantly put the needs of someone else before my own, I feel that I'd sacrifice a lot of my human potential.

quote:

What are you searching for in a Domme? What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?


I am searching for a lovely human being first -- an attractive, kind, and intelligent woman. The ideal situation would be a relationship where we're free to be ourselves with each other sexually and we also relate in all the standard kinds of vanilla ways, too. It's the same set of qualities everyone is looking for, so I won't list them all.

One thing that's important is I'd like to meet someone who's lived and thrived in the face of difficulty. Someone's who's maybe had a "dark night of the soul" experience and emerged stronger and more self-aware. I'm not interested in perfection. Like I used to say in my vanilla profile on another site: "various human foibles, exasperating tendencies, and a harmless obsession or two are essential."

In terms of Domme-ly qualities specifically... I like femininity. I like whispers. Confidence. Passion. Intelligence. Skill. Empathy. Communication. The usual stuff.

Beyond that, I've never had much of a checklist. I tend to go with my gut. If there's chemistry, I roll with it.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/2/2005 6:56:29 AM   
pollux


Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		I feel like those are selfishly long answers so somebody else go.


(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/2/2005 9:40:41 AM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

I feel like those are selfishly long answers so somebody else go.



=========

it is threads like this..it is ok..to BE selfish once.....

wolf


_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"


(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/2/2005 11:00:26 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline 		LA, thanks for the thread!!! Hopefully, it will give insight to us, as sometimes the boys (and girls, smiles) are reluctant to tell us themselves...

(in reply to lonewolf05)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/2/2005 1:30:08 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

I feel like those are selfishly long answers so somebody else go.



And is it selfish for me to want to know it all? <weg>

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/2/2005 2:35:10 PM   
strongnsubmissiv


Posts: 197
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline

What motivates you to be submissive?

It's driven by my sexuality. I take great pleasure from being pleasing towards a dominant female, who's deservant of it.

Why do you identify yourself that way?

I've learned that it's the best way to describe my sexual orientation.

What are you searching for in a Domme?

A person who's wired the same way as i, but in a complimentary fashion. I suspect many gravitate to this lifestyle for many reasons, but the Domme i'd be most compatible with would be here for the same reason as i, because she was born this way and is looking for a soulmate who's the same.

What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?

Educated honest and kind. Not too skinny and not obese. She'd be comfortable in her own skin, confident in attitude. Cute feet. Demanding in expectation, but patient enough to let a boy learn. Non eccentric, vanilla on the surface. Non-smoker and clean. More feminine vs. tomboy, and would have to have the capacity to love.

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?

Not knowing why i'm like this, and how i'm going to find happiness living with it.

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?


I have no trouble approaching people, however i worry that like many, she's here out of want, and not out of need.

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?

She'll find me physically unattractive. I'll find her physically unattractive. We won't be compatible.

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?

My feelings are genuine and not driven by bedroom kinks. Once i surrender control to the right woman, she won't find me topping from the bottom. My endeavour is to make her proud of me. I feed off of her adoration, it's what validates my need to be this way.
I'm not a doormat (nothing against doormats here) and although i do have an opinion on things, ulitimately she will always have the final say. I'm not that bad to look at. :)

My best strengths always seem to be noticed by the right kind of woman, so i don't feel like they're overlooked.

sns



_____________________________

*** Strong and submissive are not contradictions ***

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/2/2005 5:19:36 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		Yum! Thank you both Pollux & strongnsubmissiv. I have to say, it's lovely seeing these strong men baring their souls.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to strongnsubmissiv)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/2/2005 7:19:14 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		What motivates you to be submissive?

I guess it's an extension of my general demeanor. I can get passionate about something I know about short of being militant but as a rule, I tend to look for authority rather than be it. When it comes to relationships, I've always looked to my partner for direction (and I worship the opposite sex).

Why do you identify yourself that way?

It's not something I do consciously. Instead it's something I recognize inwardly and when I think back over my life, I see how it's been expressing itself indirectly. In short, it's how and who I am.

What are you searching for in a Domme?

Self-awareness and the confidence that comes from it. It really puts me off to find out someone is simply copying others when it comes to personal identity. I highly value people who have taken the time to look at themselves and the world around them and formed their own identity out of it instead of looking for a "template" to adopt.

To me, this makes them original in the true sense of the word. If they're also comfortable with themselves, their command will be based on integrity and they will have true authority from which to direct the day to day (and me along with it). Next would be a passionate interest in exploring what's possible in this lifestyle and how it could be incorporated into our vanilla existence.

What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?

Fairness in reward and punishment, strength, confidence, a sharp intellect, compassion, curiosity, uninhibitedness, down-to-earth about life in general, motivating, physical health and the attractiveness that comes from it, kinkiness, intelligence.

What is the hardest part of being a male sub?

Living in exile and feeling lost amongst the pile of fantasy seekers.

What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?

Finding a Dominant Female near enough to me to make it feasible to pursue getting to know each other.

What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?

That she will not be the real McCoy and if she is, that she will find me unsuitable.

What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?

Sincerity, honesty, intelligence, multi-talented skills, devotion (to the right person), ability to provide companionship, love, and trust...and a desire to commit myself.

I think these are things are what people are looking for deep down inside but at the same time they frighten people away. In lieu of this, I often see a focus on the lifestyle alone which gives the impression these traits are being avoided. Many impress me as "not wanting too much sincerity" as this might become the real deal after all. Call it hesitation I guess or maybe just an interest in playing at the present time.

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/2/2005 8:21:40 PM   
Niran


Posts: 70
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you all for sharing your responses. I have greatly enjoyed them as well.


Niran

(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/2/2005 8:54:44 PM   
MrPost


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for asking, a brief response to your questions.
What motivates you to be submissive?
The quietness and stillness in my mind while performing submissive acts or gestures, almost Zen-like. Seeing the smile or nod of approval from the Domme. Making a positive impact on someone’s life. The fear of the crop.
Why do you identify yourself that way?
Just a broad description about where I place myself in the hierarchy of a relationship.
What are you searching for in a Domme?
Personality first, then location, then mutual attraction.
What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?
Skill, realistic personal goals, attitude, patience, and anal-retentiveness
What is the hardest part of being a male sub?
Giving up control (also the biggest turn on), turning off what my expectations of myself are and re-aligning to what the Domme’s expectations are. Playing around with grey area limits.
What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?
Finding one, being able to show confidence and humility at the same time. Worrying if there is something in my teeth, wondering if she thinks I am a player, fake or flake.
What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?
Utter rejection or worse, mutual disappointment for both parties
What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?
Loyalty, it is hard to show until the Domme has known me for awhile. My maso tendencies. My own personal anal-retentiveness, I live for orderly play/work environments. Overlooked, occasionally. Taken for granted, rarely.


_____________________________

I groan for the present sorrow. I groan for the sorrow to come. I groan questioning when there shall come a time when He shall ordain a limit to my suffering.
Aeschylus, Prometheus Bound

(in reply to Niran)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/2/2005 9:36:07 PM   
pollux


Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

I feel like those are selfishly long answers so somebody else go.



And is it selfish for me to want to know it all? <weg>

- LA


Yeah, but you're *supposed* to be selfish. ;)

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/2/2005 10:09:50 PM   
rwmbk


Posts: 43
Status: offline 		1. What motivates you to be submissive?

Because i find myself more at ease when i am pleasing others than any other time. i am at peace inside when i am put into submissive positions. i am most at ease when i let someone i trust have control. It was probably instilled from my strict and well mannered upbringing. From that i developed an internal need to make people happy and it hurts when i can't. i know that when i try to please people and it works i feel good inside, and that makes me try even harder to please them again.


2. Why do you identify yourself that way?

Because i recognize this generalization fits through reviewing my past in/direct expressions.


3. What are you searching for in a Domme?

Someone local, or something that can realistically work. Someone with the same philosophy as i & a compatible personality.

4. What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme?

Honesty, patience, self-control, a good personality, someone motivating.

5. What is the hardest part of being a male sub?

Trying to become more motivated and self-disciplined.

6. What kind of challenges do you face when attempting to approach a Domme?

Finding one with the same philosophy & compatible personality. Wording initial correspondence to warrant a reply.

7. What are you biggest fears when meeting a Domme?

Rejection or, disappointment for either party.

8. What do you believe to be your best strengths and attributes? And do you feel they are often overlooked?

Loyalty, Honesty, Dependability. They are hard to show until the some time

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/3/2005 7:21:30 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

I feel like those are selfishly long answers so somebody else go.



And is it selfish for me to want to know it all? <weg>

- LA


Yeah, but you're *supposed* to be selfish. ;)


Ah! Now there is another one of those Domme myths!! I'm actually incredibly generous too you know...

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Boys... Speak up and tell us what is it that you want! - 9/3/2005 7:26:42 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		anthrosub, MrPost, rwmbk... thank you. It's nice to see some regulars posting as well as some new boys coming out of the woodwork ;-)

I'm reading all your posts again and I see many commonalities... very interesting.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to rwmbk)
Profile   Post #: 40
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