pollux
Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005 Status: offline
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Geez. Who wrote these stupid questions anyway? quote:
What motivates you to be submissive? I'm not sure I'm motivated so much as I feel like I'm just drawn to certain things. I'm afraid I'm going to have to be either politically incorrect, or clueless, or just new or something and admit at the outset that my submissiveness seems to work itself out in the images & fantasies that are erotic turn-ons for me, and not in ways that some of the other guys here have mentioned. It just seems to be one aspect of the way my sexuality formed and developed. What motivates it is a certain kind of erotic chemistry, an appeal that certain women just seem to have for me. I'm not sure I can describe it very well, but I know it when I see it -- and not every woman has "it". quote:
Why do you identify yourself that way? Well, like I said on another thread... I'm not sure I like to identify as a submissive because I don't like labels in general. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what it means, except that in certain situations someone submits to the will of someone else. I would say I feel more like just a guy who's attracted to certain images, situations, power dynamics, whatever you want to call them. Dominant doesn't fit (although I've had some fun doing top-like things to some of my partners) very well, so that leaves submissive. I *do* enjoy seeing a woman who's happy. I think this is true for all men. There is nothing like the feeling of knowing you made a woman blissful, or satisifed, or amused, or that she approves of you, or is fond of you. This is one of the joys of being a man that I suspect is very hard for a woman to appreciate. I think it almost has to be biologically based. There's a problem there for me, though, because I find that if I pursue that too much, I can find myself doing things at the expense of my own needs, and I've learned the hard way that I do that at my (and my relationship's) peril. If submissiveness were to ever become a pathology for me, this is the road it would take -- doing too much for the other person at my own expense, neglecting my own needs, becoming passive-aggressive, not standing up for myself in a relationship, assuming that the other person's view was correct, capitulating too early in a disagreement, being too much of a "nice guy", things like that. So I guard against all of that very carefully. I don't think I'd make a very good service sub. I certainly want to please my partner, but there are very real limits to how far I can go with that. I couldn't see myself offering to be someone's gardener, for example. Just the act of "serving" by itself doesn't fulfill me in any kind of deep-seated way. Plus, I've got too much of my own stuff to do. For me, I think it's better if I explore my sub side in the realm of play. If I let it run my vanilla life so that I habitually and constantly put the needs of someone else before my own, I feel that I'd sacrifice a lot of my human potential. quote:
What are you searching for in a Domme? What are the qualities and attributes that you look for in a Domme? I am searching for a lovely human being first -- an attractive, kind, and intelligent woman. The ideal situation would be a relationship where we're free to be ourselves with each other sexually and we also relate in all the standard kinds of vanilla ways, too. It's the same set of qualities everyone is looking for, so I won't list them all. One thing that's important is I'd like to meet someone who's lived and thrived in the face of difficulty. Someone's who's maybe had a "dark night of the soul" experience and emerged stronger and more self-aware. I'm not interested in perfection. Like I used to say in my vanilla profile on another site: "various human foibles, exasperating tendencies, and a harmless obsession or two are essential." In terms of Domme-ly qualities specifically... I like femininity. I like whispers. Confidence. Passion. Intelligence. Skill. Empathy. Communication. The usual stuff. Beyond that, I've never had much of a checklist. I tend to go with my gut. If there's chemistry, I roll with it.
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