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RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 10:14:40 PM

givingin

Posts: 46
Joined: 4/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slvcari

I also only have their cm id and yahoo id for contact.

It concerns me a bit that this is all you have to contact them with, yet you were going to go and meet them. I hope you will learn not only some about what you are getting the D in, but also a bit more about the people you are supposed to be in such a vunerable position with.

So, I will say you were wise not to go, not only for grades, but for a few more things you need to study.

_____________________________

"He who laughs last didn't get it." HG

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 21

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 10:25:49 PM

lilsubl

Posts: 4595
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline

yeah, what bbwsubnnorcal said!!! you go, girl!!! don't ever allow anyone to tell you to do something to your detriment...errr, i mean, don't ever DO something that someone tells you to do like that...errrrr, it's late, i'm tired, but honey, you did just right!!!

_____________________________

Linea, collarded pet of the evil Sir Max & his lovely & equally evil wife

it's no fun unless you're scared

if you can't be brave, be determined & you'll get to the same place

wannabe member of the subbi mafia

(in reply to corsetgirl)

Post #: 22

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 1:33:17 AM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Girl, your education is more important before anything else including irresponsible Doms. You make sure you get your education and career on track and Doms can wait. Your future is in your own hands.

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 23

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 2:19:56 AM

MadameCris

Posts: 50
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline

Amen to petpete...education first. sex life secondary.

(in reply to petpete)

Post #: 24

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 3:10:32 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

In another thread i stated that there are people who agree to play with persons they would not trust to hold their wallet.... The Dominant and submissive you are 'talking' to have not even trusted you (or you with them?) a phone number? You really don't need to know if its right or wrong to put your education before meeting and/or playing with these people. You knew the answer when you made the decision. Keep trusting your inner voice...at least you always know how to contact it!

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 25

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 6:45:11 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slvcari

MissHarlet-

He was on yahoo earlier and informed that perhaps if the class is giving me trouble to drop it thereby more free time for them. He also informed me to treat his training as a class and have to attend every day to pass it.. I've asked for a phone number and have yet to get it.

huuuuuge RED FLAG!!!! Move on from this one. And be more careful next time. These people are insane. (I'm attending school right now, and HoneyMaster-who I live with and am collared to-would NEVER expect that. AND he is a professor!!)
RUN!!!!

~Christina

p.s. bbwnorcalif...

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 26

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 6:48:06 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Ok, this is the kind of stuff that pisses me off. Why in the world would you think you are wrong? I agree, you know the answer. If you aren't going to study and do your best, why go to school at all? You made the only adult decision that you could. If this "dom" doesn't understand, then why on earth do you even talk to him? Makes no sense to me.

Sorry, have a bit of a headache here.

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 27

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 7:05:51 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

I have not read the entire thread, so I may be repeating someone.

slvcari,
I had a sub who goes to collage, it is by far the most important thing in his life as it is his future. I have always encouraged him to study when he would rather spend time with me. I have insisted that he keep his grades up and to tell me that he can not talk with me as he is studying. Something he never got used to.
A Dominant who cares about their sub will always put their subs education first, top priority even over themselves. Many will agree with me that there are exceptions to this.

Were you wrong for not going to meet them? IMHO, no. You were doing what you thought best regarding your future. Should the Dominant be more understanding, IMHO, yes. You say you have no phone number for this person, I have to ask you, why in the world would you want to "possibly play" with him when you don't even have a way to contact him? Do you plan on having a safe call in place should you need it? Have you discussed what the "play" will involve or are you trusting him to set the scene? You have to be so careful when meeting a Dominant for the first time, especially when you have no way to contact him on a more personal level, other than on-line. I can't stress this enough.

At this stage in your relationship, I do not think he has any right to ask you to give up your education to have more time to spend with him. I think that is pure selfishness on his part. Your education must come first. How would you be able to support yourself without a proper education?

The phrase "To thine own self be true" couldn't be any truer in your case right now.

Good luck to you and I hope that you can get your grades up, not for the Dominant, but for YOU.

_____________________________

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 28

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 7:26:39 AM

fullofgrace69

Posts: 99
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline

when i met my last Dom i was halfway through a teaching qualificiation and i hated it because it took time away from me and Him. i said that i would quit time and time again to be with Him more as i didn't feel that i was serving Him as He needed (i ultimatly did quit but not for Him for me) but i was never allowed to. He refused to allow me to give up any part of my future as He was able to recgonise the need for education and to ensure that i did everything i could to give myself the best start possible. yes i was His submissive, but He wanted me to be educated, opinionated and able to hold down an argument sometimes with Him but mostly when with others. He would never have suggested that i dropped the course, because He knew i would have in an instant but because He felt it wouldnt have been right for me.
As for the no number part big warning bells going off about that, if they won't give you a number no way are they safe enough to play with, and please say you had a safe call set up?
x

_____________________________

-Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.-

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 29

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 8:59:11 AM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

cari .. you are getting great advice here ... I hope you are not only reading it but taking it to heart .... your education and safety are priorities .. play can wait and has to be safe .. and not everyone who calls themselves a Dom or has a Submissive has earned the title .. or is more than a controlling ass. I dont know this so called Dom or his submissive but from what you have written I do not wish to. ..Take care of you first .. the play will come in its own time .. with someone that has YOUR best interests at heart.

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to fullofgrace69)

Post #: 30

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 9:25:19 AM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

First off, this Dom person suggested that you would be in trouble with him if your grades dropped below B. You got a D and a chance to bring it back up. You missed playtime (actually meeting in r/t) in order to bring your grade up. You notified him in plenty of time. And he got mad?!? Then he says to drop the course so you can spend more time with him (not even having met him yet) ?!?

cari, all the others have given you the best advice in the world. Stay in school, do your best, play when you can. There are lots of Doms out there, they will wait. There are not a lot of second chances in school, take this one. Best to you.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 31

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 11:23:59 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

I don't have a lot to add...I think you have gotten some solid advice, including this quote taken from littlebitxxx's post above...repeated because it makes a hell of a lot of sense to me.

cari, all the others have given you the best advice in the world. Stay in school, do your best, play when you can. There are lots of Doms out there, they will wait. There are not a lot of second chances in school, take this one. Best to you.

I have been married twice. My first marriage...to my high-school sweetheart...was short-lived. She found out that being married to a student doing post-graduate work to obtain a degree as a D. C. involved not only my going to class each day, all day but also...wonder of wonders...studying at night and occasionally, on weekends. She found someone to fulfill her empty hours and left. Oddly enough, the person she found made his way back to his wife and kids about 12 weeks after moving in with my ex. She has been married twice more and, from what I hear from mutual friends, is in trouble with this marriage. She also never found time to have children. The point is that some people want more than we can give and when they demand it at the cost of your future...best to leave them behind. You will not get as many chances at school as you will at future relationships, if you want them. Take your best shot at the schooling and make sure that anyone else knows that it is very, very important to you and to your future and...if they want to be involved with you...theirs, dominant or not.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

Post #: 32

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 12:26:09 PM

TheEvilBstardsMo

Posts: 41
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I hope at this point that you are feeing more confident about your decision to improve your grades. Although I can understand the potential Master and submissive being disappointed at your having to cancel dinner, your priority at this point is your education. You made the right decision. If you are considering this Master for more than "play," you might want to rethink and keep looking. Sounds like your priorities are not aligned.

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 33

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 2:24:32 PM

bbwsubnnorcal

Posts: 104
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline

I think it's safe to say that you know the answer and may have learned more about this lifestyle...

Well-rounded Dominants (the ones you WANT to get to know and possibly play with) see the world around them and know that education, family, and social commitments for what they are--important!

Now, let me tell you another secret while we're at it...

Wash away your fantasy of the BDSM lifestyle... have ya done it? Okay... good!

Now, start learning the REALITY of the lifestyle... gain an education from the University AND from the BDSM world...

Learn, Learn, learnlearn... LEARN!!! It's a magical time in your life right now... You've got the chance to make a difference and to open your eyes to what's really out there. Of course, some of it may not be pretty and to your liking. But ooooohhhh, the stuff that you will discover and come to love!

This is your life... YOURS... don't let someone with the attitude of a 4 year old tell you any differently.

Live life to its' fullest... it's your best revenge.

_____________________________

"i Have Nothing Against God, It's His Fanclub i Can't Stand!!!"

(in reply to TheEvilBstardsMo)

Post #: 34

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 2:57:54 PM

schoenekitty

Posts: 44
Joined: 8/7/2007
From: Marina del Rey, CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slvcari

MissHarlet-

He was on yahoo earlier and informed that perhaps if the class is giving me trouble to drop it thereby more free time for them. He also informed me to treat his training as a class and have to attend every day to pass it.. I've asked for a phone number and have yet to get it.

Thank you for your advice.

slvcari

also requestr permission to speak on the otherside with you via email

I, personally, would have to say what the fuck? You don't know him and he's asking you to drop a class for him BUT won't even give you a phone number??? School should definately be your number one priority- your education will be there when he's not... I think you did the right thing by not going and my own opiniion is that, unless you think you won't be able to make up your grades (which, if you're only at midterms you should be able to) you shouldn't drop your course. Especially not for a guy you haven't met that won't even give you his phone number. Again, that is only my opinion...

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 35

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 3:03:01 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slvcari

MissHarlet-

He was on yahoo earlier and informed that perhaps if the class is giving me trouble to drop it thereby more free time for them.
also requestr permission to speak on the otherside with you via email

Right here. This is what I thought might show up. It's pretty simple really.
Never ever ever ever ever NEVER allow someone else to be the incentive for NOT succeeding. The MOMENT someone tells you that you need to stop bettering yourself in order that you may serve them is the MOMENT you need to say bye. Serving someone else to the overall detriment of yourself is an absolute hard limit - or it darn well should be. The idea that someone else would ask you to do that is a valuable insight into just how important you are or will be to this person. And just so I'm clear... the answer to that would be "not much."

Don't sell yourself short.

Education first. (The kind that's accredited by a known accrediting agency)

ALWAYS

juliet

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 36

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 3:18:19 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I know I hit this thread once already, but I just cannot get over the fact that you were on instant messenger (RIGHT??), so real time communication, you ASKED him for his phone number, and he did not give it to you, AND you were still going to meet him???? Am I the only one that hears this screaming DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER, DANGER!

Take kink out of the equation. Would you agree to meet a stranger for ANY REASON that did not give you their phone number when you asked??? NO??? Then why on god's green earth would you agree to meet someone for POSSIBLE PLAY???

Cali
(someone get me a freakin' sedative already)

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 37

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 3:44:18 PM

liminalRapture

Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

Would you honestly want to be with someone who didn't care about your long-term potential and would want you to blow that potential for a one-night whatever?

Be grateful he showed you what a jerk he was. Now, turn off the computer and do your studying. If you are 2 letter grades below what you thought you had on the first assignment, you are probably not doing as well on the midterm as you hoped, so I would STRONGLY recommend you redo the assignment (and be incredibly grateful you can--most college professors won't allow you to do that) and stay off this site (which can be a huge time sucker) until your break.

_____________________________

"Ring the bells that can still ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen.

(in reply to corsetgirl)

Post #: 38

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 6:05:01 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

No, you were right. Ordering you not to get below a B and also ordering you not to stay home and study so you can get that B is totally wrong.

If he really cared about your success he could have waited one week until after midterms. It's not as though you were rescheduling for after graduation from med school, six years from now. It sounds more as though he wanted the excuse to punish than that he really cared.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to corsetgirl)

Post #: 39

RE: Was I wrong? - 1/26/2008 6:08:35 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slvcari

Greetings all-

I'm in need of some advice. I am presently speaking with a submissive and her dom. After contact was establish, i informed them both that i'm attending college online and what my major is and what i'm currently taking course wise.

We agreed last week that yesterday we would meet for dinner/possible play. Until last night i was under the impression that i was doing well in the class, the professor is slow at posting grades and finally posted grades yesterday for the first 3 weeks. I thought i had a B , found out its a D. I 've spoken with the professor and was told that i can redo the assigments for a better grade.

He hoped online yesterday and I informed him that i finally got my grades back as he had told me that my grades had to stay at a B or higher or I would be in trouble. I informed him that my one grade is an A but my other grade is a D .

I chose to stay at home and redo the assignments instead of going out to dinner with him and now he is mad at me . Should i have gone and had dinner with them instead ? My classes are only 8 weeks long one is religion and one is biology (the one i've got the D in ) midterms are next week.

Would you have gone or stayed and redone the assignments? He asks daily how i'm doing on the homework. I also only have their cm id and yahoo id for contact. I've also posted this to "Ask a Master"

thank you in advance

slvcari

1) Fuck him.

2) He's a complete fucking putz.

3) Your grades are far more important than he is.

If, after reading this you're still in doubt...see #1.

(in reply to slvcari)

Post #: 40

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